Big Jim

I say you put him on the spot, say he's been acting weird and you feel that something is going on. Ask to see his phone "i know its stupid and nosey, but im freaking out and this would help me so much". Serious gfs had asked that of me and i handed it over, sure you can say "but if they really trust you..." , but in reality, everyone has periods of freaking out (called for or not). If its not a reoccurring thing, i never have had a problem, because i have no secerts. I would be pissed if i found my girl just snooping around because of the fact she went behind my back, however if she came to me and asked, i'm perfectly fine with it. People only worry when they have things to that would hurt the other person, which is a small part of a much bigger problem. Trust me, you want the truth as bad as it may be, so you will not waste anymore time either with him or worring.

Hey mate, I know exactly what you are talking about. My situation is a little different in being that we broke up once way earlier, then were together for a couple of years. However, i know what you mean about knowing "its not over completely, and that she will call". My girl broke up with me a year ago, lots of drama, another guy waiting around etc. Drama over a year, (friends, more, not talking, repeat), until i finally had enough, cut it off. It doesn't make it any better for them to want you back. I thought it would too, then she recently did, and i had to say no. Then you start second guessing yourself, maybe she has changed, maybe i can trust her... etc. You really gotta get space and look at it objectively...this is a pattern, nothing has really changed etc. Sorry about your situation

Hey this is kinda embarrassing, however recently it has me wondering if it is normal. When I'm going down on a girl for a long time, I sometimes lose my erection. I dunno, its not that i don't enjoy doing it or am weirded out at all. I just seem to lose it, it comes but after, but do most guys stay hard the entire time?

Thanks all for the advice, Yeah I'm leaning towards the cut and run. When someone can lie so easily, not just once or twice, but many many times, about very important issues...well, it kinda kills everything. At least thats how I'm feeling. I agree with the NC thing, i have been for a couple weeks, and i find myself thinking about the relationship objectively, as opposed to the rush of feelings.

Has she admitted she lied? When i busted her, eventually yes. That is the problem though, it always took me finding out for the truth via some other means (friends, accidently etc) to come out. I think back to so many times that something seemed amiss and am now so suspicious. Sorry, my earlier post was so poorly written. It comes down to this, when i take it day to day with her, for the most part im happy, however if i look long term i am very afraid this will happen again.

Hi, I posted on this site about a year ago, about getting back with my ex. Well here i am, and she is begging me to take her back and has been for months. However, there was a whole bunch of drama, immediately before and for a long time after we broke up, involving a guy who she was/is? friends with. Something went on between them, what exactly i don't know. The problem that keeps me up at night, is how can i ever trust someone who consistently lied to me, and fiercely defended those lies even when i knew the truth. I love the girl so much, but my gut tells me that it is wrong to give it another go. I want to believe in forgive and forget so badly, however i just dont think i can do that. Forgetting seems impossible. My question is after treating me very poorly, and lying extenisvely, how can i ever believe any of the good things that happened or she said? everything seems tainted. I know this makes no sense, sorry, kinda rambles...

Man i hope it not all done! jj This is by far the most interesting thread haha, its a soap opera. I can see how you have a hard time putting it past you...im addicted to her now too lol

Just a quick question. Doesnt relate to my situation at all because that is all good and done with, however i am curious. Everyone preches NC, is it better to 1. tell them you are doing this, give your reasons etc, and just do it or 2. Just stop talking to them entirely and drop off the face of the earth???

