acuratwinz

I'm sorry for such a long post but I have so much on my mind... My girlfriend of 2.5 years and I have had our ups and downs. We've had our communication problems and family issues. Most have been resolved (in my eyes anyway). We have taken time apart only to rekindle our love. I've been going thru alot in my life lately. I quit my job and am taking over a family business, i recently got in trouble with the law (i'm not gonna go into that!). I work 7 days a week 8-10 hours a day. I sleep very little, and when i actually do get sleep, i still wake up exhausted. Needless to say i'm in a very stressful time in my life. Now, my girlfriend and I have discussed marriage and we decided that it would be better to put it off until we can pay for the entire wedding ourselves (my father wanted to pay), and also when we can honestly say that our relationship is good enough to warrant getting married. Just 3 days ago I was working and my gf called me and asked if i wanted to go over to her house after work. I told her that I was tired and that i wanted to stay home. She said ok and that she would call me later. Half an hour later she called me again and asked me if I was sure that I didn't want to go over to her place. I said yes i'm sure, i'm tired, I don't feel like going anywhere. Again, she said ok, i'll call you later. I'll admit I was not in a good mood and was giving her one word answers. After I finished work, she phoned me again. As soon as I answered the phone, she said "what the hell is wrong with you", and started going off the wall about how i'm boring and never want to do anything anymore and that it was the last straw and hung up on me. Needless to say I was very angry and decided to not call her back because I did not want this to turn into a heated argument. Afterall she did hang up on me right? I let a couple days pass before I give her a call, only to be answered by a rude "YES" when she picked up the phone. I began to explain myself but things turned for the worse and it became an argument about who's right and wrong. She basically says I have no life in me, i never want to do anything with her anymore. All I care about is this business, and I don't care about building the foundations of a good relationship. She says i'm boring, all I ever do is stay home in front of the computer or watching TV. I'll admit lately I haven't really felt good about myself and haven't been in the mood to go out to have fun, but is this really all my fault? According to her she blames all our problems on me. She has been really great to me, she thinks of me all the time and makes very nice gestures towards my family, but i've just been so overworked and stressed out that I really don't find it fun to do anything anymore. I'd rather stay home, save money for a rainy day, and build this business. I figured that since we were already talking about marriage that missing a date or two shouldn't affect the relationship the way it has... I guess i'm just so damn clueless about women in general. I mean if I work hard now and have a successful future shouldn't they be happy? If I act immature and go out everyday spending everything I earn, won't she be unhappy with me 5 years down the road when I am in financial ruins and I can't even support a family? I just don't know what my priorities should be at this point...

I can't even begin to understand what you must be going through. I remember reading this article a couple weeks ago. I live in the toronto area as well. I'm very sorry for your loss, but I know that things will only get better with time. Stay strong.

Sounds like you have a lot of communication issues in your relationship. Sorry to say but if you cheated on him because of the lack of sexual activity in your relationship, then you might as well end the relationship now. YOU CHEATED ON HIM! Don't try to justify cheating by saying he's not giving it to you. If you loved him like you say you do, then you would have tried to get an open dialogue going first, then if nothing, end the relationship. But instead you jumped into the bed of another man to satisfy your sexual hunger. Even though it is sort of understandable, it is not justifiable. Think about that for a moment. There's obviously something going on in the head of your man, and you obviously are not asking the right questions to find out what the problem is. I feel sorry for the both of you. You say you love him, but you cheat. You're just throwing that word around. If you truly loved him, you wouldn't have. You need to start talking to him and get that communication flowing. I'll be honest here and this may hurt you a bit, but guys don't just stop having sex with their girlfriends for no reason. Get to the bottom of it, and do it soon. I've seen this situation happen a few times, and when guys stop having sex with their girlfriends, it means they are not attracted to them anymore, or they are GETTING IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE!

thanks for the advice. We are in the process of sorting out the issues we've had before. I think the time we've had apart has really helped us to take a step back and view our entire relationship from a 3rd perspective. We are not jumping into any sort of commitment quite yet. She still lives in the condo we shared, and eventually I will move back in there when we both decide the time is right. You are right though, jumping into anything at this point would not be a good idea because the issues we've had in the past will reappear. we have made leaps and bounds towards solving the problems we've had before. Hopefully this time it will work out. If we are able to resolve our issues (which I believe we will), I do see myself marrying this women.

