THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[quirky]

day 9

 

today was sad, I have to say, i cried quite a bit slowly coming to terms with it. Kind of wondering if we'll be friends as we seemed to have so much in common. Something in me has died and it's related to a loss of innosense, a dream that died. If I know him at all he'll feel it as well. But I don't want to call him nor him to call me.

[Amasa]

Ok, my sister who is helping me through the 30 days (I need LOTS of help) said that the work text was unneccessary and that I should go back to 0. So, I'm correcting my above post and I am on 0....for the third time.

[stargirl1980]

Day 0

 

I'm horrible at this. He hasn't answered me in 3 months. I can go about 10-13 days of No Contact before I break down and txt him. Usually just something short like "how are you?" He never responds.

 

2 weeks ago, I said I was sorry, that I acted like a childish b****, and that I regretted screwing things up with him. Yesterday, I said I hoped he was well. And today... I said "I keep trying to mend things because- I miss you. You're a good guy, and I felt wonderful with you. But I know I can't change your feelings- it's your choice, if you wanna talk."

 

Nothing.

 

I feel horrible. I feel worthless. I feel like he never gave a crap about me in the first place. I still don't fully understand why he even brushed me off in the first place.

[SunniDee]

Day 6.

 

Changed my number. My service provider only blocks people for 3 months and then you have to remember to block them again. Too much hassle. Now he has no way of contacting me. And since I had it changed due to harassment, the $15 phone number change fee was waived.

[Mr Brightside]

Day 4

 

We've been broken up since last tuesday.

 

I tried to call her last night, from a withheld number, she didnt answer, but that isnt unusual as she doesnt normally answer them anyway really.

 

glad she didnt anyway, chances are that she might think it was me.

 

Sod it, i dont care anway.

 

Started to feel a bit more comfortable with being without her now.

 

Started to feel angry towards her, shes an idiot, her loss as far as i'm concerned, went around my mates last night, when i was walking home, i was thingking about all the things i didnt like about her, there was quite alot.

 

Personally, this NC thing wont get her back, and do you know what, i'm starting to think F@*# her anyway!

[kerri_nicole]

Day 3.

 

Even though we have kids this still has to be done. He has agreed to take the kids every second weekend but I wont hold my breath! I am alwasy jsut waiting for something to happen!

 

Anyway feel ok..

[leq]

Day 4

 

We've been broken up since last tuesday.

 

I tried to call her last night, from a withheld number, she didnt answer, but that isnt unusual as she doesnt normally answer them anyway really.

 

glad she didnt anyway, chances are that she might think it was me.

 

Sod it, i dont care anway.

 

Started to feel a bit more comfortable with being without her now.

 

Started to feel angry towards her, shes an idiot, her loss as far as i'm concerned, went around my mates last night, when i was walking home, i was thingking about all the things i didnt like about her, there was quite alot.

 

Personally, this NC thing wont get her back, and do you know what, i'm starting to think F@*# her anyway!

 

 

Mate

 

Just been reading through your posts. You seem in exactly the same situation as me, even the timing of it all. Have a look at my posts man.

 

Wish i'd read up sooner, hadnt gone to see her on Monday, we have split up twice before but it never felt like this, and I had doubts about the realationship, always arguing, but now she has gone, I want to take it all back.

 

Anyway Its day 3, went to see her on monday. She said she needs time to be herself, so I have to respect that.

 

In my case I think going to see her maybe was the right thing to do, as I hadnt seen her face to face and needed just to see her. She wasnt mean or angry I went round, she was really good about the whole thing. Crying was done by both and I didnt leave feeling like she wished I hadnt come.

 

Feeling wrong at the moment but im going to.

 

Let me know how you get on Mr Brightside.

[fruitapus09]

Day 19

 

Woke up feeling warm and fuzzy thinking about him before I remembered not to.

 

I know it isn't just loneliness or a need to replace my last boyfriend because i was asked out by somebody and declined because i'm not interested.

 

Exes are coming out of the woodwork on Facebook, its a nice distraction to think people are thinking of me 10 and 18 years later, but I still want my NC guy to find me!

[JonasWaingaro]

Day 6 -

 

A new record...and instead of happy I'm profoundly sad. I think I'm doing better then the dreaded mornings hit. Boo I had not one but two dreams of her last night. Both woke me up feelings like crap. Invading my dreams is so unfair. Can I have no peace?! I feel like crying and crying. I can't help but feel pathetic. I hate this. How can anyone just leave and forget me, and all the time we had together. How.... I don't want to be sad. I don't want to hurt any more. Good grief. I'm a mess.

[DrowsyWithHope]

I feel horrible. I feel worthless. I feel like he never gave a crap about me in the first place. I still don't fully understand why he even brushed me off in the first place.

 

 

stargirl,

 

I'm sorry you are feeling this way now. But please know that you are not worthless. Breakups can really do a number on our self esteem. But I promise you won't feel this way forever.

