Parsley

I guess I didn't read it properly either - I didn't think the goal was to get your ex back, more to get yourself back!! Shaker - I'm so sorry to see that you want to email him, I've been watching the thread for a few days and you've seemed so strong! You and everyone else on here have been what has reinforced my resolve to stick to NC - seeing you doing it and managing so well when you all were in a much longer relationship than me and have gone through a lot more suffering! Please stick to your NC...if not for yourself, then for lil old me? That goes for others I've read on here...Keefy, KoopaTroopa (you helped a lot the other night thank you), Ladybugg...all of you! Keep strong and keep setting the amazing example you have been. I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope that 2007 is a billion trillion times better than 2006 for every single one of you xxx

Right, posting earlier this evening - may post agian later - who knows! Day um..13 of NC. Been feeling very up and down today. Having trouble as a result of dreams - last night I dreamt that he emailed me and 'wanted to talk' but I couldn't open the email. Woke up and sat for a long time trying to decide if I actually wanted him to contact me... I've definitely been thinking of him a lot less. Just got on with my tasks today and he barely crossed my mind. Until I went down to the doctor. I had to go and see him to get a repeat prescription of the pill, as I'd just changed to a different type. This was a tough, as part of the reason I'd changed in the first place was for my ex. You see...I'd thought all my weird moods and depression regarding my ex was because I'd been put on a strong pill. So I changed to a lower dose, because I didn't think it was fair on him...turns out I was reacting in a perfectly normal way - he'd just let me think it was me being crazy. Good thing though! Doctor was asking about my life..what I'm doing. I told him all about uni about going back to Portsmouth in October, and when he asked if I had a boyfriend down there, my stomach only jolted the tiniest amount, and I was even able to say "No. My boyfriend broke up wtih me a couple of weeks ago actually" I feel really proud of myself - that I didn't just completely break down - it was a matter of fact thing. Just hope my optimism isn't some weird kind of denial and I'm actually getting worse.

2 weeks since we broke up, 12 days since we talked, and I feel...good!! Yesterday was terrible. Eurgh. The night before was worse. But last night was ok! The first night I've gone to sleep without plugging in my ipod and listening to some comedy to distract myself from all the whirry thoughts in my brain - and that is an achievement!!! I barely even thought about him today, my sister came over with my little baby nephew (who is perhaps the most gorgeous and funny baby I've ever laid eyes on...but that may be the auntie in me) and he is a fantastic distraction. I laughed so much today...it's crazy! Disgusting as it sounds, but having a baby sucking your face and chin is the funniest thing in the world. Alongside holding one whilst they strain trying to number 2. I feel so great today. I'm taking each day as it comes - yesterday was terrible, but the realisations I had yesterday brought about a better today. It was the first time I'd noticed how much easier my life is now, and though I still miss him terribly...I think most of what I miss was him loving me, and the feeling of being held that you don't get from anyone but a significant other. But no rebound for me! NO. How is everyone else going? I've been reading everyone's stories religiously, and I really hope everyone has had a good a day as I did today! xxxxxxxx

Right, my 3rd day officially on the challenge, 11th day since contact, 13th day since break up. Today has been...I don't really remember today. Last night was the most I've ever been tempted. I wanted so much to text him and tell him how much I missed him, even though I know if he wanted me back I'd say no, there's no doubt about that. Last night was just..so lonely. It was all I could do to stop myself thinking about him holding me as we went to sleep. In the end I watched tv, then listened to comedy until I finally drifted off. Unfortunately, I proceeded to dream about him, as if he were a new partner. It was clearly influenced by what I'd been thinking about before we went to sleep - in the dream we were lying in bed talking and holding each other, then just before I woke up, he kissed me - and it *was* our first kiss. After that I was in a weird mood all day, unable to forget the feeling of the kiss, even though it was in a dream. It made it so difficult to imagine anyone new being as good as him..well him in the beginning, because when we got together and for 3 months afterwards..he was perfect. Have also realised that there's no point in hating him or disliking him for what he did. Sure...it was a really crappy thing for him to do to me, but it will in no way make me feel better, only worse. He wouldn't know that I feel that way, as we are obviously not speaking, and we don't have any mutual friends. He argued with one of the two we had about a month into the relationship, hence alienating both of them from him. I still talk to them, one is one of my best friends. But anyway...he wouldn't know if I hated him, so what is the point? It would just end up hardening my heart to future relationships - unlikely as they seem right now. Have been trying a new technique to remind myself that I am only 18 and have so much time to find someone...even 90 year olds find love! But yeah, anytime I've found myself feeling really depressed and down, I go into the front room and sit and look at it, and imagine my wedding day with my family and bridesmaids getting ready, and my little nephew running around being excitable. Then I imagine sitting there with my husband on the computer with my dad, brother and brother in law, talking about the latest film trailer, whilst me, my mum and my sister watch over our kids. It sounds stupid...but it helps to have all these faceless things. I remember sitting in the same spot seeing my sister in her wedding dress, then a bit pregnant then a little bit more then a baby all of a sudden - so I can relate back to something. Agh...gone on a bit. Got carried away. :S

