love_junkie

I'll try to keep this brief. This dude i know for the past coupla years shot me down! Several years ago, he was head over heels for me, but i had a boyfriend and couldn't do much about it. He asked me out, talked to me a lot and then when he realized we weren't gonna date, left me alone. Then, about 1 year ago, i met him for a beer. I told him we should go on a real date, he said 'yeah' and then i got involved with someone else, so we never went on the date. Just recently i began to find him charming. I hung out with him one night (no hanky panky or nothing), just a little huggin'. I was thrilled, i thought maybe the timing was right. The he said it, "I DON'T WANT A GIRLFRIEND". I thought he had totally enjoyed my company! Can you please explain what the hell happened? Is he gonna change his mind? He liked me before!! I called him the other day, his buddy picked up and said he couldn't talk. It hurt so bad. GUYS tell me what he is thinking!

Saying you don't mind porn means you are enabling this boyfriend. He won't stop watching it because you don't put your foot down. He knows he can do whatever he wants and that you're not in any of his fantasies. Give him an ultimatim. Men hate them, but life's tuff isn't it? Respect yourself and tell him your thinking of leaving if he doesn't quit viewing this garbage that totally degrades the female sex. It makes all of us women pieces of meat. Get your head on right, take a stand, realize that porn isn't okay. Men have to be steared the right way. They won't figure it out without a woman's guidance. Until you do take a stand, this could go on forever...10 years of it? Come on, why would he quit later if he doesn't now? Porn is horrible stuff and it only gets more severe (child, sadomasochism, suffocation,etc). People act as if it's harmless, but it's not. It's dangerous to women and to men alike. You get what you settle for, don't forget that, try to be strong. LJ

You need to make your mom aware of this person's sick behavior. Your mom isn't aware of this man's advances towards you. Tell her about the touching in the water. If she gives you grief, tell her you are concerned about your safety if you must live with this man. Next time he pulls this crap, tell him to back off. No matter how innocent it seems--he's doing this because you are innocent enough and he knows HE CAN. Don't let him massage your feet, don't let him do anything. Tell your mother everything. If you have a dad, go live with him if your mother decides to marry him. Don't be ashamed, you've done nothing wrong, you're just being manipulated. Please be strong and stand your ground. You need to make sure you don't live with this man and that you don't tolerate his advances. He's sick if he's attracted to a 15 year old, that's it. He's totally screwed in the head. There's nothing wrong with you at all. Please don't be ashamed ever and just realize there is something wrong with this kook. Get yourself emancipated if your mom is too weak to call off the wedding to a pedophile, because that's what he is. Don't get around him alone. Tell him you will call the cops if he bothers you. DO NOT TOLERATE this from him, if you do, he will bother you more. If he apologizes, tell him you're gonna call the cops if he does it again. God bless, LJ

thanks so much for all of the ideas & advice you guys have given. it's made me feel so much better and i'm hungry for more really. i think it's time to readjust and take a different path. just afraid this biological clock will really start ticking...wish i'd done some things differently. i've made bad choices, i don't wanna make anymore. thanks guys...i'll keep you posted. i feel very washed out right now.

I would like to get as many responses as possible...please, feel free to share your own experience with me...the more the merrier. i need some educated responses...i'm in a lot of pain,maybe you are too. SHARE!!!! Here's some of the story...if you read my other post (help! help!), i mention what the problem is. As of late, it's another really bad person for me...well i sent him on his way, so no more unless he comes back to bug me and hopefully nothing then. I'm seriously just wilting...i'm 24, & i want real love. I haven't felt it yet, at all and i've been dating like a maniac since i was able! I know this is bad, so i take time out for myself. My house just seems so barren and lonely at times. I want/need love and i'm not getting it. it makes me wonder if there's something really wrong with me. since the end of these several painful breakups, i've become so angry, mean and self-conscious, not to mention self-loathing. life feels so empty, just like my bed. i want love so bad it kills me...i just seem to attract the worst lot of people. not only are they bad, some are just plain evil, try to break me down, use me for sex, abuse me, etc. Where does a sweet girl like myself go to meet a good man other than church? I've prayed, but nothing's turned out. I'm social enough, nothing. What do i do? i hate this loneliness and emptiness...this deep unresolved fear of abandonment, this feeling that i am incapable of attracting and keeping someone's love? I feel so worthless, so low, ugly and stupid. HELP ME! Course, i won't give up, but like i said, i'm wilting. Maybe we can get a really long forum going for support...i think that's what we need here, because i imagine someone else's hope's run dry. Do some of you ever feel like you just want to start all over again? I feel like part of my innocence has been ripped from my soul. How do you restore your innocence if you've seen or felt too much? Answer me that. Do you feel absolutely without hope like I do? Could someone please give some statistics on marriage so I can have some comfort? Will someone ever really love me? I'm just 24, but I'm worried. I know I sound silly. Let's get this forum started! Please come back daily to check for new sources of comfort!