Hey man, its obvious she misses you etc, but honestly, the reason she hasnt called is because she is acting on emotions. She gets intense feelings of missing you, has to talk to you, then get ahold of you, makes plans with you. However almost immediately, once she has got her "fill", she feels better, she loses interest and doesnt follow through. Im not going to tell you to give up on her and move on, cause if that is not what you wont, so it is pointless for me to say that. You know the majority of ppl here think you should, but it is ultimately your choice. However realize, first off, you are her second choice. The other guy broke up with her, she didnt with him cause she had to be with you. Second, if you really want to make something happen, you are going to have to man up a bit, stand up for yourself, and not be such "a nice guy". Man she broke your heart, chose a loser over you, jerks you around, you cant give a f#% if shes tired driving home, not your problem (you can care, i would too, but in all honestly she ended it with you, that includes that kinda stuff, and she has to know this). Like i said, she gets her fill, sees you are still into her, and she relaxes immedaitely, im not saying this is on purpose, but she is satisifed and the need to see you is gone. A weak comparison, youre really hungry, thats all you can think about, but after you eat, are you still thinking about food? You got to go longer without talking to her, if you want to know if her feelings are sinerce, you gotta have weeks (months?) of NC, so she cant just call you and feel better. She has to be alone when that happens, so she cant think "god i miss mark, i wonder what hes up to, he doesnt even want to talk to me, has he moved on?". By her knowing you are always a phone or a text or a email away, she never is going to feel she is losing you. I bet this is all going on in her head, she is just not aware of it all. My ex was the same way. Honestly, make a stand, and move on. Its up to you what you want to do, either do it to really move on, or to see how she really feels. Either way, time to stop being a pushover, get your balls back from her lol, and get some serious distance between you two. If she really loves you, she will realize that, if not, well youre already on your way. Just my thoughts, i was in a similar thing, best of luck

honestly man, read my thread 'about to end all the nonsense",(its kinda long), but you will see that some people are just heartless lairs and you should not give them the time of day. I have been were you are, it blows, and by analzing all her moves, you are only going to go crazy. Forget the b#%ch and move on

man that is exactly what i told her, "you want to know why your so depressed and miserable? because anyone with a conscience would be if they were doing what you are doing!" Also, i actually dont feel bad about reading her texts at all. She checks my email all the time, still did until yesterday, its the kinda relationship we had. No secerts, very open. Also if it took me snooping to find this out, i am totally for snooping, cause i have had 5.5 months of asking her and all i got was lies. I am happy i snooped, wish i had sooner. haha would you believe this same girl deleted a girl off my msn not three weeks ago, cause this other girl has a thing for me? this is too much for me

I thought id post this to wrap up my story, and hopefully it will shake someone up who is in a situation similar to the one i was in. It is a warning about how you think you know someone, but what the truth can be, and to trust your gut. I thought this girl was it, we were great together, super close, she helped me with a parents death and was always there. We were eachothers rock and lives for the last 2.5, we've known eachother for 4. She was always a sweetheart, an angel. We went on trips, studied together, were as close as we could have been. Countless nights of us just saying up till dawn talking about our hopes and dreams etc. I knew her better then anyone ever has, and her likewise. I thought she was my "soulmate", haha now i laugh at that term. We had the same interests, goals, values, everything. Everyone of our friends said we are the same person just opposite sex. But no, we are not the same, because i have a fu$#ing heart. Im not going to rehash my whole story, its way to long, but quite simply, she broke up with me 5 and a half months ago, she had been depressed for a while and hated everything in her life. This much was legitimate, and i am not at all mad that she dumped me, that does not make her a bad person. I went NC, but she started to call a week later, she needed me, she was really messed up. I would have said no, but she has some serious * * * * going on and i felt i owed it to her to be there. It only made sense to, also we shared many classes. Well things were just like before we broke up, good times together, everything, just no sex. She told me she wanted me back, just needed space and time to stand on her own, figure her life out, breathe a little, find herself again. She insisted we are not just friends, told me she loved me all the time, we did everything together still. All i heard was "once we are through this rough patch, we'll do this", or "i cant wait for that with you etc", "your the one for me, soulmates etc". Now about 2 months into this, i found this site. Many people suggested she was just stringing me along, go NC etc. I obvisously respected their advice, but felt they dont know her like i do, shes not capable of this. She is just really messed and needs some time, we have something together etc. I dont mean to praise myself, but i was very patient and understanding with her, more then i thought i could ever be. The one thing that gave me pause was she was hanging out with a family friend guy (she always had), but i knew he liked her. It bothered me, i brought it up, but she insisted it was nothing and truth be told never blew me off to hang out with him, i was always her first choice. Well, it still didnt sit right, and we got into fights about it. She lied to me a couple of times, which only made it worse. However, she always insisted nothing was going on, and i loved her and she me, and i trusted her with my heart. I mean after everything we have been through i knew she would not hurt me like that. As recent as 2 weeks ago, after a fight and not talking for about 8 days, we met up at school and spent the day. All i heard was i love you, miss you so much, i want it how it was, lets do this etc. A full day of her crying, and kissing me, and making plans to get back together etc. I was on cloud nine, things were finally getting back on track, i brought up that guy and she said the whole thing is retarded and wished it would end already (close family friend, she couldnt just be a b#%Rh). Things kinda stalled with exams, but not a big deal, she and i both needed to do well and i know how stressed she gets. Yesterday, she was having a bad day, called me first thing in the morning freaking out about an exam. I was there for her, we hung out, she told me how miserable and unhappy she is. I held her while she cried about everything and cheered her up, we studied together. i borrowed her phone without telling her, she was away and i took it out of her bag. No big deal. She always says we have no secerts etc. There was a text from the guy whcih bothered me, but i decided not to read it. However i got curious and read her texts (outbound). There were so many to him, saying i miss you, calling him sweetie and pet names, apoligizing for something (in hindsight was probably him running into me and her at school and her being cold to him), saying i cant wait for summer with you all this behind us, also one saying im so sorry i wrote you an email explaining all of this (she is talking about me and her, and probably how i just cant let go, or some bull$!$$). I have never been so hurt in my life. I cant even describe it. I threw up. i confronted her and she had the nerve to get mad at me for snooping. I tore into her like i never have, told her she is absolutely heartless, and just horrible. She cried, tired to explain, said you of all people know how depressed i am, and how she was caught in the two situations (me and him), she loves me but he likes her so much and has known the family so long she cant be mean to him. I yelled, "your wrong, you only have one f@$@ing situation and i f#$%ing hope you are happy with that cause you and me are through for good, leave me the f$@k alone, never talk to me again". I mean everyword of that. I threw out all her pictures and everything. The last 2.5 yrs mean nothing to me now, if you can play someone you know cares about you so much and is trying to help (taking her to dr, talking on the phone at 3 am about what is bothering her etc), then i regret ever meeting her. No one has ever put me through so much hell, and never will again. This girl was kissing me two weeks ago, telling me im her soulmate. Fu#k her. You never know what someone is capable of, so if you have been dumped, please, take care of yourself. Your ex is selfish, you can be too, go NC no matter what. Above all, trust your gut. Hope this spares someone else all this pain. I am torn to shreads. i thank everyone for all their advice over the months.

