ImfeelingBlue

I think I might have lost my fiance over something small as a phone call. Maybe it was cheating in some eyes and maybe it was small to others. I needed to be back here because I need support or the truth if not help. He loved me so much and says he still does. I don't know what to do. Here's my story..ITS A LITTLE LONG AND I'M SORRY I moved on to someone new in December and was blessed with one of the most unselfish loves in the world anyone could have. I met him at my new job. I had been working there a month and never bumped into him I was getting to know someone who already worked there too at the time but it didnt't go anywhere. A quick 2 or 3 weeks and then it was over. But then I met..let's call him Jerry. I met Jerry and I was attracted to him instantly. He was just funny and positive and so intelligent. One night, we went out for drinks at 1 am and didn't leave til 7. that was our first date. LETS FAST FORWARD. We were inseparable after that night. We were together at work , after work, at each other's houses. SAw each other on our day's off. I just craved him every day. I had never been so close to a person so fast. Our relationship was buzzing all over the restaurant. The guy I talked to before him was saying that I was just bored and needed a replacement. And that ticked Jerry off. He told Jerry he still liked me and I wasn't out of his system. Then he told him i was just a friend and that he didn't want me anymore. Jerry left it alone.. THE PROPOSAL Its been 8 months. I met his kids, we went to disneyworld, went to Atlantic city for my birthday, been to virginia. We just have been doing everything. Making love all day living in a world where we fought but still had each other. MY ex from 2004 called me and left me messages about how he missed me. I said i missed him a little but i had a guy now and that I'm good. Jerry played me voicemail on a few occasions and heard the messages. He constantly asked me what am I telling him to make him pine for me? I told him nothing that I loved him and only him. That yes i missed him because he was my friend as well as my lover but it wasn't like that. He let it go. Jerry one night in playful way, asked me to marry him. Then asked me if He were serious what would I say..I told him the answer would always be yes. A week after Jerry asking me, I got more voicemails from Daniel one which I returned a call telling him we had to be friends only. ThaT i couldnt be with him. Jerry had my phone one day and saw me return the call. I begged him not to be suspicious and to just believe that i loved him. **HOW I KILLED IT** TWO DAYS LATER!!!!!!!!!! The guy from the restaraunt who sweared I wanted him and only him called me to see how I was doing since I leave for college. I thought in my mind maybe he is being genuine because i won't ever see him again. So i called him back leaving him a message that i was fine and things are good and thanks for asking. My Jerry and me went out that night, he went thru my phone and saw the guy's name. He asked me was it the same one from the restaurant I lied and said it was someone different. TELL ME WHY HE CALLED HIM RIGHT THERE AND FOUND out the truth. He yelled he screamed he cried and threw a receipt at me that he secrelty was shopping for an engagement ring for me to propose after the payments were made. I felt so bad for lying but he said it was over and he can't ever trust me. I understand wherre he is coming from. And i begged for another chance. But he says how could there be one after all the voicemails and guys calling and he doesn't know what to believe. He knows I ddin't mean to hurt him but I did and he loves me still so much that he is so confused. He said he doesn't know if he can trust me especially with me leaving in 2 weeks for school and I hurt him so bad. I know itsimpossible for him to shrug this off but I really do love him and I was dumb and stupid and I regret so muc everything I did. But i really want him back and he says he knows. But he says right now he's mad and he needs time to think if he could ever get over this. And to know if he could restore faith in me when I leave for school. I know if he gave me another chance I would do all that was in my heart not to let him down again. I just want to know if i was so wrong..and so stupid that maybe I do deserve to lose him for the rest of my life. He says in his heart he still feels we are together but he doesn't want to hurt anymore...Can anyone just give me an opinion?

Luscious, sorry i haven't been on in the last few days..its been kinda crazy..but thank you for the advice you have given me. I've decided that maybe I'll do a little cold turkey here and there..I'm not sure it'll work in my case though...I plan on maybe just talking to him like once a week..actually not even that much...only if he decides to call and i decide to pick up...I doubt that will help my situation at all...He invited me to a party yesterday and when we got there i was introducted as his other half, his heart, and whats that other thing he called me..his best friend. *blow sout air* TALK ABOUT CONFUSION...another one of my friends say that the reason most of them (" the heartbreakers not ready for space") put us (the innocent and sad) on the side mainly because they don't want us to get interested in someone else why they do their little devil business...So basically her advice was that if someone is telling you they need time its not saying that they don't love you or love you anyless but its that they need ..the time to spread and truly know without regrets that you are the one? Is that a load or is it actually the truth? P.S. Now it seems like the word explore should be a curse. Any ideas or past experiences similar ?

