Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[strongandweak]

I'm still angry at you. It will be a grudge I will hold forever. I'm sure you still think about me, and wonder about me, but I'm also sure you're temporarily so wrapped into your new life with your new guy that you don't actually give a damn. Or perhaps you don't think about me often, because you do have an uncanny ability to block things out.

 

When he's done with you, when he realizes the person you really are, and doesn't look past your vast character defects the way I stupidly did because I was so in love with you, and he leaves you. Then what? You're going to be old, alone, and miserable, and this time, I won't be around to comfort you when you're down on yourself, when you're in those ruts you're in so often. You already know if you came to me at that point, if you can even get a response from me, you'll just get a giant middle finger. It's only fair, and eye for an eye. Call me spiteful, I don't care. You didn't support me when I needed you most, and left 11 years on the table like it was nothing, so you can chase around a life of parties, boozing and promiscuity, when we should be settling down now like the rest of our friends. You're getting old for goodness sake, doing things that are barely acceptable for someone 10 years your junior. You're a trainwreck, and as the one who was closest to you, I just happen to be your biggest collateral damage.

 

I never had the balls to say this to you because it would come accross as harsh, and maybe I should've for your sake, but newsflash to you... You're a terrible person (selfish, judgmental, lack empathy) as you've been told many times by others. You're quite unintelligent. The fact that you can't perform simple computation, can't feign knowledge in interviews, can't understand anything more than a paragraph long, and fail every exam you've taken in your adult life is evidence enough. I suspect you know this though, given your insecurities when questions on your intelligence are raised (never by me), and your constant fishing for validation. You're also incredibly lazy, having been fired from multiple jobs due to performance, won't clean, can't/won't cook. You've also put on 30+ lbs since we've met. You complain about getting fat, but you have some crazy aversion to any exercise of any kind, and thinking that scaling back your eating every now and then will keep your weight under control. You're getting older, your metabolism is going to slow, that's not going to work! It hasn't worked in years, because you haven't lost any weight in years! And it's not healthy and probably contributes to your laziness (lack of energy and effort). You also have terrible spending habits, maxing out credit cards and not saving a dime. Your family had to bail you out of your debts due to your lavish lifestyle. You think they're going to keep doing that when you finally decide to settle down with whatever loser you're partying with every weekend? You've been fortunate that you were blessed with a pretty face and a decent support system of loved ones. But your looks will continue to fade away, as they have over the 11 years I've known you, and as you keep burning bridges your support dwindles further (i'm only the latest casualty) and your issues (financial and otherwise) continue to grow, you're going to find yourself in a bad place in the end - unlikeable, broke, and unhealthy. Although I feel very spiteful towards you, I'm not saying this out of spite, this is just the reality of the situation. I saw this path when we were together, and I tried to gently steer you in the right direction. It's why I was hesitant to tie the knot with you, because I felt you still had some growing up to do. I didn't want to be stuck bankrolling your lavish lifestyle, while doing the cooking, cleaning, and (presumably) child raising on my own. I loved you, and wanted to see progress on your end towards a balanced future, one where you, me, and our future family could flourish. But now, with no one to reign you in, this is not going to end well. I know I should be happy that I'm not riding on that trainwreck, that I dodged a bullet ........but yet I can't help but continue to feel anguish and sadness. Love corrupts all common sense it seems

[butterflyburn]

We planned to have a baby but when I got pregnant you disappeared. I do not even want to rehearse the insensitive things you said and they were many. I really thought it was a phase. That you just needed time. That it was fear. You would be just fine in time. But time and space you got. And still you did nothing. No single call during the pregnancy. I reached out when she was born and all you had to say was how difficult and controlling I was. I was in a foreign land you witch, after a C-section with no support at all. Then you hung up and put off your phone. I sent you an email three weeks later saying we should try and put our differences aside and just discuss our daughter and how your relationship with her will grow. You did not reply. US$ 30,000 is more or less what I spent on mental health during this whole period. But guess what. I am going to be just fine without you. I saw your picture the other day. And I felt nothing. You wearing that bubu in the picture and those hideous sandals. And you looked so sad. And I could not believe that I had loved you. Had pinned for you. But here you were so little unable to overcome your shadow side to embrace the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to you.

