Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[hopelessincan]

Hey. Well we are talking again, but not going to throw my emotional crap on you cause no doubt tomorrow I will feel different. But there's a nagging feeling that just wont go away.

You're gone now. It all worked out for you, and I am so happy for you. It's just bittersweet. You wouldn't say goodbye, cause it wasn't good bye to you. I did cry. You know I did. I miss you more today than I did that month I didn't talk to you. Reality has arrived.

 

There's definitely something between us, that's apparent. Right or wrong, it's obvious. You're so transparent with what you tell me. I know you want it to work. I do. We are just messed up. I think I do just need it all now. I still wouldn't move tomorrow though.

 

Told my friend last night that I loved you. He was surprised we never said it. Will be a cold day in hell before I tell you that. And you too. But actions speak louder than any word. I will never tell you I love you. But I do. So much.

 

I don't think I can do this. What's a couple hours you say.... its a lot. I cant just get in my car to see you if I want to. I'm glad I spent those last days with you. I regret being so stubborn before that, but I still wish you had stayed away. My heart was protected and its all opened again. you should have just kept on driving past my house. Cause Im broken again

[Kimcwell]

i feel pathetic. A year and a half after our broken engagement I'm still broken, while you've moved on. Am I that damaged?

[dasnico]

Ugh. I'm so back and fourth with all of this. One minute I'm fine, the next I find myself obsessing over you again. I'm glad that I'm feeling better for longer periods of time though. I wonder how you feel.

 

Despite everything, I can't believe after everything we've shared, our final goodbyes were through text. I think we at least owed it to ourselves to say goodbye in person, or over video chat. The thousands of dollars I spent, the miles I put on my car, and the work I turned down to make "us" happen and this is how things have been left between us. Our friend says she believed you made your mind up a while ago but had trouble committing to the idea. If that's so, why didn't you tell me when you had me ask you out for dinner a few weeks ago? Why did you let it drag on when you knew how you felt? Why did you string me along only to tell me you think it's best to go separate ways and that I'm too persistent? You let me become so frustrated by your actions and when I called you out you just quit. I know you didn't do it on purpose. You've always been so considerate and thoughtful. I've seen a different side to you going through this break up. I still miss you though. So hard.

[2 months away]

Remember when you told me that you would be there, no matter what? When you anticipated or thought that I would crumble, that I would need you. It's not the case, life's given me a kick up the bum. And I'm scared. I'm scared and I wish you were here, not to solve anything or to fix me.

 

I wish you were here to see me beat it.

 

I wish you were here to see me find out where I'm going. I wish you were here for the ride, the ride I made space for you to take with me

[jessielein]

Hey.

 

There are so many questions in my head. Why didn't you put much effort in our relationship? Why did you treat me like no one special? Why did you talk about and compare me to your ex so often? Because of my race? Remember when you told me that you love me and nothing will change your feeling to me? I did all I can to make you happy but you didn't even try to make me happy. Why do you treat anyone else better and with respect but not me? You never meant it when you said you loved me, I shouldn't trust you. You didn't love me. You never loved me. You don't know what love is. You destroyed myself inside me.

 

But baby I won't be able to hate you. Live happily. Find the best woman for you. Have children. Make a good family for your future. I don't want to see you unhappy in this life anymore. But from now on, I want to have nothing to do with you because you've ruined me. And I want to take care of myself of not being hurt again. Thanks for betraying my love. Wish you all the best.

[IAmFCA]

Hi -- I can look at your face and see the connection. I saw it when I saw my prom dates face after 30 years of NC. I do not think I ever will be over you, if that is the measure.

 

I do feel a sort of love for you, and it is just a part of me, a part nobody will understand but each of us perhaps. I feel as though you are happy in your marriage, I feel as though she had dumped you for your sexual chaos and that you decided you were ready to move past it. I am hopeful you are not surpressing any part of yourself. I am hopeful you live long and well.

 

Sometimes I feel the ghost of you, and I know you are watching me when that happens. I do not expect we will ever see each other again, and yet it would not surprise me if we did. I almost did the same tri as you; that may happen next year: by then, you will not be doing that race anymore. I just know it... Our paths will avoid one another, as we each are protected in our paths.

