tomservo

Okay, so believe it or not, the same night I started this thread she called me. She was like "I was started to think you were a little anti-Jenny". (not her real name) I said "Why do you think that?" And she just said "Because of my paranoia." Anyway, she wanted to know if I was going to this show in a couple of weeks that a friend of hers had invited me to and I said "yeah, I was planning on going before that anyway" and she said "Good, because I'm definitely going now" Or something to that effect. Then, the other night, her friend had a party and I went and she was of course there too. She kinda hung on me most of the night and things were cool. And, this is funny, me and her and her friend, who is a guy, were talking and he mentioned how illogical women can be. And she said something about how women do things to screw up potential relationships and how much it sucks. Anyway, as we were walking out to our cars after the party she was like "I miss you. Call me." And so I called her the next night. No answer. Left a message. Next night. Same thing. She leaves me a MySpace comment saying "Sorry you haven't been able to reach me on the phone lately." That night I call again. No answer. I didn't leave a message. Now, for a little more background about her, she told me when we first met that she hadn't dated anybody in like 4 years. I think her and her last boyfriend were actually engaged and he turned out to be a real * * * * * * * or something. I don't know if she is just nervous and unsure because it's been so long or what. I really get the feeling that she would like to date me but for whatever reason is extremely hesitant. Like, she doesn't want to date me, but she doesn't want to NOT date me. If that makes any sense. She's basically done everything to make a sane guy pissed off, but I'm not that angry to tell you the truth. I'm frustrated, confused, and annoyed but I don't hate her or anything. My question is what do I say to her next time we talk? We're definitely going to see each other about a week from now at the show, but how should I handle this? I think that unless she brings it up I'm not going to say anything. If she says anything about flaking out or not returning my calls I want to tell her that I'm tired of wasting my time and that she needs to make up her mind.

So, there's this girl that I've kinda been dating for the past several months. She can be real flaky sometimes. Like, not calling when she says she will, etc. She understands that she does this and will apologize. So far the only thing I've said about it is stuff like "It's okay. Things happen." Whatever. We haven't spoken in a few weeks, other than online. My question is, if she calls or contacts me in any way, what should I say? If she brings up the flaking out stuff, should I say something about it? I mean, I really like her, she's really cool and cute and I know she likes me, but I'm kinda tired of wasting my time. Although, I guess if she really liked me she wouldn't flake.

This girl and I have been friends for about three months now. We've gone out a few times and I really like her, but I'm not sure where it's going. We talked on the phone the other night and she said that we should get together next week and do something. I would really like to kind of take things to the "next level" with her but I'm incredibly shy. We haven't kissed or even held hands or anything like that. There's been very little physical contact between us. Besides hugging. She's a really big "hug" person. Being incredibly inexperienced, I'm not really sure what to do next. Should I try to just ease into the touching part? I'm not talking about anything sexual. Just touching her arm, or putting my hand on her back while we walk, etc. This is so lame. But I could really use some help.

I thought he was moving out of state? Personally, I'd recommend just backing off for right now. Wait until her situation is a little clearer.

Yeah, solo, that was a hard lesson I learned with my "ex". I have a hard time expressing my feelings, positive or negative, and I would let things that bothered me build up and not say anything at the time. Then a few days later I would bring it up and tell her I was mad about something. It took just a couple of weeks of this for her to "dump" me. And settinuplife, one thing I was getting at: I think she's being fairly clear here. (I may be wrong however.) She's no longer with him. She's told you that she doesn't want to be with him (Yeah, she still loves him. But just because you love someone doesn't mean you want to be with that person). And she has said that she wants to date you again. Now, how exactly did she change her mind about you two dating again? It sounds to me like she has the door WIDE OPEN for you to step through, and you're just waiting for, God knows what. What are you waiting for?

I must concur, Solo.

