THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[DrowsyWithHope]

God, it sounds so similar to my story!! He came back 2 months later, pleaded, promised things beyond his capabilities, I ended it again. For good now. I actually don't miss him, I know he's not right for me. After all the drama, at least now there's an end to this pain. But I can't help feeling a bit lost..looking at everything like it happened in another life. Strange..Do you feel like this one is for good for you?

 

 

See, and when my ex came back I let him back into my life. Two months was NOT long enough for me. There was still a small apart of me that wanted/hoped things would work out. My head said "Do NOT let that man back into your life", but my heart said something else. Grrrr!!! I hate it when they don't agree!! lol

 

Do I feel like he's 'right' for me....yes and no. In some ways it's so easy when I'm with him and he knows me so well, but then in some other ways I feel I'd be better off with someone else. At the end of the day, no matter what his good qualities were, I wasn't getting my needs met and I'm sorry, but a loving, caring relationship should NOT be that way.

 

You know, I read something kind of interesting in this forum last week. It was a thread about successful reconciliations. And about how some people got back together months or even YEARS after they had broken up. Perhaps when we break up, it's for a reason? Maybe we have some growing we need to do on our own and if it's meant to be, it will happen at a later date? I don't know.

 

Whatever we are all going through now, perhaps if we could picture ourselves in the future looking back. Picture ourselves in a happy place, perhaps with a new partner or exciting things going on in our lives. Then we'd look back at this and remember how miserable we were over so and so and we never thought we'd get over it, but we did and moved on!

 

We don't know what the future holds or what life has in store for us next!

 

Drowsy

[dimnickel1980]

that's a really good idea drowsy. i talked to some of my aunts and they told me about guys they dated and their breakup stories. it made me feel much better and each of them said... it all works out for the best.

[Blossom78]

Day 6 Of NC and just over 3 weeks since the split.

 

Im really missing him lots! I had a rough night last night thinking of all the fantastic times we have had together and how intense and intimate our sex life was he always said he never felt closer to anyone like he did me...So how the hell can he walk away from all these good times and as far as I can tell not look back? Its completely gutting!

 

Ive heard other peoples storys where their ex has sent an email or a text etc even just asking how are you?...Im not getting anything!!!!! Im full of cold too so its not like i can even get out there and get going! Im sat in misery most of the time

[Beardy]

She replied to my email, picking up my USB stick tomorrow.

 

Turns out she's been pretty sick last few days, not sure whether to be nice and drop some nice soups over to help the recovery or just be business like and pick up the stick. I'd do it for a mate, but then I guess I'm just helping being friendzoned... but then there isn't really any chance of reconciliation as far as I can tell, so... oh I don't know.

 

Thoughts anyone?

[Blossom78]

I wouldn't as she may see it as an excuse to be near her? But im no expert or I wouldn't be in this situation myself lol.

[Beardy]

True, but I've got to go there anyway to pick up the USB stick, so I guess any damage regarding her "thiniking I want to see her" has been done.

 

I don't actually want to see her, I just want to move on... I think I will pick up some treats. It's a nice thing to do, I'm a nice guy, I guess that's why I'm finishing last! But at least I'll feel pretty good about myself and that'll be the last time I have to have anything to with her.

[looking4ward]

Wow, I've done some serious damage via email over the last few days- I think I've embarrassed myself at this point haha! Time to stop being so pathetic. I sent one last email saying basically, "sorry about the emails, been a little crazy lately, lets talk later" to damage control, but wow, yeah I'm done- sigh

 

Onward and upward! (right?)

[JonasWaingaro]

Day 5 -

 

Feel sad. Couldn't get to sleep last night, and woke up in the funk again. Took a lot of energy to shower this morning. I can tell today is going to be difficult to maintain NC. I want to scream I'm still here and I love you! I want her to hear me.

 

Hang in there looking4ward! Seems natural to go overboard, I know I have already. And probably will again, d'oh.

 

Hang in there everyone!

[quirky]

Day 5 -

 

Feel sad. Couldn't get to sleep last night, and woke up in the funk again. Took a lot of energy to shower this morning. I can tell today is going to be difficult to maintain NC. I want to scream I'm still here and I love you! I want her to hear me.

 

Hang in there looking4ward! Seems natural to go overboard, I know I have already. And probably will again, d'oh.

 

Hang in there everyone!

 

trust me, you can't imagine how good it will be for you in the long run if you maintain NC now. I know how long these 5 days feel. I couldn't do anything, there was no point. But kept NC. For me it took some time to gain some clarity..Be strong and try to see the bigger picture, 30 days at least is not long in the big scheme of time.

[JonasWaingaro]

Thank ya quirky girl. I'm trying. Your words do help.

[Broken2009]

Back to Day 1 - Formerly on DAY 10

 

Was going through the toughest part of the healing process,been about a month and than 10 days NC.

 

Rec'd an email through work yesterday and had a chit chat about whats going on in our lives such as travel plans etc. I think she is on my floor today at work.

Perfect. I felt like myself during and after the email convo again....for about 4-6 hours.

