shellie12345

I forgot to mention that he all of a sudden has this interest in making things right with me, and we are done University now. We are out of Uni town and living back at home. Convienient? I can't help but think he is doing this because he is lonely and wants my companionship. I think he wants to keep me in his life incase he ever does want to get back with me. Not saying he will, but I think he has it in his mind that it might happen and he wants to make sure I am close to him if he does. Am I reading to much into all of this? I don't know. But I can't help the instinct inside of me. That little voice telling me he is all about himself.

We broke up in our 2nd year at the same university. He wanted to play the field even though he will never fully admit to that. Anyway, from that point it was a downward spiral in terms of having any sort of relationship. I had my NC time and when I was ready to have him as a friend he pushed for it. However, he was a terrible friend. He only came around when it was convienient for him. He was insensitive, rude, and the list goes on. So we had a friendship but it was only a surface one. Nothing meaningful at all. Now he has decided to make changes. He is more interested in being close to me and all of that. This is where the saying I love you does not sit well with me. Because I know he cares and everything, but i don't understand why he says it so much. He didn't give a sh*$ a year ago at this time. Even 6 months ago. He is just pushing me now cause he says he realizes he was wrong. I just don't know if I am ready to let it all happen. We are not back together....we are just closer than we have been in a long time. I can't ask him because I don't want him to think he has the upper hand anymore. He had it for far too long...I refuse to go down that road again.

Why does he insist on telling me he loves me? It has been almost 3 years since we broke up. However, we have just recently begun to establish a true and meaningful friendship. He was a very bad friend for a long time, but I have let him back into my life (although I am soo weary). The relationship has become intense and very close. when he says he loves me he leaves it open to interpretation. By that I mean he could argue that he meant it as he loves me as "just a friend", or that he loves me because I am the closest person he has in his life. But he says it in a way that I know he is trying to get to me. Instead of giving him any satisfaction I just let it slide and don't ask what he means, what "kind" of love he is referring to. I don't want him to think that I am hoping it is the romantic kind. But it is just so odd. We will be talking and he will interrupt and say in a serious tone..."you know what? I love you". Or he will end a serious conversation by telling me he loves me and that I should know he really cares...that he just wanted me to know. I love him too though. However, I don't want to abuse the term. I don't want to tell him that after we hang up a phone call cause we are not in love. We are not together and don't plan to be anytime soon so why does he keep on saying it? It is nice to hear but i fear that he abuses its meaning. Or he wants to keep me hanging on through such words. What are his intentions in saying I love you so much? Is he just a friend who cares, or does he have other motives?

wow...you guys helped a lot. I thought I was the only one who had to deal with the stupid stuff. So do you think I should stop hanging out with them for a bit? Or should I continue but keep ignoring it like I have been? I think if I keep hanging out with them and this continues I will end up snapping or something. It almost happened one night when I was drunk...I came very close to losing it! Anne has done this to me before with friends. In fact it happened in University with a girl we both became close to. At first Anne tried her best to keep me isolated. Turned out that the girl and I became better friends in the end...maybe she is scared it will happen again? She even went so far as to befriend my ex at one point which just about killed me. She knew he and I were on bad terms. I was heartbroken and couldn't stand going over to his place to hang out. He is in our group of friends so she knew him before we broke up and was friends with him. But convienently when I was in the phase where I had no contact with him, she was constantly over there. She all of a sudden became best friends with the guy who broke my heart. It took me a very long time to get over that, I was really hurt. Why does she keep doing this to me? I am seeing a pattern now that I think about it.