Oh, I'm not trying to stand in two boats at the same time. I've come to realize in the past few weeks that whatever feelings I THOUGHT that I had for 'Sara' aren't there anymore. I was very confused about my feelings. And I stuck my foot in my mouth by telling 'Lisa' what I told her. I was also under the impression that 'Lisa' only wanted to be friends long before this all came up.

I never said anything about sex. Some guys have other priorities besides "titties n' beer".

Oh 'Sara' knows exactly how I feel. She just doesn't feel the same way anymore apparently. Plus, she IS seeing someone else right now. That's kind of what started this latest round of, um, awkwardness. I found out that she was dating this guy from work and I e-mailed 'Lisa' about it. And I don't know that 'Lisa' wasn't interested. She complained to me that I barely spoke to her after our date (which was true) and that she went out with that other guy because he asked her out and she wasn't doing anything that night. Because I didn't ask her out again. I'm sure that if I had asked her out that she would have said yes and I wouldn't be asking anyone for advice. Thanks for the quick reply!

I'm not sure if this really belongs in this forum, but here goes. Flirted back and forth with this girl at work for two years. Let's call her Sara. She broke up with her boyfriend and we tried to start dating back in August. It didn't work out. I never really got over it completely, but she did and started dating someone else. Fast forward a few months and I decide that I want to ask out another friend from work. We'll call her Lisa. Well, we are all three friends so it feels kind of awkward. For one thing, I wasn't sure if she was single or not. So, I talk to Sara about it. She tells me that, yes, Lisa is single. So, I ask her out. Unfortunately, she misunderstood me and thought I was asking her on, like, a group date. So she invites Sara and some other people. Sara tells me about this and she informs Lisa that, no, I meant is as a date for just the two of us. Anyway, we go out and for some reason it feels like Lisa doesn't really want to be there. That was probably just my pessimistic nature though. Because of that, I was kind of uncomfortable around her the next few days at work, and I didn't really talk to her much. A few days later this guy that another girl at work was trying to set Lisa up with comes by and asks her out. The worst part about it was that Lisa asked me for a pen to write her number down to give to the guy. *ouch* I then send Lisa a STUPID e-mail saying that I didn't realize that she was seeing someone and that I was sorry if she felt guilted into going out with me. Needless to say, things pretty much ended after that. She's still dating this guy and that's all I know. Well, after all this, I thought that I still had feelings for Sara. Maybe I did/do maybe I didn't/don't. I was, and still am, very confused. So, I send ANOTHER stupid e-mail to Lisa saying that I still had feelings for Sara. She didn't respond. Now I've found out that Lisa said to another friend that I was still hot for Sara and that she (Lisa) wouldn't be second to anyone. I'm not really sure what this means. I was under the impression that Lisa didn't want to pursue anything with me, so why would she say that? Why would it matter? I had told her that if she just wanted to be friends that it would be fine with me. No hard feelings. The thing is, and this makes me sound like a complete idiot, I don't really feel the same way about Sara as I used to. I mean, she's dated a few other guys since me and she has already said countless times that there's no chance for us. And truthfully, I'm kind of glad. Because I feel a lot of resentment towards her still. BUT, I still really like Lisa. We're still (as far as I know) real friendly to each other. She's always really nice when we see each other, and in her e-mails. Except for the last e-mail. It was very, um, business-like. Not very friendly, but not to say it was mean or anything. Just, straight and to the point.\ I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here though. Just some input I guess. Thanks.

You want to know what you should do? You should be ashamed. Both of you. No, the trust was destroyed when she said if she could cheat with anyone it would be you. And it was further destroyed when you deceived her boyfriend. I think you two would make a great couple. You sound like you deserve each other.

Thank you both. I think she's actually, in a weird way, doing me a favor by not really talking to me anymore. It's making it a lot easier to get over my feelings for her. I just have to do my part and move on.

