kbjinnc
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Posts
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I was more mad with her than him. I didn't give her any reason to go and do something in my face like that. It hurts to see her degrade herself that way, and there will be nothing she can ever say to make me understand it. The way she looked at me when she walked out with him is what really got to me. I will never forget it or forgive her. That night made me sure we can never fix this.
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I think you did a good job of seeing what kind of person I am. That is what hurts me now. I know how much I did for her, and then she does this to me. I just can't understand why. I don't never see understanding what happened, but I need to get in a position where she can't keep hurting me. I can see how she is now, but I can't forget how she seemed to be when we were happy. I really thought she was in love with me big time. She even told me she thought so too, but she said it must have been just lust. That almost made me sick.
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I know I need to move on and face reality, but I haven't found a way to do it. I start thinking I am OK and then something happens to mess me up. I don't want her back because of all the bad things she has done to me, but I still wish it hadn't happened. I didn't know her as the person she is now. She is messing her own life up just to hurt me.
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I saw my X girlfriend last night. She came into a bar I was in and didn't even speak to me. She kept looking at me in a way that made me feel like she was laughing at me on the inside. A guy who I thought was a friend of mine and who knew about us went over and started talking to her. In no time she was walking out with him and his brother. I thought I could handle it much better than I did. I've heard she has been going with anybody she can find, and I did not know she was that kind of girl. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I wish I had never met her. I know she wants me to keep hurting. but she left me and I don't know why she is doing this to me. I went over to my friend while he was talking to her and asked him why he wanted to hang around her after he has said lots of bad stuff about her and the people running the bar came over and told me to get away from them or leave. I thought all these people were my friends and to me what she was doing was causing trouble. I feel like I am never going to be the same person I was before her. I am having trouble talking to new people now. Everyone keeps telling me to move on and forget her like it is easy to do. I try to stay away from her and she wants to get around me like she did last night and rub it in. She hit on another friend of mine 2 weeks ago and he told her he was married. She said to him that if he didn't care then she didn't care. He wasn't interested and told me about it later. I feel like I fell in love with Trash. I don't know why I still let her hurt me, because I know I shouldn't care for her anymore. I just can't make myself forget the girl I thought she was for over 2 years. I feel like I am in a very bad dream and it wont end.
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I saw my X girlfriend last night. She came into a bar I was in and didn't even speak to me. She kept looking at me in a way that made me feel like she was laughing at me on the inside. A guy who I thought was a friend of mine and who knew about us went over and started talking to her. In no time she was walking out with him and his brother. I thought I could handle it much better than I did. I've heard she has been going with anybody she can find, and I did not know she was that kind of girl. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I wish I had never met her. I know she wants me to keep hurting. but she left me and I don't know why she is doing this to me. I went over to my friend while he was talking to her and asked him why he wanted to hang around her after he has said lots of bad stuff about her and the people running the bar came over and told me to get away from them or leave. I thought all these people were my friends and to me what she was doing was causing trouble. I feel like I am never going to be the same person I was before her. I am having trouble talking to new people now.
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She went to lawyer and he told her she could not force a sale. We weren't married and everything is fiananced in my name only. I had a lawyer to fix everything when I bought it and he and the bank knows the only reason her name is on it is because I asked for it to be. I'll get her name off as soon as get the time to get the papers to the lawyer. She won't face me in court over it. She will sign first. Too many people know how she did me and will be behind me in court if she chose to fight me. Everything has still been quiet, and she didn't try to contact me yet. Weekends are when I have to expect anything to happen. Thanks...
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I've been in full NC sense Saturday. The way she has been playing me has changed how I feel about her. It's not bothering me too much now, and I am ready to find someone else to spend time with. I know who lost in this situation, and It wasn't me. I will never understand her and wont try anymore. If something gets straight in her head and she wants me, she will have to come after me and hope she can find a way to fix what she messed up. I was strong before her and will be again. She wont the first and wont be the last girl in my life. I just need to learn how to see when I'm being used or played with from now on. I am over the blaiming myself stage too. I know I did my best for her and gave her no reason to leave. If she wants me to chase her, beg, and make promises, she has lost me for good. She was wrong and she will have to go after what she wants and fight for it. I don't know if she has a chance or not now.
