heartbroken_f

You're welcome. I usually find that writing poems are a good way of releasing pent up emotions and sharing emotions with an audience that genuinely cares.

I know he could be taken away at any minute. That is the nature of life. However I am afraid of rejection because I have been badly burned in the past. As painful as it is, I cannot tell him that I love him because he simply doesn't feel the same way about me. I am a sensitive person and judging by the conversations we have had and the way he has reacted to me (his body language) he does not love me as more than a friend. And he has even gone so far to put restrictions on our friendship so that is the reason why I haven't told him I have loved him. To add to that, I am not an outgoing person by nature so it would look so out of place for me to just call him up and tell him how I feel. I wish I could - I so desperately wish I could, but I have become used to rejection and disappointment, so it won't matter that he will forget about me just as everyone else has done so far...

Thanks Space and Time. I just wish I could know when I will get through all this extreme pain because it's paralysing most things in my life. I don't have the motivation to meet new people and if I do, I can't trust them. I never used to have this problem before, but now when I meet someone I automatically think 'They're too good to be true. I trusted someone before and let them know exactly how I felt and they walked all over me. So I'm very cautious and I'm afraid that no matter how cautious I am - someone will end up hurting me just like I've been hurt before. How much time needs to pass before I can open myself up to someone again?

I think that was a great poem. Keep it going.

Space and Time, The difficult thing is forcing myself to change and adapt to life without this person. For so long, I relied on this person because he was always there for me and always knew how to guide me in the right direction. Now that this person is no longer there - I feel lost...Like a ship in the sea with no lighthouse. There is no one there to soften the blow and there is no one there to offer me emotional support whenever things don't go the way I expect. This person became a habit without me even being aware of it and now it is extremely difficult to depend on myself in every single situation I face. I loved him with all my heart and soul and It's hard to look inside and find the qualities that make me strong when this person was my source of strength...

This message was really helpful and I couldn't have found it at a better time. About 7 months ago, I too ended a friendship with someone who was very dear to me and it almost ruined my way of life. We were friends but oddly more than friends and because a lot of emotion was involved, the no contact thing was necessary on my side when he broke the trust. I have since tried to recover and like you said, move on with life. But sometimes there are good times and sometimes there are bad times. For the most part, it's ok but then there are occasions when songs come on the radio and they remind you of a time once passed or you meet someone who shares the same name and you think back to the person you loved. Heart break is not something you can entirely get over - even when the person you love was behind the heartbreak. What I have found is that you can never really get over true love and even if you do find somebody new, they will never really measure up to the person who stole your heart. The only reason why I would seek companionship is because one can never live alone and you cannot remain hinged on something that can never be. I will forever live with a broken heart but always search for ways to alleviate the hurt associated with heartbreak. That is what has brought me here to this site, and knowing that others are going through what I'm going through, eases the pain even if its just by a little bit. Take care everyone and keep the posts going.

Thanks guys. I wrote that poem soon after I had to say goodbye to the person I loved. He never knew how I felt about him and probably never will, but I guess that's the way life goes. Once again, thanks for the positive feedback - at least heartbreak is good for something.

You don't know how I felt the first time I looked into your eyes I saw a deep sea full of mystery, joy and surprise When you shook my hand and said 'hello' Right then and there my knees turned to jello. You don't know how you charmed me whenever you went on to speak Every word mesmerised me, there was nothing more I wanted to seek For to hear your voice and see you smile It just somehow made everything in this world seem worthwhile. You don't know how I longed to reach out and touch your hand Every time you and I occupied the same bit of land When you sat next to me it felt like pure paradise Reliving those moments - they never did suffice. You don't know how I longed to kiss your soft sweet lips To make my way to heaven on an endless number of trips Your gentle ways and soothing voice Always gave me enough reason to live and rejoice You don't know how I felt the day we had to say goodbye Ever since then I have done nothing but constantly cry You are out of my life and this drowns me in sadness I wish you could do something to pull me out of this madness You don't know how much I loved you and probably never will I wish I could turn back time now and make it all stand sill But whatever tomorrow brings - whether we're closer or farther apart I just want you to know that you will always have a special place in my heart...

