THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[foolsrushin]

Icyness,

Thank you for the nice thoughts. Breaking up does seem to lower self esteem to the complete bottom. I know I am a great person, good looking and have everything going for me, but that doesn't matter. Break ups make you wonder how anyone could let those things go... I guess someone's love shoots your self esteem to the limits and once gone, you wonder how you managed to do it before. God, I need some help This hurts like hell, physically and emotionally. I want to throw up.

[icyness]

Icyness,

Thank you for the nice thoughts. Breaking up does seem to lower self esteem to the complete bottom. I know I am a great person, good looking and have everything going for me, but that doesn't matter. Break ups make you wonder how anyone could let those things go... I guess someone's love shoots your self esteem to the limits and once gone, you wonder how you managed to do it before. God, I need some help This hurts like hell, physically and emotionally. I want to throw up.

 

I hear you. It takes everything I have not to call or bother him right now. I am also consumed with upsetting, devastating, painful thoughts about what he may be feeling or doing..all the time. I never understood how others are able to turn them off. I really feel they're not going to go away, no matter how much times passes.

[SnowFox]

foolsrushin - so sorry to hear what you are going through. I can't imagine the shock you must be in given that you two were so close to marriage, etc.

 

I remember the first two or three days after my BF told me he wanted to break up - about 5 weeks ago - I literally could not eat at all. I felt constantly sick and like I could not be alone. Total shock and hurt.

 

I found these forums that week and its really been great to have this here- just to read other people's stories really helps.

 

I would give yourself a while just to get over the shock of it....I think it wasn't until about 3 and 1/2 weeks after the initial break up that the shock started to wear off for me.

 

hang in there!

[foolsrushin]

I too think about my ex every moment of the day. I need to stop because my work is suffering. I have not done anything in a week. My boss is understanding right now, but it'll get old quick. I need to get my act together, but I don't know how.

 

Thanks again for being there. I feel that we are in the same place in this process and though I don't wish this on anyone, it makes me feel better knowing that I am not going through this alone.

[dimnickel1980]

finding it easier to be me again. doing things i love again.. like interviewing people, playing the sims, designing etc. very up and down, but can function relatively normal.

 

i feel like i have manic depression (not really though) with the mood swings.

[JonasWaingaro]

I too think about my ex every moment of the day. I need to stop because my work is suffering. I have not done anything in a week. My boss is understanding right now, but it'll get old quick. I need to get my act together, but I don't know how.

 

Thanks again for being there. I feel that we are in the same place in this process and though I don't wish this on anyone, it makes me feel better knowing that I am not going through this alone.

 

Yeah for sure, you are not alone. I'm in same place, so have no real advice, except hang in there! It's a bumpy ride. With lots of company.

 

icyness - Really well said.

[quirky]

Day 11

 

not so good today, feeling very very lost, wondering what love is and how it changes as we grow up. I have no urge to contact him.

[icyness]

Thank you JW.

 

I have a question that perhaps someone who has been around a while or has some insight on could perhaps answer, or at least give some perspective on.

 

If NC is supposed to eventually help our feelings of missing and wanting our ex's back in our lives fade, how does that work for them? I mean, if they truly loved/love you and you know this, how do their feelings just fade over the time as well?

 

It has been said that after you drop out of sight for a while, they will most likely begin wondering what's up with you, how you are, and generally starting thinking of the good times they shared with you since enough time has passed that they are no longer angry. And that's when they start missing you. How does this work when they're the ones who left?

 

I guess I basically don't understand how if we're the ones wanting them back, that's supposed to fade in time; they're the ones that left us, so has it already faded for them? Or they just need that time to know they do miss you if they truly love you like they claimed even when they broke up with you? If you never hear from them again, does that mean they never did love you?

 

Sorry if this is too confusing, it just all seems so conflicting.

[SnowFox]

I have been broken up for about 5 weeks, very little contact, but I sent a long email 2 weeks ago, no reply.

 

This week, I found 2 messages he posted to me on a website we used to trade messages on - just for fun - leave little notes there for each other.

 

In these messages he says he made a terrible mistake, can't stop thinking about me, can't and doesn't want to get over me, loves me, etc.

 

But I am pissed because its such a passive gesture.

 

So for now, I am not doing anything, and remaining NC. I feel like I am not really ignoring his comments, because he didn't send them to me, and has no way of knowing if I will ever see them or not. So I am deciding they don't even count as contact. More like I read a journal entry of his or something.

 

Although, I do feel better knowing he is torn up over breaking up with me!

[cyrux]

DAY 5

i signed up for a gym and boxing membership. going there and working out takes my mind of her n there lotsa cute girls in there too. starting tomorrow iam going to try and hit on a couple of nice girls just for kicks.

[looking4ward]

Day 3, some LC on day 2 but overall feeling much more stable emotionally and although I still think about him all the time I don't feel so devastated. Worked out today- going to ride my horse tonight, possibly have a date next week so it will be ok. There are good people out there that won't treat me like garbage and I am determined to get myself together both emotionally and physically over the next few weeks. Also quitting smoking (I know, gross, needs to stop).

 

-K

[bronte]

Day 4 -- I can already tell the weekend is going to be hard, though at the moment I'm feeling more angry than sad. I think I'm lonely in general right now, I'm trying to find some local groups I can get involved with to distract myself...

