shellie12345

I would like to make a few points about girls with large breats and a skinnier frame. I agree with many things that people are saying here. However, I am 5 foot 7 and I have very large breasts and am relatively skinny. I hate it! My breasts are the one thing that I wish I could be rid of. Why?? Because they are the first thing that people look at when they see me. I am judged because of them by girls and guys. Many guys will try to hit on me or get me in bed without even knowing who I am as a person. It makes me sick to think that they get more attention than my personality does. But it is true, many people are vain and shallow and unfortunately there is nothing I can do about it. So i guess this is for all you females out there who feel like your body types are bad, or wish you had larger breasts. Even if you did have large breasts and a small frame there will always be something you wish you could change. I am a good example of that, I would trade my large breasts for small ones anyday. I think what we all need to do is work on being happy with what we have and who we are as people. I know I am no different and I need to be happier with myself. But as long as we keep looking at what we don't have we will never be happy with what we do have.

I agree with you when you say it might not be my time. I am still young and have a lot of learning to do. I am not miserable being single, I enjoy hanging out with friends and just doing my own thing. It can just be lonely from time to time. I am sure we have all felt that way. I just wish I could have someone to share things with and hang out with. I am just frustrated thats all. I know things will work out, I just wish there was more that I could do. I guess patience is what i should be working on!

The only times I have dated guys since my ex were times when I took the initiative and showed interest. There were a couple times when I knew the guy liked me back but was being too shy, and there were times when I just put myself out there. There were times when it just did not click and the dating stopped. But there were more times when the guy would actually tell me that I am everything he would want in a girfriend but that he was not ready for me. That he could not give me what I deserved. Now this is what I am talking about....cop ouit or not?? If I am everything he wants why is he so scared of me? I am not an intimidating person, I am very friendly and honest. I don't get it! I just don't think there is anything more that I can do here but wait around for a guy to find me. everytime I seek someone out it blows up in my face.

Letting go is the hardest part. For now, you need to focus only on you. You are still in the healing phase and of course you will miss him from link removed to link removed, its perfectly normal. I tried to be link removed with my ex right after he broke it off with me and for the longest link removed I would end up hurt even by the smallest things he would do. It was only because I wanted him to feel more....it was because I was not over it yet. I am not exactly sure what your situation is but I think that you need to feel these things, feel the pain of missing him, feel sad, feel it all! Everything you feel and rise above will make you so much stronger in the end. Once you can get through those lonely nights without calling him and regretting it the next day, you will feel so much more satisfied with yourself. Once you can find strength in yourself then you can truly be his friend. If you are still needing him, you will only end up hurt. My advice is to be strong and fight the temptation of calling him. You need link removed alone to heal. Calling him would be like opening up a healing wound. Let it heal and link removed me, you will be able to have him in your life. It will be so much better when you can be link removed and not want more. Give it link removed and be patient.

I guess I should have clarified... I am not seeing anyone exclusively and niether is he when we have fooled around. I would never cheat on someone. When we do fool around he tells me that it would never be weird with us, that it is so natural for us to do things like that. He is looking for a girlfriend I know that. Maybe he just needs the comfort of me every once in a while. Because to be honest, when I do things with him I can't explain why I did them. I never feel the way I used to feel. I am not looking for comfort or affection, at least I don't think I am. I just don't want to get hurt all over again. I think it is my mind blocking anything that will send me back to the way i used to feel about him. I guess it is like that with an ex of this sort. I just don't know anyone who has ever been in this situation.

The thing with my ex is that we have grown together practically. We have a bond that I don't think will ever go away. It is not like I am waiting and hoping to marry him in a few years. It is just that I wonder sometimes. The fact that we get along so well after everything makes me love him more and appreciate him more. He was the only guy I have ever really been with and I don't think I would want to get back with him....if say he wanted to right now. In my mind, I feel like I need to see what else is out there and so does he. We are eachothers first loves, and I think we know that we would always question what else is out there if we did get back together right now. However, I push these thoughts aside 99% of the time. I never talk to him about them. He talks to me about girls he is dating and I tell him about guys I am dating. I never compare guys to him, at least I don't realize if I am doing that. But there is this unknown territory that I think we are both scared to enter. I am not sure if it is all in my head. I just see it sometimes when we laugh or talk.....when we fool around I qucikly tell myself that it meant nothing to him, or to me. It just seems kinda forced, but at the same time I feel like it needs to be done. Does this make any sense??

