Wonderland

I posted once before, about my boyfriend and the name calling Well, back in april we were in an argument about our sex life or something and he made a comment about some 19 year old girl at his office that was always giving him the eye and following him out during his smoke breaks who would probably want him if I did not. Well, later on, he decided that he wanted to hang out with this girl. To me, it felt like I was being pushed aside for this girl. He would hang out with her for hours on end atleast 5 nights a week. I had to BEG him to spend time with me. They would constantly going out to the lake and "talking" or "fishing". One night, he did not come home til 4am. Other nights, he was out til midnight, or 1. If they didn't go to the lake, they went to the park. I was very very jealous of the amount of attention he would give this girl. If we were in the middle of a conversation and the phone rang (if it was her) he would stop what he was doing and talk to her instead. One night in May, I had lost my job of 2 years out of no where. I called him, sobbing, and he was out with her. I told him what happened, and he said he would call back. He never called. He came home at 12:30 that night. I was very very very uneasy about the amount of time they spent together. I did things that I normally wouldn't do, like checking his cell phone and text messages. It showed that he would call me to tell me he was on his way home after being out with her, and then would be on the phone with her until he got home. One time I found a text message from her that said: "I'm sorry, I'm trying to let my guard down, but I'm starting to have feelings for you" I flipped out. I asked him, and he swore up and down that nothing was going on. I ended up losing 15 pounds because I was too much of a mess to eat. He would not let me meet her even though I begged and begged. We were fighting alot at that point. He would get up and go hang out with her if I made him upset. He told me at one point that I should get my own apartment but give him back his key. And I wasn't to come over without calling first... I went to Disneyworld with my family. At that point, they weren't hanging out as often, but he told me he was going to have her over one night to hang out. I trusted him.. .kinda... and tried to enjoy myself. I called him at 1am on both the house phone and his cell phone and got no answer. The next morning he called and was so sweet. He told me how much he missed me (i had only been gone one day) and that he didn't want to fight anymore, he wanted to work things out and he wanted me to move in with him. He told me he did not want to hang out with Jody anymore. I was surprised... Since then, he hung out with her once... they went to a baseball game and then he came home straight afterwards. Its been since May, but I can't get the thoughts of what might have happened out of my head. I still to this day question what was going on between them. She had two children and he assured me he did not want to get involved in that. I still tremble when I think of what happened. I still want to beat the daylights out of her when I think about her. Am I just untrusting, or does it sound like he cheated?

I got involved with my boyfriend about a month and a half after his fiance had left him. He never fully admitted not being over her, but I knew he wasn't. I stumbled upon a couple of poems he wrote to/about her one day (they were left out on his kitchen table one day... i guess he didn't realise it). It hurt that he was involved with me, but still thinking of and wanting her. You need to tell her...

In my own opinion, I believe that if you have sex within the first 3 days, you're selling yourself out. Sex can get in the way of whats really important. Intimacy in that short amount of time is nothing more than sex. You can't have a real connection with the person, so its basically meaningless. Why would you want to build something out of that?

I just want to thank everyone for their help so far. He is taking me to dinner and a movie tonight, and I think I will try to talk to him about things over dinner. When we went camping this summer, he threw a fit and told me he was ten minutes from breaking up with me because the wind kept picking up our tent while we were putting it up. He threw the hammer in my general direction (he wasn't aiming at me) and left to go fishing. I finished putting up the 7 person tent alone and he came back an hour later. He asked me to sit down and talk with him. he told me that he knows that he is extremley mean to me sometimes and doesn't understand why I would stay, but he does love me. I told him I stay because I love him, and we could work on any problems we have together. To me, this seems like he wants to change... just needs to be set up in the right direction

But I do know that if it were the other way around, and he contacted my parents and told them that I was calling him names and was upset all the time, my parents would kick my butt and get me help asap.

