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Destroyed 33

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Everything posted by Destroyed 33

  1. I have not but was left after a 16 year relationship. One day everything was fine, the next day she left me for another guy. Out of the blue. Unlike you I had no option to remain connected. My ex completely disappeared. Worst time of my life but I had to do things the hard way. Straightforward and alone. Almost impossible to do at first. I literally did not eat for weeks and got next to no sleep. I actually could’ve died. But I did not care. Time heals all. You just got to hold on tight for a while... Sounds like your ex just wants to keep a hook in you in fear you will actually star
  2. Hey thanks for that. It’s tough. The littlest stupidest things just shake you up so much. It’s ridiculous.
  3. A little over two weeks out and I just decided to take a look what was going on out there to give myself a glimmer of hope. That’s it. If that one and 1 million chance did happen and I begin to speak with somebody, it would be made clear where I am at and it would only be friends if that. And that I can almost guarantee will never happen anytime soon. Just looking. I’ve said it in almost every post in this thread. I am not ready to be in a relationship whatsoever. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want hope of that. I have to look forward. And yes I am doing a pretty damn good job working on m
  4. Wow, you’ve got a lot of nerve! I’m going through a really hard time right now. I’m typically extremely stable and levelheaded and consider myself far from arrogant. I’m sorry you’re having a bad day and feel the need to be rude to people that are struggling so much. It may seem petty to you what in the state that I am in, it kills. I care about her very much. We had been together for five years and I wanted it to work. Unfortunately I sacrifice my happiness for her well-being for way too long. I suppose that was my mistake but you have no right to judge me. you know virtually nothing about me
  5. Thank you. I keep trying to tell myself this but I just feel like such an idiot because I did not want to hurt her. I think she really just needed something to be mad at me about and I feel like an idiot that I gave that to her. Stupid move. It’s just crazy. What are the odds that she would be on the same random app and even sign up the same exact day. Ridiculous coincidence. It is what it is though. I cannot control her feelings even though I feel like what I did was really very harmless. We both had every right to go on an app, my intention was only to look in absolutely under no circums
  6. I am honestly not trying to be in a relationship whatsoever right now. Just taking a quick peek for the sake of some hope. I can’t believe the odds. For the record I do horrible on those sites. Took me a whole year to find somebody and maybe three messages throughout the course of a whole year. Really bad. Just wanted to sneak a peek at what the scene looks like. It’s horrible.
  7. I figured the picture was required. I didn’t fill out any of the other information whatsoever. Just wanted to take a peek. Horrible coincidence.
  8. No. The whole situation is obviously very hard but unless she makes some very significant changes, there’s absolutely no way it can work. And by changes I mean for her to be able to find happiness within her self. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have very strong feelings for her. I wish I didn’t. I wish I didn’t care.
  9. Thanks. I know. It’s just that the break up was actually going very well. A lot of emotions but we were both very civil and mature. Now I feel like an a hole. Now has a reason to be angry and I hate the thought of that. Kills me.I just feel horrible. She won’t believe me but I was just looking.
  10. I’m freaking out right now inside. I recently ended a five-year relationship. I broke it off two weeks ago. I’ve been alone for over a week. I decided today to go onto a pretty obscure dating app. Strictly just to look and maybe give myself a little hope that there are other people out there that I might be interested in. I am not ready to be in a relationship. Literally just looking. So like I said, I joined today. My ex messaged me tonight and said “nice profile pic“ on said dating app. I cannot believe she was on there and found me. Same day, pretty obscure app. I feel completely disgust
  11. Thank you for this support. A lot of really good insight and things to think about. As for the reason we were together for five years... I wanted it to work. There was also a very steady decline in my happiness that was so consistent and and gradual that there was never one day or moment where I felt like it wasn’t something that could just be put off to the next day or next fight or whatever brought me to the line. There was never a peek. Living day to day. Fearing the fallout. Petrified of it. Easier just to wait until tomorrow. I know it’s not right. I know it seems ridiculous. B
  12. You just can’t man. It’s like a strong addiction. Trust me, I know full well. If you contact her it will be totally pointless and will set yourself way back. So don’t. DONT!!!!!!! Do anything else that works for you. Literally, take care of yourself. It ain’t easy but it’s the only way out of what your feeling.