 

Wishing you peace, as always, sensing you think you have it, and not believing it.

[JayCho]

Sometimes I feel the ghost of you, and I know you are watching me when that happens. I do not expect we will ever see each other again, and yet it would not surprise me if we did. I almost did the same tri as you; that may happen next year: by then, you will not be doing that race anymore. I just know it... Our paths will avoid one another, as we each are protected in our paths.

 

Wishing you peace, as always, sensing you think you have it, and not believing it.

 

My god, that ghost of you thing hit me HARD... I actually got choked up at my desk and had to walk away so no one saw the tears begin to flow - well written and I'm sorry for the pain you're in. Is there a thread you created about your breakup? I'd like to read more about it.

[IAmFCA]

My god, that ghost of you thing hit me HARD... I actually got choked up at my desk and had to walk away so no one saw the tears begin to flow - well written and I'm sorry for the pain you're in. Is there a thread you created about your breakup? I'd like to read more about it.

 

Wow, thanks for sharing that with me JayCho.

 

I was involved in an intense relationship; I have been out of it for almost two years now. I don't feel pain, but I thank you for your kind words. We have had no contact except an exchange of apologies and appreciations in May of this year. I haven't written a thread about it in ages... and I no longer feel like the same person I was then. I write to him here sometimes because I am processing the fact that for something so incredibly painful, it also has been an incredible and unexpected gift. We seem to have remained with one another. Certainly, my experience with him was life changing. Or, I needed to alter my life and so found him to make it happen. Chicken / egg, I am grateful either way.

 

If there is a way I can support your transition from your old relationship to your new experience, I am happy to help.

[3Tears]

Have you moved on completely? How are you? I've been missing you a lot lately, I can't get you out of my head and its driving me crazy, I haven't seen you in person in around 3 months now, who would have known we'd be here today, broken up like this after everything, all those promises we made to each other...

 

Theres nothing I can do now... I wish to see you, talk to you, touch your face again, but I know thats not possible anymore. Te extraño

[IAmFCA]

@JayCho,

 

Revisiting my response to you.

 

Yes I DO feel pain, not about my ex-"bf" and not so close to the surface. I have coped with it and incorporated it into my being. Your message challenged me to look: I found the pain of not having someone in my life who touches me as deeply as he did, who makes everything feel as if it carries an electrical charge, like all the colors are a little extra saturated, the quiet times as if we were surrounded by noise, and our noise as if we were surrounded by quiet.

 

Thank you for helping me see this.

[JayCho]

You certainly have a way with words IThinkICan and your words resonate within me, its almost creepy! I'm sorry if I made you re-visit any of your feelings about him or to even find pain as that was CERTAINLY not my goal. I find myself trying to cope with my pain by finding similar stories or "words" that relate to my situation and right now I feel like I'm watching a black and white movie, there's no color - just like you said. Everytime I see her or a memory comes to life things flash in color like someone snapping a pic. It's "ghostly."

[IAmFCA]

Thank you JayCho.

 

One thing I learned in my recovery is how much I was refusing to see. I welcome what you inspired me to see. The more I see, the stronger I feel. My goal now is to shy away from nothing. Long way from that goal.

 

I know exactly what you mean about black and white and color. Snapping a pic - wow. That is concrete and dead on too.

 

Hmm. The visual memory has been the stickiest part of my memory-- I ignore snaps when they pop up in my brain's slide show. Maybe I need to look at them, depower them by staring them in the face, like Hey, whats up....

 

Nope. Dismissive still feels better.

 

You must also be a visual person -- how do you deal with the random slides that pop up on the projector?

 

I will tell you, I had a 30 year high school reunion, where I saw for the first time in about 25 years my first love, whom I met in 8th grade. I couldn't look him in the eyes without feeling like I was being more intimate - not sexual, just seeing his soul - than is permitted for a woman looking at a married man. It wasn't desire, it was just intimacy. I am not sure the knowledge ever goes away. Perhaps we layer over the old slides with more current pics.