Now back to the same old feelings. I feel like I have to start healing all over again when I hear from her. She spoke about the dentist at the end of the email, and how her mouth would be frozen and she hoped it thawed bc she was going out for drinks later and I almost texted her last nite asking how the dentist was. But I thought it would create unrealistic expectations in my head and would still remain in the friend zone.

God knows who she was out for drinks with.

 

Want to email her today asking her about the dentist. But am going to remain NC to help healing.

 

She responded to one of my emails saying you have a lot going on which is nice"

 

I was like..thanks.

[Mr Brightside]

Day 3 (but 1 week, 1 day since split)

 

Its been a really weird day,

 

I have had the most strongest urges to call her today. I had been fantisizing about things i could do for her to make her feel like she wants me again. I had it in my head that i'd go round hers tonight and tell her i want to take her to london for the weekend and just see how it goes.

 

I called someone and told them my plan, they shot me down instantly and make me realise that i'm meant to be going NC.

 

I have it in my head that i need to last until sunday and then it will be a week. I do know what shes been up to roughly this week, and i know shes not been in her normal routine, well, not "our" normal routine. Shes been staying at her familys house.

 

I know that hopefully tonight, she'll be back in the routine of finishing work and cooking, gym, tv & then bed, i hope she starts to miss me this week.

 

Please someone slap in the face, i keep getting them feelings like i'm nothing, and i wont ever be happy again.

 

i've been better at work this last 2 days, but i find myself getting into my work, then forgetting stuff for a moment, then realising that i havent got her to go home to tonight.

 

this forum is helping me tho

[quirky]

Day 3 (but 1 week, 1 day since split)

 

Its been a really weird day,

 

I had it in my head that i'd go round hers tonight and tell her i want to take her to london for the weekend and just see how it goes.

 

Please someone slap in the face, i keep getting them feelings like i'm nothing, and i wont ever be happy again.

 

i've been better at work this last 2 days, but i find myself getting into my work, then forgetting stuff for a moment, then realising that i havent got her to go home to tonight.

 

this forum is helping me tho

 

Even if that was a plan it is too vague. It's not a plan and she wouldn't take you seriously. My ex was always coming up with plans of no sustance and I just didn't take him seriously any more.

You have to stay NC longer, till it all subsides and you gain some clarity, now your judgement is totally clouded.

 

About the feelings of not ever being happy again: Many of us feel that here, I read some posts and I can genuinely feel the pain and the struggle.. Personally I'm rather ok cos it's the second time we split up but nevertheless I can't say I think positively of love right now and I feel lost and sad. Like others I also don't feel very desired but I have faith you know? If we are positive and have self respect good things will come our way, we don't know what life has in store, maybe something amazing

[strawberry]

Day 13.....

 

I actually felt good the last 2 weeks until today. I think the reality is finally starting to set in. The NC was my decision and as much as I miss my best friend, how can I be friends with someone that completely disregarded my feelings during our break-up? It just sucks. Im having trouble accepting that he is NOT the same person anymore. I miss someone that doesn't even exist.

[Mr Brightside]

Thanks quirky_girl...

 

Yeah, i did have more of a plan than just taking her to london, i was meant to be doing it for her birthday with is first week of August anyway.

 

To be totally honest, this is the 3rd time we've split, but feels totally different, normally sort it out within 3 days at the very most.

 

Positive and self respect is mentioned all the time and its definitely key.

 

Personally i need to get my appetite back, feeling pretty run down and emotionally drained. I'm eating, probably about 60% of what i would be normally, i'm forcing food down at the moment. Really need to eat a decent meal tonight.

[DrowsyWithHope]

 

Personally i need to get my appetite back, feeling pretty run down and emotionally drained. I'm eating, probably about 60% of what i would be normally, i'm forcing food down at the moment. Really need to eat a decent meal tonight.

 

Mr Brightside-

 

This is totally normal, unfortunately! Tiredness, lack of energy or appetite, having a hard time sleeping or focusing and maybe even headaches or other body aches. Go easy on yourself, this is a hard time but you will though it!

 

Drowsy

[DrowsyWithHope]

Day 7

 

I feel....well...I'm alive! Ah, today is blah so far but I've got loads to keep me busy so I'll get through it.

 

Why do we do NC?

 

The other option is to call, email, text and pester your ex, but what good would that do? Do you really think they are going to say what you want to hear? Often when we are dying to pick up that phone and call them it's because we so desperately want to hear that they still love us, that they still want things to work out or that they are sorry. So we make the call, we don't hear what we want to, but we don't want to push things, and then afterwards we feel even worse than before! Oh sure, you can stick with 'friends' and stay in contact in hopes that things will work out but then you are in that awful place called 'limbo-land'. You feel powerless and like your ex calls the shots and you are waiting and hoping.... Why do that to yourself?

 

(Believe me, I've done both and I can speak from experience, they are NOT options I recommend!!! lol Unless, of course, you are a masochist! --I'm not!)

 

Sometimes two people just need space and time to get themselves sorted. Some ex's do eventually call again, some don't. But a month really isn't all that long. (Thinking of the challenge at hand here...personally I'm going longer than that!)

 

NC is a hard thing to do, but there are rewards to it in the long term.

