heartlessromantic

Assuming the breakup was fairly amicable, you can be friends with an ex but you need the emotional distance that only time can provide. I am friends with an ex I dated for 3 years but she has moved away from where I live and though we can talk about basically everything, we are not going to be regularly hanging out or planning to see each other, etc.

candy - You may be more sensitive than the average person but that doesn't mean anything is wrong. Sometimes it is useful to have a thicker skin but from reading what you have told us about him, he has definitely crossed the line with his "jokes" more than once. And regardless of how sensitive you are, your boyfriend should respect and care about you enough not to upset you. Obviously, this person does not.

Well, you did break up with him so maybe he misses you but doesn't want to try again only to be left. What were the primary issues in the relationship? Sounds like you guys need to be better about communicating instead of letting things build up or allowing yourself to be pushed to the limit. I would not answer his calls so readily, especially if he's calling you after drinking. Call him the next day and keep it light. Play it cool and see how things are if/when you guys do get to go out again. If he keeps repeating his pattern of calling/flaking/etc, then maybe ask him directly what's going on... but don't get too emotional. It is important to keep your cool! Remember, you left him so he is probably hurt and a little afraid.

The trick - if there is one - is to realize that no matter how much you love or care for somebody, they still have to make the decision to reciprocate. All you can do is try your best and hope that it is enough for somebody to love you back. You can't convince somebody to care for you or to love you. All of the above is generally true but especially true after a breakup. Whatever her reasons may be, the best you can do is to respect her wishes and move on with your life. Know that you care for her and want her to be happy; and be content in the knowledge that she wants you to be happy but just doesn't feel like you two are right for each other. As for "round two", don't count on it. Maybe she will change her mind, maybe not, but you can't put your whole life on pause for her. Move on, and if it does come, your head will be clearer. Good luck!

Sorry, but your BF sounds like an a**. Yeah, guys may tend to be more sarcastic in terms of sense of humor, but it is a skill! Some people are simply not very tactful. If you guys have discussed how sensitive you are to some of his comments and he still continues to rib you until you cry or get upset, then it just shows how much he really cares about you, or how he takes you for granted.

Every situation has its subtleties and I agree with the approach you are taking. I am in a similar situation myself, except mine is less in friendship "mode"... I think I can handle it because I've been NC for a bit and I think the additional space helped us a bit. My situation is complicated but I love her and just want her to be happy. I know I will be okay regardless of the outcome. I am strong enough. Good luck to you!

This is why it is important to keep NC - so you don't drive yourself nuts interpreting text messages like some philosophy paper. Honestly, I don't think her response was bad. I think you did a great thing by relieving her of guilt. It shows that you care and she will only think positively of you for it. Now you've left it on a positive note. That is the best you can do. Be satisfied and MOVE ON. You can't convince somebody to love you or to think of you the way you want. It must be their choice. You have done all that you can. Put her out of your mind and work on yourself for a week. Just a week and I swear you will begin to feel much better.

I don't think you should try to convince him of anything. Don't put any pressure on him. If you want to stay in touch, keep it relatively light or neutral, so he won't come to associate you with bad feelings and come to resent you. What is his wish right now? Does he want you to leave him alone? Or is he okay with staying in touch? If I were to guess based on what you've told me, it sounds like he needs some space to think a bit and to miss you. I think you need for him to come to you and say that he wants to reconcile. At that point, then it is important for the two of you to bring up issues that you think ruined your previous attempt and agree to work on those together - maybe even try couples counseling. Have you guys talked about your communication issues in the past? What has he said about it?

I agree with heloladies21. You need to move on with your life. I think it's okay that you see her (let her initiate) if you can say to yourself that you are able to move on with your life while continuing to see her. Otherwise, I would tell her how you feel about her, leave it on a positive note, and resume NC. Unless you are truly okay with being just friends, do the right thing for yourself.

I just read your other posts and I think you are a good guy who tried to help out somebody. Good people tend to want to try and "rescue" those in need. However, if there is one thing I've learned, it's that you can only help those who are willing to help themselves. Try it any other way and you will only doom yourself to heartache and frustration.

This sounds like passive aggressive behavior. I don't have much experience but there is plenty of information on the Internet. A couple of things: A) He sounds very confused about what he wants - this is not good for you, because it sounds like it has been and will continue to be a roller coaster relationship until he figures things out. B) He sounds like he needs to learn to communicate his feelings and desires. Sorry, in a real relationship, the "read my mind" approach of communication is not going to cut it.

Agree with the other posters. Don't take this BS. If she wants to hurt herself, so be it. Stick up for yourself and get on with your life. The sweetest revenge is to just move on and be happy. If she wants to hurt herself in some strange effort to hurt you, so be it. She broke up with you. I don't know why she continues to torture you. It might be because she's been unhappy and now blames you even though she broke up with you. In any case, if it is hard for you to move on, I would suggest hanging out in places where you won't come into regular contact with her and suggesting to your "friends" not to have contact with her or if they do, not to talk to you about her. I have a feeling you will find out who your real friends are. Best of luck.

I would keep your cool. Don't be too available and let her initiate contact. You have gone through the pain of the break-up and are just starting to feel better. Don't ruin it for yourself by getting your hopes too high or getting embroiled in an unclear situation. It is important that you figure out for yourself what you want. If you are TRULY okay with being JUST FRIENDS, then go with the flow and if something more happens, good for you. But if you want a relationship, then really go slow and don't be too available until she broaches the subject or starts being flirty - then you can ask her directly what is going on. But for now, play it cool. And when you are considering a platonic relationship, ask yourself if you will feel okay hearing her talk about guys she is dating, etc...

No contact is about respecting yourself and your partner's wishes. If he/she broke up with you, it is because they have a reason. Whatever that may be, NC is about respecting his/her wishes and respecting yourself enough not to grovel and beg for an extended period of time. The SIDE EFFECT of this is that it may help your partner appreciate you more, but it is not a guarantee, nor should it be the reason you institute NC. NC is NOT about playing games. It is about YOUR OWN emotional health. The psychological effects on your partner are just a side effect, not the end goal. I can say, from personal experience, that NC has worked and is working for me, on both sides of the coin. An ex stepped away after I broke up with her, essentially practicing NC. And to this day, I completely and always will respect her as a great person. We were not quite right for each other but I will always care for her. We are good friends and can talk to each other about almost anything. And in my current situation, I instituted NC after the usual groveling (for about a week) and in a few weeks, she really started to miss me. She still needs space but we can communicate with each other a little bit and I think things MIGHT be looking up, though I try not to be too hopeful. However, in the time I did have apart from her, I started to get over the break up and became emotionally much healthier. Also, I feel that even if we were to get back together, I would be more stable and would be better about breaking old dysfunctional patterns, increasing the chances for a better relationship the next time around. Either way, I'm a winner. That's what NC does for you. It makes YOU stronger. It does sound counter-intuitive, but let's face it, if your relationship was healthy, you wouldn't be on this board. Extreme circumstances require extreme measures. Now, the key to all of this, is to start NC on good terms, so you don't torture yourself with "I should have said one more thing before I stopped contact". If you want to leave the door open for reconciliation, express it with dignity, and then leave him/her alone.