I've been friends with this girl for about two and a half years. We met at work and got really close. There were definitely stronger feelings there besides just friendship. For both of us. We tried to start dating about six months ago and it didn't work out. I took it really hard and begged, whined, pouted, said stupid and mean stuff to her, and basically just couldn't let it go. Especially after she started dating someone else. She actually broke off our friendship twice during this time, but that would only last a couple of days. There were times, though, when we got along better than ever. Then there were days when I was really depressed about her rejection that I would just ignore her. I realize now, as well as then, that I was being a terrible friend. I mean, we were friends first and things just didn't work out romantically so I shouldn't have taken it so hard. But I did. We don't work together any longer. It's been about a month since we last saw each other. I've sent her a couple of e-mails that she hasn't responded to. Last night we talked on IM for the first time in a couple of months. It was a very short conversation. I've been very depressed over this because I don't want to lose her. I don't think she's trying to ignore me or that she hates me. I feel terrible about all the stupid stuff I said to her, but everytime I try to apologize about it she gets mad. Mad at me for bringing it up I guess. I haven't brought it up in over two months and that lead to less tension in our relationship, but now it seems like it's over. The main problem for me is I still hold on to some romantic feelings for her. I know that as long as I have those feelings, our friendship will suffer. The only thing I can do is just leave her alone. If she wants to be friends with me at some point in the future, she'll contact me. But I just don't know if she will. Plus, I don't even know if I'd want to be friends again. I mean, I'd like to, but I don't know if I'll ever feel that way about her again. For me it's definitely a "love/hate" relationship.

Wow. I was in a pretty similar situation with a girl I used to work with. Except for the sex part. She confessed her feelings for me after two years of mutual flirting. I'm very shy and so I had trouble verbally expressing my feelings. She kind of cooled off, I confronted her, she broke it off. I'm still really bitter about it cause I couldn't let go and move on. It's kind of ruined our friendship and we don't really talk anymore. I don't know if we ever will again. So, move on. DO NOT obsess over this guy. It will drive you crazy. BUT, I would also say don't completely close the door if you really like him and would like a chance in the future. But yeah, don't sit around waiting for him to change his mind. He might, and he might not. And even if he does, you may not want him back. I'm at the point now where if this girl called me up and said "I'm sorry. I messed up. Let's try again" I honestly dont' know what I would say. A few months ago I would have automatically said "YES!" but now I'd either say "no" or "Let me think about it". Move on. For your sake.

Don't beat yourself up man. You'll get another chance. Just don't screw IT up as well. I blew it tonight myself. (okay, that sounds kind of dirty) I've been trying to talk to this cute girl at the B&N coffee shop for the past few days. It's been tough cause I'm stupidly shy. The only good thing is I saw her there Friday and Saturday night and now on Valentine's Day. To me that says she probably doesn't have a boyfriend. Maybe. But I know that the longer I wait, the more likely someone else will come along. The point is, don't hesitate any longer. I know what your thought process is here. You've already pretty much decided that she'll reject you and then you'll be humiliated. But remember this: "If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place." I found that somewhere and it's my new mantra. Go for it dude!

If he's really shy don't act TOO aloof or you won't get anywhere. On the other hand, speaking form experience, most shy guys are inexperienced, so don't come on TOO strong if you think that's what it will take to get his attention. Because you don't want to lead him on. It really sucks for a shy guy who isn't used to getting attention from girls to have someone lay it on pretty thick and then find out that it wasn't completely sincere.

Woah! That's crazy man. Good luck! And keep us posted.

I saw this really cute girl at this bookstore cafe the other night. I finally got up the nerve to talk to her last night (well, technically. I ordered some hot chocolate and that was the extent of the conversation And I'm thinking about going back today/tonight and maybe asking for her phone number. My question is, for any girls that have been approached at work, is this a good idea? I mean, would *you* be annoyed? The only problem is the amount of time I would have to make a good impression and make her comfortable with me before I asked for the number. Any suggestions?

Man, that sounds exactly like me. Only it's been about six months since I was "dumped" and it still hurts. Especially since we're still "friends".