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I told her not to come back Saturday. She came and wanted to get some of the things she left and was acting like I was nothing to her. It's hard to see someone who I thought loved me act like my feelings mean nothing to her. I don't understand how a person can turn on someone that has been here for her so long. We never had any of the big problems that usually break up relationships. I know now that she couldn't have really ever been in love with me. I don't know what she will do next, but I don't expect her to leave me alone for long. She should have seen that I have changed the way I feel and I didn't act like what she said to me hurt. It did make me angry at her. I don't even feel like I know her anymore. She is not the nice person I once thought she was and she could care less what happens to me. I didn't want to feel that way about her, but she is pushing me that way. Her power to hurt me is going away and I feel much stronger now. I don't know what's next with my life now, but it's not her. I will stay alone first. She even told me that she thought she loved me, but it must have been just lust. What kind of person would say that?
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Last night I stoped at a store, and a girl that knows my X asked me if I had seen her. I told he no, and she said my X still didn't know what she wants. I wonder If my X thinks I am just going to sit here alone forever waiting to see what she wants. I am starting to think of my X as a crazy person. I don't feel like she ever really loved me and can't see how she thinks she can come back and make everything OK any time she wants to. I miss the person I thought she was, but don't feel like that person was real. I am getting old enough now to know I don't need to waist time with someone like her. I want to find the one that will be with me late in life if I can.
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I guess I should have stayed away. but she started coming to see me and spending time with me. She said she wanted to try again. Everything was good until today. I called to see when I could see her again, and she said it was over again. I didn't do anything and we had a good night last night. I got to find a way to stay away. I found out later that her son got kicked out of school for good today. I think I am paying for it. I had my hopes up that we were going to work things out. She called my cell phone from a womans house that she has called from before and hung up when I answered. I don't know what she was doing other than seeing I wasn't home. My cell phone dosn't work here and she knows it. She is turning me against her now AND I loved her so much.
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I didn't mean for it to sound like that. I just thought it was important to know what we had together. Her job did help us out living together, but I know what her rent is, and it's half of the total she makes a month. We didn't go to bars but way once in a while when we were together. I just hate staying here without her and need to be around my friends. I get very depressed here now. I tried to understand why she left. The reasons she gave me were that she felt trapped by our relationship, controled by it, and obligated to doing things for me like it was some kind of routene. I didn't know she felt like that and don't understand why. I thought of our relationship every time I made a decision or did anything. A relationship is a little controling, but I didn't mind it. I don't know how to understand her feelings about us. I do know how much I loved her and how much I wanted to be with her forever. Alcohol was never a problem with us. I was so sure that we were perfect for each other, and that don't feel too good now.
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well everything went good until yesterday. She turned on me again for no reason at all that I know of. Mabe she was trying to keep me from moving on while she tries to figure out what she wants. That makes me feel like she can't have any love for me left, but she is insecure about making it own her own. What she keeps doing is helping me change my feelings about her. She is not the person I thought she was. Her friends are turning on her now also. They say she lives for drama and that I should stay away from her. She had me wrapped around her finger, and thinks she still does. She is going to be sorry when it hits her that she has lost so much. I know it can't be easy to find someone that will love her as much as I did and take on everything to make her life as easy as possible. She came from a poor family and never had anywhere near what I provided for her. She don't even understand love and I'll never understand why.
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About an hour ago she called me and wanted a ride to where she left the borrowed truck she drives. I took her. She acted a little strange, but said she wanted to start seeing me, but take it slow for a while. I worry she is trying to keep me around for a while in case she can't make it own her own. I might be wrong, but she wouldn't even kiss me after she was all over me last night. I guess I'll go with the flow for a while to see what happens. I am considering myself as single as long as we are not really together again. Last night was great and I'll try for more like it as long as it don't start hurting me too much when she leaves.
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A close friend of ours that has been hanging out with her told me last night that she told her about telling me she had slept with someone. She said it was not true, and she wont sure why she told me that. She isn't happy in the situation she put herself in. I think she is going to try and get back with me. I brought her home last night for a while from a party. I hope it wasn't a mistake and I had no idea that was going to happen. It didn't bother me too much when I took her back to the trailor she has rented. I decided that I would be nice the next time she came around me, and that was the result.
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I have put all her stuff in a room I don't use. I also feel like I should be able to get her name off this place, but you never no what a Judge will do. I am afraid if I go to court to try and do it, they will make me sale it and split the money. I try to stay away from her. This is a small town and she keeps showing up. She called me a few days ago and sounded like she wanted us to get back together for a while, then out of the blue she said she had slept with someone. It felt like the back of my neck was on fire. I asked why she was telling me that and she said she had to go and hung up. I think she was trying to hurt me by saying that, and not just trying to be honest. It was the wrong time for that to be said. Nothing said should have brought it up. There aint no telling what will happen next.