Let me start of by saying that I know how immature this will seem. I am 23 and shouldn't have to deal with stupid stuff like this...but I can't help the way that I feel! Ok so I have 2 best friends. Well I have a lot of people I consider good friends, but these are the 2 girls I hang out with and talk to the most. Anyway, one of them lets call her anne has been my best friend for years now. The other lets call her Sue has been a friend of mine for just as long however, we just recently got close (like the past 7 months or so). Anne and Sue were friends too for just as long ( a little closer than I was with Sue) but Sue and Anne were never as close as me and Anne were.....following?? Ok so here is the problem: I am feeling like Anne gets jealous/possesive of Sue. Like when we are all out drinking or whatever Anne clings to her and basically excludes me. When we are all together Anne and Sue will bring up inside stories infront of me to make me feel like they have been friends for soooo long. Stupid? yes i know. Now there is more. I feel like Anne kisses Sues you know what. I feel like she goes out of her way to make sure she compliments her and stupid things like that. Just so that she has one up type thing. Now don't get me wrong. I am not competing here. I have done my best to ignore it and be mature. I keep telling myself it is silly and it will pass. But it is really starting to piss me off. I hate worrying that I will be left out of the loop or that I will have to feel ignored if we go somewhere. I don't know what to do. Anne has been my friend for so long and I don't even know how to approach her. She is not the most approachable person and she would get mad and push herself even further away from me. Sue will just continue to love it because her * * * is getting kissed...what could she possibly find wrong with that? What do I do? I know this seems sooo childish and everything would be fine if Anne would just stop acting this way! Is three a crowd? Because that is exactly how I feel...

I don't know what I want with him. The situation is just confusing me so much that my thoughts change from moment to moment. I need to breathe, take a step back and figure out how I truly feel. I am so lost in this situation. I feel like I am sinking in quicksand. I just need a plan on how to get out. Shake it all off and figure things out in a rational manner.

This might seem like a shallow thing to care about but I can't help it! I have large breasts (d cups) and there are some stretch marks on them. Nothing too bad, but they really bother me! How can I get rid of them? Has anyone had this issue? If so, what did you do to treat the problem? HELP!

I am so overwhelmed. I am so confused with what I am feeling. Are the feelings I have real? Are they old memories? Or are they just things I have made up in my head? I am so frustrated with myself. I am so angry. I am so sad because I wish I was not such an idiot. I am just messed up! It makes me feel better to know that I am not the only person who has caved like this. Thank you for the replies so far...they help a lot.

I am in a toxic situation right now. I feel like I have no place to run and I need to get out of it. My ex is back in my life in a very intimate way. It has been sexual, emotional, and intense. However, we are just "friends". He and I both don't want to get back together (not now, we are not ready or sure if thats what we want). But we have been clinging to eachother lately and I am not sure why. At first I liked it. I love to spend time with him etc... Recently I have been feeling very depressed and unhappy. I feel like I am letting myself down and that I should have never gotten myself into this mess at all. I just let it happen. I miss him from time to time and I think about him a lot, I just liked having him around. I am scared that if I cut him off for good I will regret it. I will never know if anything else could have happened or if we were never meant to be. I feel like in order for me to know what he is to me and what I am to him I need to be around to see it. Can I cut him off and do my thing like I was before he showed up again and still truly figure those things out? I just feel like we are abusing one another. That neither of us want to commit but can't just let go. I feel like he compares me to the person I was when we dated and that frustrates me cause I have changed so much. I feel like I am constantly wondering what the hell is going on, I feel like I have no power, I have no idea what he is thinking and half the time I have no idea what I am thinking either. I am so confused...I am so frustrated. I love him and I care for him so much...but I can't keep doing this. Can I cut him off? How can I do this? I am so scared to let go again....I am in over my head.

my ex betrayed me many times. The one that sticks out the most and that hurt me the most was this.... We broke up in the beginning of our 2nd year of University. There is a formal every year he could take a date to and we went in the 1st year. Since we were broken up in 2nd year we discussed it, he told me he wanted to be able to take me as a friend and that it would be really good if we could do that. A week before the event he asked another girl without telling me...I had to ask him. Well that CRUSHED me but that is not the betrayal I am getting at here. The next couple years went by and we struggled for a friendship. We were now in our last year and had begun to start a friendship that was really working...things were great. The time for him to ask someone to the formal came again....part of me wanted him to take me to show me that he really did care about our friendship...that he and I could finally do something like that as friends and have a great time. It would have meant a lot to me. Instead he asked another girl again. Not just any other girl. He asked me very best friend. I lived with her, and I spend every second of the day with her. I had problems with their friendship for a long time, it hurt me to say the least....he knew all of that, and he asked her anyway. That was one of MANY times he betrayed me. Luckly my best friend cared about me enough to tell him no.