I've begun to realize that this girl I dated, and am still kind of hung up on, is a a narcissist and possibly has borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. I know that those three PDs kind of overlap. She basically manipulated my feelings for two years and said she wanted to date me, but as soon as I started having some personal problems (which, truthfully, I didn't really communicate the problems I was having to her) she cut things off. And then expected things to be just fine. She wanted to be friends but I couldn't because that's not how I felt about her. I've been miserable ever since, but now that I don't see her anymore it's getting easier.

daisy77 We didn't start hanging out together until about three months before she "dumped" me. And we probably went out about three or four times and hung out together at her place or mine about half a dozen times. Mostly we just talked on instant messenger. A lot. And no, we don't work together anymore. Thank God. I was, and still am, pretty bitter and angry and I took it out on her a lot. Some days were better than others but a lot of times I would just completely ignore her. Even when she would try to speak to me directly. Right now I'm just trying to move on and let go of the past. Whether or not we are friends again (or anything else) depends on her I guess. I'd love to be with her, but right now that's not realistic for so many reasons. (Sorry for hijacking your thread!) Personally, I'd recommend that you just start talking to him at work for a while. A week or two maybe. And then maybe after you feel more comfortable, ask him for his e-mail address or if he has IM. I find it's a great way to talk to someone if you're shy, and it kind of let's you open up more and say things you wouldn't normally say face to face. But, you have to be careful what you say as well. It's hard sometimes to pick up on subtleties in conversation.

I've been the guy in this exact same situation. I'm also very shy and this girl at work started flirting with me and we became friends. After a while it became obvious that there was more going on. However, things didn't really work out and it became clear to me that her feelings weren't as strong as she had lead me to believe. So, you're absolutely right in not wanting to lead him on. I'd recommend just trying to become friends with him and after a while start dropping some hints that you'd like to date. But don't come on too strong and don't say things that you don't mean. That's what happened to me and now I have a lot of resentment towards this girl because she rejected me and really really hurt me.

She's like that with guys she's interested in I guess. We worked together for over two years and I never saw her flirt with other guys like that though. And it's not like she's been flirting like that consistently since our "breakup". It mainly happens when I'm in a good mood and not acting bitter or angry. I don't know if she thinks that the flirting is what our friendship is supposed to be like, or if she is still interested in me romantically and wants me to stop being bitter and just be happy again. I mean, she has said that, but I don't know if it's for the sake of the friendship or for other reasons. (Hope that made sense) I still feel like she is attracted to me due to some of her actions, but going by her words, she's not interested in anything other than friendship. I realize that you can be attracted to someone and still not want to be in a relationship with them though.

So, the flirting thing. I have a friend who used to flirt with me constantly. I mean it was shameless and so obvious. I'd flirt back a little in my own way (ie. just really making her laugh). Anyway, it was obvious that there was more going on than just friendship and she revealed her feelings to me in a really sweet e-mail. Being the (extremely) shy guy that I am, I had trouble telling her how I felt and basically our potential relationship kind of fizzled out and she just wanted to remain friends. I took it really hard and got really whiny and pouty (her words) and said some stupid and kind of mean things to her over the course of a few months. I made the mistake of asking her a few times if there was ever a chance of things working out and she said no. She told me that I stopped being the "old me". Some days though, it was like the old days. We flirted a lot and I could still make her laugh as hard as before. I've told her that when she flirts with me it confuses me, but she would still keep on. My question is, if a girl has told you that there is no chance, yet she still flirts with you and obviously is still attracted to you and tells you to be the "old you" again, does that mean she might still interested in a relationship? I know sometimes flirting is just flirting, but * * *? She's kind of naturally flirty, but she knows how I feel. I know I'm kind of hijacking this flirting thread with my whiny story, but I'd really like to know if I'm right or if I'm just grasping at straws.

I think you just answered your own question.