I can't stress that word enough. Trust me girl, I have been in an online relationship before and you have got to be careful. Although the guy I had been involved with online for 4 years didn't lie about his identity or what he did for a living, he essentially lied about his personality and the depth of his trust. All along he told me that I could trust him and that he would never do me wrong (and I was naieve enough to believe it at the time) but he ended up betraying my trust and going against everything he had ever told me. He basically promised me marriage and in the end he chose a casual fling over me. Now you may ask how that was all possible, but it was and the memory of what once was still lingers inside my soul... Anyway, be careful. From what you have said, this guy sounds like a fake. Everything from the broken scanner, to the shops being closed to being a model don't add up so I would be very cautious if I were you. If you do really want to find out who he is and what he does, ask him to get a web cam and chat to you like that. That way, you can't really make yourself out to be someone you're not unless you get cosmetic surgery done. Otherwise, until you have that I wouldn't bother wasting my time on him. Sure, he might say "I love you, I miss you, I dream about you" - it doesn't mean a thing in the harsh light of day. Everyone presents themselves differently behind a computer so don't go thinking that this is "true love"... However that is not to say that it couldn't be. Many people have met their future spouses online and say that meeting up in real life is the best thing they could have ever done. But it takes a long time to get to know someone and because you don't have that real life setting available to you, you have to check all his facts first before you can make sure you know who you're talking to. If you're serious about pursuing a relationship with this guy do some homework of your own: 1. Find out his full name and address 2. Ask for his phone number and go to link removed to see if it matches up with his address. Then call him up and roughly determine the age of his voice (never let him call you) 3. Ask him what his day job is so that way you can call up and confirm he really works there etc etc Now there are heaps more things you can ask to find out someone's real identity, but the question in focus here is: Do you want to pursue a relationship with this guy? And the next thing I would tell you is DO NOT GIVE OUT ANY REAL DETAILS ABOUT YOURSELF. As soon as someone knows your first and last name, they can track down your address and number so don't give him anything. Do not even think about driving halfway and meeting up with someone, because you could end up dead in the back of someone's boot. So PLEASE be careful. There are all kinds of psychos out there and today I read in the paper that this American Marines Guy lured this 12 yr old girl to a hotel in France and had repeated sex with her...just watch out okay? Well, I hope I didn't completely turn you off online relationships, but I really do believe, from all my experience that it is best to meet someone in a face to face scenario first. At least that way you somewhat know what you're dealing with upfront. Good luck and if you have any more questions, don't hesitate to drop me a line...

I used to be like that. I used to think that "good things come to those who wait" but now I don't believe it anymore. I have waited and waited and waited for the right person to come into my life for what seems like a zillion eternities but that knight in shining armour still has never come. So many times I thought I had found "the one" and then something that they did or said made me change my mind. For example, the last coupld of interests I had turned out to be completely different to what I expected them to be. One of them had been great friends with me for 4 years and had told me of his dreams to one day be my future husband - but he ended up sleeping around and thought it okay to do so while I waited patiently for him. The other one was someone I thought I could really relate to because he wasn't the noisy extroverted type, but a timid introvert type - however he ended up being a different person to the one I met so I had to shut off my feelings for him. Whenever Id call him, he'd ignore my calls and avoid answering the phone, so that was enough for me to break things off in my mind and move on to being lonely again. I don't know what my future holds and I keep praying to God that I will find someone who both loves me and will remain faithful to me forever. But I don't see that happening and it gets me awfully depressed. I see couples in the street and on the train and my heart aches. I cry in public if I can't hold back the tears and I hardly get any sleep because I spend so much time crying and worrying about what my life will be like. Anyway, I guess no one was made for me and sooner or later I have to come to terms with that fact. Maybe one day I'll be able to move out of home and into a sharehouse or something so I'm not completely alone...

everytime i fall in love with someone, i found out theyre not in love with me. my situation dates back to as far as i can remember. ever since i was a young teenager, if i ever had a crush on someone or had feelings for someone, it would always turn out that they never had feelings for me. at first i thought it was just the type of guys that i was interested in and that maybe it wasnt anything to do with me. however now i feel like the reason is me. i feel like i must be detracting people away from me somehow and that no one wants to give me time of day. i long for some guy to come into my life and sweep me off my feet and say that im the only one he loves - but it never happens. i only get rejected time and time and time again. now it happens so frequently to the point where ive become numb and i dont trust anyone anymore. i dont feel like anyone will ever date me even though im quite average looking and have a relatively good head on my shoulders. i dont feel like i will find that soulmate i have been searching for and if i do find someone, they will only abuse my trust and find someone else whos better. most nights i go to sleep crying and wondering why i am so alone (ive never dated or been physically intimate with a guy and im 21) and i dont know if i will ever get married. i want to find that special someone to share my life with forever and have a family, but there doesnt seem to be anybody out there who wants what i have to offer. i know i would never cheat on anyone, treat them badly or deny them of anything - i would only be too happy to give my heart to someone if they were willing to do the same. so many times guys have purposely set out to hurt me or unintentionally give me signals that theyre not interested in me but i can read them so much better than that. their actions speak louder than the words that havent come out of their mouths. what is wrong with me? why are guys always so cruel to me? if anyone can help me in finding some answers, it would at least give me a reason to hope - but otherwise i am desperately lonely and feeling like i will be alone for the rest of my life...