I know that I do still feel for him. It is not the same as it once was obviously, but I think it is something that will never go away. He was my first love, my first everything. He contributed to the person I have become and for that I will always feel he is special to me. Maybe you are right, maybe the fact that I will always love him and care for him is too much. Perhaps those feelings are too much to be able to call him a best friend. What if they make us closer friends? I have been wondering recently what would happen if I did give in and let him have this close friendship. I was thinking about what would happen if he started to seriously date a girl. Would I get shafted once again? Would she have a problem with our closeness? The same would go for me if I started to date someone....would this friendship be able to work through that situation? I don't know if it could. I don't know what he is expecting to happen. I need to talk to him about it....I bet he is not even thinking that far ahead. I can't help it though...I need to weigh everything out, I need to know if this is another load of BS that he is feeding me or if it might actually work.

i have been down that road oh so many times with him. I play the "I am pretending you are not in the room" bit. I have tried the only civil bit, I have even tried just avoiding where he is altogether but it never works. We are all in a close group. We have all been friends since highschool and everyone would start to notice if things were different with us again. It would make things more complicated don't you think? I mean I could do it again but just knowing how many times it has failed discourages me a lot. Sometimes I just with I could move away and escape all of this drama. I know it is impossible, but sometimes it feels like the only way out.

You are right, I have been fooled by him many times. It hurt me the most when I was over him and just wanted a friendship. When he would tell me he wanted me to be back in his life, for us to be the close friends we once were and then he would completely screw me over in some way. Those were the times that hurt the most. It was because I had moved past the point where I wanted to be with him, I was putting my trust in him in another way and he abused that too. There are days when I think that I should tell him to take a hike. When I know in my mind that he is not worth it, that he is lucky to even be talking to me at all. Those are the days when I feel like I need to cut him off. I just get overwhelmed thinking about where to begin. I don't think I mentioned this but he is in the same group of friends as me. He is ALWAYS out with us on weekends, he always knows what I am up to and I don't see a way to ever change that. I can start hanging out with other people but I love my friends and have no desire to do that.....except to get away from him. In order for me to terminate the friendship I would have to change so much of my life...and I don't think it is fair that I should have to change anything else for him. I have already done so much, I have already had to change so much just because of him. On the other days when I feel more open to the idea of letting him back in I think he is worth it. I think the closeness that we have and the way we are with eachother is something special. Something I don't want to let go of. You know when you think about those stories of 2 best friends getting into a fight, not speaking for a while and then something happens to one of them and the other friend is left regretting the fact that they did not get to have that time with the person over something stupid? I know my situation is different but the fact that I do love him and that I do care for him makes me think that it is all that should matter. I know he did'nt show me that...but he is willing to now, maybe that is how it was supposed to happen? I don't know, these are just some of the millions of thoughts that have come to mind when trying to decide what to do here. If he is a user I will end up hurt again if I try. If he is genuinely sorry for what he has done and wants to make it right and I don't try, I will never know the type of friendship we could have had. I don't know how to trust him, I don't know if I can.

I agree he is insensitive. He was a huge jerk for so long. But why is it that I still love the guy? Even though I don't want to start up a romantic relationship I still love him. I still miss being close with him and there is a side of me that still wants to try and make it work. I agree he deserves to be cut out of my life. He is lucky I am even talking to him at all. So I should cut him out...but I can't ignore the other part of me. How can I do something that does not feel 100% right to me? Cutting him off does not feel right, and having this friendship does not feel right either.

When you were in a similar situation how did you ignore the part of you that did'nt want to run away? Has anyone been in a situation like mine? What side did you pick? How did it end up in the long run?

