icyness
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Everything posted by icyness
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Thank you Sunni. I'm really trying; I'd do anything for him to contact me, he hasn't. I know I could not pick up the phone if he did, I just want to know he still cares. I feel like I'm the only one who's ex isn't contacting them.
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I've not called/texted for a month or so now, but I feel myself going downhill very quickly. I'm crying pretty much every other minute and I want to call him so bad. If only he would talk to me; I just want to know if he ever will again. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.
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There are lots of people who will tell you they were feeling the same way you are now and that NC helped them to heal and move on. You can probably search the threads.
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Are you speaking success in terms of getting an ex back after NC or moving on and healing? Because most people will probably tell you the usual "NC is for you to heal, not get your ex back." etc.
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Day 2..as after at least 3 weeks of not emailing/calling/texting him, I sent a short but foolish email on Sunday. I'm never going to stop loving him in this manner.. I just know it.
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Oh wow you guys, I'm reading through all the struggles everyone is having and my heart goes out to each of you..never thought this could be so rough, but then again, never expected it in the first place. I don't even know what to think or feel anymore. I shouldn't be shocked by any means since it's been a month and a half since we've spoke..but I am. Everyday that goes by and I hear nothing from him, it crushes me that much more inside. I want to believe the time will end this pain..but as it goes on, my feelings intensify and I'm really wondering if I'll ever truly get over this. How can you share your life with someone for so long only to become a vanishing existence to them? *hugs* to all of you guys. Their loss.
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^ Right there with you guys..and it hasn't even been two full months since the break-up. I feel like it'd be so weird to hear his voice now..like I've not heard it in years. I don't really keep track of how long since I've contacted him or since we've spoke. I just know it's been weeks, and I'm scared. I'm very fearful of the future. I would love for him to call just so I know he still cares. I could easily go without picking up..I just want him to call. I hate this.
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You've pretty much summed up how I'm feeling JW. I don't even count days anymore as it's so depressing; all I know is it's been a while since I've spoken to him. I wish I at least knew if he missed me or something. God..it hurts so bad being thrown away.
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It's been roughly 6 weeks or so I suppose since I've spoken to him. I seem to do pretty well in refraining from texting or calling, haven't in a couple of weeks. A couple of days ago however I sent an email saying. "I just miss you." I was doing pretty well before then; the past few days though I have been feeling really upset; I miss him so much. And of course my email set me back. (again.) Blah. I seem to do alright for about a week, then I feel the need to email out of the blue professing my undying feelings of love for him. ](*,)
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It's been like a week since I've contacted him, and a month since I've actually spoken to him. It does get easier, however all those feelings are still inside of me..all the thoughts, worry, anger, hurt, sadness and confusion are still very much alive. The only difference is I don't allow myself to acknowledge them like I did a couple of weeks ago. If I do, I'll just be a sobbing mess 24/7 all over again. I suppose at this juncture I'm making myself numb to it. I still can't help but think and wonder all the time if I'll ever hear from him again. I'm so incredibly sick of upsetting myself over someone who probably isn't even giving me the slightest thought. How can I still love him so much.
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You guys are all awesome! Thanks a bunch; I really do appreciate it.
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Thanks JW. I just feel like such crap. Right when I think I'm making progress I back up about 10 steps. Why can't I just let go. When will it go away.
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I texted him a few times knowing he wouldn't answer and of course he didn't. I can't believe I let myself cave.
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I broke it after a week and I feel horrible. I feel like I'm going to stay stuck like this forever. Why did I do it.
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*big hug* I am so so sorry you're feeling this way doll. I so feel you on every aspect. I laid in bed last night and cried for what seemed to be hours. It doesn't seem to matter how good the good days are, or how much the logical things to do make sense. I keep finding myself so hurt and upset over and over to the point where I just don't get it, and I lose myself all over again.
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day 5 I feel particularly depressed today. I was so damn close to texting him, I had it typed out and everything; I erased it though. I hate this.
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That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for replying Bronte.
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Thank you JW. I have a question that perhaps someone who has been around a while or has some insight on could perhaps answer, or at least give some perspective on. If NC is supposed to eventually help our feelings of missing and wanting our ex's back in our lives fade, how does that work for them? I mean, if they truly loved/love you and you know this, how do their feelings just fade over the time as well? It has been said that after you drop out of sight for a while, they will most likely begin wondering what's up with you, how you are, and generally starting thinking of the good times they shared with you since enough time has passed that they are no longer angry. And that's when they start missing you. How does this work when they're the ones who left? I guess I basically don't understand how if we're the ones wanting them back, that's supposed to fade in time; they're the ones that left us, so has it already faded for them? Or they just need that time to know they do miss you if they truly love you like they claimed even when they broke up with you? If you never hear from them again, does that mean they never did love you? Sorry if this is too confusing, it just all seems so conflicting.
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I hear you. It takes everything I have not to call or bother him right now. I am also consumed with upsetting, devastating, painful thoughts about what he may be feeling or doing..all the time. I never understood how others are able to turn them off. I really feel they're not going to go away, no matter how much times passes.
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*big hugs* to you foolsrushin, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You know, I've only been on these forums for a very short amount of time, but one thing I've noticed is we're not a bunch of lonely whiners like an outsider may think, by any means. We've been acting out because we're hurting, yet the dumper (not in all cases, I'm being extremely general here) is quick to label us as needy, pathetic, clingy, etc. Yes, these are factors that do occur, especially when we're first dumped, but that doesn't define who we are by a long shot. So far I've seen a section full of extremely intelligent, kind, beautiful people who happen to be in a lot of pain and don't know how to deal with it, but are trying. We as humans can do just about anything and get away with it without getting so much as a second look from others these days. Yet when we're dealing with the toughest of emotions and being stripped of what we felt and knew as love, we're deemed as potential 'nuts' so to speak who 'just need to move on.' Funny how people are/work. edit: My apologies for derailing the thread; just a random thought as I read posts and observed what we're all going through.
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day 4 of NC, day 6 of actually not talking to him. JW, You've pretty much described my feelings. Feeling not in control and that you don't have a voice just sucks. I know we're the ones in control of us right now and that's what we're supposed to be focusing on if we want any hope for anything..but how do you get those thoughts out of your head? I know he wanted time. So in finally giving that, I know I'm doing some good. But do they really think of us after a while? The fear of not knowing anything seems to continuously take over me no matter how much progress I seem to make. I feel I'm silently screaming out to his mind through mine all the time, I feel so powerless. I so badly just want to know he still loves me. I want time to pass and for I to be a better person for it. But I want him back in my better life; I don't want it without him. I hate these constant worries, I hate now knowing, I hate wondering. No matter how I slice it, I end up with the same conclusion. I just want him back.
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Day 3 for me; it's been about 2 weeks since the actual break up. As bad as I screwed up by bugging him to a boiling point up until last week, I'm hoping it's still early enough to where if I start NC now and really stick to it, it won't set me back too long in terms of hearing from him again. I'm okay on the outside, but on the inside there's a constant icky feeling about it all I feel will never subside.