 

Stay strong!

 

Drowsy

[JonasWaingaro]

 

Personally i need to get my appetite back, feeling pretty run down and emotionally drained. I'm eating, probably about 60% of what i would be normally, i'm forcing food down at the moment. Really need to eat a decent meal tonight.

 

Yeah for sure, force yourself to eat. I've lost an incredible 15lbs already and I still don't eat enough. Keep a lot of easy foods around, like fruit. Healthy stuff. Drink a lot of water as well, dehydration can be a big problem I've found. Hang in there.

[Broken2009]

Keep in mind however, as more and more posts go to remind us that

going No Contact is not a pancea? or a way of getting someone back.

 

It is for your own benefit and healing.

No contact, and trying to get someone back are two entirely different things.

 

yes, NC may be the best thing to do in some circumstances when trying to get someone back. However you need to make decisions for yourself, and like someone mentioned before NC should not be looked at a way of trying to get someone back, that only adds to the torment of going NC.

 

Its better to think of it as a way (which is extreme) however of saying

"im never talking to this person again, I don't want them in my life"

 

that is a reason to go NC.

 

I went 10 days of not contacting that person, and she emailed me. It meant nothing so for me it is best to Not Contact her instead of msging her and remaining in a state of limbo and becoming automatically in the friend zone.

Some books would probably advise you to be their chum, pal or buddy in order as a means of getting someone back.

 

For me, that is wayyyyyy too risky for me emotionally in case that never happens and they run off someone else as I have been hurt so badly already.

 

Just my two sense.

[prestonztt]

Day 4.

 

Well, I just texted her, I have no idea why. Just last night I cried and also today I have been. Well I guess its back to day 1 again.

[bronte]

I'm going to jump in this thread, I think--I'm not trying to get back together with my ex, but I am trying to move on from a relationship that was unhealthy and would be unhealthy to get back into, no matter how tempted I am to do so.

 

I miss him so much that I find it really hard not to contact him, though, and he has not exactly been encouraging when I've done so, even just to chat about "light" topics. (He's always polite but ends the conversation as soon as he can.) So instead of continuing to contact him and then feeling kicked when he responds coolly, I'm going to back off and do NC.

 

(I can't actually go NC forever because I have his apartment key and he'll want it back along with some of his other belongings once he gets back into town at the end of the summer, but if I do NC for 30 days it should get me in a good spot by the time he returns to town!)

[looking4ward]

He responded to my crazy emails that his "feelings haven't changed" (he didn't want to break up) but he didn't know what I wanted, and that it would be best if I calm down.

 

So if you want your ex to think you're crazy send them a bunch emails, first asking for NC, then that you miss them, then that you want to work things out.

 

Yeah, please don't do that- however I think i am humiliated enough at this point to go NC and never come back.

 

Day 1. Again. (had been doing ok, what happened?)

[DrowsyWithHope]

Keep in mind however, as more and more posts go to remind us that

going No Contact is not a pancea? or a way of getting someone back.

 

 

I agree 100% however....

 

Life is not black and white and humans are not always known to be rational beings.

 

Every time I had gone NC (this is my 4th time but two of those were only for like 8-9 days) I did it because I had enough and I was ready to walk away. BUT, there was still a small part of me that still wanted things to work out. I didn't pine or hope or wait for that to happen. I was moving forward, but I didn't deny that was still there. I knew it would lessen and eventually go away over time but I was never able to get to that point. The ex would contact me and he would (sound) sincere in wanting things to work out and since enough time had not passed and there was still part of me that wanted that, I let them back into my life.

 

I agree that you shouldn't go into NC in hopes of getting the ex back, but sometimes when you do NC, it just happens anyway. Since you give the other person space and time it gives them a chance to think about things. Sometimes your absence makes them realize they miss you and they DO call and they DO want to get back together. BUT.... sometimes not. You can't go into NC hoping for that or you will drive yourself mad, but I'm just saying that it COULD happen and if your ex DID come back and was sincere....would you really ignore them? (Okay I would but then I've already given him a million and one chances!! lol)

 

So yeah, I just wanted to say that sometimes it does happen anyway, even if that isn't your reason for doing it. Okay, obviously you'd never know if you block phone numbers and email addresses, but I'm just saying.

 

Drowsy

[fruitapus09]

Day 18

 

Amazed I'm still thinking about this guy. I'm doing much better, not obsessing, and had some distractions, meeting new guys I am not interested in, heard from an ex from 10 years ago, etc.

 

But still miss him.

 

Torn between the concept of fate bringing us together again sometime in the future, and trying one more time in about a month to ask him out for a drink to see what happens.

[Amasa]

I woke up at 3am and couldn't go to sleep because all I could think about was him.

He's so quick to leave me, and how can we have the really long relationships and then he can just walk away. How is it so easy for him? I'm all upset all the time and he makes generic comments about sometime since the breakup, in passing, he has reflectively thought about me.

 

I text him today about business, and that's it. And I actually spoke to him and made eye contact when he picked up the girls. (I said she's sick) But those are things I have to do so I'm not counting it as breaking NC.

 

Two more days to break my record