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Viper55666

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Everything posted by Viper55666

  1. Viper55666
    Day 2... for the 1000th time Sent her a text on saturday, not the usual 'I love you' one that I usually send in a drunken state but telling her how special she is and I hope she finds someone to give her the happiness I couldn't. Don't really know what to make of that? can't remember sending it. Don't quite know if it means that I'm starting to move on without realising it or that I just was in a bit of a soppy mood when I sent it... go figure??? N/C again... for now at least.
  2. Viper55666
    Day 11 N/C. 6 Months 4 Days Since Split. Still hurting, still want her back and it still makes me cry thinking about our wedding day. I would contact her if I thought it would make the slightest bit of difference but I know it won't so whats the point! Maintain N/C... Got a date with someone on Saturday, first date (apart from ex) in over 5 years! I should be looking forward to it but, truth be told... I'm not. Its not my wife and I'm not even sure I want to do it at all, suppose I won't know that til I get there. I thought after 6 months I would be on top of this whole situation but I'm really not... Bad day today!
  3. Viper55666
    3 Months 21 Days since my wife left... 5 Days NC... 7th Time trying NC... When will it end? When does the pain go and life actually starts having some meaning again?
  4. Viper55666
    Its my wedding anniversary in just over three weeks, really dont know how I'm going to cope with that! starting to get me down... Dont know whether to send her a card...?
  5. Viper55666
    I havent spoken my ex in weeks but in the early hours of saturday morning I got a phone call from her basically saying she was at her friends house (who lives at the end of my street), she and one of her friends had walked another friend home and got locked out. She asked me if they could stay at my house, not wanting two ladies to be wandering the night alone, I agreed. Still not sure if it was a wise move... Really the nasty person inside me wanted to tell her where to go but the compassionate side of me speaks louder! so they ended up staying in my spare room. When they turned up her friend went straight to bed and me and my ex were stood in the kitchen, there was a weird moment where she just stood there looking at me... then looking at the floor, then looking at me again like she wanted to say or do something... then after 60 seconds or so of her looking sheepishly at me she said 'Night then', to which i responded the 'Night' then she paused, held a stare at me and then started walking upstairs, paused again and then carried on walking. I woke up in the morning to a note on the kitchen table just saying 'thanks for letting us stay x'. Havent spoken to her since. Im confused, it was a strange, awkward moment not sure if i've put it accross properly but.... does that sound strange? or am i reading something into nothing because i want there to be something?
  6. Viper55666
    ...thinking about it, if there are any ladies out there that are on any of the dating sites (im on pretty much all of them) let me know so I can give you my details so at least someone can tell me where the hell Im going wrong!
  7. Viper55666
    Over a week now since last contact... well sort of, she served me in the petrol station the other night but I kept it to a simple Hi, bye. Having a bit of a rollercoaster ride at the moment normally its one day up one day down but at the moment it can be down to the hour! I really miss her and still love her with all my heart, but im also really angry! She married me less than a year ago, I offered her the chance to do what she wants, when she wants for as long as she wants as long as i can see her just once a month until shes ready to commit again. I can really see how I can be any less invasive! and she still doesn't want to know... SO WHY DID SHE MARRY ME?!!?!?!? I've put myself on a dating site, hoping to find someone I can go out and have a laugh with but to be honest its just made things worse. Before, I was afraid of getting back out there because its been 5 years, and now after a week on the site with not a single legitimate reply my confidence has been completely destroyed. Not only do I still think I'll never find anyone as beautiful and compassionate as my wife but now I just think I'm going to struggle to find anyone! I mean not a single reply to 15 messages I've sent... that is saying something! I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world but I thought I was at least somewhat attractive but... Apparently not.... So now I think i'm either destined to be alone or I'm just going to have to settle for someone... which is pointless because if theres no attraction in a relationship then its doomed before it starts! Welcome to 2009! What a crappy year this is turning out to be!
  8. Viper55666
    I havent spoken to me ex since last saturday, I wen't to see her and said that I understood that she wanted to be free and live her own life, but I still wanted her to be a part of mine so even if it just meant one date a fortnight or one date a month for as long as it takes then I'd be happy with that. Well lets just say I didn't get an enthusiastic response. I've given up now, I cant do this anymore! So I've taken a positive step towards recovery... I signed up to a dating website, I still love my wife but maybe the company of a good woman will help me to leave it in the past. The only problem is that I've had to disable my account for now. One of her work friends is on the site I signed up for, I shouldn't care but I do, Do you guys think I should send my ex an email and just say I've signed up and I wanted to tell her myself rather than her find out through her friend?
  9. Viper55666
    Day 1 * * * * IT!!!!! No reply
  10. Viper55666
    No she deleted me from her friends list a while ago. Got a text all ready to send... stopping myself though... never had the heart to have a go... even though what shes done hurts like hell all the text says is 'I love you x' What a sad person i have become!