I'm trying to understand the positives of what he wants to do...but i really see none. I'm thinking about spending the friday wehad planned and then writing him an email saying that we need to be away from each other because this will obviously never work out..should i? I know how people say you are too young n enjoy life n everything else...but if they could see it from my side ..they might really begin to understand. I don't really want to end whatever this is. Nobody does but its startin to look like it may be my only choice. I just want opinions and voices on what they would do in my situation..cause im completely lost.

I've been on and off of this website for a while i guess because my relationship and life have been on and off..But I'm at a low I thought would've never deemed possible. My ex and I are best friends. We still love each other. And I'm still in love with him. We call each other every day..see each other atleast 3 times a week, but aren't a couple. This has been goin on since last year November after we broke up in October. The biggest problem with him and I is that he finally felt after 5 years that he was being tied down. Math used..together since we were 14..he is 18 I'm going on 19 in july. He'll be 19 in december. I got pregnant in late November and didnt really take much notice until late december. In the beginning we were happy. Then it dawned on us that we couldn't take care of this child as easily as we thought. But the truth in that is.. I still wanted my baby. But i knew in my heart that i could never fully put my trust in him to be the father it deserved or the mother that it should've been brought in this world to have. He even said he wasn't ready to be a father. I guess my real reason for killing my baby was because I didn't want to raise it alone when i didn't make it alone. Some say i did it for him..I don't really no the answer anymore. Anyway, he comforted me was with me, held me, talked to me, laid with me until i fell asleep. Did everything right. Then a few days after doing what i had done, I asked myself this question. What happnes now? What happnes to us? What are we and how deep does this really go ? I called him and asked. And then regretted doing so. I asked him what are we? He said friends. I said friends or friends with benefits? He said the latter. I was too through. Then he tried to explain that that wasn't what i was to him but out of those 2 choices he gave me he only picked that. So i asked him..why are we not together? I've been doing this for too long and I need to know. He said that he knows in his heart that I am the one he wants to be with. He knows that his future is with me and I am his heart. So then i asked what is the problem? And he says he knows that if he was to cheat on me he could never get me back ever which is true. And he said he feels that a mistake will happen in his because he believes somewhere it lives in him. And he doesn't trust himself with that much responsibility or commitment. I haven't been dating anyone and neither has he for the duration. But we are about to go to the same college..and he believes some thing will happen with other females there. He wants to explore and If i really loved him I'd give him that chance and understand that he just has to do this. But he does want me. So i told him I couldn't do it and that we should just end this forever. And he begged me not to be that way to atleast be his friend and just give him time. So i said give me a time limit. He couldn't do so. He promised to never make anyone he was getting to know his girlfriend or have any solid commitment with them if he couldn't make one to me. He promised I'd be number one. Stupidty and blind love overruled me and i agreed to be what we were previously and just wait for him to see what he wanted while i explored my options also. In all honesty, i love him i do. I don't think there is anyone else in this world that could make me feel the same way. And after all we have been through, i love him still. But i think its starting to kill me. We go out still, have dates, go see each other at work. And plan to go to the same school and be in each others lives. Someone please explain this situation to me. Does this make sense? Just tell me do i have a right to lose my mind. Should i not talk to him at all or pretend none of the girls which will come in the future matter to what happens with us? Please please give me your honesty. I've already lost something dear to me..should i be prepared to let go of another? Blue-

I agree mostly with the being friendly. You know, we smile a lot. Can be sincere and you know also a little mysterious. When women are around a guy they like they may touch him lightly on the arm or the shoulder when they laugh at his jokes. Listen intently when he talks and pay close attention. Doing that alone can show a girl really likes a guy. But mostly, being positive around him, giving off a good vibe, and always being sweet to someone lets them know you're interested. We as women may slip a little tease here and there, say we hope to know him better. The little things are the big things to notice. Take care. Peace.

Soulfully is so 100% right. I felt what he said completely. If you feel like hey I need to do this, then go for it. What do you have to lose? If something you can't seem to let go of is telling you to write this, just cause it seems to be what's right. Then do it. If she doesn't reply how you want then you know you tried however hurt you maybe be. If you are even hurt. Best bet is to be open for anything. Open for the good results as well as the bad. Please don't expect anything because if it doesn't go your way, you will see it as failure. And I don't want you to see it as that but as you giving it one good try. What the heck? If anything, you will survive this confusion and you will move on. I think the email is a nice touch and explanation. Its also a good try to possibly open back contact. What you said you were gonna include sounds fine. Let her know not bluntly and heavily but casually through your writing that you are fine and what happened happened and the future is all anyone can move on to. I hope everything goes as it should. Take Care and good luck. We're listening. Peace.