Moving home, to my parents house means that I would have to invade upon my little sister's privacy. She took my room when I moved out and they turned her old excuse for a room into an office. They was hardley enough space in her old room for her daybed. It would mean that my 12 year old sister, who finally got a room and nice furniture, would have to share her room, her closet, her bed with her almost 22 year old joke of a sister who can't afford to get her own place. It isn't fair for me to do that to her. I can't just come home and depend upon my parents again. I have thought about calling his parents. I met his dad in August when he came down and he was a really great guy who made a big deal over me and told Jason how great I was and how he needed to keep me around (right infront of me) and how lucky he was to have me instead of his exfiance. I hav enever met his mother though, but I feel like they would want to know what is going on. But then again, I feel like I would be betraying him by doing this. Honestly, I feel like I'm betraying him by talking about this. I wouldn't want him posting all my faults to the whole world via the internet... Would calling his parents help? Maybe they could arrange a way for him to get back into counseling (he had something happen as a kid, and then he got into some trouble as a teenager, both ended him up in counseling) and on meds if he needed to. But am I stepping over the line by calling them? I cant tell my parents... they can not give me an unbiased opinion about this. I am their child so naturally they are going to take my side...

I can not get an apartment. I am in debt with the complex i was in with my roomate. What happened was she ran out on the lease, left me there with no electricity. Said she was going to keep paying her half of the lease, but continue to live with her parents, as she didn't want to deal with the electric company. She has been my friend since 3rd grade, and so I had her sign off on the lease and talked to the complex and got set up to get my own one bedroom apartment. Well, halfway through getting everything set up, I lost my job and was unable to find another job that would pay enough to cover all the expenses of living alone. Cue boyfriend. This is where he stepped in and helped me. I still do not have the money to get my own apartment. And no one seems to understand that I love him with all of my heart. He is my best friend. I have trouble understanding why he does this, but I love him none the less.

Its all easier said than done, really. Do I like being treated this way? No. But to leave behind everything I love? (Him, one of our dogs, the cat, etc...) I just can not bring myself to do it. I don't feel that going to my mother's is a good option. I would be bringing two dogs and a parrot with me, and they already have 4 dogs at their house. To bring my animals in, well, the city could take them away, as you are only allowed 4 dogs or cats, in any combination. I refuse to part with my animals. These are my furry children and I love them more than anything. I don't have the money, or the credit to get my own place. I don't have anyone else I could stay with. Leaving isn't really an option. And I figure that if he wasn't always this way to me, and it isn't like this all the time, just when he gets upset, then maybe I can fix it...

