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Parsley

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Everything posted by Parsley

  1. Parsley
    The thing is, I never even considered or thought about him being on msn. His computer broke months ago, before I even started uni, and he only could email me from work. I completely forgot about him ever being on msn, so it was a real real shock. I hadn't kept him on it so I could see what his nicknames were or anything - I simply didn't consider it as something I had to worry about. It's taken some strength not to check his myspace...even though I know he can't access it. It's just so hard knowing that I've lost his friendship too. I'm still very good friends with my previous ex - but nothing like we were, and it really really upsets me to know that I have to lose people like that, and that we'll never get along as amazingly as we used to, even before we went out. There was a time when my grin would be huge if I saw he was online, and we'd immediately be talking. But now neither of us say anything, and now I'm sobbing.
  2. Parsley
    Ok I think my heart my actually be in my throat at the moment. I signed into msn a lil while ago, and started talking to someone, didn't bother to check who was online, rarely do. I just noticed that my ex just went offline. And now I just feel so...damn...weird. Like...I don't know. I'm still happily chatting to my friend...who incidentally my ex hates with a passion...but. Agh. I feel like throwing up and crying and breaking things. It's so difficult to know for certain that he ignored me...you know? I mean - I know if I knew he was online, I wouldn't have said anything. But knowing for certain that he ignored me is really difficult.
  3. Parsley
    Luvmykids - ok, my situation isn't quite the same as yours...but kind of similar. I had a big break up last year, and had ignored my instincts when it was coming to an end, and so got more hurt than I could have been. I told myself I wasn't going to let myself do that again, and when I met this ex I tried everything I could to stop myself falling for him, but as he kept assuring me it was ok, I finally gave in. I took a risk with it...and less than 6 months later he tells me he doesn't love me anymore. It hurts a lot when you take a risk and the very reason it was a risk comes to pass. *hug*
  4. Parsley
    Thanks Shaker. I don't think I will contact him. Now I think about it, he's mvoing at the beginning of the month, so would say something then I'm guessing. I've just discovered how unprepared I am to see him - I thought I would at least be able to keep calm while he was there. But as a result of some weird reason, I read back that email, and am crying again, when I haven't for about a week.
  5. Parsley
    Ok I just did something I really shouldn't have. No, I didn't contact him in anyway - didn't email, ring, text, or answer an email, phone call or text. I don't really know what made me do it even. I just found myself doing it. I went back and read the last email that he sent me. I'd asked him to answer 3 things for me - he only answered 1, and even said at the end of it, feel free to ask anything else you want answered. When I replied saying that he hadn't answered the things I asked, he didn't reply. So yeah, I just read that email and it's just brought it all back like it was today. Why on earth did I do this to myself?
  6. Parsley
    Ok...so I managed about an hour and a half before coming back on here cause I've spiralled downwards into a fit of the blues. I keep thinking about my things that are at his. It's not much, but they're things I would really like back - but I don't know what to do about them. I don't want to contact him to ask for them back, but I seriously doubt he would get in touch with me. Then when I was thinking about those, I remembered my phone. A few months ago he had to start using my old pay as you go phone, while he got back on track with his new job and bills etc. He kept saying he would give it back to me because he didn't feel right taking a phone from me for nothing. I said I didn't need it anymore, but ok. When I gave it to him I left my old messages in my inbox - the ones from him that I'd kept, you know the kind that just made you smile so much you couldn't bear to delete them. I'd even saved a couple. Now part of me won't stop thinking about whether he's deleted them or not. I mean..I've deleted all the messages he sent to my new mobile, but I don't know whether he would have removed the ones from his phone. I assume so. They're just two things that keep coming back to annoy me and get me down. I feel like once I've got my things back I won't have missing them to make me think of him anymore. But I just can't speak to him. Or see him. Both my for emotional well-being and his physical well-being.
  7. Parsley
    Woot! meantime: well done! Things like that are difficult to ignore. I have a little gmail notifier on my desktop, and my ex was the only one ever to email me on that account, so it never dings now. It was difficult to stop myself hoping it would be red everytime I turned on the laptop, but eventually I stopped noticing, and may remove it at some point in the near future. Or get people to use it - who knows! well done again Well I'm going to go and distract myself by tidying up. I'm abysmal at it which means I'll be kept busy for a LONG LONG time, and won't have the chance to check my laptop and get into a weird mood. I'll probably post later tonight summing up the entire day.
  8. Parsley
    Yeah I know that...I don't think I worded that properly. I hope that one day instead of being on here trying to diminish and eventually erase a love from my heart...I can be here celebrating one!