I dated this guy for almost 4 years. The break-up was hard, and it took a long time to get over it all. Now, almost 2 years later we are good friends and I can't complain about anything. I know that I am over him. However, I question the way that we feel about eachother. Sometimes it is so hard to even understand your own feelings. He dates other people and so do I. I have no hopes or lingering questions regarding him and I getting back together. However, I am not opposed to the option in the future when we are older and have figured out what we want in life. The thing is, we are friends but every once in a while we fool around or look at eachother a certain way. It does not happen often and when it does I quickly brush it off...but the fact that it still does even if it is once every 8 months....makes me question things. Could it be possible that I still hope to be with him one day, but have become so numb to the idea that I can't be with him that I fail to even acknowledge it? Getting over the pain was the hardest thing I ever had to do...am I scared to admit it to myself?? In my head I think that I just want to date other guys and see what happens in the future...I try not to think about him being in it, although I do every once in a while. I still love him and he still loves me, but it is in a different way. Are these thoughts normal to have? Or am I in denial? I just feel like I may be fooling myself......its so confusing.

hey everyone, thanks for all the replies! I just thought I would ask a few more things. I know that this sort of thing happens to girls all the time. A guy tells you that you are dating material and then still wants nothing! It happens and when it does I can't help but feel like it is a cop out. I mean, yes they are being honest by telling me they are not ready for a relationship. But if you like someone that much then would'nt you want to hang out with them more and just see what they are about? Is that too scary of a thing?? I just don't understand the logic behind it all. You see a girl who is girlfriend material, yet you run away in the other direction! If I could meet someone who I saw in that light there is no way I would let them slip away. Am I living in a fantasy world? Or is there a guy out there who will see me that way and actually appreciate it enough to stick around?? I guess you can all tell that I am really frustrated!

I guess I should have explained more in my initial posting....sorry if it seemed confusing! The thing is, I don't think I am doing anything wrong. That is my problem, I think there MUST be something wrong here that i am just not seeing. That is where I need the help. When I do meet guys they tell me that i am the type of girl guys want to date seriously, and then they proceed to tell me that they are not ready for that. i have no idea what I do that makes them think that. I am just not like other girls here I guess, I don't go home with randoms, I don't throw myself at men. I look for substance, and i never find it! Men tell me I am a beautiful girl but then don't ask me out....all these things added up makes me feel like I am the total opposite of what they say. If I were a quality, good-looking person, why would they not want to see what I am about?

I have been out of a long-term relationship for over a year now and I know that I am more than ready to start dating other people. In fact I am anxious to see what else is out there! However, I go to school in a somewhat small town where the male to female ratio is very much in favor of the males! I can't seem to meet anyone at all. It almost seems like I start to convince myself that I like certain guys just because of the lack of options. However, there are so many people around me who seem to find dates no problem. I feel like I don't stand out among the large mass of women and I am doing something wrong. Is there any advice out there for a young woman who is feeling a little hopeless??

wow...i was reading all of the replies posted and it seems like no one can really settle on the "traditional" gender roles that seem to be the issue at hand here. When looking at domestic labour and how it applies to women, it is clear that the subject is very touchy. Through history society has categorized men and women and assigned them different roles. Today things have changed and are moving away from the "stay at home" role that women have traditionally been assigned. At the same time, men are moving away from the dominant night in shining armour figure that has been attached to them. Of course there are always exceptions. Generally speaking, I feel that this large shift that has taken place over the years is why men and women are in constant conflict with one another on issues such as approaching or asking someone out. Women are more aggressive but at the same time we are still confused about how aggressive we should actually be. We spend most of our time working on the roles that society present to us, that we lose sight of the task at hand (that is actually approaching the person!). I think that this is always going to be an issue, we are social beings, we care about how others percieve us so we are always going to be playing a role of some sort. I guess what I am trying to say is that the next time you want a guy to approach you, think about what is more important to you.....talking to him or playing or taking on your percieved "role". If you decide that you would rather talk to him, get over there and do it!

For me when I am getting along really well with a guy who I see only as a friend I tend to become oblivious to the signs that he may have been giving me. I am the type of person who gets caught up in the way that I am feeling and I tend to overlook the way the other person is feeling, because I feel so strongly about something. I know this seems stupid, but to be honest I think a lot of girls fall under the same category. When a guy is spending a lot of time with you and you are having a great time together sometimes you overlook the obvious.