 

My daughter is the most beautiful thing in all of this. Her new father is there in the future waiting for us. We are going to have a beautiful life together. And I am dropping your family name from her birth certificate. She does not need your shadow hovering over her.

[strongandweak]

I hate my life now it is so lonely and seems to have no purpose. I am just so sad and lost and still in shock that this has hapenned.

 

This hits home with me so much. I worked so hard over the years, pushed my ambitions and sacrificed so much for a better life. I've reached that a good place in my career, but the person I meant to share it with is gone. It's almost like swimming accross a vast ocean, and finally making it to the other side, only to find a desert waiting for you. I feel like whatever purpose I had was misguided, and now that i'm here, I'm just lost. It feels so empty.

[IAmFCA]

I put all my cards on the table for you. You opened up to me more than anyone. Yet there is a lifetime of hurt boxed up within you.

 

I want to tell you this sucks, but am at risk of telling you you suck.

 

You would make a great husband? Really? With so much capacity to obscure what is going on inside you? I'd say depending on you as a spouse is a great risk.

 

House built on a weak foundation will not stand. You need to fix that if you intend ever to attract me back.

[HappyGal78]

I think about you less and less. And when I do think about you mostly I feel ashamed for dating you for so long. I feel stupid for trying to look past all of our mismatched qualities. And for trying to accept so much of your behavior, when I found most of it unacceptable.

 

But I still wonder if I'll ever meet someone who pursued me as honestly and openly as you did. No games, just honesty. That was refreshing.

 

I vacillate from wanting to talk to you, to wanting to yell at you, to wanting to never think of or see you again. The hardest part is the wanting to talk to you part, because it kicks in the shame I told you about above. Why the eff would I want to talk to someone who was controlling and emotionally abusive? I think mostly because I'm lonely. But I miss the thought of you, and not your actual presence.

 

I hope one day I can forgive myself for dating you for as long as I did.

[IAmFCA]

Sleepy and fuzzy ever since I ended it.

 

Now I know you want to see me again. I tried twice to decline the concerts, the second time in a firm way, citing my own vulnerability to you. Though I am confident we should not be together as we were, certainly not now, I am still vulnerable to the affection that developed and brought us together.

 

Why try contact me again? Why talk more? You will tell me you want to invest 100%; I will tell you I don't. You will tell me you get it, let's be friends. OK, call me in a year or two. You will tell me you talked to a therapist? I will listen to what you learned. And then suggest you keep talking to the therapist. I married you once. I am not doing it again.

 

Can't wait to lie down on the sand in the quiet.

[ezra]

Missing you but I feel so brave for having blocked you everywhere. You dont need me and you are not afraid of losing me... Its ok. You will lose me forever.

[3Tears]

I miss you so much, I know you don't miss me... if you did you would have gotten in touch with me, its been 5 months and I'm still in disbelieve how you could be this way to me, it still hurts so much.

[IAmFCA]

3Tears, Your ex might miss you.

 

I broke it off with my bf, and I miss him, but it had to come to an end because we didn't want the same things and couldn't have delivered if we did.

[ezra]

Well i miss you today... but there is no way in hell im going to take my healing process 3 steps back just to hear you treating me bad. i hope you are sorry for all the crap you made us go through.

[treesandbees]

Sort of hurts a lot when you thought someone had all this great character and come to realize it was all an act to get me to love you.

[janut1]

2 months since we have spoken and I'm getting better, although not completely healed from your sudden departure. But I know this had to happen because I wasn't happy with the way things were going.

 

I started to see the red flags more clearly and was starting to not trust you at all. I had thoughts that you might be seeing others or telling me lies about what you were doing. I didn't like that at all, but it started when my friend found you on Christian Mingle. My trust went down hill after that and you could not convince me that you were just showing your son how it worked. That was a lie!