 

Let's get out there and make a new Instagram life?

 

You certainly have a way with words IThinkICan and your words resonate within me, its almost creepy! I'm sorry if I made you re-visit any of your feelings about him or to even find pain as that was CERTAINLY not my goal. I find myself trying to cope with my pain by finding similar stories or "words" that relate to my situation and right now I feel like I'm watching a black and white movie, there's no color - just like you said. Everytime I see her or a memory comes to life things flash in color like someone snapping a pic. It's "ghostly."

[hopelessincan]

Well...I'm feeling foolish and insecure. We barely talked today. It sucks.... Gotta guard my heart. Don't know how. I know you are out but that never stopped you from talking to me before. Fair enough I haven't really been talking to you either..but... I think its your job at least for a little while...if we are going to get back into the swing of things.

Please don't make me regret this k?

[dlg]

Took the second date for you to feel something for me, 3 weeks until you said you'd be mine, a month until you told me you loved me, 3 months and you were in love with me. 6 months in you said you'd marry me one day, and that I was your soulmate.

 

9 months later, you lost feelings for me. 10 months later, you're onto someone new.

 

I love you for the rollercoaster through heaven diving right into hell.

[hopelessincan]

I. am. an. idiot.

[Destroyed 33]

So I just counted and tomorrow will be 7 weeks since you vanished from my life. Very often lately, I just stop and ask "Where the hell did you go?" "What the hell happened?" "Where are you?" "Who are you?" "Is this seriously real?" and I cant help but laugh sometimes because it all seems so damn ridiculous. How the hell could you do this? I am not stupid and thought I was very in tune with our relationship and you had me fully convinced that everything was perfectly fine. You literally went out of your way to do that. You told me you loved me every day, hugs, kisses and our work schedules were so off but I just thought it was a phase we were in and eventually that would pan out. I still have no idea whether or not the schedules were off intentionally or not but... I dont know now. But you got me real good either way. You duped me so hard. I thought everything was fine and seemed perfectly normal.

 

You were cheating on me! Then in the blink of an eye you were gone and your love for me went ice cold in an instant. Zero remorse. Zero regret. Zero consideration or care for my well being at all. You even defended this new guy when I told you what a scum bag he must be to get involved with someone in a serious relationship. It was like you were already in love with him and protecting him. How? So fast! That really threw me for a loop. In the blink of an eye it all changed and you were a completely different person. I would have never hurt a hair on your head or even hurt your feelings for that matter. You ripped my heart out and flushed it down the toilet for no good reason. I was good to you. I dedicated my life to our future. I would have done anything for you and I really believed that you loved me right up until the last day. It is still just so incredible to think that within 24 hours, after 16 years together you could just flip that switch on me. You got me good.

 

I obviously have mixed feelings about you now but can say that from time to time (at least) you are coming down off that pedestal and I think that means that I am starting to let go a little. Sometimes, you are just a girl. Sometimes you are just a memory now. Sometimes you are just a pathetic and sick person who doesnt deserve a guy like me. You just did this in such a cruel and sick way. An opportunity presented itself to you and you said "what the hell", stabbed me in the back and jumped ship with no warning or sign. That is sick. We both know that I did not deserve that. I loved you with all my heart and treated you great.

 

Anyways, more and more often you are coming down off that pedestal. More and more often I am disgusted by you. I have so much to offer and will find an incredible girl who will actually appreciate me and truly love me and she will be treated like gold just like I treated you. I know when that day happens you will be kicking yourself. We will be happy here in MY home and live in peace just truly happy. It will become our home. I will treat her better than you because she will not be a miserable, unmotivated slob who appreciates love and hard work. She will let me love her and know that I will be there for her every day. You on the other hand are screwed. You are chasing rainbows and will one day realize how bad you screwed up and I am fairly confident that it wont hit you until its far too late.

