THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[kerri_nicole]

Day 1

 

This is exactly what I needed, thank u!! Two years now nearly trying to get over ex, back and forth mind games infidelity etc.

 

We have 2 kids so its a bit more difficult but he never bothers with them and they are the ones getting hurt. I sent him a letter saying he is entitled to see them but he has to go through a lawyer and get it in writing and on set days/times etc. That way the kids have a routine and I have a life too and there is no more messing around with not seeing them for a few weeks then turning up etc.

 

I really want this to work I want to move on he is no good for us at all, I have not been happy for so long I dont even think I lvoe him anymore but two years of infidelity and hurt can do alot to your mind and I just want it over now and this really is the only way to break the cycle..

 

Hopefully this will give me the strength to keep going reading other peoples posts who are well on their way

[Amasa]

Well I woke up this morning and took a shower and changed my cried all over clothes.

I realized that maybe I would choose not to wallow in it today, and it feels a little better.

Maybe I can do this. Maybe somewhere there is a little strength in me and I am not this pathetic psycho stalker that cannot end this relationship.

Maybe I am, but not for today

[Deuce7]

Today seems harder than most days. Although everyday seems to get better, every once in a while I hit a bump. I keep reminding myself at how well I'm moving forward.

[kerri_nicole]

Back to day 1 AGAIN

 

I did it again and I feel terrible after like I am letting myself down. I dont know what someone like him who clearly has no interet in me or m kids and treats us badly has such a hold over me!

 

I just want to get past it. Anyway here is to me trying to stay strong

[looking4ward]

Starting day 4- can't sleep still. Got 5 hours tonight after taking benadryl but wake up a mess. I think I am starting to hate him for treating me like this.

[Viper55666]

Day 2... for the 1000th time

 

Sent her a text on saturday, not the usual 'I love you' one that I usually send in a drunken state but telling her how special she is and I hope she finds someone to give her the happiness I couldn't. Don't really know what to make of that? can't remember sending it. Don't quite know if it means that I'm starting to move on without realising it or that I just was in a bit of a soppy mood when I sent it... go figure??? N/C again... for now at least.

[looking4ward]

UGH! He emailed me, chit-chatty stuff. Not going to respond, not going to respond, NOT GOING TO RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wish_on_a_star]

One whole week of NC! I am so proud of myself and wow everyone was right, it does get easier, with little relapses here and there but overall, you should just stay focused on the ultimate goal!

[looking4ward]

One whole week of NC! I am so proud of myself and wow everyone was right, it does get easier, with little relapses here and there but overall, you should just stay focused on the ultimate goal!

 

Good job!! Can't wait till I'm there

 

3/4 of the way through day 4 (yes I'm counting in fractions, lol). He emailed this morning which makes me want to respond but I refuse. I'm not emotionally ready to talk to him- even in a chit-chatty light hearted way. It's weird 'cause he dosen't know we are through but thinks he has me on a leash. I refuse to accept a half-hearted relationship, and I refuse to be strung along while he decides if he wants me or the ex. Having periods of sadness but more and more am feeling strong and empowered Hope it keeps getting better.

 

Stay strong all!

[shellov]

OK third day of NC and I am a friggin mess: anger, bitterness, sadness, tireness, frustartion-- all those emotions!

 

I can't function well. I miss him and I just wish he changes his mind and gives me another chance.

 

Someone tell me I can do this! Support.

[wish_on_a_star]

okay only yesterday, I was acting all happy that it has been 1 week of NC, and here I am on day 8 feeling like total crap and missing him like anything, yet I am going to stay strong! But got a feeling week two may be a bit of a struggle..

[bumpties]

Day 1: I accept the challenge.

 

Had a down moment day (too many happy couples for my taste), and I wandered around places we use to visit as a couple hoping to re-live those memories. Sent messages to myself pretending to be from him (saying he's gone a long trip and will not be back anytime soon but I should not neglect looking after myself).

