catfeeder

Yep, I agree with this. You'll be in her class the whole semester, so you don't need to rush.

I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if this was covered already. Is there a reason why he won't just certify and work as a pharmacy tech? He'd make decent money and gain exposure to the work environment, and over time he'd learn whether the might want to pursue the test. If he opts to do so, he'd have some money, so he could hire a tutor to help him with test prep.

These aren't your only two options. First, the girl didn't stick around for you to divorce your wife, so it makes sense to recognize that she's moving on and may find herself a partner regardless of what you choose to do. Second, 'just staying' in the marriage isn't exactly a pro-active option. You could remain in the marriage and seek counseling to try to get more of your needs met. You could separate and explore what life would be like for each of you without the other in your daily lives, then decide from there whether to proceed with a divorce or whether to try at a partnership again. If you are not currently in therapy, this would be a good time to hire a therapist who specializes in marriage and family counseling. Regardless of whether you opt for marriage counseling with your wife, a family therapist can best help you navigate your current situation in addition to helping you to heal from your past. I'd also consider seeking legal advice from an attorney in your location. Ask for a list of your current options along with the best steps to take for each options. This is not the same thing as filling for divorce, it's information gathering. From there, you can operate based on real information rather than on emotions alone.

No. She’s done, and it doesn’t matter why. The down side of pushing a first meet into a long date, starting with flowers and ending with a kiss, is that it’s over-saturation. You both might enjoy it at the time, but the after taste is that it can rub a person raw. The goal of a first meet is for two people to check one another out, then part and reflect in private on whether this is full date material. And it’s usually not. Most people are not a romantic match. That’s just natural odds. It doesn’t mean there’s anything ‘wrong’ with either person, and they can both have enjoyed the other on a human level. But simpatico is rare. That’s why not every friend you make is your best friend. Either you click on that special something, or you don’t. The right person for you will see you through the right lens, and they will ‘get’ you, exactly as you are. You can’t force that kind of fit, so don’t try. Just enjoy meeting new people until you stumble across that kind of match, and it will be mutual—or it’s not your match.

What was her explanation? In terms of jokes, it's best to keep humor about making fun of yourself rather than someone else. You never know how sensitive a person is about something you point out. None of us have more insight into her than you, but in your shoes, I'd just back off. Stay kind, and see if she warms up again. If not, it could be that the whole small workplace thing feels a bit too claustrophobic to her. You don't know how uncomfortable her other coworkers may have made her feel about seeing someone on the job.

Trust your feeling on this. You're not obligated to him. Find someone who makes you happy.

I agree. OP, you're the one who understands the context of this better than any of us. But I agree with @Batya33 that the flowers are a bit overkill when meeting a total stranger. Keep it simple. Consider the first meet a 'meet' to check one another out. You're not trying to win a prize, or even win anyone over--you're two adult human beings sharing a coffee together to learn whether or not you're a potential match for a full date. If you romanticize that, it will seem staged and overdone. Head high, and recognize that good matches are rare. They're supposed to be rare, like a needle in a haystack. If finding love were not rare, what would be so special about it? Trust that the right person for you will view you through the right lens, and so you don't need to put on pretenses.

On reflection, she might felt uneasy about her own behavior, none of us can know. You’ll learn over the course of time whether she pulls back from you or invites more contact.

He doesn’t need to look directly at you to hear his name with a hello. Try that out a few times, and he may be encouraged to start saying hello to you without prompting. I’m not one for barging right into invitations. Lay down some welcoming seeds first to learn how he responds. If that goes well, you’ll both grow comfortable conversing, and you’ll sense the right time to invite him.

DATING A ALCOHOLIC THAT DISPLAY EMOTINALLY VERBAL ABUSE. Common sense dictates, don’t do it. The key word above is ‘dating,’ which is voluntary, which means you can choose to walk away.

It makes no sense to complain about the back and forth while you’re still hitting the ball.

I hear. Emotionally, I would have been done with him 8 years ago if my goal was marriage and family. As a woman, my fertility years are too limited to invest in anyone who didn’t share my goals at that time and act on them. So this is why I only addressed the practical side of this. I believed that you were okay with years going nowhere beyond a transactional agreement. So let this incident be your compass if you want more from a lover than this guy has delivered, because you are correct in viewing this as clarity about the limits of his investment in you. I’m so sorry, and my heart goes out to you.