I agree with ShuShu, If they never even dated and it didn't ever go farther then friendship before you, why would it when he's with you? What I'm saying is, if he asked her then it shouldn't make a difference now. I understand a little about the being bothered with him always going places with her without you knowing but I mean that's his friend. Best you could do is ask him to settle your mind and tell you when the 2 plan to go out so it doesn't seem as if he's hiding something. Or that there's something to hide at all. He might not report to you about him and her going wherever but he might give you the courtesy and decide to let you in on it because you are his partner. His girlfriend. I wouldn't be jealous but I do understand that it bothers you a bit. Just be secure in that its you he's with not her. If he wanted her that bad don't you think he'd be with her now? Friends is all they probably are and will be. The past can't haunt your relationship or it will never progress for the future. Just my teo cents. Take care. We're listening. Peace.

Just my two cents, I feel right now you shouldn't be too concerned seeing as you don't know how they talk or if it as much as you think. When you're in a constant worry about something, your mind can play tricks and emotions lead you to something which may not be happening at all. However, do keep your eyes open and just be aware and mindful. You know some things about the woman in whom you're dealing with. Sometimes flirting is flirting. But if she has his number, and seems to be frequently getting in touch more and more, then its time to approach. But approach off the job and think about how this interaction may deal with your profession later. (Aka water cooler talk, rumors, drama). You don't really know if it was his number, but remember most of the time woman's intuition is always on to something. Take care. We're listening. Peace.

Thanks Iceman...I really feel like it would be good for us...but then again I wouldn't be able to know what he wants....and I think if I asked him..he wouldn't have his finger on it...But he must feel something to want me to go so bad right? I'm open to anything and when I told him that if I stay home everything we had might be over...he said he didn't wanna risk that and told me I kno how he feels about the situation...What would I have to do to give him his freedom but still be present enough where that old feeling can come back? I'm so confused but I really wanna go and have nothing to lose if I do..

Big problem here guys help me. My ex was always my best friend..We have been on and off recently but have been in relationship for 4 years(maybe a lil more). Right now he's busy and I'm busy and we had been fighting n arguing a couple times when we hooked back up. Since I felt like he wasn't ready for a commitment, I broke it off when inside I didn't want to. But I can tell he was confused wit all the changes, responsibilities and the stress of us. He's only about to b 18 in december. Anyway, fast forward. The plan was we would always be in touch and date but just had to be out of the relationship for a while. Til he knew what he wanted in us. We are going to be going upstate NY to college together. I was thinkin that I shouldn't go cause I don't know how things will turn out up there..and I was hoping somewhere down the line we could be together. I mean I'm somewhat prepared for him to date other girls...its gonna be inevitable and I accept that. But if we stay close and in contact, could college change the swing of things for us and bring us together? He says he wants me to go because he doesn't want to lose me but it is my choice. I wanna know if we go there together, is it possible that at some time one or another he will wanna get back together now that we're alone n have all this time to be together but still be individual? Help guys..=0(

...Wow..I really miss him..its crazy..anyway a friend of mines from work said that its good to still be friends n go on dates but nor frequently...like once every week or every week..that way you have not been in each others lives a lot but enough to keep the connection alive...BUT another friend told me to keep with no contact because he has never been out of touch with me for more then 4 days..and it'll make him fill the absense of me more...I'm confuused because I don't kno where or which way 2 go with him..he was hurt when I broke up with him..he mustve been because he was fighting my reasons for doing it...All I want is to make him see all the reasons why we were a wonderful couple n that doesn't come along everyday..he is so stubborn n young..n doesn't wanna believe or try 2 see that maybe I'm it...I just might be it..n its scary..I believe with my heart that this young man is still in my heart n makes me want to be with no one else for a reason...I'm not saying I can't be with anyone else...but it comes a time when u know there's that one that does it for u..And I wouldn't mind missing all the opportunities in the world 2 be with him..any body have advice or feel like I feel? Am I really not alone on this one? --Jay--