oh no! you better watch that mouthwash-on-wang stuff!! i have met several folks who claim(true or not?) that the minty-fresh elixir will cause the wang to SHRINK! An average of 2" !!! So much for the wedding night! I guess yall will be crying about the size of it instead of other things! i believe that there may be support groups for "shrinking willy syndrome". check around online! LJ

It sounds to me like your husband is growing increasingly addicted to pornography. He expresses no interest in you not because you are not attractive or whatever else, but because all the pressure of love-making and intimacy are out of the way and he doesn't have that hanging over his head with his magazines. Unfortunately, reading such magazines will have an effect on the intimacy of your marriage. Find some way to help him out of this. You're not alone, several women I know (gorgeous women) have had the same problem. Men are just odd. I think perhaps the intimacy may be scaring him, along with pressure to perform. This is so much easier. I suggest you pray about it, and find some way to deal with it--did you know the Bible actually mentions that husbands and wives shouldn't deny each other sex, because their bodies belong to one another? This is to prevent infidelity, etc. Pray for him, be understanding and try to get him to give up those filthy, degrading magazines that put all of us women back at ground zero! We've worked to hard!

let me just say that i've been down that road so many times...unfortunately, i have ended up without all of those men that said, ''i love you so much" and blah blah blah. well it doesn't mean a whole lot, the i love you thing if they aren't with you,does it? rather than give yourself away again (as i have many times), seek to find someone to marry that way you don't have to deal with this immense, psyche-wrecking pain. in this day and age, that sounds extreme, but you said you were religious, so i assume you are a christian. men don't care much when they get you, that's why they invented marriage to keep them anchored down. of course you will love each other, but the person will not just walk away. ask yourself what you mean to this man. did he make promises or were they hollow promises? get yourself a real commitment and steer clear of this in the future. always make sure you know whether or not they are going to commit or then you start counting on your toes like i have. my love life has been terrible for my lack of discretion...watch out, you're young, don't wreck your self-esteem. LJ you have hope...there are so many men out there...it's just hard finding the good ones!

I've got a question...I've known this person for a year and we've seen each other off and on. He's always been intense...fearful of rejection and just kinda needy. I actually liked that about him, because I thought it meant we'd get somewhere (someone who appears intense and interested). Well we hung out one night, he had a buzz and told me that I was illusive and that I was one of those girls he loved. He never volunteers info like this because he thinks it's not masculine to do so. There were all these things that made me think he adored me. Lately, things have gone kind of pear-shaped. I slept with him one night (coupla times) and he's not responded the same since. It's as if he got it and now it's not interesting anymore. I told him recently if we were going to continue sleeping together, we needed to have a relationship. He said he refused to discuss it, that he didn't want a commitment and that was that. I told him that we better not see each other anymore. I don't want just a sex partner. It's been a few days, he's not calling me, but I didn't expect him to call me with a "I change my mind, let's get together", because I know how he is. What i don't understand is that things seemed really nice...we always have this magical time together, but I'm thinking he was using me now. What happened? How did he go from liking me and respecting me to using me? I don't understand...He put on a good act if he doesn't care. What do you think? I miss him so much and I want to be with him so much, but I think that idea must turn him off....i'd like some professional answers if you could help...What can I do? I don't meet that many people I'm totally attracted to...I want to call, but I feel I can't just be friends, so calling might be a bad idea, but i really want him. LJ