 

After language class later - I felt a lot better and clear headed. Being with other people in a positive environment really helps.

[fruitapus09]

Day 10

Feel calmer, and there are actually moments where I'm like wow, i'm not thinking about him right now!!

 

Still roller coaster thoughts though.

 

One minute I'm thinking I have to let him go, I messed up and it sucks.

 

The next minute I'm thinking of how to turn him into a booty call.

 

The next minute I'm thinking I have to let him go, the uncomfortable feelings on our last date were all red flags and warning signs. Thank god he doesn't call me!

 

The next minute I'm thinking of how I will contact him after the 30 days. Will I text a joke? Will I ask him to meet me for a drink?

 

I was positive he would never call me again, but now I'm not sure. Almost every guy I've ever been with eventually has called after the breakup, even guys who I had one horrible date with. My emotions are calming down with time, maybe his are too. Maybe he knows he wasn't ready to date and is doing NC for his own sake.

 

The possibility that I might run into him somewhere still scares me a bit. How will I act and how will he act? I plan to say hi and smile but leave the rest up to him. But the possibility is remote because the mutual friends we have are not planning any parties after all.

 

I still think that no matter what, this story is not over. It might be a year down the road, I still think that something else will happen.

 

Maybe we'll end up together in the winter, when I don't mind spending more time on the couch and in bed!

[Broken2009]

I intiated On friday as I remembered she had surgery scheduled to removed the smallest little bump/mole from her leg. I said good luck and she replied that the surgeon scheduled it for a month from Friday. I didn't reply.

 

So Basically this is Day 4 for me. However, it is not a possibility that I will run in to her. It is definite because I work with her. However I have managed to dodge her so far and its been a month so far, and we have lunch at the same time.

 

Day 4 and counting....does NC mean not replying to their contact either?

[kerri_nicole]

Day 2 for me!

 

Its not easy at all and especially when there r kids & grand parents etc involved. Its very easy to feel weak but then I try to think of the nasty hurtful things he has done to us time & time again and I fight the urge to text him even if it is jsut to call him names etc.

 

I know I am better than that and I am doing the right thing for me and for my kids definitly!

 

I have not said he can not see the kids but I have asked him to go througha solicitor where there are set days and a routine and maintenance, but 2 years down the road he has not done that! He is childish and selfish expects me to being them to him, well no more. If he really wanted to see his kids he would do this and god knows I have given him every opportunity even asfter the cheating lying and abuse I still said what was best for my kids was to see their dad even if he showed no interest.

 

He even has his mother on his side (still lives at home at 33) and she believes every word he says!

 

Its just so messey & bloody difficult it really is.

 

Please let this get easier..

[looking4ward]

Starting day 5- he emailed again, chit chat type email like everything is fine and dandy with us. Emails two days in a row, haha seems like he's starting to wonder about me.

 

I am not going to play that game and I am not going to be available at his beck and call. I was good to him and he wants to even consider going back to the ex who treated him terribly? No thanks.

 

I'm going to continue NC and continue to heal and get my head on straight so I can decide what is best for my own future.

 

-K

[JonasWaingaro]

I'm new. 5Days NC. What a total drag. =/ It's so unbearable. I seem to rehearse over and over what I want to say. It's kinda ridiculous, and totally maddening. I have so much nervous energy, I can't seem to focus it anywhere - but her of course. Boo How long does this hurt anyway? =p Too long.

[fruitapus09]

Still Day 10 (would have been 20 if I hadn't been drinking on the 4th and texted him)

 

Over 3 weeks since I saw him.

 

Got in a fight with my sister, she keeps telling me he's a loser, and it hurts. She only knows what I've told her of course, she wasn't there to feel the feelings.

 

I try to be rational and figure out what I see in him. I thought I was just trying to replace my last ex with a new relationship right away, but now I don't think so. I thought I was just lonely, but I have so many plans for this summer that I would barely have time to date if I wanted to.

 

I really think it is about him specifically. If I met someone and felt no chemistry, I wouldn't put 2 months of thought into him. I've been on plenty of horrible first dates and never wanted a second date with someone.