If you still really love them, would you really be ok if their answer was not positive. I doubt you can love someone and not get hurt

Hey slow down you didnt screw things up. Yeah you were a bit clingly and needy sometimes, but i am sure he did stuff that would be considered negitve too. Do not blame yourself for everything. THe fact you can accept that you were too clingly is great, but dont base the break up on that. It takes two people to make it work. My best friends' girlfriend does the exact same thing, crys and all, yet me friend is very laid back and takes it as it comes. He just puts his foot down when she is being over dramatic and says "i love you , but com'on meet me halfway here". It was up to your ex to stand up for himself if your behavior was that bad. In my relationship, i was a jealous freak sometimes, but i realized this, and toned it down, and do not feel gulity about it at all. My girl was moody and i spoiled her, and sometimes she did not like it if things didnt go her way...too bad, thats life. I loved her completely and even though it pissed me off to no end, i realized that is who she is sometimes. DO NOT blame yourself, he was not perfect, imagine you had dumped him, do you not think he would be thinking, "man i wish i didnt do that so often, or i should have done this". Hindsight is 20/20. I know how you feel your life is so bad without him, but give it a couple weeks and you will realize otherwise. You will still love him and miss him, but it wont be the intense sick feeling you have right now. That is simply called panic... I promise you you will be fine keep posting and venting. There is always someone who will listen

also dont blame yourself for losing yourself in eachother. Everyone does that when they are in love. Yes it is important to keep independance and be your own person, but were you not happy at the time when you were lost in each other? I am a very independent person and very busy, but looking back i loved the days of countless phone calls, and dying to see eachother every spare minute (ie skipping school etc). I love teh feeling of being that into someone, that they consume my thoughts. Its all perspective, since i still had other interests, i loved being like that. She did too when all was great, however once things got bad, she looked at it negitively and thought "we spend too much time". Funny a couple months before that she was calling in sick at work to spend the night with me! Dont let someones negitive perception of something influence you, you did what you did cause it felt right at the moment and they did too, neither of you can blame eachother for that! It happened , but that was nothing that cant be changed with work and effort from both parties. Dont let your ex blame you for something you both willingly did, each person is responsible for speaking up and saying what they want