JayCho

Destroyed, you're a very strong person... from what I've read on here and the advice you've given you're a great guy (this coming from another guy). It's her LOSS. I know you're hurt now, we all are.. but you did nothing wrong and have everything to gain from this.

I miss the girl I fell in love with. I miss your cheesy smile, the way you said words in a goofy fashion like "sangwich." I would give up ANYTHING for that girl back, anything.... The girl who tattooed my name on her foot, who would stop at nothing to make me happy. Every time I close my eyes I see your wonderful smile and it feels like Mike Tyson punched me in the gut. I dream about you every single night and wake up feeling around the bed looking for you and you're not there.... Ouch. So hard to start the day like that everyday. I wish there was something I could do, I would do anything just to get the happy girl back that I fell in love with. It's been 6 days from I heard from you and it's not getting easier, it's getting harder everyday. Maybe because I lost you once before and for that WHOLE YEAR I felt so empty without you. Walking around like a ghost, feeling like I was just passing through people, like the time spent was just me having an outer body experience... my soul vanished and when you came back I was ALIVE again. There's so much more I want to say... but I gotta walk away from my desk now as the tears have started to flow again... fml

3Tears, I feel exactly the same as you... exactly.

Honestly how do I deal with it popping up? It literally kills me, but unlike you I am two weeks removed from losing my half, the ghost... I see these images pop up all the time and its soooo weird. Randomly something will trigger a visual of me and her in L.A. which happened 8 months ago and it wasn't even significant and it sucks all of my energy out of me out of no where. It literally happens at least once every five minutes, memories I don't even recall having will just POP into my head and it will be like oh wow, I remember that, we did this or she did that or how awesome did she look or I miss being here with her... etc. It's almost like I see the relationship in a new way, in a way I didn't see it before or in a way where I thought it certain things that were insignificant were all of a sudden becoming significant. I've never experienced this before with anyone and it's a whole new eye opening experience and not in a good way, it hurts. All of a sudden I remember things like her walking out of an elevator and flipping her hair back and turning around to look at me, and now every time I see an elevator I see it... Like what? Why is this happening? This association didn't even exist before. I apologize for rambling on and on about something that seems so trivial but that is my point, what was once trivial is now literally mind-blowing. Eventually, I know these feelings, these images will become insignificant again but it is an experience unlike any other that I have ever been exposed to and this is the first time I'm even sharing it with someone, even if it is on this forum. I don't do social media - and this has always been one of the reasons, I know how I am - I fight too hard to keep and want to be a factor with those I love and I would probably do some social stalking so I never exposed myself to it. But making a new life does sound appealing especially when the current one is being constantly reminded of the ghost and void that exists.

You certainly have a way with words IThinkICan and your words resonate within me, its almost creepy! I'm sorry if I made you re-visit any of your feelings about him or to even find pain as that was CERTAINLY not my goal. I find myself trying to cope with my pain by finding similar stories or "words" that relate to my situation and right now I feel like I'm watching a black and white movie, there's no color - just like you said. Everytime I see her or a memory comes to life things flash in color like someone snapping a pic. It's "ghostly."

My god, that ghost of you thing hit me HARD... I actually got choked up at my desk and had to walk away so no one saw the tears begin to flow - well written and I'm sorry for the pain you're in. Is there a thread you created about your breakup? I'd like to read more about it.