 

It was only a matter of time before I would wanted to discuss all my thoughts and doubts with you and I know you would of left before discussing them with me like you always did. You just leave, you are a coward and weak, you have no idea how to work on things in a relationship. This "leaving" must of worked for you in your marriage, but it didn't work with me. You told me she would call and beg you to come home, well I didn't and will not do that. It's childish. When I would mention something that bothered me, you would say, thats in the past and would not discuss it past that point. It was so frustrating! You admit you hate arguing and confrontation, but its part of life.

 

So hearing nothing from you is the cowards way of dealing with our 19 months together and you have showed me your true colors now. You lied and cheated and pretty much have no clue at the age of 57 how to be in a healthy relationship. There are so many times that all I can think about it the fun we had, the times that you made me laugh like no one else could. Going to my first football game with you, experiencing restaurants I have never been to before. Riding in limo's and buses while you were working and loving how you took control of the crowds. You can be a really great person, but your habitual lying and insecurity ruins it all and at your age I doubt you will ever be able to change it.

[sungolds]

I wanted to say that I miss you. And it's not out of neediness or desperation. It's because I truly miss you. I know who you are underneath all of that fear and pride. There are some things we both needed to work on, and there were a few things that you did that have me thinking whether I should even count you as a friend. But at the end of the day, aren't those faults that we accept are what make love 'unconditional'? I know I love you unconditionally. And I think, with that, we can build a stronger foundation in the future. I'm hoping you can see all of the hard work I'm doing for myself, and see that we're more than a flash in the pan. Whether or not us being in contact leads to anything more remains to be seen. But I do know that I want you in my life. We just have to agree to be real, authentic and honest.

[dasnico]

Hi boy

 

I miss you. I can't believe such a short relationship could impact me so hard. I think about you every day. Every single day, and it's now been two months since we broke up. Yesterday was 30 days since we last spoke.

 

I wanted so hard for you to contact me this week because of my grandpa's death. You never did. Just a short message or something. I know you know what's been happening. Today I caved and checked in on you. You seem like you're on the fast lane to moving on. I hope I can be there along with you before too long. I just wish I knew what to do to get you off my mind. I'm tempted just to send you a text just to see how you're doing, but I won't. I keep thinking about all the amazing things you used to say to me when we were together. You're a beautiful person - a beautiful person who I pushed away. Today is the first day I've cried over you in a few weeks. One of the last things you said to me is "we aren't meant for each other, but we're so close." What I would give to work on things to get us to that point of being perfect for one another.

 

I saw through a mutual friend that you all were hanging out with your former fling today. That hurt me a little bit, even though I know part of you hates him. My mind has been running rampant all afternoon since I saw that.

 

I hope you're well and happy. I truly miss you. I want you back in my life so badly it hurts sometimes. I've never met anyone like you before in my life. Whoever you end up with is going to be so so so lucky. I can only dream now that it would have been me. It could have been me but I messed it up.

 

Big hug. Big kiss. You're still loved. You were my first.

[cmarie]

This might be a good place for me since my heart and mind are wandering back to my first love. A first love that never had the chance to really get started and has left two grown people still in love with a soul connection that will never go away. Contacting him only hurts everyone in this case more but heart won't let go.

[3Tears]

Trying to get away from the thoughts of you, I'm so tired of running away from them, I just don't want to miss you anymore, but I do... I miss you so much, will I ever be able to stop loving you and move on with my life or will I always love you, will someone ever make me forget about you? I hate this.

[treesandbees]

Aw in my heart just typed about you and made me smile thinking about you, maybe cried a little too but that is always a normal with missing someone. Whenever I see your brother I think of you, looks similar and he is happy and married and has a little boy. xx

[BlackHayze]

You're really gonna close the door on the rest of forever on us? Well I'm gonna become the man of your dreams and be the one who got away. I'll find a girl who is way better for me. I'm working on myself and becoming the guy I know you knew I really was and that you fell in love with. But you're shutting the door on the rest of forever on us, and so I'll make you regret it.

 

You'll see me a few months from now with a much better girl, after I find myself again. After I become the man I know I can be. But by then it'll be too late. I'll never close the door on us, but I will move forward and not let you hold me back anymore.

[IAmFCA]

sweet ex.