 

Where the hell did you go? lol, I would say good luck but I dont wish that upon you. I hope you get exactly what you deserve and unfortunately, its nothing good. If karma and fate do exist, damn, you are really in for a rough ride. This whole thing is so sad. So much destruction but I dont think it will be too too much longer before I rise from the ashes like a phoenix. I cant wait to be happy again! It just sucks that there is no way possible for it to be with you. It is so sad. I care about you so much and I do still love you. I wish I didnt because you dont deserve it. You deserve nothing more than the pain which you have put me through. If I could even show you a tiny fraction of it, you would be brought to your knees and begging for forgiveness. I am pretty sure that is why you are so distant and cut off now. You cant even handle the thought of what you have done to "us".

[dasnico]

I miss you. I've written a couple letters I want to send to you, but I can't bring myself to do it. I hope you're well and on the path to moving on. Not long ago you kept reassuring me how much you're into "us" and you see a future with me. I made one mistake and now you've turned and started heading in the other direction. I still check my phone to see if you have contacted me, even though you said it's time to go our separate ways.

 

As long as you are happy. I guess that's all that matters. Hopefully I'm not too far behind you.

[JayCho]

Honestly how do I deal with it popping up? It literally kills me, but unlike you I am two weeks removed from losing my half, the ghost... I see these images pop up all the time and its soooo weird. Randomly something will trigger a visual of me and her in L.A. which happened 8 months ago and it wasn't even significant and it sucks all of my energy out of me out of no where. It literally happens at least once every five minutes, memories I don't even recall having will just POP into my head and it will be like oh wow, I remember that, we did this or she did that or how awesome did she look or I miss being here with her... etc. It's almost like I see the relationship in a new way, in a way I didn't see it before or in a way where I thought it certain things that were insignificant were all of a sudden becoming significant. I've never experienced this before with anyone and it's a whole new eye opening experience and not in a good way, it hurts. All of a sudden I remember things like her walking out of an elevator and flipping her hair back and turning around to look at me, and now every time I see an elevator I see it... Like what? Why is this happening? This association didn't even exist before. I apologize for rambling on and on about something that seems so trivial but that is my point, what was once trivial is now literally mind-blowing.

 

Eventually, I know these feelings, these images will become insignificant again but it is an experience unlike any other that I have ever been exposed to and this is the first time I'm even sharing it with someone, even if it is on this forum.

 

I don't do social media - and this has always been one of the reasons, I know how I am - I fight too hard to keep and want to be a factor with those I love and I would probably do some social stalking so I never exposed myself to it. But making a new life does sound appealing especially when the current one is being constantly reminded of the ghost and void that exists.

[Brotherhood67]

I'm waiting for my plane at the airport, the last time I did it was to be with you.

 

I remember how happy I was to see you, how I ignored the way you treated me after not seeing me for 3-4 weeks : you gave me nothing. The only thing that mattered to you was you. You, you and always you. You didn't care about me at all and I trusted you even if somewhere deep inside, I knew you were lying. I knew you didn't care. And still, I went on. I loved you and you just didn't care about me.

 

Today I remember all the pain you inflicted on me while saying you cared for me after this break-up. I remember all those nights crying, seeing you in front of me, feeling you, smelling your odor. I wanted to touch you one last time, to hug you, I wanted to talk to you, to laugh, to smile, to make projects, to keep on making you happy.

 

I lost myself because of you. I was willing to give up everything for you, you were my love.

 

I lost myself and I found myself back.

 

And you won't ever see it. You don't deserve it. Just leave this country and disappear. You made it already clear that I was nothing to you and that I should treat you like a.dead person.

 

And that I will my Dear, that I will.

[manno140]

Why didn't you of give me a chance, do you even miss me at all?

[LonelyGirl10]

I'm still thinking about you. This week has been big at work. I love my job. I was in the moment today and feeling so alive. I love thinking and planning. I love when I find a good case in my research. I love writing. It's so much fun for me. And I wanted to share that with you.

 

I wonder if you're dating anyone now. I imagine that you probably are. I'm not. I'm still single. I hate you and love you.

[3Tears]

Te amo todavia, no te puedo sacar de mi mente...