Sorry if this is kinda long...I will try to keep it short. So I have posted a few times on here regarding my ex boyfriend. I will sum things up though.. So we dated for almost 4 years. Our first year at the same University he broke up with me. For the next 3 years I watched him with so many other girls. He turned from the sweet and sensitive man that I loved and respected, into the manwhore jock who all the girls wanted to be with. It was horrible. It took me a long time to be ok again. I hated going out to bars because I was afraid of what I might see. I cried a lot, and I lost control of my happiness for a long time. Throughout all of this, he would try and maintain contact. He lived 2 blocks away but I rarely saw or spoke to him. He would only maintain enough contact to be able to call me his "friend" and would see me when it was convienient for him. I hated him for a long time. I resented how he threw me away to party and to have sex with random girls. I got over it though. Every now and then he would come around and tell me he wanted me in his life. How I was his best friend and he needed me in it. I would give in and allow it, then he would abuse it all over again. It was a cycle. He would apologize in a big way for doing something awful (as a friend) and then i would forgive and we would start hanging out again, then it would happen even worse etc... I reached a point where I stopped caring. I stopped considering him my good friend because he wasn't. He was an awful friend to me, he was the most selfish person i knew. He hurt me a lot, so many times and in so many ways. I forgave him and accepted the fact that we were just friends but not close and not important to one another. Now we are finished University. We are back in the hometown we grew up in and all of a sudden now he wants to do anything he can to have me close to him. He told me that over the summmer he realized that he treated me so badly all of those years and that I am very important to him. He is pushing for a close friendship. He is calling everyday almost and when we are alone together he wants to hold me and talk to me for hours like we used to. There is a part of me that wants that too. All those years I was hurt because I missed him, because I knew that we had something special and that i never had been so close to a person like that in my life. That part of me wants him here, that part of me makes me call him and talk for hours about nothing, and that part lets him hold me and cuddle me when we are together. There is another part of me that is screaming NOOO! It is telling me not to trust him, not to let him off so easy, not to let him have me when he threw me away. It is telling me that he only wants to have me close because those tons of girls are no longer around to keep him occupied and now that he is home he misses the comfort of me. So here I sit, on this painful fence. I don't know which side to jump onto. I am wavering back and forth. I am so confused about what I want and what I feel. I need to decide, I am living in limbo so it seems. Help me, what side should I chose?

I definitely have not given up the idea of dating other people and I don't think he has either. If there is a guy who I am interested in he will not hold me back from pursuing it. The same goes for me if he meets someone. Its a strange situation I agree. Like I said, this has been a non-issue for a while. Its like every year or two we cave and go through a phase like this. I just thought that the last time would actually be the "last" time. As for our friendship, I have faith in its survival for a number of reasons. It has been through hell and back and we always find our way back to a comfortable and close position with one another. He talks to me about girls and I talk to him, we argue cause we know eachother so well but nothing is ever too much to go our separate ways forever. Maybe in time things will be different. For now, this situation does confuse me because I don't understand why it keeps happening. At the same time, I feel good about the fact that I can walk away from it and still be happy and not hung up on him when if this were a few years ago I would be a mess. Maybe thats why I am doing it...maybe I like the feeling of having control over the situation and my emotions?

thanks for the replies... I have tried to not be friends with him. There were times when it hurt too much to be his friend, or when I was so angry with him. Even though there were times like that he persisted and never stopped trying to keep me in his life. It took a lot of work but we both decided that we need to be in eachothers lives. I could stop being his friend but I know that won't last. I care too much about him, I want him around. We don't sleep together everytime we see eachother. In fact, this situation has not come up in almost 2 years so I never thought I would be worrying about it ever. It just happened out of the blue recently, I guess since we are both single and spending great amounts of time together. It seems impossible to cut him off even if I wanted to. We are so close, he can just look at me and know what I am thinking. Part of me is saying stop but the majority is really enjoying the situation. Is this a bad sign? I don't think I am getting feelings back, I just enjoy him. Is it possible to stay friends and do this every now and then? I wish it could work that way....