Hey guys! I haven't been on here in a while but it seems I'm back once again..So here's the problem...If I Dumped HIM..why Am I so Hurt?..Im hoping we can get through this painlessly so here goes..My ex and I had gottenn back together after 4 if not 5 months of separation. We were together for 3 weeks which happened to have been real fun that we hadn't had since we first went out... Only dilemma was that we fought quite a few times..about 3. Over stupid things but they would upset us.. Fast forwarding >>> We had an argument at my friends sweet 16 becuz his ex (who he went with when we were separated) was there. And because this My first time seeing her..he felt uncomfortable n dodged me the whole night. He did give me a moment where he kissed me n said a few words n then retreated to somewhere away from me. I was hurt. This wasn't the first time he had done this in front of a girl he used to be interested in. Yes...the ex knew we went back and he n her broke up cuz the grass wasn't greener. There were no secrets. We had a huge argument where he said he isn't used to me wanting so much attention cuz I never did before. And sumtimes him hurting me hurts him..and it seems like we are gonna go back to what we were before...Before we broke up. So I leave the party, we have a talk. It turns out that he feels lost about us because altho we have gotten back 2gether, we still fight and its still rough when we do. But it isn't as much as we used to..and its over things that happened in the past when we weren't together. So with him telling me he is confused about us n where this is going. I told him 2 think about it if he wanted 2 start over or leave. He called me 2 days later when he promised he would the next day. I was mad so I didn't answer. He leaves a voicemail sayin hey baby I really miss u..haven't seen u..call me please I love u bye. I call the next day..he acts as if nuthin happened. So I bring it up..n he says he is juss thinking about whether this is sumthing worth fighting for. So we talk about meetin up 2morrow. Seems he had plans to go hang out wit sum girl..so I juss ended it right there. He seemed hurt and upset. I told him that right now we are on 2 different levels..and that if he wants me he needs to get focused and figure out what he wants..not whether he wants to be with me or not n he's confused. We'd been over it before. I'm not doing it again..he seemed a lil sorry it happened and was actually shocked. And started sayin that he didn't think it was that bad n whatever but it was. I want him to figure out if I'm right or not. But wha it is ...is that I miss him endlessly, couldn't stop talking about him, I think about his smile and everything. But then I try not to. I'm not in tears cuz we been thru this before. But I mean...is he really wondering about him and I or is it too early? Will my no contact really choose him to think about what he wants..or will it throw me out of his mind? Please help guys...

Hubman is right..and I feel I owe bb13 an apology...it isn't right for me to assume it is your fault..she is feeling some type of way that she has been hiding..all in all its best to just ask her...I mean u do need 2 know what's going on.. Take Care n good luck..n again I apologize about before. =0)

Hey lonely... I'm sorry to hear about what you have been going through. But I would like to just offer a few comments not through my own experience but thru my fathers. Try to flow with me. My father told me a few years ago, about 4 that he was unhappy with my mother. Imagine me being a preteen and hearing this? He was seeing someone else and always said he felt forced into marriage. And it wasn't that he didn't love my mother but he felt rushed into it and should've thought through it more. Maybe he could have been happier. That hurt me a lot. It hurt and kind of felt okay to know he could talk to me like a friend but regardless he is my dad. Some things you don't tell your child but I guess he confided in me because I'm the one person in the world who just has his heart. His words. I asked him 2 stay just until...u know...til his head is clear. I'm 18 and he is still here. He left the other woman alone for me. He stayed and worked through marriage and to my knowledge found just enough love to stay married to my mother. They talked (I've overheard) and they go to the movies together, spend more time together, but still have their share of fights. All I'm saying is..put your daughter in my shoes for a second. If after a while no compromise can happen, then u do need to leave. Marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman. It doesn't stop love or responsibility for your daughter or to your family. And its like a relationship..if you have tried and tried then its just going to have to give. You deserve 2 b happy just like anyone else..try counseling...do all that u can to save it. But if its beyond saving, atleast you know u gave it your all for your marriage, for your daughter. Sorry if it sounds unfair and partial. Just a thought you know? As for the other woman, you might wanna let it be for the mere fact that she is married and 1 marriage would be enough 2 have been broken if u decide to do anything don't u think? Like I said...just comments not law. Good luck. Take care.

You know, in fact this may be a huge problem. You are gonna have to bite the bullet and ask her what's reall going on. Because sometimes you never know, it could be you, or insecurity or self esteem. Whatever the cause, you and her are in a relationship and that calls for some openness to arise. You can calmly but directly ask...why don't we do what we use to do? Just what has changed and what can u do to make it better? Or are u even willing to? Actually, try being sweet like flowers or notes. Just for size and then if nothing works try asking. Maybe you just have stopped the mood. Maybe the whole in love flow and showing u care may have stopped on your part. Like I stated, we don't really know. So just try doing some nice things, and taking more care for her. Then slowly move in with the hugging and consoling. Then if the kissing and all other intimacy has stopped altogether, it possible that her fire has dimmed and if not approached in time AND correctly, may never be re-ignited. Good luck and stay positive. Take care.