 

icyness, I guess I can try to answer your question as someone who participated in this thread before (about a year and a half ago) and had her ex come back after two and a half months of NC. (And we did have a good year together after that, so I don't regret the reconciliation or count it as a failure...Different things broke us up the second time around.) My ex said that the time spent not talking to me really made him think about the relationship and what he'd done wrong in it, as well as dealing with the absence of me in a way he hadn't while we were being "friends". Thinking you don't want someone in your life can be different from actually having them be completely gone, especially if you were ambivalent about the break-up to start with.

 

I think the key is, though, that there has to be some doubt or ambivalence in the dumper's mind to start with...and it's impossible for the dumpee to know whether that's the case or not, which is why it's better to concentrate on your own healing instead of their coming back.

[icyness]

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for replying Bronte.

[DrowsyWithHope]

 

 

Although, I do feel better knowing he is torn up over breaking up with me!

 

 

LOL Now that's what I love to hear and I agree!!

[DrowsyWithHope]

Day 9

 

Yesterday was h*ll, today is a bit better but I'm still not sleeping like I use to before this.

 

I have no desire to call him at all, and he has (so far!) respected my wishes for him not to contact me at all. Which is good because although I don't have a problem not contacting him, when I see his name on the caller ID I feel full of anxiety. 99% of me thinks "Don't you DARE pick up that phone!l" and the other 1% thinks "he's calling me....he must still care about me" and wants to answer the it.

 

Just taking it day by day....

 

Drowsy

[looking4ward]

Finishing day 3 LC/NC, my emotions are much more under control the last 2 days which is nice. It's been about 2 weeks since the break (all LC/NC) and I am finally starting to feel almost normal. Yes i still think about him obsessively, but i can sleep again and am getting stuff done, yay!

 

-K

[foolsrushin]

Day 2

 

I am at work obsessing about him. I can imaging this is how hell really is. You get to experience happiness to the fullest and then it gets taken away. The low seems so much lower because you were so high... and it hurts, and this hurt resonates because you are so empty inside. I'm trying to express myself, but in doing so, I find that the devastation that has engulfed me cannot be explained. Will I ever find myself again?

 

Sorry about my ramblings. Just need a place to vent...

[looking4ward]

Starting day 4- a little sad/obsessive but still not as intense as before. Feel mostly ok and now I am going to walk my dog

 

-K

[Puckdog27]

You guys know how to make something seem like its taking longer than it really is? Count it out!

[bronte]

I don't know, counting gives me a feeling of accomplishment--"I'm on Day 5!"--and makes me not want to start over. I think it's probably helpful for some and not for others.

 

I'm having a rough day, one of those days when you wish you could see them in person just so you could tell them all the ways they did you wrong...and then cry on their shoulder and make out for a while. I'm about to try to distract myself with household chores.

[icyness]

day 5

 

I feel particularly depressed today. I was so damn close to texting him, I had it typed out and everything; I erased it though.

 

I hate this.

[icyness]

Day 2

 

I am at work obsessing about him. I can imaging this is how hell really is. You get to experience happiness to the fullest and then it gets taken away. The low seems so much lower because you were so high... and it hurts, and this hurt resonates because you are so empty inside. I'm trying to express myself, but in doing so, I find that the devastation that has engulfed me cannot be explained. Will I ever find myself again?

 

Sorry about my ramblings. Just need a place to vent...

 

*big hug* I am so so sorry you're feeling this way doll. I so feel you on every aspect. I laid in bed last night and cried for what seemed to be hours.

 

It doesn't seem to matter how good the good days are, or how much the logical things to do make sense. I keep finding myself so hurt and upset over and over to the point where I just don't get it, and I lose myself all over again.

[JonasWaingaro]

Day 8 -

 

Doing better this afternoon. Was not great this morning. Couldn't fall asleep last night, tosstosstossturnturnturn. Bleh. Woke up with a bad bad bad dream about her. Put me into a major funk right off the bat. Wow does that suck. I think my brain's turned against me. Wth. Better straighten up or it's an all beer diet for it! ](*,)

 

I feel so unhealthy. I wish I could get my appetite back. I get hungry which is good. But I lack the desire to eat, which isn't good. That's a bummer. I need to drink a lot more. Being dehydrated all the time isn't helping my mood I'm sure.

 

Anyhoo, having a hard today with not having my best friend around. I have so much to talk about with my best friend...but of course I can't. That's so danged frustrating. I can't believe I've lost both. No freakin; wonder I'm a mess! The person I need to talk to the most is the person I can't talk to at all. That isn't great.

 

Hang in there everyone! The suck can't last forever....

[JonasWaingaro]

Day 2

 

I am at work obsessing about him. I can imaging this is how hell really is. You get to experience happiness to the fullest and then it gets taken away. The low seems so much lower because you were so high... and it hurts, and this hurt resonates because you are so empty inside. I'm trying to express myself, but in doing so, I find that the devastation that has engulfed me cannot be explained. Will I ever find myself again?

 

Sorry about my ramblings. Just need a place to vent...

 

Don't be sorry! This is the place. *hugs* You will find you.

[vertigoxo]

I woke up thinking I don't think I'll ever go back to my ex. After everything that has happened, there's just no way that it will ever be mended what was between us anymore. It just comes to show that not all dumpers are evil and a very few dumpees can be quite awful... I don't even want to be his friend anymore. I thought I wanted to, I thought he was ready... But he just kept bringing me down over and over again and I just had to go back to NC.

 

But all in all, I've been feeling much better. I think I may have a little crush on my guy friend and he texted me last night! I got a bit excited but he was asleep/busy/etc by the time I texted back. I hope he texts back today!