 

But if he doesn't feel the same way there is nothing I can do. Have plans with friends Saturday, the same friends who fixed me up with this guy have another guy ready for me to meet. I'm just not that excited about it anymore. I don't feel like dating anyone. Maybe he'll be fantastic and make me forget all about bachelor #1. Maybe I'm not ready and I'll screw up this one too.

[peterson5880]

30 days of NC...I am doing so much better. The break up occurred on May 1st and I did send "the letter" but I didn't beg or plead. After the letter the only response I got was "I DON'T DESERVE YOU!!!" After that I text once to tell him he needs to change his address cause I was moving and was still getting his mail. He responded with "Are you leaving California?" I guess he thought I would leave the state for some reason - I found that odd. Ever since then I have been NC. The NC isn't hard just the thoughts that suck.

 

I will be honest, I think about him all the time, I still hope for a reconcilliation and I do cry a little bit most days of the week but nothing like I was (ie sobbing on the kitchen floor and not eating) So, things are better and I will continue with my NC cause well, there is nothing else I can do. Somedays it feels harder somedays it feels so easy - I guess that's the way it is.

[bumpties]

Day 2.

 

I was not feeling too well at work (cold weather, skipping breakfast, work related RSI and just not sleeping enough), that plus the emotional pain was too much. Took the day off work. I literally stopped (out of sheer hopelessness) and took about half a minute before being able bring myself to move at work multiple times. Went home and rested a bit then read this forum and feeling much better. I just needed to be reminded of certain things (eg. he's gone now, he made his decision and there is no going back. Best thing I can do is to respect his decision of my dignity.).

 

Not looking forward to work tmr, have to caught up on all the paper work that was suppose to be done today. =/

[shellov]

Day 4. Man, it's tough. I can't concentrate. I miss him already.

[looking4ward]

Broke NC AGH!!!!!!!!! Don't do it, I asked him to not contact me and he responded with anger and sarcasm. Don't do it. I ended up "explaining" myself patheically and am back at day 1. Don't do it people, it will hurt you more if you are still emotionally involved in the break up

[kerri_nicole]

Day 2 and I am sick of not being able to sleep! Is anyone else like this???

 

I wake at about 3.30 in the morning and I toss and turn for hours, its like my mind wont shut down of all the "what if's"

 

I am going crazy!!!

[JonasWaingaro]

Yep, I seem to fall asleep okay then BOOM. Wide awake and mind rolling over 'what if's' 'should I say X,Y,Z' It's driving me nuts! In theory NC sure sounds right, but I'm not FEELING at all like it's right. All I think about is calling. boo

[peterson5880]

Stay with NC everyone - I'm telling you it does get easier, the thoughts aren't as intense and the main thing is you feel at least somewhat in control. By contacting your ex before they contact you with anything of substance you are setting yourself up for getting either 1. no response, 2. the response you don't want and will make you upset, 3. a response but it will still make you upset and just leave you with more questions.

 

If they want to contact you they will. If you reach out you will want to kick yourself for it because in no way is it going to help you or your situation. They need to miss you, they need to contact you, they need to think that you're long gone because right now they think they can have you back anytime they want you so they are going to wait. I know my ex, and it's not in a mean way - it's just how the mind works, thinks that his window is still wide open...and it is but I don't need him to know that cause I need to have my strength and dignity back.

 

Use this time to find yourself. Become independent to where you don't need anyone else to make your life complete - you must be complete on your own. Because if you ever do reconcile or start a new relationship - if you're only half of a person it will end up failing. We all need to be our own people again. Strong, whole and independent.

 

So put down the phone, get off facebook/myspace/what have you, delete their email, stop driving by their house/work, and get back to yourself. They're not going anywhere so take care of yourself and leave the dumper alone. That's what they wanted - that's what they will get. Show them that respect and more importantly RESPECT YOURSELF!

 

Day 31 NC!