  9. Parsley
    lol, I trust you! I cannot wait to be through with this year and back at uni with my friends. But I'm going to stick around on here - mebbes one day I'll be telling people a success story rather than one of failure. x
  10. Parsley
    SD: Just curious - are you in the challenge yourself? Or have you been and thereforeeee know the benefits it brings?
  11. Parsley
    Who'd have thought that appealing to the basic human competitive nature (in turning NC into a 'challenge') so many people would band together to get and receive help? Thank you for giving me something to focus on and somewhere to go when I just can't stand being alone anymore x
  12. Parsley
    Lol, thanks. I don't think that because I dreamt he contacted me that he will...it just puts the idea further forward in my mind. Before I started dreaming about it, I barely even considered the notion that he would get in touch. I just don't think he's that kind of person - he kept everything inside while we were still together and wouldn't let me help him, no matter how hard I tried to. He definitely wouldn't tell me if he were having second thoughts.
  13. Parsley
    Agh! Yet another dream about him emailing me. It gets so confusing and means the next day I'm always half expecting something. I just don't know what to think now...I think I kind of want him to get in touch - regardless of whether I choose to reply or not. I seriously doubt he will. It took enough effort to get him to reply to me when we were going out, the chances of him taking the initiative and contacting me are nil. So now I'm having to force myself not to email him with false forgiveness just because I want to know that he's feeling guilty. And I know that knowing that wouldn't help me get past this. But it's just so difficult.
  14. Parsley
    I put my ipod on - not music, but comedy or an audio book or something. If this is not possible, try thinking your way through a favourite film or book, adding as much detail as you possibly can. E.g. Harry Potter. Right, there's this boy who sleeps in a cupboard and lives with his uncle, aunt and cousin, vernon, petunia and dudley, because he's an orphan. etc. Helps me!
  15. Parsley
    Lol he does! Wow...I feel reeeallly happy. I don't know if this is going to last until I finally decide to go to sleep, but who cares? Maybe I didn't love him as much as I thought I did? My last break up was a mutual thing - my heart wasn't broken, and I wasn't this bright two weeks afterwards.
  16. Parsley
    lol I'm glad you're smiling! It's weird. Coming here and being able to talk to other people and not necessarily about my problem is making me feel so much better. Distracting myself with other people maybe? I don't know. But I still feel so much better for being able to talk about it again and again if I need to. Also when I don't want to talk about it there aren't those awkward pauses like you get with friends when they're not sure how to treat you. Woot for ENA! x
  17. Parsley
    It is! I remember myself before I even met my ex and I can't wait to get back to that! I know there will be tough days, but they'll get further and further apart as long as I don't let myself dwell on them right? And if you continue to show me that winning smile then who knows what I can achieve!
  18. Parsley
    Distraction is the key! I discovered this yesterday. I realised that I'd barely thought of my ex all day. Why? Because my 6th month old nephew was sucking on my chin for the majority of my waking hours.
  19. Parsley
    Yeah - go on Sandy! If you feel like smiling share it with the world! .....please?
  20. Parsley
    That is crazy! Seems strange that he only decides he has 'feelings' for this girl after dating her for about a month. Sounds like someone I'd avoid at all costs, and that you had a lucky escape! I can understand the texts...if I thought my ex would never receive them I'd send him some blinders, just because it would be a way to have the release of actually sending them without having to worry about what would happen next! I'm glad that once you heard is decision you took it and acted rationally and sensibly. Probably more than I could have done! Did you ask why he was contacting you when his gf didn't want him to?
  21. Parsley
    I thought the same thing as you AllTornUp (though about guys..) and also - I wouldn't want to. I can understand the self-esteem thing but I'd feel guilty the whole night knowing that I wasn't actually interested, but they were merely part of my grand plan to get over someone else. I has my self-esteem boosted a little while ago...a guy asked me out...but when I said no he said I obviously needed professional help.
  22. Parsley
    Well to me it sounds like he's having second thoughts about this girlfriend of his...I mean..he changed his number, but then promptly found another means to contact you. Possibly a grass is greener situation? How long have you been apart? And how has he seen you? I mean...when he's seen you are you cheerful etc?
  23. Parsley
    Ok - good luck *hug*
  24. Parsley
    Wow! That is impressive! I'm not sure I could have stuck it out that long,I think I'd either crumble or be standing trial at the moment... Well done!
  25. Parsley
    I think you're doing really well. To me it seems like he's clinging to the excuse he has to contact you - what his reasoning is, I couldn't say. But I'm really proud of how concise you're keeping the conversations, and how calm you seem to be. Maybe if you really want to avoid him completely you could block him? At least just for a bit? x
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