For those of you who do not know what's going on, follow this link if you feel like it to understand where i'm at. link removed Well...what can I say except that I took my own advice that i've given to others on this forum and it worked remarkably well. As of my last post I told everyone that I was trying to move on. I met 2 really cool girls that I think I could be great friends with. I still occasionally talked to my ex, but didn't get into details of my new life and what I was up to. Basically i was being distant with her and just showing her that I can move on in life without her (which I can). I let it be known through our social circle of friends that I hit the dating scene again. I'm sure word got around to my ex, and sure enough she wrote me an email stating what she's always said in the past; that she still loves me and she wants to be with me. I basically told her that I don't believe a word she says anymore because she's been doing this to me for over a month now and that I've met new girls that not only want to be with me, but don't play games with my head. I told her that if she wants me to believe that she truly does love me, she would show me and leave all the BS that she's been trying to feed me through phone convo's and emails. To make a long story short, we had many conversations about our feelings and our future together and apart. She started being the sweet, caring person I knew she was inside, and basically told me she was confused and scared previously because she didn't want me to hurt her (which I can understand). We've decided to work things out again and this time around I think our relationship will be great! It just goes to show how most women think in that little confusing head of theirs. Don't be so clingy, show them you can move on, show them that your life will be just as good without them in it, and if they truly love you, they will come around. Good luck to everyone on this board!

I couldn't have this attitude without the support of my close friends, and obviously the people on this forum. The next few weeks will be hard but i'm sure i'll get through it. Thanks again! I'll update if anything changes.

Hi, Thanks for the advice and support. I went to see her on Monday and we talked about everything. I basically told her that I need space from her as she does from me and that seeing each other is probably not a good idea at this time because of everything that is going on. We are just friends now I guess. Not sure if even this friendship will work out but what have I got to lose - nothing... It's hard to do this because I know I want to be with her, but I'm setting myself up for disappointment if i keep lingering like this. I'm just going to enjoy life now and hang out with friends.

Well for starters I do love her. It took me 2 years to realize how great of a women she really was. No i'm not playing her. I'm not the player type anyway. The reason I posted is because I feel like the way I treated her in the beginning of our relationship has come around full circle and kicking me in the butt. Shan-Tilly, I was thinking the same as you and that is how she has expressed herself to me as well. She is afraid of things becoming the way they were in the beginning. I think she wants to take it slow because she wants to be sure of how I feel about her. What's odd is during our 3 year relationship the only thing she wanted was to be fully and completely committed to me. I did not return her feelings. You have given me a lot to think about, but I guess it's really up to me to find out what she really wants. Afterall it is I who knows her best. I can honestly say that I believe everything she tells me. After our long relationship I can usually tell when she is being honest with me. I talked to her last night and she confirmed that she just wants to get comfortable with me again, and then we will take our relationship to the next level...again. Just to clear things a bit she has only broken 2 dates, one of which she told me before hand that she could not make it. The only time she really left me in the dark was last weekend when she went to that party. I am also friends with most of the people at the party, so i'm pretty sure that if something happened between her and this guy, I would know about it. She has already explained her reasoning for getting with this guy anyway. As bad as it sounds she used him as a rebound to forget about me, but as you can see that didn't happen. She ended it with him because she realized that she still loved me and wanted to be with me. ATleast I hope this is all true. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I know I can easily find another companion, but I don't want to. She is the only one I want. I wouldn't put myself through all of this torment if I really didn't love her. I figure I want to atleast try to work things out. If it doesn't work, then atleast I can say I tried instead of looking back on the whole situation years from now and regretting that I never did anything.

