sprawl

It's been 1 1/2 months since my breakup and the memories still come to me way too often. No matter what I do there's always something to remind me of her. For example: I'm going to a concert this sunday with one of my best friends but it's not going to be easy to put the fact out of my head that my ex and I went on our first date to see this band. Or simple things like going shopping and seeing the kind of cookies you used to get so you could share them on the couch together... I never thought a good memory would be such a detriment. I would sometimes get a little mad at her when she couldn't even remember whether she'd seen a movie with me or not but I guess she's the lucky one in that regard now. I'm doing pretty good at controlling it and thinking about something else when it happens to me during the day but it gets a lot harder when it's time to go to sleep. It seems like nothing is worse than waking up with vivid memories of the dream you just had with your ex--I know it stays with me all day when that happens.

I've still used condoms a year into a relationship just in case she would forget a pill occasionally or something... we'd go without sometimes if it wasn't practical but preferred the safety/cleanup of condoms.

The human body has a very complex response to pain and I think that's what drives me sometimes. Whether the pain comes from new piercings, cutting or just doing pushups until I collapse there's something comforting about knowing that I'm in control of the pain. It's possible that other people feel the same way and bragging about cutting is showing off how much control they have over themselves.

I was 21 and it was in my first 'serious' relationship a little over year ago now... We'd been going out around 1.5 months at that point

Why would she make out with another guy while she's with you? Are you just there because you make her feel safe/comfortable/loved/etc without her having to do much in return? My relationship with my gf just ended two weeks ago and I think that second question has been repeating over and over in my mind. It feels like the whole time I was in the relationship I was just being used like this and I just wish I had realized this sooner.

I think the key is to act when you first start to feel something for a girl. If you make the move right away and find out she's taken then it's a million times better than obsessing over some girl for like a month until you finally talk to her and have any number of problems (she blows you off, already has a boyfriend or girlfriend, etc.) Even if she had a boyfriend, it's obvious things went pretty smoothly and this only helps build confidence and comfort for when you do meet the right person =)

I can identify with a lot of what you're feeling... my gf of 13 months just broke up with me a little over 2 weeks ago. We still live together for another day (finished out the end of the academic quarter at school) but it's been rough... Basically she blamed a ton of things on me--I didn't socialize enough without her, she didn't have enough space, I didn't stand up for myself enough and ultimately she wasn't happy anymore. She said she 'loved me like a friend'.... I spent almost a week just terribly upset to the point where I could barely look at her anymore without tearing up a bit but then I gathered myself together and some things became clear. There was really nothing that I could have done to make her happy. The root of all her problems with me really only became an issue because she made them an issue herself. I gave her everything I could, but ultimately I'm not responsible for her happiness--only my own. Right now I've just got an emotional balancing act going on in my mind... one side of me wants to think she'll come to her senses and realize how good she had it while the other side realizes that just isn't going to happen and makes me angry. I feel like all the time we've spent together was based on a lie... after all, how could she be so willing to quit if she'd felt anything close to what I had?

I think it might just come down to the fact that a lot of men don't place such a high value on sex. It doesn't always mean there's a real attachment there--so even if a relationship would be short-lived anyway, sex won't really extend it much. As soon as it gets boring (the relationship in general, not just the sex) then it's time to move on. The sexual aspect of the relationship didn't have any substantial effect... just made it a little more fun while it lasted. Maybe women in general tend to place much more importance on what it means to the relationship?

1. Male 2. 22 3. Use condoms 4. She used the pill 5. No.

Why are you so afraid of this girl going to a concert without you? It sounds like she really enjoys these concerts and would rather go alone than force you to go along if you are going to be miserable. You should be able to support her decision to go have fun with her friends and not pull anything where you make her feel guilty for going without you or feel guilty for bringing you along to an event that you didn't want to go to. Occasionally, she should feel comfortable in being able to have some fun without you just as much as you should be able to have fun without her. It's only natural to miss her when you go out on your own but if you keep controlling her and holding her back then you might not be having too much fun describing your breakup on this forum soon =/

Sounds like what I've just been going through... monday night after 13 months together my girlfriend told me that she wasn't happy in our relationship anymore and that she just 'loved me like a friend'. I still feel like she's making a mistake but I'm pretty much just backing off from everything and treating her like the friend she needs right now instead of pushing to get back together at all. I hope that she can work things out on her own but I feel like there was a lot in her life that she just couldn't deal with when we were together. We'd just moved in together when we came back to school 2 months ago and had some troubles since all of our friends had graduated and moved on so we just had each other for company. Without any friends of my own I was putting a lot of the burden on her and I guess she just kind of fell out of things... I think I'll have to post my own topic soon but I just thought I'd let you know others are going through similar things right now =/