  11. Viper55666
    me neither! I just dont understand... I feel like texting her and just saying " * * * !!!! you change your name and untag yourself from all the photos on facebook do I really mean that little to you???" but that probably wouldn't be wise! I just wish I knew what was going on in her head! ](*,)
  12. Viper55666
    I wish I could understand it... please share! the only reason I can think of is so no new blokes on the scene know shes married. Please, please give me the womans perspective on this so I can stop the crappy thoughts going through my head!
  13. Viper55666
    Just realised my ex has untagged herself from ALL of our wedding photos on facebook... devastated! Probably did it a while ago but i've only just realised and its really hit me hard! and yet I still would do anything just to hold her one last time! how sad!
  14. Viper55666
    Im not even at home, im at work with 100 things to keep me occupied and I still cant stop thinking about her. Cant even imagine how bad its going to be when I go home! Might just go to the pub and not bother going home.
  15. Viper55666
  16. Viper55666
    I know! its just driving me insane! I just want to speak to her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All I want is to know that she cares and hasn't forgotten about me. I MISS HER SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!
  17. Viper55666
    God damn it! very nearly sent an email!!! had it all typed out just saying "I love you" but managed to stop myself at the last second. Today is getting harder and harder!
  18. Viper55666
    See im not sure if my ex knows ive gone NC or not we had agreed to for 2 months until our wedding anniversary but ended up seeing each other and speaking lots over the following few days, then she went away on holiday and its since she left we havent spoken, so im not sure if she assumes that NC is now in force or that the holiday make her think that she needs to move on. Im sure if I was to contact her she would respond kindly as she always has done, she still wants to be my friend but.... I just want to tell her how much I love her and that i want her back so it would do no good. If I could wish for anything other that her coming back it would be just a simple text/email saying... "Thinking of you" nothing more just to know she still cares. P.s Anon Sent you a reply to that PM, hope it helps
  19. Viper55666
    Well spending $30 a month will give you the incentive to keep going, 'Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going' Dont expect miricles straight away. It will take 6 weeks to start seeing changes (if you work hard!). I've been going solidly for about 3 months now, i've dropped from a size 32 to a 30 waist and put on almost a stone of lean muscle. before I was a bit paranoid of people seeing my wobbly bits, now im a tight tee shirt addict! and thats after 3 months (working very hard admittidly). I'm really struggling today, I thought she would have at least tried to contact me by now, I dont know whether she is trying to make the NC thing work as well or if shes just moving on and getting on with her life without me... I just wish I knew whether she thinks about me.... :sad:
  20. Viper55666
    Day 8 Had a dream about her last night, she came back, all was good.... then i woke up..... not so good! Feel low today, got a text from her mum this morning wanting to make sure im ok (because she knows im having an especially bad week this week). Im finding it really difficult at the moment, in my heart I always thought she would come back... eventually... i mean were married for christ sake! But now im starting to face the reality that im on my own and shes not coming back. Not a good day!
  21. Viper55666
    it is as sad as it is necessary! I hate not speaking to my wife! but its the only way!
  22. Viper55666
    Day 7 A week!!!!! Its been hard work but its the first milestone. Had some very strange dreams last night, had a dream that I met someone and started dating and lets just say she didn't turn out to be quite what i expected, lol. Very odd & disturbing! Feeling slightly better today although do keep thinking about her, wondering if shes thinking about me and wondering if she knows that i'm really trying with NC this time and isn't contacting me because of that or she just doesn't want to speak to me anymore?!?! Going shopping today, so think im going to melt my credit card a bit and treat myself to some new clothes. Hopefully that will cheer me up a bit or at least keep my mind off contacting her. fingers crossed!
  23. Viper55666
    Other than a few down moments I have been feeling pretty strong the last couple of days... Until 2 mins ago when my wedding song came on the radio at work, I have just broken down and burst into tears in the middle of my office! I feel very low right now!
  24. Viper55666
    Day 6 Not quite sure how im feeling today, confused, lonely, angry... Saw her car last night, she was pulling out of the petrol station as I was pulling in and then I got a text basically saying 'sorry would have hung about to chat but i've got loads to do tonight' in fact I was quite relieved that was the case, didn't reply anyway. I've just been reading through peoples posts about when the best time for friendship is with an ex, to be honest even if/when i'm over this I still dont think i'm ever going to be able to be just her friend... shes my wife and in my eyes i think that will always be the case. I think its going to have to be an all or nothing situtaion. According to her mum & sister life on the other side isn't treating her as well as she had hoped, think living back at home is getting her down, shes just come back from a girly holiday and apparently it wasn't quite as good as shes was expecting. I'm not sure how to feel about that, I dont want her to come back just because she feels she had it better with me, or do I?
  25. Viper55666
    I realise that in the grand scheme of things this might not seem a major issue, but I didn't give my name away lightly, it really meant something to me for her to take my name and it feels like shes thrown it away!
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