I’ll be the first to admit that during my 3 year relationship with my ex, I treated her pretty bad. I neglected her, didn’t show her much affection, and sometimes was just plain out rude to her. But during the last year of our relationship, I’ve tried my best to change my ways because I realized that I really did love her. I just didn’t know how to show it (I’m a hopeless romantic). Well to shorten things, in February, I decided to leave her because she was being reckless, going out all weekend long, while keeping me in the dark. I figured she was cheating on me, but she just wouldn’t talk about it so I left. After about 1 week I broke down and wanted her back so badly. I didn’t leave because I wanted to end the relationship; I left because I wanted to make a stand. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t going to stay around in a relationship where she disappeared all weekend and wasn’t talking to me. Well what can I say; she didn’t want to get back with me. I was heartbroken. I thought of her constantly, and getting through a normal workday was almost impossible. I found out about 3 weeks after we ended things, she started seeing someone else. That hurt me even more. Although I was still madly in love with her, I was determined to get on with my life. Everyone said, “time will heal”, but for some reason, as the weeks past, I thought of her more and more. I logged onto MSN messenger one day and she was on. She messaged me nonchalantly like we were just friends. She was at HIS house. I was quite angry at the moment, but all I could think about was how much I missed her. We had a long conversation on MSN and she told me that she still loved me and that she saw a future where we were together and happy – like we were in the past. We stayed in contact, and 2 weeks after our msn convo, she told me she ended things with him. Fast forward to today, where we talk almost everyday, and see each other about 2-3 times a week. We’re trying to work things out again, but she wants to take things slowly, so she can become “comfortable” as she says. At first I didn’t understand why she wanted to take things so slowly. It was hard considering we had lived together for 3 years. I tried to rush things a few times by asking her about our future together, but every time I did, she got scared and distanced herself from me. She told me that she is scared of rushing into things because she doesn’t want our relationship to become what it once was, where she and I were both unhappy. The problem is that occasionally we will make a date, and she will break it, without even telling me anything. Last Sunday we were supposed to see each other, but I didn’t hear from her all day until late in the evening. She called me constantly telling me how sorry she was for not calling me earlier and that something “important” had come up. I later found out that she was over at her friends house where they had a house party. She ended up staying over there because no one wanted to drive her home (she lived a good hour away). That was not what bothered me. What bothered me was that this guy she was seeing while we broke up lives at that house as well. She hasn't seem hime alone since she ended things with him, but still occasionally runs into him because they all have the same circle of friends. So what do you guys think? Am I being played for a fool? Or am I being foolish myself? I think I know this girl pretty well. I can usually tell if she is lying or not. There are the tell tale signs. She told me NOTHING happened between her and this guy, and that she was there to see her other friends. I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to think.

What's funny is Brando is completely right. You think exactly like me!!! You gotta take things slow. It's very very true that women love to chase men. They will never admit it, but they love it and it's what keeps them on their toes. It's like a dance. You have to "tease" them a bit, and if they are interested, they'll come back for more. Just don't go overboard or drag it out too long, they'll eventually get bored and move on. They key is to never let them forget about you or lose interest in you by being too distant. So call definitely call her during the beginning of your break, and try to get that first date going. Good luck!

My girlfriend and I are in the exact same situation, but it's me that wants to be a big part of her life and she is confused about us. My best advice is to give him space, and show him that you can move on with your life without him in it. I know it's hard, but you have to try. Not only will you find yourself, you will also find out if he really wants to be with you. Don't talk to him on the phone everyday, don't see him everyday. Make him want to see you...make him miss you. If he doesn't, then sorry it's probably better off that way. You'll be hurt, but be strong, and move on with your life. I'm giving my girlfriend a lot of space and we only see each other 1-3 times a week. When I push her to see me more she runs away from me like there's no tomorrow. But when I give her space she has time to think about me, and miss me and you know what? She started calling me more often, and wanting to see me more often. It's crazy but it worked for me. There's no harm in trying...you'll be happier in the end.

I agree drop the man. Don't take that from him. It's not mood swings he's having. Those emotions are purposeful, they have an objective. Like the poster above says, he wants to make you feel small, lose self esteem so that he can take control of your life. He needs it because inside he's so insecure about himself. Drop him like a used tissue. It's the best thing you can do for yourself. I know it's harder said than done, but you have to try. He will not change unless he really wants to, and if he's already being abusive to you, he will not change without professional help.

