DNA test

[superfox]

My eldest had colic from the day he was born, i was told by my hv to take him to a chiropractor. After a few sessions of baby massage he was cured, it was to do with the alignment of his neck and spine after a bad birth. it only cost me £5 a session! I was told that in Germany doctors can only check babies out if they was a chiropractor present due to the fragile bones. Maybe that would help?

[BellaStranger]

Well, like I say, I have my mum here, and she absolutely adores looking after Lucas, so it is kind of like having an on call sitter and I'm very humble and grateful that if I chose to take it I would have a lot more 'me' time than a lot of new mums. My point is that I can't enjoy it anyway....my mum (thank god for her) will see I'm getting upset and take him from me for a bit, telling me to have a bath, or a lie down, or go for a walk and I just can't... it makes me so anxious I feel sick...so I find jobs to do instead- even if it's just stupid things that really shouldn't matter right now!

 

He does have very bad colic- he cries almost the whole time he is awake but is particularly bad between 11am and 1pm and 5-8pm. I've also heard the same thing about breastfeeding, which does scare me with changing over but of his colic is caused by something I eat, then he would obviously be better on formula! I've tried everything you can buy for colic- infacol, gripe water, Dentinox, herbal remedies...nothing even close to works!!

[Seraphim]

Have you had him checked for gastric reflux? Does he nurse long enough to get the fat from the milk and not just the sugars? As you said something in your diet could be affecting him. Try eliminating some of the things you eat and see if it helps? I am sorry it is so rough right now. My son did not have colic but he wanted to be fed every 2 hours 24/7 for months on end.

[BellaStranger]

Thanks Lavenderdove! Always good to not feel like the only one!! People keep telling me that this stage will pass. But like belladonna said- it's hard to think of that when the next 24 hours seems insurmountable! People say 'by 6 months this will have passed' but that horrifies me- 6 MONTHS of this? I don't know how I'll get through!....well, I do, I will because I have to. Every day is getting a bit harder at the moment but I'm just trying to take it one day at a time for now, because I know a portion of it is shock over the way things have gone with my ex- and that will get better!

[BellaStranger]

I have to admit, reaching out for any sort of help has never been my strong point! I'm a coper!! I want to do what's best for him though and I don't think I can just carry on like this!! I was at the point yesterday where I would happily have walked him in to child services and handed him over myself! I felt like such a total failure and I just wanted to give up!!

[Seraphim]

Awww you are not a failure Bella! Raising a baby is very hard work. Do not feel guilty if your mother gives you help. I know what it is like to feel guilty though. My son is almost 14 and I STILL feel guilty if I go any place without him. Do not fall into that trap. Accept what your mother gives you with thanks and actually ENJOY your free time. It will make you a more relaxed and happy mother, really.

[BellaStranger]

My eldest had colic from the day he was born, i was told by my hv to take him to a chiropractor. After a few sessions of baby massage he was cured, it was to do with the alignment of his neck and spine after a bad birth. it only cost me £5 a session! I was told that in Germany doctors can only check babies out if they was a chiropractor present due to the fragile bones. Maybe that would help?

 

My hv told me about this recently, I'd never heard of it before! I use a chiropractor regularly anyway and am going next week, so I'm going to ask him if it is something he does!

[OptomisticGirl]

Bella darling you aren't a failure, it isn't easy for anyone. I'm watching my nephew 5 days a week and I'm tlling you now, whoever says it's easy is lying! I would go to the doctor because it really does sound like PPD, this isn't a bad thing. Many women have it and feel just like you do.

[BellaDonna]

I have to admit, reaching out for any sort of help has never been my strong point! I'm a coper!! I want to do what's best for him though and I don't think I can just carry on like this!! I was at the point yesterday where I would happily have walked him in to child services and handed him over myself! I felt like such a total failure and I just wanted to give up!!

 

I am the same way as far as being a coper. I can be stubborn. You have to move past that though. Because the more you tell yourself you can "cope" with this on your own, and that plan doesn't work, the worse you will feel for "failing". It's a vicious cycle.

 

 

Trust me I know the feeling of wanting to escape the stress. It seems never-ending. In my case I used to want to fall asleep at night and not wake up. I literally dreaded every day because I knew I would be exhausted and there would be no relief.

 

You don't have to hand him over. You have to hand yourself over... to some help.

 

It's "ok" to use a crutch right now. The stress is real and the causes are valid. You have a high-need infant, your ex is being rotton. Your life has turned upside-down. You have no sleep. You have virtually no free time. You can't do the things you used to do for fun. You can't take a shower without rushing. The benefits of motherhood are not equal to the costs right now.

 

Of course you love your little son and only want the best for him (if you didn't you would not be feeling so guilty) It's perfectly ok to say "This sucks!" and "I need help". Because it does suck. But there are options out there to help you cope better. You would probably do well with some medication combined with cognitive behavioral therapy, and maybe a support group for other moms in the same situation.

 

You have to make the call though. If not you'll just fall deeper into the vicious cycle.

[Batya33]

I believe in "it takes a village" to raise a child and I had to force myself to say "yes, thanks!" to all sincere offers of help when I was pregnant and had my newborn. Even sitting a few feet away from your baby and watching how someone else holds/cares for/plays with him can refresh/reinvigorate you and teach you new ways to interact with him. At least it did for me.

