Dilly
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Going to Upper Management to Defend Outcast
Dilly replied to Dilly's topic in Career, Money and Education
Hey M, loved both of your posts, and yeah, I feel like a sellout, but you know what, it's sometimes more about the ends than the means and I need the means to get to the ends and with a baby on the way, the logic to survive supercedes the logic to rescue anyone who otherwise is capable of being completely independent. Priorities take over and ideals take a backseat to the reality. I'm just happy that I didn't get doubly messed over. -
You're so freakin' bright. I can see that you process information very well and take lots of perspectives into consideration to really balance your own views. You have empathy for lots of people, including yourself, so I have no problem accepting the idea that you will forgive yourself. I just know you will. I know your children will forgive you and your husband, also. BUT if you break up your family and undergo some identity crisis trying to get this emotional (and/or physical) affair to continue, you will suffer immensely. I'm serious. You will cause harm not only to your family, but to his and then, whether you want to or not, that empathy flow will have to extend in a few more directions to his wife and his children IF IN FACT you are truly empathetic. I am not saying you aren't, but it's a challenge I ask of you to consider whether you are taking THEM into consideration. I don't believe in guilt trips, and I certainly don't think you should feel obligated to stay in a relationship unless it involves blatant abuse, etc. BUT you should take a noble exit out of it and leave the other man behind forever. I don't like being hard core at anything but I will say I feel strongly about this and I know you (being so bright and open and empathetic) will do the right thing. I just know you will and the right thing is to back out of this relationship with this other man, while you have the chance to back out and are not pushed out. You need to do it because it will free you from the guilt that you will otherwise feel if you don't. Honestly, if you don't back out of the affair, AND you break up the family formally by announcing a desire to divorce, you will always carry with you that dark bag of secrets and that is a bag that should be thrown away and burned now before you make the decision to leave. Kick him to the curb. You think you need him. You really, really don't. I promise.
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Going to Upper Management to Defend Outcast
Dilly replied to Dilly's topic in Career, Money and Education
Thanks everyone (Beec, Bella, and ITG - alphabetical arrangement haha)! I really do feel like I can go home today with something to smile about. WHEW! I really needed this, really badly!!! But I wasn't counting on it, so that makes for a great gift. -
From what I just read, if you have the problem for over 24 hours after trying various remedies, you really should let the doctor know. I would let them know right now.
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link removed According to this website, the good news is that maybe you have a plugged duct due to an abundant supply of milk, that it usually occurs during the EARLY weeks of breastfeeding, and during the winter. SOOOO The end may be in site. The bad news... that you have to find a remedy. Are you breastfeeding from that affected breast often?
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OMG, BTR, that sounds ohhhhh soooo awful! I am soooo sorry to hear youre in this much pain. I have no idea how people continue in such a state. Truly truly a sacrifice. OUCH - more like ouuuuuwwwwwwooowwwwwwoowwwwch. I don't know what I'll do if it gets hard and clogged like that. I guess I would really try to get more opinions. It almost sounds unbearable, but I don't want to discourage you from keeping your chin up and continuing. HUGGSSSS TO YOU SWEETIE PIE!!! I am sooo sorry to hear you're in this much pain!!!!
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I don't know. My goal is to go without for as long as I can, but I don't really want to boldly state that I am opposed to an epidural. I'm not really sure that it matters and in the end, comfort is key as it allows mom to keep pushing rather than tensing up. If I get an epidural, I will let you know because I can see that pain and tension go hand in hand and tension means a tightening of muscles and restraint rather than relaxation that the body needs to ease into a contraction. Nice to know it heals up nicely and that the need for an epesiotomy was avoided perhaps by the rubbing ... God, who would have ever thought that rubbing could help so much? Guess the extra blood flow to that area produced by teh physical stimilation aids in the prevention of a tear which might be more likely if the patient lacked a blood supply to that area.