Hey guys... thanks for the replies! Ok I know that I have just as much of a reason to try and contact him as he does. Here is why I am so hesitant. He is a very very attractive guy and he has been known to be a "ladies man". He has no problem getting girls and I am scared out of my mind that I am just another girl he would have no problem getting. I am worried that if I put myself out there too much he will think I am just another girl and lose interest (if he even has any). He has known that I have had a crush on him for a while now, and did not actually do anything until that night when one of our mutual friends told him to go for it. I know this sounds so immature but I can't explain it any other way. I guess I am hoping that he will make the next big move and actually be legitimately interested in me. I am not good at this kind of thing and I never have been. I think I am so intimidated because I know that I need to stand out in order for him to actually want something of substance with me, because he can get so many girls. Any thoughts?

Ok here is the deal... I dated a guy for almost 4 years and now I am single and ready to date. The thing is that we have been broken up for over a year now and i am just now feeling like I am ready to date other people. Since I was with him for so long I am VERY rusty when it comes to picking up the signs that a guy is interested, in fact I am almost oblivious. So here is my situation...can someone help me figure it out! I have had a huge crush on this guy for a long long time. Everytime I would see him I would get all nervous and freeze up when we spoke. I never EVER thought I had a chance with him, I never thought he was interested at all. A couple of weeks ago a few things happned out of the blue. We were at a bar and he was talking a lot more to me than usual. We danced a bit and he ended up walking me home. Outside of my house we talked for a while and he gave me a very nice goodnight kiss. We never exchanged numbers but we both knew that we would see eachother again soon, since we are in a similar group of friends. It has been 2 weeks since it happened and I have not seen him at all! I usually see him on campus or something but there has been no opportunity at all to talk to him. I am feeling a bit discouraged because he could find a way to contact me if he really wanted to. He could get my e-mail off of one of our friends or something. But nothing has been done, I am WAY to scared to try to contact him. What do you think I should do?? DO you think I should just write it off?? Or do you think there is a chance he is interested??

This question is for anyone who can relate or can offer some insight... Do all guys in their early 20's go through a "selfish" stage? A stage where he wants nothing to do with commitment just to be able to only have to think of himself?? I cannot think of any other word to describe it so if selfish is offensive I apologize. I am wondering this because I am in the process of dealing with the ending of a long-term relationship. I have come a long way and am finally able to discuss things with my ex in a rational manner. He expalined to me why he is happy at this point in his life. He told me that at this point in his life he only wants to have to put himself first he does not want to have to think of anyone else--he enjoys not having to worry about me or where I am etc...he wants to be all about himself. Since he has told me this I have noticed so many other examples of this same sort of behaviour from men this age. All of the guys he is living with are breaking things off with their girlfriends, some friends of mine are dealing with the same sort of situation also. It all just leaves me wondering if this behaviour is normal to men at this age--or if my situation is unique and I am looking to far into this.... any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

I know I must sound like a sad person who can't let go. But to be honest I want nothing more than to be able to let go. I want this pain to go away. I want to be able to make it through the day without wanting to call him but the truth of the matter is that I can't. I try and try and try. I love him more than anything in the world. I cannot stop loving him no matter how much I wish I could. I know he is not thinking about me and that is why I am still writing to everyone. Because the pain of knowing that the guy I love more than life itself has not picked up the phone to call me at all, is just too much to bear. I am writing because the pain is so unbearable that I am embarrassed to keep asking my friends for advice---over and over. I am writing because I need help and the responses truly make me feel better. If I could stop thinking about him and erase all of this pain like you tell me to Genisis then I would have stopped writing a long time ago. Thank you for the advice but I guess I need a miracle more than anything. I am dealing but I hurt so much inside. I need to move on. It just seems like every time I try I end up in the same terrible spot that I started out in. I know you are all probably sick of hearing from me and find me very annoying but I can only be totally honest. I need to get through this but it seems to never end. I will stop writing after this but I just wanted to thank you all so much for your help---it means a lot.

Hi again... I know I have not replied for a while but I have been having such a good week. I did not see or talk to him for almost 8 days and I was building up so much hope and strength. I saw him the other night and totally blew him off. I know it was not the most mature thing to do but I was just doing what felt best for me at the time. Now 2 days later I feel like the good feelings are all being swallowed up once again. When will this all end? I just want to be able to see him and feel nothing. I know that that is impossible but I wish for it so much. How can I make myself stop loving someone? At this point I feel like that is my only option here. I have so many thoughts running through my head like if he has been with any girls etc... still drives me insane. I feel like this will never end. I have been so good this past week and never called him or anything but I feel like I need to talk to him so bad. What should i do? Should i fight it? Or call? I hope this gets better and soon....