Hey guys...me again. Last night was really difficult, it took so so SO much strength not to text him. When I finally got to sleep I started dreaming that I'd met somene else, but it was actually him. It was so strange. In it he gave me his old phone because mine had broken (exactly what happened between us, except I gave him mine), and when I was looking through it I found all the texts I had sent him when we were together. The thing that just sticks out in my mind most is that he kissed me and it was just so real...looking back at it now it was just like our first kiss, which was the most perfect kiss of my life. I guess the details of the dream don't matter at all...it's just now my resolve to keep away from him and not contact him at all is slipping. Is there anything I can do to prevent me dreaming of him? It's been happening a lot more in the last few days. When I'm awake I can at least try and distract myself by various means...but what use is how much better I feel one day if by the next morning I feel worse again, because of a dream?

Thanks for your support tonight Koopa! I've decided to try and sleep. I've moved my phone to the other side of the room because I'm horrific at getting out of a warm bed when I don't really need to. I've got my ipod here, and intend to listen to Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant and Karl Pilkington until I fall asleep, as I have done every night since we broke up. Something I highly recommend to everyone! Not just Gerv, Smerch and the K man (though they are obviously fantastic) but listening to some kind of audio book or comedy when you're going to sleep. It helps to distract your mind from those horrible thoughts of *them*. If you don't have a way to do that, think your way through a favourite film or book putting in as much detail as you can. e.g. Harry Potter "Right, well there's this boy who lives with his aunt, uncle and cousin, because he is an orphan. They live in Privet Drive, their names are Petunia, Vernon and Dudley..." etc. It helps! Goodnight everyone! x

Mine too! I thought I should back off just a little...after all he wasn't answering his phone as much, then when I did get to speak to him it was all "Why don't you text me during the day anymore?" Gah. Then a few weeks later he started ignoring me completely. AGH! And yet...I still just want to text him and tell him how very much I miss going to sleep smiling because of his latest text, or waking up in the middle of the night and cuddling back up to him and the ultimate feeling of safety when I woke up to see him watching me with a little smile. I just don't understand how someone can go from that to ignoring me and making me think I can't trust my own mind, and not wanting to be with me at all...within 2 months. Yeah - the next morning I couldn't believe she'd actually done that for me. I'm taking her to a gig later this month to say thank you. It's not too late at the moment - only quarter past midnight, but still maybe I'll wait till the weekend to annoy the hell out of them in the wee hours.

It's horrible isn't it? It slowly disappeared with us too. We were 3 hours away from each other for a couple of months, at first he'd always answer his phone straight away, and berate me for not calling more often. Then it got less. Then came the time he didnt answer either his mobile or landline for a week and my flatmates had to stop me destroying an iron in my (admittedly drunken) hysterical state. I'm trying to let my friends get some sleep to be honest! I've called them and text them at stupid times of the night a lot since things started getting crap - once even convinced my best friend to come and pick me up and drop me at his at 2:30am Not one of my best ideas. No, I'm using this site to take my mind off it, as well as two pints of lager and a packet of crisps. (the show...not two actual pints and some crisps)

Agh, nights have become so hard to deal with! I just keep remembering how we used to talk online until 2am, just to be talking to each other, and even when he finally went to bed, he'd end up texting me for an hour or so anyway, wanting me to send him a pic of my smile for him to go to sleep to. And now...my phone is on the table next to me, I barely have to use it since we broke up. Once upon a time I'd half expect a call every friday night, around 4am when he'd gone out, got drunk, and rung me to tell me he loved me and missed me, and if I turned my phone off, the next morning I'd have a voicemail asking indignantly why I'd turned it off, how was he supposed to let me know how much he loved me if my phone was off? Now I'll never have that again...and the temptation to text him to say that I miss him is so overwhelming I don't know what to do.

