Wonderland

I did at the time that you sent it, but for the life of me I can not find it nor can I remember what it said. Do you still have the link?

And thats what i'm scared of. I feel like i'm too weak to go through with this. Part of me is saying "you're screwing up. you need to stay, you're making a mistake" and i can not justify why.

Those feelings may wear off by the time 5:30 rolls around...

I'm a pretty blunt person. So I would have come and and said "Hey, I like you"... but I know not everyone is like that. If I think of anything helpful, I'll letcha know. Good luck sweetie

Does he do this on purpose? I feel drained of all emotion and physical strength. Is this what he's going for? SO that its easier to forgive him than to lug all my belongings downstairs and to the car??

I'm sorry you guys. I'm at the point where I'm just mad now. just flaming mad. why did i ever listen to anything he said? why??? why did i stay after i heard him bragging about having me by the head? why?!?!? why do i feel like i have no strength to carry my things out of the apartment? i feel so sick

I dont know why its so hard to leave. I dont. I feel so weak.... maybe its cause i'm scared of him.. i dont know. but i do want out.

You guys knew it. I didnt want to believe you. But can you blame me? You want to have faith in the person that you love above all others... I can tell you now that my self esteem is shot, as if it wasn't before, but its worse now. I feel like such an idiot for ever believing anything that has come out of his mouth. I cant take it anymore you guys. I just cant. I wish I had never had moved in with him. Now, I would rather have lived in a shelter than endure everything he has put me through. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than EVER put up with this again. Last night... last night we were playing around and he said something about me having moose teeth and small boobs. Joking or not, it still hurt. I have never made fun at the way he looks, or made jabs at something he can not change about his appearance. So I went to bed and told him not to touch me. He kept on trying to have sex with me, and I told him I was serious, and he wasnt getting his way. He kept trying, and I kept refusing. So he rolled over and told me that girls like me were the reasons that whorehouses exist and if I wouldnt have sex with him, he was more than positive he could find girls that would, and he wouldnt have to work for it. I just went to sleep. Now, the water heater at our apartment is horrible. There is never enough hot water for one person to take a shower, let alone two. Well, I went first and made damn sure not to touch the hot water handle on the faucet. It was more important for me to keep peace in the house and take a cold shower than risk him throwing a fit because he had no hot water. Well, my plan didnt work, and he ended up having no hot water, which ulimatley was "my fault". I had my radio on while I was putting my makeup on and he yelled at me to turn it off. He then preceeded to yell at me and tell me how selfish I am, how much of a female dog I am, and how mean I have become. (He says I am mean because instead of crying when he talks to me like that like I used to, I dish it right back at him). When I would open my mouth to defend myself, all I got was a "SHUT THE ---- UP!" So I did. I just turned away from him and continued to get ready for work. I have talked to a couple different friends of mine today to see if maybe they wouldnt mind getting an apartment with me. No one is looking for a roomate. They all apologize and tell me that I need to get out of this relationship, but I dont have anywhere to go. I have talked to my mother about coming home, and I know that she loves and cares about me, but she keeps insisting that I find a roomate and get an apartment. They have alot on their plate at the moment, so I cant blame her for not wanting me to come home. I need to do this, I know I do. I want to. But how do I go about doing it?? My birthday is on Friday, and I dont want to spend my birthday crying and moving my stuff out of the apartment. Any suggestions?

I don't think there is a specific time limit on when the L bomb should be dropped. You say it when you feel it. A year seems to be a pretty damn long time to me though.... Does he show you he cares about you in other ways? Maybe he's afraid of the word... commitment issues perhaps...

perhaps you need to both work a little harder at showing each other that you are still interested in the other both physically and mentally/emotionally. I believe its natural for there to be a decline in the amount of sex you have... in the beginning everything is new... So maybe you could bring the newness back. Look for some ideas, visit a store (some places require that you be 18 though), do some romantic things for her to get her in the mood...

I pray that you find your baby soon! I love my critters too. What part of texas are you in? I'm in the DFW area, I can keep a look out for him...

