phantpwr

hey don don... first... i have to say sorry you are going though this.. second.. i went though the same thing you have.. and thrid.. whatever she is thinking . you need to honor.. And trust me when I say that not listening to her needs will make you seem overbearing and she will push you away more and even resent you.... It may be posible that she is just being nice in saying those things, and really just wants out. But regardless... you need to accept it and move on.. the SAME thing happened to me. and well.. I see now my ex was not the one for me. and I have started going on dates again. and I didnt realize how desirable people find me.. cuase I alowed myself to get lost in my ex.. lost myself... anyway just know It gets better with time.. and if you ignore her.. she might come around. .. but even then i always hear that it never works out... I dont want to get back with me ex per say. but i have recently after 3 months have been in contact.. and set up a date.. lets see if it does happpen or not... but my intentions is to see someone that i spent a year with and care about.. and a small part wants to see if it goies anywhere.... But once I realized this.. i felt better about my break up... WHY should I be wasting my time trying to convice someone that Im good, smart, attractive, etc etcetc.. when there are plenty of other people that see this already. ( like friends ) and there are plenty that will see it that I dont know yet.. just have to meet......... So i now have took the focus off my ex, and onto the future.. with someone else... Love does happen, where for whatever reason.. the person wont leave... especially for no reason... she could be a commitmentphobe too... google that.. it might help. Peace.. its a new year!! Dont look back.. just look ahead my man!

Hey THIS HAPPENED TO ME... the same with the feelings change etc.... Not in love anymore.. i have to say this..... First wow.. that she is going to try to get the feelings back..awesome.. she loves you enought o tell you and try to maek it work... Next, you need to give her space. I ruiend (sp?) my chance with my ex becuase the seperation was too much for me, and I became overbearing I think... let her miss you.. thats what made her fall in love with you in the first place.. the missing.... so as far as bettering yourself.. thats on you... but dont make her feel quilty for her decision.. that will make her justifiy in her head why she is moving etc etc.. hope this helped!

also dont listen to breakup songs !

please please dont call your ex... it will make them justify them breaking it off in their head.. becuse you will make them feel guilty that your hurting.. I did the same same same thing as you.. the best thing to do is let it out to your closest friends.. and parents.. and thats the best you can do.. it goes away in about 2 weeks.. then your just sad but not panic'ed.. its like the other post said.. a habit.. ever know someone trying to quit smoking or drugs.. they go crazy wanting it.. but it does go away.. just know that

Hey there. Ok so i just got off the phone with my ex. the call was 40mins.. I called.. I had been txt messaging him few days earlier to little response back. I called the same night and no answer on cell.. I txt messaged back saying "call me back if you want... -hugs!" didnt hear.. So i called today. we have been apart for almost 2 1/2 months... the conversation was good, catching up etc.. then I asked if he was seeing anyone he said no.. been too busy etc.. I asked if my pictures were still up in his room he said yea.. ( I found this interesting ) I said "well so can we be friends". he said yea" ive never wanted to not be friends." He was giving me space cuase I told him I still was in love with him and talking on the phone brought me back to square one... he broke it off with me.. said "My feelings have changed. I love you but Im not IN love with you anymore" ... that was at the end of sept... After that I was calling to see what page he was on... I would say I Miss you.. he would say "I miss you too.. but I dont know if its you I miss or if its being in a relationship" I went to see him 3 weeks after we broke up.. we were watching a movie. then when I was saying good bye he kissed me then we kissed more etc etc etc.. I could see he was aroused but he said that it would be too akward for him to have sex... I said " this is what I miss the most. the intimacy" ( meaning the cuddling kissing etc.. ) he said I miss it too, but I dont know bla bla bla... anyway we talked a few times for the next 5 weeks.. but overall i told him i needed to have no contact becuse i still loved him.. I sent him an email like a week and 1/2 ago.. professing my love once more.. no response... called 2 days after.. he doged the email then fessed up that he didnt know how to respond and said.. " I want you to know I still love you, But I think we are better off apart " So this is my question.. from what you have heard where do you think he is at... He has gone though a very very very rough year with me.. not becuase of me but other things. too long to write, but includes grandmother dying.. father about to.. changing jobs and having tons of stress with that.. and really the list goes on.. and towards the end I felt a pull away and was stressing him out becuase i was vocal about it.. overreacting?? i dont know.. got clinggy on him?? maybe in the end.. I just foud it weird that he has my photos up still and we talked for 40 mins.. he hates the phone.. and the other things he had said.. I never got a real reason too. when i asked how/why did he feelings change he said" I dont know" Im also trying to move on, I have been talking to a few guys to get to know them... taking it really really slow.. but a big part of my heart is still with him. and he asked if i was ok with being friends now... and it might be a bit premature but .. well ya know.. im trying to plant a seed to get him to remember how it was.. bla bla bla.. advise?