Hi everyone, I have been reading everything you have all written. It helps a lot but I am at a very bad place right now and am struggling to get out of it. Since me and my boyfrined have broken up we have arrived at school for our 2nd year. I got here about a week ago and things have completely gone downhill. I am dying inside. I have no control over my feelings and all I do is cry. He is always with his friends and everytime I see him at bars he is hitting on some girl. Yesterday I was having the best day ever and me and my friends decided to go to a bar. Right when we were getting there I see him leaving with some girl and his buddy and the girl was all over him. I was so upset I just stormed off. I could not control myself. He has not even called to see if I am o.k. He is changing so much and it is killing me. I feel so depressed and I am scared. How will I make it through the year?? I just want to go home. I am so upset constantly that I feel sick. This is so bad. Please help.

Hi there, I don't know if I will be the biggest help for you but I just want you to think about who you were before you were with this guy. I know you were not always sad and miserable. You probably loved life and had so much fun with your friends. The reason I am saying all this is because Iam going through the same thig you are. There are days when I feel so hopeless and worthless but I am getting through them and feeling a lot better. I keep reminding myself why this guy fell in love with me in the first place. It was because he saw that I was a beautiful person and worth loving. He made my life so much better but just remember that WHEN you overcome this and you will, you will be the same beautiful person that you were before you started to date him. The wonderful thing is that you will be even more beautiful because you have loved and lost and had the strength to get through it all. You ARE a better person because of it and just know that any guy who is lucky enough to have you will be even better then the one you just lost. You will be greater and your heart will search for greatness. I know that right now you feel hopeless but just think about how amazing YOU are and if you can be happy with yourself everything will be o.k. If it makes you feel any better I am feeling the same pain as you and all the things I have told you will help.--Love yourself--

Thank you all once again for all the replies. I guess I could keep asking more and more questions as my emotions keep jumping up and down. I know that I am gonna have to find my own way to deal with every thought and question that runs through my head. I just feel like I can't just let go. Like I still think I can get him back or something. I know deep down inside that if he wants me back he will come on his own but I just feel like I need to keep trying. How do I just let go? One day I am fine and feel like I wil be o.k and then days like today I am the total opposite. I feel like calling him up and begging him to reconsider--or trying to show him that he is wrong. How can I stop myself from doing that during these hopeless times? I have no one here to distract me and all my friends are busy. It is a battle against myself I am so scared that I will call him and make things even worse. How do I stop myself?!

you have all made me feel so much better. I am certain that I will be okay. I am just trying to deal with the fact that he may eventually want to be with someone else. Right now that is the only thing that worries me. I have no clue how I would even begin to deal with that. Right now I am trying my best to just focus on me--I just think about that a lot. I guess it is inevitable---how have you all dealt with that reality?? I have never been faced with this before seeing as he was my first love.

This is for everyone who responded to my last subject and to anyone who can offer some advice............read my first subject if you would like to know my whole story. Hi again everyone, I can't thank you all enough for all the advice. A few more problems have come about though. Last night I went out with my friends and he was there. I really did not want him to be there because I was feeling so much better and then as soon as I saw him and talked to him all the hurt started to pour back in. I can't keep doing this, I need to go out and have fun with my friends but he is always there! I wanted to act normal around him like nothing was wrong. I was having fun and I did do that for most of the night but it left me feeling worse than better. I felt so fake and like I wanted to run out of the bar crying ! I could be myself and have fun with all my other friends and he noticed that and even asked me why I was having so much fun with everyone else but him--what do you think that means? I told him that OBVIOUSLY he and I are different from everyone else there. But I really did not want to get into it with him there so I dropped the subject immediately. I want him to see that I am happy and don't care---but I just suck at doing it. Can any of you give me some tips on how to do that? I try and try but he knows me so well that he sees right through it. I can never lie to him so how the heck do I do this? It is so frustrating because I want to do it so badly. But everytime we start talking I can't pretend anymore. I know he knows that I am hurting all I want is to make him think that Iam happy without him. There is another problem that I should probably explain. When we were "trying" these past couple months I could not totally be myself because I was constantly worried that he would tell me no (like he did before) and break my heart (which he ended up doing). I tried to let loose and have fun with him but that fact overshadowed all of our time together. He knows this too and I told him that he never got the chance to see the person I have become. I know I have changed since we broke up and I know it is for the better but I have not had the chance to show him that. He told me he wanted to stop trying because it was going nowhere and basically we both do not know how I can actually be myself around him. I know that there is no way he could fall in love with me if the real me is hidden inside. I just want to show him that I am so worth loving without actually telling him or deciding that with him--how do I do that? I know this is confusing and may sound crazy but I thought that if someone could relate to me then it is worth posting up. SOrry for rambling on Thank you for listening! Shellie