For those of you who remember me from a few weeks ago, I have an update for you. a HUGE update. For those of you who don't remember, please reread my past threads. Well, I took everyones advice. He was out of town and we were talking on the phone late one Wednesday night.He had been asking me why I had been so depressed. Why I wasn't acting like myself. And I told him. I told him that his name calling, and yelling at me made me feel horrible about myself (something I had told him numerous times before) and that I was at a breaking point and was ready to leave. He was upset that I was unhappy, but we both decided that I would move my things out the upcoming weekend. He came home Thursday night and we discussed how things were going to be, who would take which pet, etc. He was actually kind of cold towards me... didn't show me any emotion. We went to bed that night and he woke me up at 3 am crying. And I don't mean sniffiling, i mean bawling. He just hugged me and held me and cried some more. He finally went back to sleep, but when it was time to get up, he was mopey and not himself. As I was doing my hair, I noticed him standing at the entrance of the bedroom, looking into the bathroom at me. He had a look in his eyes that I had never seen before. For the first time in our relationship, I could tell that he cared. He was teary eyed, and when I noticed him he went back to ironing his clothes. I went off to work, and noticed that I had a text message and 3 missed calls on my phone. The text message read: "Words can not express how guilty I feel and how much I regret treating you the way I did. I love you with all my heart even though I did not show it. Please forgive me." He called me on his cigarette break. He was torn up. He told me he was having a hard time keeping it together... It was strange to him that someone could have such an effect on him, that he could feel so lost and empty without someone. He told me he wanted to talk to me after work. When I got home, he told me he didn't feel like cooking (he was still VERY VERY depressed) and that we should go grab something. So we got in his car and headed out to get some food. We got our favorite fast food and then instead of heading home, he drove us out to the lake. We ate our food there, in the dark, looking at the lake. We sat there for 5 hours. He spilled his guts to me. He admitted that no one in his life had ever made him want to change, but realising that I was not going to be in his life anymore had a huge impact on him. He told me that he wanted to change. That I deserved all the things that I had given him (emotionally) and more. He said he missed the way I used to look at him. Before I was scared, when he was positive that I loved him with every inch of my soul. He cried when he said it. He also said that he knows that what he did killed me on the inside, and that it was wrong. I know you all think "PLEASE! He's just saying that to get what he wants... it won't last". I thought it too. And he knew I thought it without me ever saying it. He promises me everyday that he will never call me a name or lash out at me like that ever again. He says that I am the one that he wants to spend his life with, that he feels so close to me and my family accepts him and treats him as if he were already part of the family. He doesn't want to lose any of that. Since his promise that first night, he has not broken it, or shown any signs of doing so in the future. He has become more affectionate, and expresses his feelings more openly with me. If i bring up the way things used to be, he acts embarrassed and ashamed and asks that we put it behind us. That friday was a new beginning for our relationship, he said. And so, we do have a new relationship. Full of love & laughter, and no name calling or yelling. Thanks for letting me share. I am so proud of him.

God, I just feel so bad having to move back in with them. i mean, they've got everything together, have a set schedule of things that they do, I can't go and throw their life off balance because I am going through some drama. It isn't fair. It also isn't very mature. I also do not wish for my parents to find out.

everyone assumes that leaving is as easy as making the decision and packing up. Well, it really isn't that easy. Making the decision isn't even that easy...

This incident happened back in May. He stopped hanging out from her, and we have seen neither hair nor hide from this girl since. Have heard nothing from her either. I must be insane, because I check his phone when he charges it. I check for text messages and the received/dialed calls. Nothing has come up since May. Thank God. I know he must love me... I mean, I met all the people he works with at his company picnic last weekend, and they all went on about how much he had told them about me... I can't imagine he would do this if he didn't love me. I have really had no reason not to trust him since he stopped hanging out with her. But I'm still wary. He has said that he feels like I have pulled away since all that happened, and that I do not treat him the same anymore. Like I am reluctant to get close to him anymore. I don't think that I've consciously done this, but even if i were doing it, I could totally see why. I posted this because I am still insecure about the situation. I still worry about what might have happened, even though its in the past and I shouldn't. And I know I do not make a lot of sense. My brain feels scrambled... and I feel like I can't think straight anymore.

I don't really know. I feel like I'm incredibly close to him. Like I said before, he's my best friend. When we're doing ok, and he's not angry with me, everything is wonderful. We really are close. Its just when he gets upset, that everything falls apart. Maybe I'm scared that I won't find someone. Maybe I'm scared that I will find someone, but they will treat me worse. Maybe I'm scared that he IS the one, and if I give it up, well... I'll be alone and unhappy forever. I don't know...

Yes, I know... I was such a mess during this time that I couldn't eat or sleep well. He spent all night out with her, then would come home and try to get what he wanted from me... I think I gave in because I needed to feel close to him in whatever way I possibly could. He called one night to say that he was going to play cards at a friend's house and he was going to bring her. I couldn't understand why he was taking her and not me. He kept saying that he needed time with his own friends... time away from me. I lost it, and I was at work. I got to leave, and went straight to the apartment, packed my stuff and left him a note. When he got home and found it, I got a snotty phone call from him. He left a message saying that I owed him money (he gave me $50 so I could buy something) and told me he needed his key back. He was really mean about it. I went over to the apartment that night because we needed to talk. Got there, and he wasn't there, and neither was the dog I bought him. I called him. He was at the dog park with her!! Oh it killed me. But when I said we needed to talk, he left and came home. It wasn't a pleasant evening, I didn't stay the night, but i did come back the following afternoon.... I know I'm weak. I cannot bring myself to leave him...

Trust me... I made a big deal over the way he treated me when he was hanging out with her. I even still mention to him that I believe he cheated on me, if not numerous times, then while I was at Disneyworld. He says the only reason I believe that is because I am insecure... and because I found out that he had been to a brothel at the beginning of our relationship. I found it on his credit card statement. I confronted him, and he admitted it, said it was a mistake and that he would never do it again. his boss had taken him there. I wish I could find out where this girl lived. I want to know the truth. if anything, thats the least I deserve.

No - I believe you are 50% to blame for staying in an abusive relationship. I have given you my advice to you - Leave him. And I have said that I am deeply in love with him and find it extremely difficult to leave behind everything I love. Its going to take some time...

50% to blame for what exactly? If he cheated on me? Dude, if he cheated on ME, i highly doubt I am to blame. And honesty, I came here for advice and help, not ridicule

I thought maybe someone could give an unbiased opinion based on the information I have provided. I am naturally suspiscious, so I cant make an informed decision on my own about this.

I assume its because in my mind, the cheating is worse. I can't explain it... I just cant handle a cheater... The abuse, I believe I can change. The cheating can not be changed

If I found out FOR SURE. YES. No doubt about it i would pack my stuff and leave within the first moments of it being confirmed.

No no, not judging, just my own opinion