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God, these descriptions are great. If I were a man, I'd feel sort of like I understood what labor pains feel like. I will come back in 6-8 weeks and post on whether this prepared me for the pain. hahahah
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I don't like all of the empathy you show for this other man. It competes with something inside of you that needs to express itself.
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I think you understand yourself and that's the key. That's so much half the battle. You see this affair as a mere projection of your own growing love for yourself and the only thing he is is a vehicle for that love to keep fueling your self-love. It's wise that you see this. That's half the battle. And notice youre getting unanimous feedback on this topic from all who have responded. Very interesting.
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Yes, I think you should cut him out of your life. It will be hard but it will come down to you doing this now or him doing this to you later or worst case scenario, you hurting the ones who truly love you, your family. You might not know it now, but you will probably regret the interactions you've had with this other person years down the road and you may appreciate your husband and family more than you ever might imagine. I know it's tough, but I vote that you let it go and that you stay on this board with us and get strong. You sound like a bright, wonderful woman and I'm sorry you are going through this but you do have some control and you must remember that this might be the hardest thing you ever do.
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I can not argue with Lady00. But I would caution that sometimes, we conclude that we are tired of our signif's BECAUSE we know someone else gives us more of what we want (validation, complements, etc). BUT be careful not to confuse unhappiness with your husband with preference to be with the other man. That's a jaded perspective.
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Hey Bug, first off HUGS to you. I know you are miserable right now in your holding pattern. I always hesitate to answer these types of threads because like a drug addict, I feel many people deeply entwined in a love affair WANT it to continue and have sort of disconnected themselves from the reality that you can't have both. Knowing this, I also know that many men in a love affair really don't want to give up their families. I suspect this is true for your paramour. You may have fallen in love with the idea of this man and the good that he has managed magically to bring about it you, but I promise, that has more to do with you than him. The magic always resides within us to transition into better people, amazing people. I really believe that you might love this person you have become more than you love this man. Honestly, you can continue possibly as friends, but I would encourage you to see within yourself the beauty that has manifested over time by this affair and let it go. Continue to be in the marriage with your husband and children because your heart is possibly just betraying you now. If you must leave the marriage, I would encourage you not to worry so much about the children. Children are strong, resilient creatures and the only thing I think that they have trouble comprehending is deceipt. Try not to deceive anyone anymore. That is your biggest crime. You really must understand that all the good that has manifested by this interaction with this man is really manifesting itself through the vehicle of deceipt and that can never be good. YOu can have it all, the good by getting of the actions that cause you to deceive. My two cents. I know it's hard, but this isn't where your heart should be. And I gather you know it. You sounds strong and intelligent. Look at what it's doing to you now, losing focus, ect... it's time to end it.
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Going to Upper Management to Defend Outcast
Dilly replied to Dilly's topic in Career, Money and Education
WOW, maybe there is a God!!! I just was told by my new boss's boss that I got a decent increase (at least cost of living maybe plus 1%) in my salary AND a nice-sized bonus! I had no idea!!! This is getting better, much better!!! -
34 and a half weeks, BTR. I think of you daily and actually you were on my mind as one having contractions and having dilated prior to actually having been induced. I like the way you described labor too as taking your breath away and getting the wind knocked out of you. That's so interesting how the water sort of had to sit inside of you first before coming out. I would imagine health care professionals see this all the time. Guess they may have placed a hole on some surface near another membrane like surface that possibly just sort of served as a temporary plug? Interesting. I have a coat hear and a towel just in case something happens at work. I was told only 15% of mothers have spontaneous water breaks. Sounds low, but that's what the childbirth lecturer mentioned.
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I can't wait!!! Thanks for the details, I really have wondered about that plug! I don't know, just knowing it's going to be kind of odd-looking is helpful enough. The way you describe the onset of labor really is great! ---QUOTE To me it did not feel like a cramp..more like a squeeze that just got tighter and tighter, rythmically... ---It certainly is one of the best descriptions I've heard and I even went to child-birthing classes. I have heard also about the nausea and just stomach upset in general. Ohhhh, only a few more weeks.