Does anyone remember that scene from friends where they talk about what cliches really mean? "You're such a nice guy means - I'm going to be dating leather wearing alcoholics and complaining about them...to you" Just the second best thing reminded me of it. And I guess you're right...at the moment the idea of my most recent ex talking to me about a new girl would tear me apart...but then again we're not talking, and I don't expect it to happen any time soon. Of course I haven't just forgotten everything that happened between the ex I am good friends with and myself...it just doesn't hurt to think about it anymore. We've accepted that we weren't ever 'meant to be' and now we can talk about our days together, Jerry and Elaine style. To some extent. In some respects I think we're doing better than Jerry and Elaine. Though maybe a huge chunk of that is the fact that my ex is gay now and so neither of us are hoping for anything from each other.

The worst part seems to be remembering the good times. Anytime I do now...I flinch with embarrassment and shame. I just can't trust that he wasn't already thinking about how to get out of it, even when he was telling me he wanted to marry me.

It can work - it has worked for me in the past. But it needs to come out of an honestly mutual decision - not a "mutual" decision. If you both agree that being together isn't going to work, but you are extremely close as friends, why throw a good friend and advice giver away? When I broke up with my previous ex to the one I'm getting over now, we said we would remain friends, and it took a lot of hard work and was NOT easy, definitely not a cop out. We decided to still do the things we had planned. This meant that two weeks after we broke up, we went to London three times within a week, to see Woman in Black, the Blue Man Group and Take That. The first two were birthday presents to each other, and he had taken my spare ticket to Take That to prevent me having to choose one of my best friends and causing an argument. It was difficult, and after that week I didn't know if we'd made the right choice, and we grew apart. Later on in the year we had to go to Paris together for a week - a holiday we'd booked whilst together and couldn't get a refund on or change names. I was dreading it. We had a big argument beforehand and I thought it would end with one of us going 'In Seine' (sorry, I couldn't resist). But as it turned out, it was a great week. Ok...it wasn't easy being in the most romantic city in the world with only my ex...but it was still fun, and we were just good friends. He told me a few months later that he's gay...which was not as much of a shock as you'd think - but even that has made us better friends. He's been fantastic in making me feel good about myself again, and a great shoulder to cry on. It depends on the people and the circumstances. It can work!

Hello Right, well I joined this yesterday, but this would be the 10th day. I've just realised I must not have counted properly yesterday. Anyway... Last night was ridiculously difficult. I hadn't been tempted to contact him like that for a few days. I was sitting downstairs with my parents and found myself thinking about him, and how I just wanted to stop him popping into my head. I came upstairs and decided to write him an email giving him my address so that he could post me my things back so I wouldn't have to see him. I don't think I could keep my temper if I did see him - he let me down and hurt me so very much. But before I sent it I noticed the banner above the email was for the bank he worked for...one I'd never heard of before I met him, and had never seen advertised until that very moment. I don't know why, but it made me just stop and think "There's no need to make this a mess. You're still hurting, making him hurt too won't make you feel better. You need to give yourself time to forgive him". Then I broke down in tears and sobbed for about 30 minutes. I hadn't been that bad for awhile - the sobs were shaking my body so badly I thought I was going to vomit. I posted what I was going to send him on one of the forums on here, and then promptly realised it was just a rant, proof being my tear stained face and overwhelming need to be held. I feel better today. Still feeling like all I want in the world is to have someone who is *in love* with me. I know I have family and friends who love me...but it's just different isn't it? I want there to be someone I can go to again, and just lie in their arms and not have to worry about us. But no matter how strong that urge is, I am NOT going to go and find someone. It wouldn't be fair to me or them - I just have to stick this out. It will get better.

That's what I'm trying to come to terms with too. I know that when I go to bed the reason I leave my phone on isn't in case one of my friends needs me - it's because I'm hoping that he'll go out and get drunk and ring me or text me, just like he used to. I know that the reason I spend all day with my laptop on in the background isn't in case someone replies to a problem I've posted on here - it's because I'm hoping to hear the little ding that lets me know he's emailed me cause he was the only one to use that particular account. It's just something you have to deal with as time goes by. I don't know what can make it easier except knowing that you're not alone in dealing with this. It helps me.