Firstly I have to say that doing away with yourself is not the way to go. Life is so fragile and we can literally be here one day and gone the next so please dont try to end it yourself because youll be missing out on a lifetime of golden moments. Youre not alone in your pain. I have suffered a lot emotionally this year too but I am slowly starting to cope with it all and believe that things wil start to get better. It all just takes time. 6 weeks ago I broke up with someone whom I believed I would marry and have my children with - but all my hopes and dreams vanished into thin air when I found out he had been cheating on me and had been lying about nearly everything. 4 years of my life went down the drain and even though I probably would have been more comfortable staying with him for the simple fact that he had become a habit - deep down I knew this wasnt someone I could spend the rest of my life with. I was willing to sacrifice almost everything to be with him, but then I reconsidered and said to myself "the only thing worse than wasting 4 yrs of my life with this man is wasting 4 yrs and one day" so I pulled the plug on the relationship and have been doing it on my own ever since. I know its difficult to lose the person you love so dearly and also your friend. But things do get better with time. It may not seem that way now but let the dust settle so to speak and you will regain your objectivity. Is it definite that you cant have your own children in the future? Have you gone to see more than one doctor/specialist? You know it is worthwile to be checked up by more than one so please dont worry about something that you may not have to worry about. I have heard real life stories where couples apparently couldnt have children so they resorted to IVF.But when that failed and they were almost about to give up - God lent a helping hand and they conceived naturally. So anything is possible! Just dont give up. Have a little faith and place your trust in God. I sincerely believe that he controls our lives and a little bit of prayer goes a long way. As a final note - put a smile on your face People say that if you think optimistic thoughts you will feel optimistic too so try looking at the glass as half full instead of half empty. And I agree with what one of the other members posted here: You should get into writing. Your writing style is fabulous and I know Id buy your book if you ever wrote one someday. All the best.

No you are definitely not alone. I can totally relate to what youre going through because Im going through the same thing. See, I recently broke up with someone who meant the world to me and when he betrayed my trust I was absolutely shattered. I always thought he was the one person who wouldnt hurt me and that he was the one person I would marry and have my children with. But I was wrong. He never cared for me and never even apologised for what he did so I was left with no other choice but to say goodbye - and mean it. Life since that day hasnt been easy. Even though it has been a few weeks, the pain is still fresh and it feels like someone has slit open my chest with a rusty knife, tore my heart out and sowed me back up without any anaesthetic. I feel like my heart has been removed and that the only emotions I have left circulating around my body are emotions of sadness, anger and despair. I cry myself to sleep every night because that is the only time when I am alone and it doesnt seem to get any better with time. In fact it only seems to get worse and I keep wondering when I will start feeling human again and not like some lifeless soul thats watching life pass by. I try not to think about the guy I said goodbye to. After all I know it was the right decision. I could never have made a life with someone I couldnt trust but its still overwhelmingly difficult. I try to keep myself occupied by going out with friends to the movies and having coffees with other guys - but I just find myself thinking about him. I find myself getting upset whenever I see other couples walking hand in hand along the street or whenever there is a romantic scene in a movie In fact, I think about him so much that he appears in my dreams and everything is as it should be - but then I wake up straight afterwards and find that he still has broken my trust and that I am just a distant memory for him. Believe me it hurts. I wish there was something I could do to relieve myself from this pain, but there doesnt seem to be anything. So I hope you can find a way to free yourself from him and get on with your life. Let go of everything that reminds you of him and try to make room for other people...they deserve your love much more than he does. I know from experience alone, that the more you love someone, the harder it will be to let go, so keep that in mind when you are going through this process. Apparently were meant to kiss a few frogs before we find our prince... All the best, Heartbroken_f

Well, coming from a straightforward female, I believe you should ask her what has changed since the last time you saw her. You have a right to know what's going on and I always believe in trusting your gut instincts. If your gut tells you something is fishy - then something is fishy. Believe me, I made the mistake of ignoring my gut feelings in a past friendship/relationship and in the end I was worse off for it. It turned out the loser was keeping various things hidden from me, I was always the one doing the calling etc, so I wouldn't stand for it if I were you. Okay this is the first time it's happened and maybe she was too caught up in having fun with her friend, but like you, I believe that it doesn't take much effort or time to pick up the phone and say 'hi'. It's really quite simple. So my advice is that it's better to find things out now rather than later. Unfortunately I don't have an explanation for why people are so nice one day and so unlike themselves the next...but I do suggest you call her, ask her whats up and find out if anythings changed. Remember, the best way to predict future behaviour is by looking at past behaviour, so if she's acting all weird now...it's more likely that she will in future. Good luck and let us know how it goes