What Women Want: abs and a future

[greywolf]

ur kidding me right, who in their righted mind would want a girl thats psycho clingy, she would be far from a rare gem

 

My point is that men don't know what they want either, and usually if you have a problem in relationships you need to look at yourself first.

[veneratio]

Don't you all know? Women don't know what they want..c'mon now.

 

I'll agree with the OP to an extent. In regards to "having a future." Yeah, some women want that sense of security and it is somewhat evolutionary. Women wanted men who were agile, strong enough, and smart enough to catch game, provide shelter, and provide protection. I'm sure for the most part that hasn't changed. That agileness and strength is no longer needed, but guys still need to be able to support and put food on the table. And there are still plenty of women who feel that guys need to have strength in order for them to feel protected. A blanket effect. Not saying that all women are like this, but some, yeah.

 

I don't know about the abs deal, though. Most women don't like my body. I'd say it's 50/50.

 

I don't think having the nice and understanding qualities really hurt a guy and dub him "nice" which kicks him out of the game. I think it's just..why commit to a guy when he's already giving you what you need out of a relationship? Also think it has to do with getting older. Who knows, though? Maybe I'm just full of bs. It is almost 4am.

[Hopefully Not]

I wouldn't be into a girl that didn't want a guy to be fit and have a secure future.

 

And I'll expect the same of her, because a potential partner has to share and enjoy a similar lifestyle and set of values.

 

That's not shallow at all, it's sensible.

 

Good-looking millionaires tend to date good-looking millionaires. If you don't have abs and a big bank account you'll still find plenty of women who will date you, but they almost certainly won't have abs and a big bank account. People tend to get as good as they give.

[Mimori]

I believe you misunderstood the OP, or one of us did at least. I thought he meant that he thought some women were different, but he's been proven wrong (meaning his belief that women are different is wrong).

 

Also, everyone is a little shallow. I never said they weren't, but not every girl finds abs or even muscular men attractive.

 

Haha, now that I reread the Openings Statement I think I misunderstood it! (That's what I get for writing a quick response so early in the morning! My apologies.

 

But still. I think the OP is dealing with a string of bad luck in the woman he's interested in. Hopefully, after reading some of these post he'll understand that not all woman care about the same attributes. We all have our different attraction levels.

 

I can understand where is rant is coming from though. Earlier this year I felt that no guy would be attracted or interested in a relationship with a woman who was curvy and not slimmer... Just because I had a string of bad luck with two guys I dated...both calling me fat and not attractive when they left me. I think it's healthy to vent, and maybe he'll change his mind in due time.

 

But of course, he needs to adjust his thinking that all are the same. Luckily I realized we all are unique in our own ways. That's why its so important not to judge based on what others tell you...If your comfortable with yourself and have the confidence... you come off more attractive. (IMO).

[ProtestTheHero]

Ask her if a street corner puppet show is considered a future and whether or not it's ok if I draw my six pack on to me with a sharpie and give her my number. She sounds like a champ.

[EQD]

i just dumped a guy two months ago that had a body like a greek statue.

but, like i said i dumped him. interestingly enough he had a future.(btw who DOESNT have a future?)

 

the guy i am with now is actually a little overweight. and also has a future.

but i like this one a hell of alot better than the last guy.

i'm very happy with my current SO, abs or no abs. I dont care if he ever gets them. He's an honest, decent, caring, intellegent stud of a man.

[Cheeks18]

From the way the OP worded it, it almost sounded like he's useing it as a motivational technique for us guys!! Just my OP. Why wouldn't all us guys on here like to get in better shape and start striveing towards a better future?? I know I have, and alot more women are attracted to me, I dont have a six pack....YET!! But I am def physicaly fit and its noticeable, and I have a good job and still attend school to better my career. If your not physicaly fit go get physicaly fit for yourself, and if your being a lazy person go out and start striveing towards a better career, go to school, strive for the best!!

[StrawberryYogurt]

Duh, being in great shape and having a good future (or present) is a draw for females. Hell, it's a draw for me as a man in regards to women. Nothing new or debatable there. It doesn't make women shallow to want this. It's only shallow if it's all they're looking for.

 

Anyway, being in shape and having a future is good for men regardless of attracting women.

[Timbone]

Put that way, Straw, you're right. Everyone wants that.

 

Lord knows I'm running and doing crunches not only for myself, but for that other special girl, whoever and wherever she is. I'm also working on expanding my career, so I guess that part is true too.

 

It's always going to be the same though. You've got to look decent enough to get the gals attention, you've got to be interesting and enjoyable enough to keep it, and you have to have enough going on to be able to provide for her and yourself for the future.