Oh Dako that sounds so difficult! And here's me pitying myself because it will be my first alone for 3 years. I don't know how lucky I am! I've never had a 'special' Valentine's Day - so I won't have anything to miss. *hug*

Lol, yes it's washed and in the tumble dryer as we speak! I'm doing everything to rid myself of sentimental things that will remind me of him, luckily for me while we were going out the most he bought me was a drink at the pub, so I don't have any gifts to get rid of. Does make me wonder whether or not he still has the things I got him? I was at his the week before he broke up with me and he still had the glow in the dark stars that I'd written messages to him on stuck next to his bed, and my letters were still around. Doesn't mean a thing though, my previous ex still has a picture of us at his summer ball in his room, and I know that means nothing, cause he's now gay!

Thanks for your help I'm definitely not going to go out with anyone for awhile. I'm all too aware that it would be a terrible terrible move, no matter how much I'm longing for that kind of closeness. It's just a response to the rejection, right? I didn't have much option but to explain to this guy. At first he asked if I had a boyfriend, and I'd said no, but had very recently broken up with someone - hoping that when he saw that he'd back off instinctively...I mean...that's what I would do! Before he got a chance to say anything (it was on msn) my laptop died. The next day he said he was sorry for making me feel awkward, and the drink thing came up then - as an apology. At first I tried again not to make it difficult, and said, well you're at uni...but he persisted and I guess I just felt so crap I couldn't help making it clear.

Was she the first person you loved? Or still felt love for when you broke up? The way you say you've dated people, it hasn't worked out, and you've moved on, makes me think that none of them meant as much to you as this one did. And it's going to hurt more if that is the case! I know this for a fact, having experienced both kinds of break up within a year. I'd say remove the pictures. Though you're getting stronger, there will still be days like this when looking at pictures will seem like the best idea, but they'll just hurt. If you don't intend to stay friends, remove her email address too. Will you need it again now that you've sent her the email that really lays into her? No. You've had your vent at her, now it's time to forget everything except what you've learnt from this.

I don't understand why she said "I'm done even speaking with you" like you've done something wrong, when it's clearly her. I have a mini theory kind of thing, that I'm sort of researching with myself at the moment. My ex hurt me so very much, but I did love him. But after he hurt me like that...how can I love him? To love someone you have to respect and trust them, and I don't feel either of those things towards him. Doesn't man it doesn't hurt like a....ahem. I think you did love her, and it is always going to hurt when someone you love does something as cold hearted as she has done to you. I'm also fairly certain that humiliation and betrayal comes into it. I'm sure you will have talked to your friends about how happy she made you? And now you have to tell them that you were wrong. I can't give any advice on how to move on...I'm desperately searching for the same answers right now! Maybe just try to accept in yourself that seeing what she did...you are clearly better off without her.

So far there's only been one thing that's surprised me. I was sorting out some washing earlier today, and picked up a t-shirt and smelt it, unsure of whether it was clean or not. When I did it smelt really strongly of him - and I realised it was the one I was wearing when I made an impromptu visit to his at 2am and then had to wear it for the whole of the next day. I also remembered that right after we broke up I'd been sorting out some stuff and found it and it had smelt of him then, and I'd just stuff it into a drawer because it hurt too much. This time...it didn't bother me. I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel a rush of love for him. I thought of him...but I didn't feel bad. And that feels great!

hello Gah, I seem to be posting here everyday! I guess I just feel a bit more comfortable talking to the faceless internet to people who just know the facts without taking my whole life into account. Anyway... Right so quick backstory - my ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, saying he didn't feel the same anymore. It hurt a lot because for 2 months I'd been literally going crazy, thinking something was wrong, but making myself believe it was my reaction to starting the pill and just in general being girly and overthinking things. He knew how I was feeling and that I was panicking thinking I couldn't trust my own mind anymore - and I found out when he broke up with me that he had been ignoring me and being weird the whole time, my reaction was justified, but he let me carry on beating myself up. So as a result I'm starting to worry about trusting anyone new. I obviously don't want to be with anyone so soon, and probably not for a long time. A couple of days ago someone who was a couple of years above me at school started talking to me, and yesterday asked me out for a drink. I said I wasn't really up to anything, and he persisted and said he'd like to take me out sometime. I told him that I had literally just got out of a relationship and was hurting a lot, and didn't want to get into anything for awhile. He didn't really like that, and kinda went off on one. I said that I was just going with my instincts because I'd ignored them for so long, and I just didn't want to persue anything with him - serious or otherwise. He told me I needed professional help if I thought going out for a drink could lead to something. I know that this guy was probably just an idiot - I found out from a friend who was in his year that he is just a fool and acts like that a lot of the time. But the thing is now I'm just kinda worried that someone will genuinely just be being nice and wanting to get to know me and I'll push them away because I'm scared. Let's say I carry on with my pledge to trust my instincts, but they're out of whack and into overdrive because of what happened with my ex?!