 

Gosh dang it respect, appreciation, support, confidence, possibly love at least of a sort

 

all of that, and all of the steps you are taking

 

it doesn't mean i want you back.

 

Please please, go back to not emailing me.

 

My responses to you will become sparser and less informative, one by one. Maybe tonight's will be enough. I really do not want to set you back on your heels, again. i can only cause you pain so many times in a row.

 

I am deeply impressed by you. It makes me keep a door open for you. As wingman reminds, I may have awakened you, as he says, sadly, too late.

 

It will take you months. And nobody will be like me. I know that. I am sorry to have left such a wake for you, but yes, as that analogy implies, I already have walked your path. Am not doing it again by association.

[Brotherhood67]

More than 8 months since I last saw you. 2.5 month since I last "conversed" with you.

 

People say only good memories remain and flood you after a while.

 

This "while" is not on sight for the moment.

 

What truly remains ?

 

My grudge. Memories of going through Hell and back for you. Memories of your selfishness. Memories of the way you treated me.

 

Memories of this look in your eyes, memories of your lies, memories of the fact that you never loved me once and used me.

 

Memories of your laziness, memories of your lack of respect towards me. Memories of your cheats and how you put the blame on me back then, like the selfish bit** that you are.

 

Memories of the pain I felt when you made me feel so miserable - not even coming to my city in order to see me when I was really down, stressed-out and stuck at work while you could take your holidays whenever you wanted.

 

I lost my father almost one year ago, after 7 years of illness. Sad, in a way, because he became ill almost when we got together - he was a wonderful father, a wonderful man and I chose to pursue my career back then instead of staying at home because I wanted to invest in you, in us.

 

You left me after his death, for another dude who you were probably banging (and others) when you held my hand during the burial. No, you didn't simply leave me - you spit on me and took everything right when I needed you the most. A good timing, after all, I was weakened so you were able to perform your art of lying more efficiently.

 

People, WHO DOES THAT ?

 

Just rot in Hell.

[Selmahood]

Hi,

 

I wonder if you ever changed your mind, I wonder what I did wrong. I don't understand why you left me, but I am trying to move on. Sometimes I wish I was the one that left you, because you where the one always complaining and getting angry and yelling. You wanted me to change, you hated taking care of me when I was down, you never saw me in your future. You always said "I do care, you always think the worst about me" but when I was hospitalised because of a miscarriage, a week after you left, you didn't even care to visit or send a damn text, proved you wrong. And still, I sit here thinking about what I did wrong and what I could have done better, instead of just focusing on other more important things. Still if you where to say "I want you back" I would have run back to you, even though I know it's wrong. I wish I didn't love you.

[3Tears]

I still think about you, can't wait for those thoughts to go away... I know you moved on and you don't think about me anymore and I need to get that in my head, I'm still waiting for you for some odd reason which I know I shouldn't be because you're never coming back.

[IAmFCA]

So, crazy ex, your damm brain gets me, always. We see each other think as if we make plain our thoughts, which we don't.

 

Also, if I understand the subtext, you have me in your imagination, still or again, in ways against your marriage.

 

Are you under stress? I suspect you come to me (whether I know about it or not) when you are under stress, feeling alone a bit. Now I learn of your renewed military work. Maybe that is it: you now are implementing some of what you envisioned when we were together.

 

I don't know. I know you were never confident in your choice to marry, and I know you were a beast to date, and I know you didn't expect to fall in affection/love/addiction with me, but you did. And you got married anyway.

 

What are you doing?

 

I am wholly unable to judge you, nor do I feel threatened. So I correspond. But I will drop the thread, shortly.

[IAmFCA]

Oh crumb.

 

Went there. Pulling back.

 

It is like cookies sitting out on the counter. How not to at least remark that they are good cookies, even if we don't eat one. Argh.

[3Tears]

I feel like a broken record already, but I miss you terribly... I can't stop dreaming about you and its killing me. Its been 5 months since the break up and only 2 weeks of NC and its killing me, I broke down yesterday night after trying to bottle things up and faking things that I really don't feel. I feel so horrible, relationships are not worth it, I don't want to put that much power over me on someone else... I just can't.