 

The only difference with women is that some think the Looks part is more important, and others think the Interesting And Enjoyable is more important. Unless the gal is already established herself, then the third item is never going to change.

[ResonanceTheory]

Too bad we don't have a subforum called "shameful generalizations". This thread would fit perfectly there.

 

How many times do women on this forum have to say that AT LEAST half the time, the man's physical appearance has much, much less to do with our reasons for dating him than his personality, charisma, attitude, hobbies, etc...

 

I DO NOT like abs. I'd prefer my partner to be in decent physical shape but that by no means entails perfection--just that he care about his health, and not become very overweight or obese. I'd much rather be with someone who was my best friend, could make me laugh, had his own personal style, and had some ambitions for the future...so I guess you're right about the "having a plan" thing, although it's not so much having a plan as it is just being passionate about something or taking action in one's life.

 

While some women may say that they'd enjoy men fighting over them, the reality of the fact is much worse. I've had it happen before, and it was emotional torture. In fact, for most PEOPLE with a conscience, having to deal with multiple partners is a hassle and is emotionally draining.

 

Of course, if you are going for people for superficial reasons (IE, you want to date a girl just cause she's HOT HOT HOT), then expect to have to meet up to similar standards. A flabby, out of shape person doesn't walk into a gym full of workout nuts and expect all eyes to be on them (unless it's in the spirit of scrutiny). But it's not to say that there aren't beautiful women out there who are looking for a more meaningful connection.

[LightbulbSun]

If you've got a bad personality or bad social skills, getting a muscular body will not help you. You'll just be a guy with a muscular body who never gets dates.

 

I'm overweight, and I know my problem isn't that I'm overweight. It's the vibe I'm giving off, which is that of having no self esteem or being not worth dating. I was just as overweight years ago, and I had girls coming up to me and asking me out. The difference is that I had a lot more confidence in myself back then. Confidence and good social skills seem to be the biggest draw for women, not looks.

[ghost69]

Washboard abs are nice, but they probably won't be there 50 years into the future.

 

true, but the future will be. i've actually moved on from smokin hot girls because they had some terrible job, didn't go to school, no car, etc.

 

If you've got a bad personality or bad social skills, getting a muscular body will not help you. You'll just be a guy with a muscular body who never gets dates.

 

I'm overweight, and I know my problem isn't that I'm overweight. It's the vibe I'm giving off, which is that of having no self esteem or being not worth dating. I was just as overweight years ago, and I had girls coming up to me and asking me out. The difference is that I had a lot more confidence in myself back then. Confidence and good social skills seem to be the biggest draw for women, not looks.

 

but getting in shape will help get you a wider selection of women.

 

i agree that social skills and confidence will help. unfortunately, a lot of people get down on themselves, don't socialize, and aren't confident because of their body. plus, being in shape is good for you.

[Blue Spiral]

I think the OP is only half-right. Women, like men, prefer a number of different body-types, but "future" is important to virtually all of them, IMHO. Whenever there's a "what's important in a mate" thread here, women tend to list ambition or some other codeword/codephrase for success/eventual success. I think this is one of the rare times when online opinion mirrors reality.

 

I don't think men care nearly as much about it. I rarely see women described as "losers," for instance.

[jonny15]

Blah......abs and a future are overrated.

 

Who needs them?

 

 

I'm probably only saying this because my gut is big and I have no future at all.

 

It would take awhile, but I guess the abs are possible.

[lavenderdove]

I hate these kind of stereotypying threads that are overgeneralizations.

 

Of course there will be SOME women who think those things are the most important, but most women want a lot more than that, and don't place it at the top of their lists of what's important.

 

If these stereotypes were true, then all the guys without washboard abs would never get married, and almost all people do find someone and get married. So it just isn't true for all people or all women or all men, or 75% of men would never marry because most DON'T have washboard abs and make a ton of money.

[lavenderdove]

btw, i too was married to a really good looking guy, and eventually divorced him and found him unattractive by the time i broke up with him because he had so many problems and was so lacking in morals, which i didn't know when i married him.

 

i have since fallen in love with a guy who tends to gain a lot of weight, then lose it, his weight going up and down, and i think he is hot and adore him no matter what the condition of his abs are.

 

so perhaps you are chasing very immature and shallow girls to come to that conclusion thinking all women only want those things.

[Hopefully Not]

 

i have since fallen in love with a guy who tends to gain a lot of weight, then lose it, his weight going up and down, and i think he is hot and adore him no matter what the condition of his abs are.

 

 

Congrats on the new guy.

 

Seriously though, he looks just as good to you with fat as without?

 

Fact is weight gain is indicative of an unhealthy lifestyle, which itself is unattractive to some people. Kudos to him for dropping the weight though.