I often find myself unable to eat dessert after a meal, and if anyone tried to guilt trip me about that, I’d find it very strange and rude. I gladly accept leftovers and desserts to take with me when they are offered, and I use the return of containers as another social opportunity. I’ll often meet the host to treat them to something. I’m glad you recognized your harshness, but that hasn’t curbed you quite enough. Your martyrdom is showing, and it’s not a good look.

Congrats, Alex! I’d only give one week in case you end up fighting for the money. First sign of trouble, just file a small claim, and she’ll pay right up to avoid court.

I’d have to pass on anyone who would do that to me. I’d make this less about her, and trying to figure her out, I’d make it more about me, and how I want to live. Walking on eggshells with someone who views me as disposable would not be it.

Think of this time in your life as conditioning yourself with experiences. It's how we all learn, by living. It's very rare to take up with someone nice and early and have everything run smoothly and lead to marriage and a baby carriage. This means you'll need to learn how to weather falling out of relationships along the way. It's a marathon, not a sprint, and self kindness is crucial. Find ways to reward yourself for your efforts, and understand that the RIGHT person will view you through the RIGHT lens. That's not most people, so buckle up and learn how to depersonalize bad matches as nothing more insulting than trying to match two pieces of a puzzle that don't fit together. Relax, let your right person recognize you, and let everyone else drop away early. Head high.

It’s certainly not wrong to be fed up with someone who would put you in debt on top of mistreating you. I’d seek legal advice to learn my options and the best steps to take for each option. This would enable you to make decisions based on real information rather than emotions alone.

Why would you put up with this and teach your children that this is an acceptable way for adults to behave? That man would be kicked out of my house so fast, he’d need a GPS to get his bearings. Show your children the importance of loving yourself and them far more than anyone who would mistreat you in their home. Head high, and enlist the help of an attorney for legal advice. Contact your local hospital for a referral to a social worker who can set you up with counseling with a support center for domestic violence prevention. Verbal abuse typically escalates into physical abuse, and there are resources available to help you that are not widely known to the public. If you have a mental health counselor at your school, start there. Some people are best loved from far away.

This is a great point. I know a few people who learned this the hard way.

I agree. You can't 'fix' someone else's mental problems. Plenty of people have them without using them as a banner to hide behind so they can manipulate and annoy with impunity. The longer you belabor this, the more you enable her at your own expense.

I’m sure he likes keeping his job far better than he likes you.

I wouldn’t put up with anyone assuming themselves into my home without my invitation. And all my invitations have a beginning, middle and end. Any attempt to guilt trip me about that would land them an invitation to leave. Permanently.

You’re probably a wonderful parent and haven’t needed to learn the non-response method of dealing with juvenile temper tantrums, but I can offer that it works wonders and communicates exactly what acting out deserves—to be ignored. I’m from a large blended family. Every time someone brought their bratty stage to a gathering, they huffed and puffed to silence, which someone would break by asking someone else to please pass the rolls, or an ask whether I can bring anyone back a drink… We might have made some faces or eye rolls at one another, but none of us were willing to play. We all learned that the only thing that a fit would accomplish is nothing. That may be the best way to get yourself through a vacation with an attention seeker. If you want to nix her for a while after the trip, then use that plan as a mental safety net to keep yourself in line while with your parents. You’ll thank yourself for not taking the bait to regress back to childhood. Head high!

Consider asking him to review the household budget and revise each of your contributions to align with a percentage of your earnings as opposed to a 50/50 split. That’s how many couples do it, as it allows for both to have a leftover discretionary income. Factor in your services to the household, such as cleaning, cooking, laundry if applicable. That’s the practical side. The emotional side can be reserved for learning his response to this suggestion. If he’s not open to this, then yes, you’ve got a problem to address.

Consider signing up with temp agencies, and accept assignments that will expose you to different work environments and cultures. When you find places you like, you’ll be positioned to apply-from-within for opportunities that are not offered to the public. Sending resumes is not enough to get yourself onto the agency rosters. Make appointments for interviews, at least 3 per week, preferably in the morning so you can treat yourself to some kind of reward afterward. Start with the firms closest to you, then work yourself through an outward radius. All agencies do not have the same accounts, so the variety is important, especially for exposure to the marketing areas in different industries, where writing copy and releases and learning both internal and external operations will add to your value in in journalism. The best reporting on the world requires embedding yourself within it rather than hiding from it. You have the technical skills down—get out there and learn how to use them in lots of ways. Join the working public to understand it and service it. You’ll make new friends, and you’ll feel more connected with your audience.