 

Drowsy

[looking4ward]

Day 2.

 

A little LC initiated by him- but i feel ok still so not counting it against my days. Doing ok. Going to work out and take care of my self today.

 

-K

[looking4ward]

Day 6 -

 

A new record...and instead of happy I'm profoundly sad. I think I'm doing better then the dreaded mornings hit. Boo I had not one but two dreams of her last night. Both woke me up feelings like crap. Invading my dreams is so unfair. Can I have no peace?! I feel like crying and crying. I can't help but feel pathetic. I hate this. How can anyone just leave and forget me, and all the time we had together. How.... I don't want to be sad. I don't want to hurt any more. Good grief. I'm a mess.

 

She didn't forget you. You are doing well and stick with the NC even though its hard- it will help you feel better, faster in the end. Good luck and you can do it!

[Puckdog27]

Day 6 -

 

A new record...and instead of happy I'm profoundly sad. I think I'm doing better then the dreaded mornings hit. Boo I had not one but two dreams of her last night. Both woke me up feelings like crap. Invading my dreams is so unfair. Can I have no peace?! I feel like crying and crying. I can't help but feel pathetic. I hate this. How can anyone just leave and forget me, and all the time we had together. How.... I don't want to be sad. I don't want to hurt any more. Good grief. I'm a mess.

 

She in invading your dreams because you are spending so much time thinking about her while you are awake.

 

And they dont forget, I found out last night all the horrible lies my ex has been telling my friends for the past 3 or 4 months. They see thru it and they are losing alot of respect for her. She'd be better off to forget me.

[lostandunhappy]

Day 3

 

Damn I had gone 29 days and started feeling much better, then she sucked me back in and I fell for it. Hopefully I will be stronger next time, if there is a next time......

[quirky]

day 10

 

wow, that's all? feels like I dated him so long ago..Overidding feeling is a calm sadness and a big sense of distance.

[bronte]

Day 3 for me...

 

I took a big step and removed him from my AIM Buddy List this morning. I guess he can still IM me since I didn't block him, but since he's been abruptly ending all our conversations at the 5 minute mark, I don't think he will. And not knowing when he's online can only help me not initiate any more awkward and painful 5 minute chats with him...

 

I had a doctor's appointment this morning and got all teary when they asked me how many sexual partners I'd had since the last time I was in (oh, the fun of OBGYN visits!). That was rather embarrassing, my voice broke when I said, "Just one."

[icyness]

Day 3 for me; it's been about 2 weeks since the actual break up.

As bad as I screwed up by bugging him to a boiling point up until last week, I'm hoping it's still early enough to where if I start NC now and really stick to it, it won't set me back too long in terms of hearing from him again.

 

I'm okay on the outside, but on the inside there's a constant icky feeling about it all I feel will never subside.

[dimnickel1980]

28 since breakup. 23 NC.

 

been having kind of a relapse because someone else said something that triggered memories of him. feeling rejection pain more than i miss him pain.

 

maybe he was bored with me?

 

after almost a month nc... it seems i should have realized bad things about us and been ok with the breakup. still confused on why it happened. i hope to get to another day where i don't care about it at all. those are the best days... this is the worst kind of day

[imjgh]

i just wanted to post in order to let all of you who are really struggling that there is a better day coming for you...every single one of you.

 

i came to this site several months ago and i was down...way the hell down. it was terrible and i too was a total mess. i came back to this site tonight as it was a safe haven for me for so many days/nights. i met some incredible people many of which i stay in contact with to this very day.

 

my reason to post is this--at one point i was hopeless...i was at the end of my strength. somehow i managed to keep on going and things began to turn....slowly. but turn they did and today i can honestly say i really don't want her back. she F'd up in dropping me, i am a damn good guy and she is a fool to have ended it with me.

 

i am dating again and have met some really incredible women...i feel like life is good again....

 

to all of you who are hurting, don't ever give up. if i can come back from the depths i was at you all can do the same. it is within YOU, not another person. there will one day come a sense of joy and happiness for each of you. you will wonder how in the world you made it but you will...

 

BELIEVE IT, you will get past this point you are at...each and every one of you.

 

stay strong....3 months from now it will be one of you who is posting to encourage others...it is within each of you....

 

good luck,

 

gary

[JonasWaingaro]

Day 7 -

 

Woohoo?! I have mixed feelings about that honestly. I am glad I made it 1 week since falling apart. It took a lot of effort for me. But I feel so helpless to my situation. As if I don't have a voice. Like I have no control, which I don't to a large degree. Oh well. What can I do? I know what I want to do....

 

NC is such a difficult time. Mainly because of time. I feel it slipping away. I get an overwhelming sense of DO something, anything. Just don't give up. Passively watching as nothing happens is driving me crazy! I only keep it up because I know she wanted space, a break. However something deep inside me says, 'do something'. I know she respects action and doesn't like inaction. Yet, here I am - not taking action. Gah. What in the world am I supposed to do? Go against every instinct in my body and keep this up, or do something. Damn this confusing. Lord help me I'm just not bright enough for all this.