I am in a very similar situation with a few differences. My girlfriend and I of 3 years broke up mid February because of alot of things. I was basically very selfish during our relationship and had my guard up all the time...I didn't want to be hurt. Meanwhile her guard was totally down and wanted to be with me all the time because she loved me that much. When we broke up we talked alot about what happened and we decided to leave things the way they were for awhile, to feel things out. She stared seeing another guy, and I started dating around again. The whole time we kept in touch, and we still had alot of feelings for each other. I stopped seeing everyone that I was dating because I realized I had been stupid all those years and that I really loved her and wanted to be with her. She felt the same way, but was afraid of things returning to how they were when we were together. She stopped seeing that person as well. Now we're in a situation where i want to be with her, but she just wants to "date" me and learn to be independent. I didn't understand at first, but after having a lot deep conversations with her and friends, I have come to the realization that you just need to give her some space. Continue to see her, but don't push her. Try not to get into conversations about your relationship, and your future together because she may not want to think about being in a committed relationship. I'll be blunt with you. If she doesn't really feel the same way for you, nothing your going to do will change how she feels. You just have to enjoy the time you have with her; make her remember the times you are together so she can look back and say "I had a really good time, I like being around him". Again don't be forceful and don't try to push her back into a committed relationship with you again, if it happens it happens, if not then it was not meant to be. Show her that you can move on with your life without her, and she will become attached to you again. Don't cling on to her, it will push her away more. No gaurentees, but I know how a lot of women think because as i've said before I've had a lot of deep converstations with our female counterparts! It takes a lot of finesse. Think about what your going to say and do before you do it. This is a very fragile time, and if you step over that thin fine line, it can be disastrous.

I just finished posting in the above thread "acne supression", about how I got rid of my acne and blackheads. The acne wasn't even really that bad. A few pimples here and there on my cheeks, forehead and chin, not too noticeable. What was worse was the blackheads. I could not get rid of them at all until I tried PROACTIVE SOLUTION. Read the other thread if you want to know what I posted. Basically get it. It works. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying with this you WILL NEVER get another pimple or blackhead. You will occasionally, but it is so minor and unoticeable that it's foolish to even fret over. Everyone occasionally gets small blemishes. I've only used it for about 7 weeks now and all my blackheads have almost disappeared. I don't think you HAVE to go out and buy proactive, but if you look for similar products that do the same thing. I know there's a new over the counter product that is very similar to proactive. All you really need is... 1)A facial Cleanser - Make sure you get one with microbeads (not apricot shells) but they must be micro beads. It should also have some benzoly peroxide (the active ingrediant that helps kill the bacteria and get rid of pimples). not too much though or it will dry out your skin. like 2.5% is good enough. 2)facial toner - it basically removes excess oil and helps to remoisturize your skin. Get one that is alcohol free. 3)acne treatment lotion - I'm not sure of specific ones, but any of those topical lotions that you leave on. It should also have a small amount of benzoyl peroxide. you basically use it in that order. that's it.

In my teenage years I rarely if ever had acne. Then when I turned 23, the acne started. At first it was only a pimple or two a month. Week after week it starting getting worse to the point where I knew this was not going away anytime soon. I tried alot of over the counter products that did squat, and some that even worsened the acne. The reason people get acne is a combination of alot of things. Your hormones, your genes, stress level, these can all affect the frequency and severity of your break outs. It has alot to do with your body's inability to remove dead skin cells. They clog up your pores causing a build up of dirt, oil and bacteria. I'll cut this short cause i'm sure you just want an answer to all of this. Basically this is not gonna go away without spending some money albeit a rather small amount... PROACTIVE SOLUTION (link removed) has worked for me and I believe I will continue using this for the rest of my life. I'm not joking about the wonders this has done for me. All my breakouts have stopped. I still have some scarring, but with time they will fade away and become close to unoticeable. I started using it about 2 months ago and after about the 3rd week, I have not had a single blemish since (well nothing to get worked up about). Usually the worse is a tiny little pimple that goes away within a couple of days. Just make sure you use it frequently, and try not to miss your application schedule. If you have sensitive skin, use it once a day, and eventually after about a week or two work it up to two applications a day - Morning, and night. And..that's it. Just buy it and use it you'll see. You can find it by searching through any search engine and order it online or on the phone. It costs about $39.99usd (about $59.99cnd), plus you'll have to pay for shipping. If you use it twice a day it should easily last you 2 months, so it's costing you about half of that per month to have smooth, acne free skin.