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Destroyed 33

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  1. I have not but was left after a 16 year relationship. One day everything was fine, the next day she left me for another guy. Out of the blue. Unlike you I had no option to remain connected. My ex completely disappeared. Worst time of my life but I had to do things the hard way. Straightforward and alone. Almost impossible to do at first. I literally did not eat for weeks and got next to no sleep. I actually could’ve died. But I did not care. Time heals all. You just got to hold on tight for a while... Sounds like your ex just wants to keep a hook in you in fear you will actually start to heal and move on. That’s pretty messed up. She seems very selfish. Either way you cut it, you need to start dealing with being alone. You have no choice.
  2. Hey thanks for that. It’s tough. The littlest stupidest things just shake you up so much. It’s ridiculous.
  3. A little over two weeks out and I just decided to take a look what was going on out there to give myself a glimmer of hope. That’s it. If that one and 1 million chance did happen and I begin to speak with somebody, it would be made clear where I am at and it would only be friends if that. And that I can almost guarantee will never happen anytime soon. Just looking. I’ve said it in almost every post in this thread. I am not ready to be in a relationship whatsoever. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want hope of that. I have to look forward. And yes I am doing a pretty damn good job working on myself. Trying to figure out who I am and how to be by myself. Just eating and sleeping is a huge challenge and I am doing my best. Just trying to take care of myself. It’s hard. The separation is like an addiction. Withdrawals... takes time and strength.
  4. Wow, you’ve got a lot of nerve! I’m going through a really hard time right now. I’m typically extremely stable and levelheaded and consider myself far from arrogant. I’m sorry you’re having a bad day and feel the need to be rude to people that are struggling so much. It may seem petty to you what in the state that I am in, it kills. I care about her very much. We had been together for five years and I wanted it to work. Unfortunately I sacrifice my happiness for her well-being for way too long. I suppose that was my mistake but you have no right to judge me. you know virtually nothing about me. You Must be a pretty miserable person yourself so I actually only feel bad for you.
  5. Thank you. I keep trying to tell myself this but I just feel like such an idiot because I did not want to hurt her. I think she really just needed something to be mad at me about and I feel like an idiot that I gave that to her. Stupid move. It’s just crazy. What are the odds that she would be on the same random app and even sign up the same exact day. Ridiculous coincidence. It is what it is though. I cannot control her feelings even though I feel like what I did was really very harmless. We both had every right to go on an app, my intention was only to look in absolutely under no circumstances begin a new relationship anytime soon at all. No way am I ready. Just wanted to take a friggin peek.
  6. I am honestly not trying to be in a relationship whatsoever right now. Just taking a quick peek for the sake of some hope. I can’t believe the odds. For the record I do horrible on those sites. Took me a whole year to find somebody and maybe three messages throughout the course of a whole year. Really bad. Just wanted to sneak a peek at what the scene looks like. It’s horrible.
  7. I figured the picture was required. I didn’t fill out any of the other information whatsoever. Just wanted to take a peek. Horrible coincidence.
  8. No. The whole situation is obviously very hard but unless she makes some very significant changes, there’s absolutely no way it can work. And by changes I mean for her to be able to find happiness within her self. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have very strong feelings for her. I wish I didn’t. I wish I didn’t care.
  9. Thanks. I know. It’s just that the break up was actually going very well. A lot of emotions but we were both very civil and mature. Now I feel like an a hole. Now has a reason to be angry and I hate the thought of that. Kills me.I just feel horrible. She won’t believe me but I was just looking.
  10. I’m freaking out right now inside. I recently ended a five-year relationship. I broke it off two weeks ago. I’ve been alone for over a week. I decided today to go onto a pretty obscure dating app. Strictly just to look and maybe give myself a little hope that there are other people out there that I might be interested in. I am not ready to be in a relationship. Literally just looking. So like I said, I joined today. My ex messaged me tonight and said “nice profile pic“ on said dating app. I cannot believe she was on there and found me. Same day, pretty obscure app. I feel completely disgusting and I absolutely cannot believe the odds. She was not happy about it. I never wanted to hurt her. Was it a mistake? Should I really feel this bad? I feel like such a complete POS. When she messaged me it felt like I was struck by lightning. Not a good day.
  11. Thank you for this support. A lot of really good insight and things to think about. As for the reason we were together for five years... I wanted it to work. There was also a very steady decline in my happiness that was so consistent and and gradual that there was never one day or moment where I felt like it wasn’t something that could just be put off to the next day or next fight or whatever brought me to the line. There was never a peek. Living day to day. Fearing the fallout. Petrified of it. Easier just to wait until tomorrow. I know it’s not right. I know it seems ridiculous. But it is what it is. A lot of factors and variables. I did not want to hurt her, make her feel rejected, make her feel abandoned, I also felt that she may Do something drastic which luckily she did not. I also fear for my own well-being and the pain that will inevitably come from being alone and completely lost. I wish it just could have worked. We both tried. Over and over. It came to a head many times. Yes I feel horrible even though it could not have gone any smoother. Either way it is what it is and I just have to work on healing. I’m not proud that it went on for as long as it did. But I try to look on the bright side. There are positives looking back. Thank you all again for your time and support. I appreciate it very very much.
  12. You just can’t man. It’s like a strong addiction. Trust me, I know full well. If you contact her it will be totally pointless and will set yourself way back. So don’t. DONT!!!!!!! Do anything else that works for you. Literally, take care of yourself. It ain’t easy but it’s the only way out of what your feeling.
  13. Thank you. A lot of good points for me to reflect on. I appreciate it very much.
  14. Hey, sorry if I came off rude. Earlier in the thread I thought you said that you thought no contact was you blocking her and being able to unblock and re-block whenever you felt like it. Must’ve been my misunderstanding. The answer to your question is, when you have the urge to be in contact with her, just don’t. That’s no contact. It ain’t easy and it’s not supposed to be but it is the fastest way to heal and start feeling normal again.
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