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So doctors likely don't really have a concrete measure of when labor starts I guess? I mean, it sounds like when the real contractions start or when one experiences quite a few BH contractions in one hour (4-6 depending on the advice one gets from a doctor). Interesting. I talked to a lady this weekend who reported on having a child at 10 months and then another who indicated she had a 29 hour labor. I just wonder how objective the reporting was/is. But you know, I guess it is highly variable because for some, there is no clue of impending labor until the water breaks. For others, dilation of the cervix may start well before labor occurs. INTERESTING, very INTERESTING. About this mucous plug, does it really look like gelatinous mucous, or is it more like solidified clump? Sorry to be graphic, but I am very curious?
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No, no contractions for me at this time. But thank you for the advice. I was just curious because you hear so many people stating how long their labor is/was. I've heard some say their water broke and 2.5 hours later, baby was born. So for that example, just 2.5 hours? What about for the woman I heard about last night who had a c-section after a reported 29 hour labor process? When did their labor really start, medically speaking? I mean, I could state that I went into labor at 28 weeks because I was having BH contractions ("false labor") then. There has to be some objective measure of when labor really starts. Otherwise, it's based on patient reporting and just very prone to scatter.
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I figured I could google, but you guys are just so great! Does it start when contractions become 5 minutes apart? So when someone says they were in labor for 29 hours, does that mean from the point they started having contractions five minutes apart? THANKS!!!
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My goodness, that's good Scarew. Doc told me Friday baby is definitely in the right place, with head angling right into pelvis. I just felt so many lumps in my belly last Thursday and her feet did sort of disappear. I wonder what position she was in and so I wen to the spinning babies website to see if I could palpatate to find out. It was quite educational. The hiccups always come from below my belly button and the feet are back up beneath my right ribs, so she is where I want her again. I actually woke up Friday morning with her back in her usual position. It was just a little odd-and transverse like those two times and I just don't want her choking off her umbilical cord which I gather breech position can do. The doc merely placed one set of two fingers simultaneously on either side of my abdomen directly above the pubic bone, pushed down kind of firmly and told me he felt the head. I did the same, but was nervous the compression might make her uncomfortable. Excited to know she's head down and that only 5% actually switch orientation after getting into position.
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Oh, BTW, I think the issue is that maybe you feel like you will be judged for your choices BECAUSE you are pregnant. I don't think it's necessarily a license to eat for two, but I have been and I fully intend to back off when the baby is born. I think social climates surrounding pregnancy can be somewhat judgmental and when it comes to drugs/alcohol/tobacco, I can understand why... but it does get extended into the dietary realm as well, which is unfortunate. I think as long as you are getting what you need for baby (prenatals and such), then you should ignore the social pressure. You are pregnant and cravings are natural.
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Scarew, you look wonderful! You are healthy in body, mind, and spirit and I think your partner would actually find it somewhat charming that you are experiencing cravings. I can't tell you the number of smiles I've recounted in my life from loved one recounting their wives cravings and strange eating routines in the second half of pregnancy. Don't feel bad for it, it's natural.
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The doctor already told her it's NOT infected, good grief!!! AND, FYI, breastfeeding (by the mother) provides the baby with the best defense against infection. GRRRRRRRR I've been told by breastfeeding lecturers that even when there is blood present, it's OK to feed. Sounds like you did the right thing by checking in with the pediatrician. Have you tried any topical creams? I read that expressing milk and rubbing it over the nipple when the child is not feeding is actually a great healing remedy. Are they cracked and swollen, open?
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I "DO" Need Your Help, Please!
Dilly replied to ImThatGirl's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I'm so glad you didn't write him back... it is true how no response is a very informative response. KEEP IT UP G-FRIEND!!! -
I "DO" Need Your Help, Please!
Dilly replied to ImThatGirl's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Good grief, I totally didn't get that!!! HAHAHAHAHA/// sorry, airhead today.