[Seraphim]

I believe in "it takes a village" to raise a child and I had to force myself to say "yes, thanks!" to all sincere offers of help when I was pregnant and had my newborn. Even sitting a few feet away from your baby and watching how someone else holds/cares for/plays with him can refresh/reinvigorate you and teach you new ways to interact with him. At least it did for me.

 

I agree, as a mother it is SOOO hard to pass your responsibility for your child to someone else. I never wanted to either, even when I was at the point of walking into walls from exhaustion. Sometimes we have to though just for self preservation. It is good practice too for when you go back to work and your child goes to school so you and him won't have such severe separation anxiety.

[reidqa]

Was it his child.

 

I scoured the threads did not see.

 

But plenty of disgust of him and leaving yet no legal proceeding's.

 

Just curious.

[BellaStranger]

Well, it feels like years rather than months since I posted here and I was very surprised to see my post still on the third page! I think it would be safe to say my lo and I have been having rather a hard time My ex walked out on us that day and we haven't seen or spoken to him since, so its just me n Luke and we do struggle. I have quite based post natal depression and it has taken me all this time to get any help, I am seeing my GP on Monday to discuss my options. I've been to hell and back already.. in fact, I go to hell and back two or three times a week. I love little Luke so much and he is so gorgeous and charming, yet I am finding mother hood almost unbearable. Everything I thought I knew, thought I wanted, thought made me happy has crumbled to dust around me and I feel like an empty shell! I get no sleep at all, Luke is clingy and cries A LOT, I carry him everywheee, I have no one to shoulder the burdens of responsibility with, I am mentally and physically exhausted. I've hit a brick wall. I'm hoping things can start getting better now! Sorry to be all doom & gloom, I'm not always so bad, I'm having a bad day!

[OptomisticGirl]

To begin with, I love your boys name.

 

Second, breath Bella. Motherhood is not something we can predict, even for those of us who want it and know every fact about what to do with a crying baby, etc. It's something we can never know what it's like til we experience. You are human and I am sure you are a wonderful mother. *hugs*

[BellaStranger]

Sometimes I ask myself 'if I could for back, knowing what I know now, would I still continue the pregnancy?' And I can't honestly answer. That doesn't make me feel like a very good mother!

[OptomisticGirl]

Sometimes I ask myself 'if I could for back, knowing what I know now, would I still continue the pregnancy?' And I can't honestly answer. That doesn't make me feel like a very good mother!

 

Your also going through some sort of depression and have a very high needs baby and had the father of your little guy leave you with all the responsibilities. I would be more worried if you actually had an answer to that question in the situation your in right now Bella. To move orward we must admit weed we stand now, honestly, of there is no progress forward.

[Fudgie]

Are you planning to get the law on your side and get child support from the dead beat dad?

 

I know you're struggling but the extra money will help - a lot!

 

Many mothers have regrets. My own father has told me that he probably would not have kids if he could go back but he's a great dad to me. It's okay...I'm not offended by his feelings in the least. It doesn't mean that you're a bad mom. ALL that matters is how you raise your child(ren) and how you treat them and prepare them for the real world.

[sophie274]

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling, Bella, and very sorry to hear about how tough things are. I'm glad you've seen your GP and I hope you can get some relief from a doctor or therapist. I'm not a mom, so I have no wisdom, but big hugs. I hope things get better very soon for you.

[BellaDonna]

Hang in there! I know what it is like to have a high- need screaming infant first hand. I nearly lost my marbles during that time. I can only imagine how hard it is to be contending with it as a single mom.

 

I am so glad you are getting some help. Make no mistake....you are not crazy....you are dealing with huge, real life , legitimate stress right now (and with no sleep or time to relax ever) it's ok to resent your situation right now. I know i resented mine back then. I think i may have even yelled out in tears: "what the $&@# did i do to my life????!!!" at 3am when I heard my child wake up for the 7th time in a half night. -And he was Planned and my husband was helping.

 

I know you love Luke, you are just stressed to the MAX . You're only human and you have limits. It's ok to be honest.

[lady00]

I am sorry to hear you were having a bad day yesterday. I hope today is better. You just have to take it one day at a time. Honestly, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job in a very tough situation. I don't think many people could handle the situation you are in. I would think it's natural to feel like you are breaking down a little bit. But really, you are doing the best you can do and you need to forgive yourself for any feelings you think you shouldn't be having. There is nothing wrong with loving your baby but thinking if you had it to do over again you might do things differently. A lot of people feel that way. I saw something about this on Dear Abby where readers wrote in and said they absolutely love their children and think the world of them but if they had it to do over again they would not have had children. It's OK to think you may have made a different choice. It doesn't make you a bad mom. The only thing about that thought process is it's very past-oriented and as you know you need to focus on what is directly in front of you. If you can focus on that, things may feel less overwhelming. You simply can't cope with both the present and the past all at once all the time. No one can.

[catfeeder]

Pulling for you, Bella.

 

My best,

Cat

[arwen]

I don't have experience with a high(er) need baby, but just wanted to send you a hug. You're not a bad mom. You went through a lot and things didn't quite turn out as you planned them. Hang in there girl.