You know what's great about these? No one is fantasising that their ex comes back to them! Woot! At the moment I just keep thinking about a time when I'll be with someone new and better - and that my ex sees us together obviously very happy, and kicks himself. I'm really looking forward to a time when I can again have somene I look at and just can't help smiling. I had a similar thing when my previous ex and I broke up, though that time to help myself forget him I thought of a random name to make it seem more real. Spookily enough my ex had that exact name! I've decided not to try that this time round lol x

I'd say my main one is Your Sweet Voice, by The Reindeer Section. It goes through the three stages, relationship, broken hearted, and considering a friendship. It has some bitterness, but not too much. I really recommend it, it's on the album Son of Evil Reindeer. Your sweet voice Lets me know there is a choice Please me slow Oh, much more slowly than that And when we danced We danced warm cheek to cold cheek A sideways glance I knew you were looking at him I can't call you a friend 'Cause when you left me here You left me here to die Don't worry I won't call you again 'Cause when I take a hint I take it pretty hard And when you broke my heart You broke it into shards of glass The telephone Yells out at me to wake I won't be blamed For someone else's mistakes It's your sweet voice Sounding cheery and warm It breaks my heart And I summon up all my charm Can I call you my friend? 'Cause it's been so long Since we've talked And I miss you Don't worry I'm over you right now So my feelings won't get in the way of it Oh, I miss the way we talked about The little things There are a few others, some encapsulating our relationship scarily well (Through With You - Maroon5). xx

My ex and I broke up nearly 2 weeks ago, and haven't spoken for just under that. I kept steadfast in my commitment to myself of NC, but suddenly found myself writing this email a little while ago. I finished it, and went to the loo, and just as suddenly, found myself in floods of tears, feeling like I was going to vomit. I haven't had a cry this bad for about 5 days. Now I don't know if this was just a sort of vent email that I can delete without ever sending, or if it is something I should send. What do you think? This is the email, I've removed my address. "This is probably going to seem really trivial and petty, but I really would like my dvds back. The thing is, I really don't want to be reminded of you and that's something that keeps popping up in my mind, and if getting them back will help, then I want to do that. But then, I don't know if I can see you. At first I really did think that at some point we could try to be friends - but seeing as your respect for me seems to stretch to only answering 1 question before ignoring me once again, now it seems highly unlikely. If I were to see you, I couldn't promise that I could keep my temper. It's proving difficult even in this email. I can't seem to decide which things you ought to know, and which things would just be spiteful and unnecessary. So anyway, here's my address, if you could post them to me, that would be great: Thanks"

A great idea, I'm having a lot of trouble convincing myself not to contact my ex! He broke up with me on the 27th of December - via email, and I emailed him 2 days later to ask him some things I felt I deserved to know if there was to be any chance of me moving on without holding any resentment toward him. He replied once, answering one of my 3 questions, and said he'd answer anything I asked him. I replied saying that he'd only told me one of the things I wanted to know, and he didn't reply again, and we haven't spoken since. So from the day after that...I'm on day...8. I'm feeling a lot better than last week, but am now in a really depressed mood, and can't stop thinking about how badly he hurt me and how stupid I was to trust him. Last night I had a dream that I'd seen one of those personality questionnaires that he'd done, and in it he'd pretty much said I'd meant nothing more to him than a way to get off, then I'd met him and he was desperate to get back together and I found it so difficult just to tell him that I couldn't possibly do it. The dream has put me in such a weird mood - I thought I was certain that if he wanted to get back together I could say no, but the dream kinda highlighted some uncertainties I guess!