 

I think by the OP mentioning his lady friend is "drop dead gorgeous" that he means very attractive women wants abs and a future in a man. I doubt he thinks that women with big guts and dead-end jobs will hold out for men with abs and money. They may want it, but surely they'll be happy marrying any of the majority of guys with big guts and dead-end jobs.

 

You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you might get what you deserve.

 

Ying/yang.

[lavenderdove]

^^

He doesn't have an unhealthy lifestyle, he has a medical condition that sometimes requires him to take steroids, which causes bloat and weight gain while taking it, then when he doesn't have to take it, the weight leaves again. Don't be so quick to judge.

 

I know plenty of drop dead gorgeous women who marry men without abs etc. And i know plenty of less attractive women who marry more attractive men.

 

And frankly, i don't get why you would say attractive people 'deserve' to marry attractive people, as if physical looks are the be all and end all and make some more 'worthy' to deserve someone 'better'.

 

My opinion is that people who choose partners solely based on looks/earning power, usually end up deeply disappointed with their choice after a few years, because a good partnership depends on so much more than that in terms of personality, how you are treated, whether you are compatible etc. And looks fade and change over time. Most people who have the kind of opinions being espoused here are very young, and haven't learned enough about life and partnerships to understand that, but they will eventually.

[Hopefully Not]

Lavenderdove,

 

Apologies to you. The way I wrote that made it seem like I was commenting on your guy. Obviously I don't know him so I can't judge him. I was speaking in general about weight gain, then complimenting him specifically on losing his weight (however he got it).

 

 

"And frankly, i don't get why you would say attractive people 'deserve' to marry attractive people, as if physical looks are the be all and end all and make some more 'worthy' to deserve someone 'better'."

 

I didn't comment on attractiveness because that's subjective. What I did say is that if someone wants something, then the best way to deserve it is to put the effort in. That's common sense. By this I mean if a guy or girl wants a fit successful partner, then their best shot at finding, dating, and keeping such a partner is to be fit and successful themselves.

 

Sure looks fade, but sharing the attitude that fitness is important (plus setting that example for kids) and the lifestyle that goes with that attitude doesn't fade.

[peebo]

Ummm, well I am here to spill the beans, speaking as a GIRL. That generalization is like saying every guy wants a fake blond, fake boobed, easy barbie doll type. I for one do NOT like guys such as you described... And yes really, since thats what ONE drop dead gorgeous girl, as YOU described her, said that SHE liked, that applies to EVERY girl that is alive.

 

You don't like guys with toned bodies and good paying jobs? Is it like a turn-off for you?

[Celestialagape54]

You don't like guys with toned bodies and good paying jobs? Is it like a turn-off for you?

 

Not a turn off or anything along those lines but there are more to a person than their looks I think that's what scared is referring to. A lot of the times we date guys who are not toned and who have no idea what they want to do with their futures.

 

I agree that some women want what the OP said but not all women want that, I for one want a guy who has more than good looks and a job that pays six figures...

[tink0688]

I'll put it out there and say that I tend to agree. It is definitely not everything though, my last bf of 3.5 years definitely did not have amazing abs. Having abs is not necessarily on my "checklist" of things to look for in a guy, but I want a guy who takes care of himself. He should eat pretty well and go to the gym and have some pride in how he looks. I also sorta get the whole protection thing and abs representing physical strength...As far as a future, I definitely think that is important. When a guy has goals and ambitions, that makes him look so much better in my eyes.

[Huzzah_89]

From the way the OP worded it, it almost sounded like he's useing it as a motivational technique for us guys!! Just my OP. Why wouldn't all us guys on here like to get in better shape and start striveing towards a better future?? I know I have, and alot more women are attracted to me, I dont have a six pack....YET!! But I am def physicaly fit and its noticeable, and I have a good job and still attend school to better my career. If your not physicaly fit go get physicaly fit for yourself, and if your being a lazy person go out and start striveing towards a better career, go to school, strive for the best!!

 

I agree, you summed it up nicely.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I definitely wouldn't date a guy "without a future".

 

Abs are a bonus. Like dating a woman with large breasts. She doesn't have to have large breasts for you to date her. It is nice if she does though.

 

You need a lot more than a future to get my attention. Things like...a similar sense of humour, a dark nature, similar tastes in the arts, a want for kids, an education, and a compatible set of priorities are requirements.

[Clarity]

Abs are a bonus. Like dating a woman with large breasts. She doesn't have to have large breasts for you to date her. It is nice if she does though.

 

Not quite an accurate comparison, in my opinion. Abs are something we can, for the most part, control. Breast-size is out of a woman's control.

 

The obvious comparison for the fitness of a guy (including abs), is the fitness of the girl