I am in love with my boyfriend with whom I've been with for a little over a year and have lived with since May. He moved here awhile back for work with his fiance at the time and she ended up leaving him almost a month and a half after they had moved here because she missed being with her family. Well, we live in the same apartment complex and I used to wave to him when I walked my dogs and he would wave back. He was always on his balcony reading a book. One day I asked how his fiance was doing and he told me she had moved away almost a month and a half before that. I felt stupid for my question, be he didn't seem to mind. He came downstairs and talked to me about my dogs, and my roomate happened to come home from work. We all talked for awhile and he asked us to go out to dinner with him and he would pay. He said he was tired of eating alone. Well, we hit it off really well and all three of us went back to his apartment after dinner to hang out. My roomate left around 10:30 but I didn't have to be at work the next day so I stayed behind. He and I talked until 5am! We did this 4 times a week. Nothing but talking!! He was so interested in what I had to say. Well, days turned to weeks, and weeks into months... I was spending the night more often than not, it was practically like i was living there. I did not officially move in until May, but that was only because my roomate ran out on the lease and I had no where else to stay and he offered for me to live with him. Well, his outburts had started before I had officially moved in, but progressed after I shared his apartment. He's prone to fits of rage, and gets upset easily. When he's mad, he will call me every curse word imaginable and tell me that he hates me. Normally, I don't know what it is I've done to make him mad. Sometimes I have done something, other times, I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. For example, he was in the kitchen making popcorn one evening and he stubbed his toe on the dog food bowl. I'm sure it hurt, as it is a huge ceramic bowl. Well, he doesn't take pain well so his reaction was to punch... and he punched the kitchen cabinet. Well, that made the pain worse and his knuckles swelled up. I ran to get him a baggie of ice from the freezer and as soon as I stepped foot into the kitchen, he took his anger out on me. He looked at me & told me to get the (you know what) out of the kitchen and then proceeded to call me every dirty word that I'd ever heard. He then yelled at the top of his lungs "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!!! I WISH (exfiance's name) was still here!!!" All I could do was cry. When he had calmed down, i asked him why he would say such a thing and he said "Oh baby, I was just mad, I love you" I would say that the name calling happens 3 to 4 times a week. Weekdays are not too bad because we are at work most of the day. I only have from the time I get hom from the time we go to bed to actually upset him, so I do my best to watch what I say & do. Typically, what makes him yell & call me names is if I have not done the laundry, or the dishes or something like that. We have three dogs. A couple of weeks ago, it had rained and the ground was kind of muddy. We had taken the dogs for a walk and c ome back into the apartment. The dogs had go a little bit of the mud on the carpet. Well, he flipped out on me. I told him it was just mud, I could clean it up. He said "You don't even care that there is mud on the carpet do you? You don't pay rent, so WHY would you care?!?!" and he continued to flip out. Well, I had had enough of him throwing a fit, so I said "IT'S MUD, NOT ACID!! IT'S NOT GOING TO EAT THROUGH THE FLOOR!!!" and I grabbed the scrub brush. He looked at me and said "Yeah, you better start cleaning that stuff up (insert appropriate curse word here). Well, the night before last was the worst example of his fits. We took the dogs to the dog park. Our biggest dog had yanked the leash from my boyfriend's hand and was running everywhere chasing other dogs and having fun with the leash flapping behind him in the wind. We called and chased after him, but he wouldn't come to us. When we finally caught him, my boyfriend said "We're leaving NOW!". I protested, as we'd only been there 10 minutes and told him that it wasn't fair to tease the dogs like that. He shot me a look and I grabbed the other two dogs and we got into the car. As soon as I had sat down, he started yelling at me. "You fat (curse word curse word)!! Who do you think you are? You think you can just disrespect me in public like that?!?! You fat (curse word curse word)! When we get home you better start packing your stuff. I don't care where you go, i just want you and all the animals out of my life. I hate you!" He did this the whole 20 minutes back to the apartment. When we got home, I felt like I was going to vomit, so I shut myself into the bathroom. He went to the bedroom. He came back about an hour later (i was still in the bathroom, crying) and hugged me and said he was so sorry for what he had called me and he even got a little teary-eyed. But then he said that I should not have disrespected him in public like that. He said that he is the man, and if he says that we need to leave, we need to leave. He said he did not want me to move out & he loved me with all his heart. We laughed and joked all night and had an awesome evening. Well, the next morning, I knew I was gonna get it. We had been involved in the drama all night so that I had no time to clean up the apartment. Well, when he got up and realised that the laundry wasn't done, he wigged out on me and told me he did not want me in his life anymore. He sat down on the bed and started to cry. He asked me why I always have to make him so upset all the time. When I saw him cry, I started to cry. I tried to give him a hug, and he shoved me off of him. I cried harder, and left the room. He followed and said he shouldnt have touched me, but i needed to call my mom and see if I could move back in with her. Later that day, he called me at work. He sounded like he normally does and said that he was going to make me dinner that night and take me to a movie friday night (the one I had been wanting to see, but knew he wouldn't want to see) and then the zoo on Saturday. He asked if I was ok, because I had been so upset the night before and that morning. He said he loved me so much and he would see me when he got home. Is this normal? Am I being overly sensitive? Does this happen with every relationship? I was told that it might be verbal abuse, but I hate to think that of the person I am in love with. I don't want to leave him, I just want him to stop calling me names and making me feel worthless. What can I do to fix it?

Its the joys of growing up and being a woman. I lost 20 pounds before prom. I was actually down to about 120lbs by prom. Gained again (despite exercise & whatnot) and ended up being 157lb!! After another diet, I'm now back down to 135lbs. As you get older, your body changes... weight is harder to keep off

I'm no expert Richard, but it does sound like a Rebound type of thing. Sorry