My Ex was in the same position.. I still want him back but I want to know.. How does someone lose the feelings they once had for someone.. How does that happen. I was so sweet and caring.. anyone would dream to have me as a mate.. I't makes no sense.. he feelings had changed.. could you please explain to me those of you that have had theirs change why they did? Thanks

Hey I said the same thing too this morning when I got up... forget the past.. we have a whole life ahead of us and there is no looking back!!!!!! Forget him!! He is the one with the issues and will regret leaving you.. But when that heppens you will have met your prince Hugs!

Hey there.. Ok well First Im a Libra and they see both sides of any story.. That being said.... When a friend/lover does something that makes us get really angry. It's becuase we are seeing what we dont like about ourselvs in that person. Im not saying this is your case. But it would be a good idea to look at it.. Also dont try to get him to take responsability.. It will only anger you more Best of luck sweetie

Hey I totally relate on the anxiety thing. I get that too.. Actually I never really noticed it until my last relationship was on the way down.. When he left I had bad panic attacks.. My roommate was very concerned about me... When I get anxious and think about my ex.. I go on this site and others.. Its not a good feeling at all.. very painful.. I stare at the phone.. want to call soooooo ooooooo bad.. but you know what.. I'm tired of giving and not receiving.. he's very nice on the phone always.. but he never calls me.. so He's obviously ok with the break.. that kills me.. I just want to hear his voice.. but why... he doesn't want me anymore... its a waste of my time.. and im tired of trying to get him back.. I know deep down inside one day he will reflect and kick himself for letting me go.. I did nothing but adore him.. Funny thing was In the beginning it was the other way around.. but one day he almost ended it saying that I wasn't into it anymore.. That I turned my back in bed and I kissed him differently.. I was so scared to lose him.. I did all the things he wanted from me.. I wanted to fulfill his needs.. But when that happened.. the dynamic of the relationship changed.... I look back now and saw it was a mistake.. but I loved him.. Maybe he felt trapped by me.. who knows I never got a reason why he broke it off other than his feelings changed and He loves me but wasn't IN love with me and we are better off apart.... Go Figure.... I really wish I knew what I did to make him change his mind.... So I know I went off of you, and on me here.. But I want you to know that you really aren't alone.. I miss him every minute of the day and its been over 2 months already... But please don't call... Just know that your pain is normal.. and it will end soon.. I've had my good days... But the lonely feeling sometimes overwhelms me ... Argh I guess my post was more for me than you... well anyway one thing I did read on here was something like.. its hard not to lose yourself when you love someone or something like that... I think I lost myself... But I think it was because I was feeling the pull away.. and was denying it??? Hang in there!!!!!!!!

I swear, I think I get better.. Then I run into or see my ex.. Just this morning I saw him driving and I live in LA for god's sake.. there are millions of people here.. i seem to run into him alot.. once I was walking on a residential street not in my or his neighborhood and he drove by.. stopped and we chit chatted... Then I start to think.. If Im seeing him alot.. maybe we are ment to be... I wish I could take a pill to forget about him and relieve this pain.. Its so painfull that the person that you love doesnt love you anymore... I dont understand it... and its not fair... I saw him on sat at a club.. he looked like shit and I thought it would help me get over him.. But today he looked good.. Sigh.. I dont like his friends.. One in particular.. hes always been cold to me.. anyway im venting.. thanks for listening

My ex left me 2 months ago... I was a disaster the first 2 weeks... maybe a bit more.. really bad.. panic attacks.. crying so loud ... burrying my face in the pillow... then i got better.. but not all the time.. then I got angry... we kept in contact.. well let me say I called.. and emailed.. and txt messaged.. please dont do this.. it keeps them away.. my ex was very nice to me though.. said I love you but i think we are better off apart.. its the hardest thing in the world.. I really really love him...lately ive been bad again.. in alot a pain again I saw him at a club on saturday.. didnt like what I saw.. didnt like his friends.. they were weird to me.. it helped me a bit to get over.. but love sees beyond that.. and the next day I was right back missing and thinking all day long... Ive come to the point where I feel i cant do anything.. So I give up... and If we were ment to be together .. One day we will.. If not.. then I know the right person will come along.. but it hurts like hell.. and I would LOVE to know from the people that broke up with there ex.. If they think about the ex they broke it off with.. and how often