  13. Thank you. A lot of good points for me to reflect on. I appreciate it very much.
  14. Hey, sorry if I came off rude. Earlier in the thread I thought you said that you thought no contact was you blocking her and being able to unblock and re-block whenever you felt like it. Must’ve been my misunderstanding. The answer to your question is, when you have the urge to be in contact with her, just don’t. That’s no contact. It ain’t easy and it’s not supposed to be but it is the fastest way to heal and start feeling normal again.
  15. No. It was the definition of toxic. I’m no angel but I don’t yell, belittle, complain, get aggressive. Her negativity, paranoia, being territorial and complete miserable outlook on life and the human race wore me down to numbness and constant mild depression. She wanted me and her to be in my house and everyone else was the enemy. Yes, I should not have dragged it out as long as I did but I truly wanted it to work somehow. Definitely my bad but I have been worn down and emotionally exhausted for a very long time. Was hoping she would grow more mature over time and heal from whatever happene
  16. Just thinking out loud. It’s almost like I would have to choose between her and my own happiness. I’ve spent the past three days since she left cleaning my whole house. I have not clean this place in probably about four years. It looks like a completely new place. I was so mildly depressed I did not care about my house.
  17. Thanks. It’s complicated. A big part of the reason we broke up is because she loved me. I could not say it back because I was very depressed and felt like she was the root of it. Now that it’s over I do question whether or not I actually did love her, and think maybe I did. The fact of the matter is it was a long drawn out relationship with a lot of conflict and ultimately very unhealthy for me. Plus our life goals did not align. I have been depressed and felt bogged down for a very very long time. I thought I would feel liberated but the attachment is very strong even though the relationsh
  18. My own mind is manipulating me so bad. Almost delusional. Have to keep justifying facts over and over... it’s so ridiculous
  19. So it’s been like 3 days since she moved out (5 year relationship I pulled the trigger and ended it) There were a few lose ends. She had some packages coming in the mail and forgot a few items. We also had to remove her from the phone account plan. That got complicated and knew that we would have to meet at the phone store. Was gonna wait until the weekend but was dreading having to deal with it. Package arrived today. She texted for the first time and stated that she was tracking the package and it said delivered. Told her to meet me at phone shop, gave her all her stuff, we talke
  20. You don’t get it. When you go no contact, the only rule is YOU resist the urge to reach out. YOU don’t contact. It doesn’t mean “block them on social media and control whenever you feel like you want to unblock and chat”. No contact means “That’s it, it’s over” and you no longer contact the other person what so ever.
  21. No I get it. It just takes a little time to get there. Still in full on panic mode. Having a shoulder to cry on helps right now. But as soon as I can start to actually breathe and even remotely function, I will be taking this advice as soon as possible. And I know it probably drags people down a little. But true friends are there to lean on and I’ll be there to let them lean on me when they are in need as well. Hopefully within a week or so I will begin to find a groove and start to stabilize. Until then, I need every bit of support I can get to process and keep myself from getting sucked unde
  22. Jesus Christ and wow! I can relate. I’ve been through this once before with even worse circumstances (16 Year relationship, left for another dude...) I’m older now which is the scary part. Want family and kids but I’m pushing 40. But yeah, first time around I took the bull by the horns and it was a ride from hell. This time I’m trying harder from the start to break up the pain with distractions but just don’t know if that’s the fastest way to healing. But thank you. Sometimes you just need to embrace it to move forward. Own it. Ride it. Thank you.
  23. No. Thankfully I don’t feel that way. Hard to explain. It’s just the detachment and feeling completely lost in the world. Saying this whole thing is throwing me for a loop is an extreme understatement. All kinds of fears but I have come to terms that we, at the very least absolutely need a very long time apart to heal and “ work on ourselves” I gave it 5 years and IT DID NOT WORK I know the contact is a bad idea. It’s gonna kill if it has to happen. I don’t want that. Still, I feel so unbelievably horrible in so many ways.
  24. Unfortunately there are a few lose end that need to be squared away. I’ll do everything I can to keep the contact to a minimum. I actually don’t really want to see her. I know the pain will rattle me bad again... she forgot a few things here. I’ll probably leave on porch or drop off at her friends house... got to revise the joint phone bill and I’m hoping we don’t both have to go. I’m assuming she can call to get her own service and it will be removed from my bill?
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