 

It's so odd to look to a future, to planning a future, so different to what was going to be. It's numbing. I'm trying to keep busy seeing what options I now have. It's not easy. I know I should think 'close one door, open a new one', of course I don't! That new door looks scary and not nearly as good. booo

 

Another morning of stomach going crazy. Mornings are bad. By afternoon I'm almost...okay. Nights are getting not so great too. It takes me forever to fall sleep. I was falling asleep fine. Not sure what changed. No dreams I remember last night which is nice.

 

I miss US. I miss her.

[icyness]

day 4 of NC, day 6 of actually not talking to him.

 

JW, You've pretty much described my feelings.

 

Feeling not in control and that you don't have a voice just sucks. I know we're the ones in control of us right now and that's what we're supposed to be focusing on if we want any hope for anything..but how do you get those thoughts out of your head?

I know he wanted time. So in finally giving that, I know I'm doing some good. But do they really think of us after a while? The fear of not knowing anything seems to continuously take over me no matter how much progress I seem to make.

 

I feel I'm silently screaming out to his mind through mine all the time, I feel so powerless. I so badly just want to know he still loves me. I want time to pass and for I to be a better person for it.

But I want him back in my better life; I don't want it without him. I hate these constant worries, I hate now knowing, I hate wondering.

 

No matter how I slice it, I end up with the same conclusion. I just want him back.

[foolsrushin]

Day 1

 

I just broke up with my ex on Sunday, after learning that he had made out with someone else. I am devastated to say the least. How can someone who says he's in love with you be interested in someone else? This person works with him, so I feel like with me out of the picture, they are already dating and having a fabulous time.

 

How can 6 years of a relationship be over just like that? Not 2 weeks ago, we were talking about where to get married, price, rings, etc. This is the first guy I have ever trusted in my life and this had to happen. I don't see myself trusting again.

 

We had been going through a tough financial situation. We both own houses that are worth way less today than when we bought them. I had told him that we could give one up and concentrate our efforts on one. He said no because he didn't want to just give up. I should have known then that he had commitment issues. I wanted to keep his house because we had completely gutted it, and I had decorated it inside and out, according to my tastes and our future needs. I am about to turn 30, so we were thinking about getting pregnant by late next year. I guess the best made plans are always gonna get broken??? We had gotten dogs soon after we started dating, and now he's keeping them because they will enjoy his backyard (I have non). These puppies are like my kids. I have to give up my love and then my puppies? What is the point?

 

Today I just want to foreclose on my house and have extra money to do whatever I please... or maybe take time off work. I hated every aspect of my life, but was dealing because I could rely on his strength and convictions. He always made me smile when I was down and I'd like to think I did the same for him. For me, the most important thing in life is to live it to the fullest with a partner by my side. It does not mean as much if you don't have that special someone besides you.

 

Going through this forum, I see the raw emotion everyone's in. I feel the same way and wonder if and end will ever be in sight. Many say that time heals all, but I disagree. Time may ease the pain, but the wound is always there... I know from previous hurt.

 

Icyness, I have the same conclusion... all I want is him back in my arms... making a happy life and family. Is that really too much to ask? Any hope I guess can do us in.

[icyness]

*big hugs* to you foolsrushin, I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

 

You know, I've only been on these forums for a very short amount of time, but one thing I've noticed is we're not a bunch of lonely whiners like an outsider may think, by any means.

 

We've been acting out because we're hurting, yet the dumper (not in all cases, I'm being extremely general here) is quick to label us as needy, pathetic, clingy, etc. Yes, these are factors that do occur, especially when we're first dumped, but that doesn't define who we are by a long shot.

 

So far I've seen a section full of extremely intelligent, kind, beautiful people who happen to be in a lot of pain and don't know how to deal with it, but are trying.

We as humans can do just about anything and get away with it without getting so much as a second look from others these days. Yet when we're dealing with the toughest of emotions and being stripped of what we felt and knew as love, we're deemed as potential 'nuts' so to speak who 'just need to move on.'

 

Funny how people are/work.

 

edit: My apologies for derailing the thread; just a random thought as I read posts and observed what we're all going through.

[Broken2009]

Touche Icyness. Couldn't describe people that post on here or in general better.

 

Day 3 Playas!!! After 10 days NC and rec'ving an email from her (work email - had to respond bc she knows I opened it)

I feel stronger today, more like myself again. I don't know whats happened in my mind/brain right now but I feel ok.

Im sure things will change over time and I will have low points this weekend. I wish all of you intelligent people the absolute best. We will be strong and find better fits for us or we will fall back into place with our former best fits.

[quirky]

thanx for that, it's good to hear encouraging words xx