I use to be very very busy. to much to fullfill my ex's need of wanting to see me. and spend quality time... I loved him so much.. but in the beginning when I was busy. i was also being cautious, ive been hurt before.. well long story short... I promised him I loved him and wanted to do nothing but be with him, But i had bills to pay etc... Eventually it worked itself out and I was more free.. But as soon as I was available.. His feelings changed.. I let myself fall in love.. and he changed his mind.. I was devistated.. I know my story is different than yours but I wanted to share the fact that my busyness had nothing to do with me not wanting to be with him.... That accually made him want me more.. Maybe thats happeneing to you too... Best of luck I see now hes not the one for me.. obviously.. But I still love him allot!!! We were together a yr, and I was really busy for atleast the first 6 months

wow.. thanks so much, that really helped.... i wish i was that strong.. im most certainly going to try to from this point.. and yes i can understand when you said you thought he must of believed "you would always be there..." ive been in my own ways trying to get back with him.. but not anymore.. he isnt right for me.. just a very hurtfull experience.. you lose alot of yourself in the situation... for some reason you end up feeling less than... then when you were in the relationship.. its amazing how another person, or you letting another person can effect you like that... thanks

good point.. i need to let that sink in.. he broke up with me.. it was my frist love from both sides...... and for the past 2 months i wanted him back.. i guess i still do.. even tho i was somewhat turned off last night... He broke up with me saying I love you but im not"IN" love with you anymore.. and most recently said in response to a heartfilled email from me. " I still love you but have been thinking alot and I think we are better off apart" Sigh I also want to get rid of this pain, I feel as if its holding on to some degree.. there needs to be a heartbreak pill

Ok so I ran into my ex last night..( we were together a yr ) It was awkward.. I got really nervous.. my heart was in my throat… He looked bad.. he was tipsy for one.. He noticeably gained weight ( in less than 2 months ) he just didn't seem over all attractive to me.. we kissed hello .. pop kiss on the lips.. hugged.. chatted hung with friends.. it was about a 20 minute encounter.. maybe less.. he had his arm around my waist at one moment.. and we kissed goodbye.. same as hello I was glad I ran into him cause I said to myself.. " That's who you have been obsessing about for 2 months" But then again today im romanticizing again… why???? He's not the one for me….??? I guess when you love someone you still have feelings regardless??? Anyone got any answers??

Eeeeek! I just read back my post.. I was in a huge rush and did'ntt read it back.. Sorry for all the typos!!!!! Im sure you get the point though.. One thing i forgot to add.. He said "Ive been thinking about it for a while" Before he said " I love you, But I think we are better off apart" Sooo.. who knows... I think he is a CP becuase his feelings changed the moment when he did'nt have to work for my attention.... Doesnt it suck that you have to end cold turkey a close bond/love for someone just becuase they make that desicion... I really hope I find love again

Hi, This is my first post.. ive come here for 2 months reading advise to help me out but I would like some feedback on my situation... Ill make it short. My Ex and I were together a yr. At first he was very very intrested and I was being cautious.. then the tables turned and I was in love very much ad did wonderfull things for him. this was the first time i was in love and felt love back.. We even went to Hawaii for vacation.. well not shortly after that he broke it off.. We never fought just bickered about not having out needs met.. Both at different times.. in the begineing he wasnt getting needs met, and in the end vice versa.. I have been trying for 2 months to get him to come back.. at first he was confused.. and said he missis me but doesnt know if its me or its a relationship.. .. the latest is that I do love you but I think we are better off apart.. I never got a reason and at this point im not going to ask. Im gonna leave it alone. cuase I feel he doesnt want me in his life.. my question is.. Now what.. I find it very hard to move on.. He is in my head 24/7 my friends have had it with hearing about him.. etc etc.. is he a comitmentphobe? will he come back in moths to come and say he made a mistake?? what does it mean to love me but think we are better off apart??? Hugs!!!! -S