So i have an ex who is actively in my life and has been for a while now. We were eachothers first loves and dated for a few years, we had some rough times and now are able to be friends and have little to no issues between us. However, recently we started sleeping together. I am ok with it and I am guessing so is he. We are both single and are not hurting anyone else, we just give in to one another every now and then. I know to many this seems like a huge mistake. I know that feelings could start to get involved and things could get messy. Here is what I am asking you all..... We have always had a constant attraction, we have always loved eachother (not being in love, but definitely love one another), we care deeply for the other and we are on a comfort level that I have yet to reach with another man and he with another woman. It didn't work out between us for various reasons and we just want to be friends and we have worked for years at being able to just be friends, so why can't we just stop thinking of eachother in that way? Why do we give in so easily? Can't you find someone attractive and not have to constantly think of sleeping with them, and wanting to be with them in that way? I am frustrated because i know it seems so wrong and we should just say no, but we both let go every time. Why do people do this? Why am i doing this? Something that makes no sense in my mind is all so clear as soon as we start to kiss and I just throw all logic out the window. Am I stupid? Should I end this? I just need some thoughts....

If this continues I am gonna have to say something... I don't get it though. This has not been an issue for so long and I never thought I would have to deal with it again. I thought that him making out with different girls in my face was his way of telling me he could care less about me. Who knows though, you are right, anything could be going on in his head.

so what should I say to him? How and in what setting should I do this? I am human too and I am scared of being completely rejected, I already felt major rejection from him and I am scared that it could happen again if I say something.

I have thought about that but that confuses me too. I mean if he felt that way why would he have treated me that way in the first place? And when he acts like that it actually makes ME feel like he is grossed out by me and does'nt want me around. It had the opposite effect. I could ask him about it but its so hard to get him talking sometimes I don't even know what I would say or how I would say it.

Hi everyone, I am a little confused. A while back me and a friend of mine slept together. I know you are all thinking HUGE mistake. It was definitely something I wish I had thought through a bit more but we handled it very well and things have been fine ever since. Here is a little history for you all to understand before I get into my problem: I had a bit of a crush on him before we slept together. He knew that and I think he acted on impulse. I was fine with it though because so did I, we just let it happen. Afterwards I did'nt really regret anything until about a week later (the first time I had seen him since it happened) he was all over other girls infront of me. Now, I knew that nothing much would come out of what we did so I was definitely not expecting much. However, his actions seemed very disrespectful to me and hurt me as a result. I just thought it was too soon to be doing something like that, especially since we had barely spoken about it etc...He ended up apologizing, I forgave him and we continued being friends, but I stopped thinking of him in a "more-than-friend" way immediately. It belw over though and things have been fine. All of this happened almost 8 months ago. And here is why I am confused. All of a sudden he has been acting stange around me. He is quite stand-offish and he is less eager to start up conversation ( I pretty much have to start and carry any convo). He is hesitant to be anywhere near me pretty much. Although it is not something that happens all the time it has happened a few times recently. I am wondering why now?? Why 8 months after all this would he feel strange now? I am totally fine around him and when i feel like he is being stange I try to make him feel like I don't care and am completely normal. Afterall, he is the one who kinda hurt me, so if anything, I should be the awkward one! Why is he being like this now?? Any ideas???

thanks for the honesty. I realize this is what happened now that I have removed myself from it all. I talked to him yesterday and told him that I wanted to forget about it. He had a bunch of reasons why he acted the way he did, but they all sounded like excuses. I still feel hurt but at least now I know what took place and I can move forward. The only thing that still bothers me is the fact that he did this to me when I am a friend. curiosity is one thing, but to do that to a friend who he knew had feelings for him just seems wrong. I guess all I can do now is hope that this blows over fast. Sucks eh?? I really liked the guy

i forgot to ask... do you think that by me not telling him all that I wanted to say I partially deserved this?? Honestly though, I feel like I did'nt but I could be wrong. I am only seeing it from my point of view. Even if he had no idea where he stood with me, would that make what he did ok??