 

 

Miss you

[miss_sunshine]

I miss you baby and I can not believe you have not felt the need to contact me in 5 weeks. That you went from a loving 11 year relationship, to suddenly being out of my life. I still do not understand and it hurts so much that you have made this choice. I have been seeing a psychologist and he has been explaining to me that this was all about you and I can not blame myself, that if I am to be angry at anyone it should be you. That there really were no signs and you just decided that you could not make a further commitment to me, that it was too much and you had to leave. It was about you not being able to make that further commitment and it was not anything I did. Sometimes I find it easier to blame myself and think if only i was prettier, thinner, more lovable then you would have married me. But maybe it was always going to be this way, maybe as soon as we were about to buy a house things were always going to get too real for you and you would have left. I don't know. I do know that you knew how much I loved you, that I would always be there for you, that I was a loving, generous, giving and caring girlfriend so I do not feel bad about that. I also know I tried my best to save us, to work things through with you and you just left. I gave the relationship everything I had, I may not have been perfect but I know I tried my best.

 

I really hope you miss me, that you are finding this tough, that you regret your choice in some way. I still think of you with such love even though you have broken my heart in to a million pieces. You are still the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing at night. I miss you so much and I will always wish that things could have been different. That I could have walked down the aisle and married you, that we could have bought a house and raised a family together. But those things are not to be, and I am left with millions of memories that haunt me but also remind me of what we had. Sometimes I wish I never met you as I am in so much pain but I know how much I learnt from you, how much I grew with you and that you have helped make me who I am today so how can I really regret any of that?

 

I love you bubby and I wish I could see you and hold you, but I know the person I love is gone now and you are not the same. Sometimes I forget what has happened and find myself shocked and in disbelief that you have done this. I still cant believe that you have but I just have to move on accept it in the best way I can. I love you xxx

[Destroyed 33]

There is nothing I can do. You cheated on me behind my back and never expressed any unhappiness with our relationship. I realize now why. You did not want me to try to fix anything because you knew deep down that I would have done my best to do so. There was nothing I could have done to prevent this. As long as you were with me moving into the future, you would never know what a life outside of that would have been. Thats what it all boils down to. There is nothing I could have done. You needed to know what a life outside of "us" was going to be like. I just cant believe how easily and drastically you were able to blindside me.

 

I constantly ask myself if you still miss me and love me. I cant wrap my head around it. All signs point to "no" but how is that possible? Its not like I ever hurt you or did anything but work on and for "us". I loved you with all my heart and I sit here scratching my head wondering how you have the strength to completely ignore me and not reach out. After all that time together, just you and me.

 

So, I am cursed with just enough pride to not reach out to you. I wish there was a way to find out what is going on with you but you cheated on me behind my back and left me to suffer and pick up the pieces. How can I justify reaching out to you? I miss you so much but the damage is just so sever. Part of me thinks you did it on purpose and the other part thinks that you didnt think at all and just jumped out.

 

You have to have regret, right? You have to miss me and have strong feelings for me, right? I just dont get it. 16 YEARS! It seems like you are doing everything in your power to forget about me and live this new life never looking back. That hurts so much. I feel so rejected and low. I know you think you are better than me but I never had that thought before. I thought we were right on the same page and loved each other completely right up until the day you left. Apparently you think you can do so much better than me and it makes me feel so worthless and pathetic.

 

I have gotten so much stronger over the past 7 weeks but my life does seem completely pointless without your love. There is still a massive hole where my heart used to be and I feel no passion for life. Its a cold empty place here and I am getting so tired of just trying to survive this.

 

I do pray that you snap out of it someday and can at least come to terms with what you have done. It is terrifying to think that anyone in the world is capable of doing what you did to me. I love you but I can never have you. I wish I could think of some way but you drilled those nails into the coffin so deep and permanently. How could I ever forgive you or be with you again? I wish I could think of one way I just cant. You destroyed everything.

[3Tears]

You know whats crazy, you told me your life would be empty without me in it... I wonder if it is now that I'm gone, because it is for me and theres nothing I can do. These past 5 months have flown by, everything still feels like yesterday, I still remember everything too clearly.

 

I also can't believe that if I don't contact you first, weeks could pass by and you won't contact me, do you even miss me? Was your love towards me even real?! Was is it real!?