Hey Lucky, I think the best thing would be for you to cut off contact completely. I know it would be so hard since you love her so much but think about it..if you tell her she can call you when she feels down that defeats the whole purpose. It defeats it because the times when she needs you the most and you are not there are the times that she will truly realize that you are gone. Only then will she be able to value you. The times when she needs your support or is missing you and you are not around are the times that will really stand out to her. If you feel you are at her call whenever she wants you to be then the only solution is to not be. You can tell her so that she will not think you are mad at her by saying that you need to be on your own and since she chose to be with the other guy he is the one who should be there for her--not you (remember she made that choice). She can't have her cake and eat it too. It is unfair and selfish. I know you tell her to call you but she should realize that of course you are gonna want her to call you --after all you are in love with this girl right? And she should realize that even though she can have you and call you whenever she wants to--she made the choice to be with the other guy and that means letting you go. If she can't let you go even for a little while then you need to let go for her. Just find happiness in yourself. It seems to me like she is very confused over her feelings and you need to make sure that you are happy alone--because if she keeps flopping back and forth with her feelings it will end up hurting you so much in the end. If you are happy with yourself then you will be 10 times happier in a relationship (with her or someone else). Like I said before, you are worth more than what she is giving you. If she can't give you all of her then you should not be giving her all of you ( I need to follow my own advice on this one)--but its true be happy with you--if it is meant to be it will be. As for me and my situation--it is all messed up. I wrote a big reply on my subject you can read it if you want to know the details. Hold your head high and don't let her walk all over you. hope I helped!

Hi again everyone, I can't thank you all enough for all the advice. A few more problems have come about though. Last night I went out with my friends and he was there. I really did not want him to be there because I was feeling so much better and then as soon as I saw him and talked to him all the hurt started to pour back in. I can't keep doing this, I need to go out and have fun with my friends but he is always there! I wanted to act normal around him like nothing was wrong. I was having fun and I did do that for most of the night but it left me feeling worse than better. I felt so fake and like I wanted to run out of the bar crying ! I could be myself and have fun with all my other friends and he noticed that and even asked me why I was having so much fun with everyone else but him--what do you think that means? I told him that OBVIOUSLY he and I are different from everyone else there. But I really did not want to get into it with him there so I dropped the subject immediately. I want him to see that I am happy and don't care---but I just suck at doing it. Can any of you give me some tips on how to do that? I try and try but he knows me so well that he sees right through it. I can never lie to him so how the heck do I do this? It is so frustrating because I want to do it so badly. But everytime we start talking I can't pretend anymore. I know he knows that I am hurting all I want is to make him think that Iam happy without him. There is another problem that I should probably explain. When we were "trying" these past couple months I could not totally be myself because I was constantly worried that he would tell me no (like he did before) and break my heart (which he ended up doing). I tried to let loose and have fun with him but that fact overshadowed all of our time together. He knows this too and I told him that he never got the chance to see the person I have become. I know I have changed since we broke up and I know it is for the better but I have not had the chance to show him that. He told me he wanted to stop trying because it was going nowhere and basically we both do not know how I can actually be myself around him. I know that there is no way he could fall in love with me if the real me is hidden inside. I just want to show him that I am so worth loving without actually telling him or deciding that with him--how do I do that? I know this is confusing and may sound crazy but I thought that if someone could relate to me then it is worth posting up. SOrry for rambling on Thank you for listening! Shellie

Hey Lucky, I think what you need to do is spend some time away from her--even talking to her etc... If she really loves you she will realize that a guy who she "hopes" to one day love is nothing in comparison to you. Real love is something that you can't just ignore. If it is real and it is meant to be then it will happen, it may take a while for her to clue in but she will realize. Give her the chance to miss you and give her a taste for life without you. If she truly loves you her heart will find its way back to where it belongs.