2 months away

Day 30 Today's my birthday. I hope you'd send me a birthday wish, one I'd ultimately ignore, but one that would let me know you remembered, that you thought of me today. I guess I was hurt that you didn't bother. I was surprised that our mutual friends didn't bother ( I had no idea that "picking sides" existed- what's that all about) I've finally come to terms with it all. We are done. You don't care for me, there is no future

Remember when you told me that you would be there, no matter what? When you anticipated or thought that I would crumble, that I would need you. It's not the case, life's given me a kick up the bum. And I'm scared. I'm scared and I wish you were here, not to solve anything or to fix me. I wish you were here to see me beat it. I wish you were here to see me find out where I'm going. I wish you were here for the ride, the ride I made space for you to take with me

Dear S, I'm rather displeased. I've been on several dates with guys who seem so suitable on paper. Yet, nothing. I'm starting to resent how suited I thought/felt I was to you. I'm incredibly displeased, I go on a date and for a split second, you're sitting opposite me. Please, come back

I was in a situation where I needed you. Everything about me ached for you. Yet, I didn't call you, I couldn't call you. It was at that point that I realised; I can do it by myself. That the pain of needing you,knowing you weren't there and didn't want to care was less than the feeling of accomplishment of doing this by myself. I will never need you again

Oh, btw, F*** you.

I went on a date and it was terrible. There was nothing wrong with the guy; I could tell he was interested in me and had I not met you, I would have been interested too. Instead, I spent time juxtaposing your features on his face, wondering why he didn't say the things you would say. It was really strange.

I'm trying to move on. But I can't. No man interests me. You're this ghost in my life that reminds me of my happiness, yet remains as part of the past. How could you do this? Why would you do this? When you love someone, you fight to make it happen. You try. You don't give up. You gave up and now the memory of you doesn't have the decency to let me move on.

I wish you the best. I will always be there to celebrate your wins, your happiness means so much to me. I will let you know now, someday you'll realise that its hard to find someone who understands you and knows you inside out. The day you realise this, don't call me. I'm already moving on.

Day 1 I haven't spoken to my ex Since the 9/6/14. However, this is the first day I'm writing about it and committing not to. Fingers crossed!