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frozenblaze

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  1. frozenblaze
    Well I guess everyone here will tell you to move on for it's the best thing to do for you both... Though I don't really think it is what you want to hear... I always think there is hope even if people tell you that it is over... Love is eternal, even if it can mutate into many forms... But I guess the best for you is NC... If she really loves you she will come back... if there is a chance for reconciliation it will happen... nothing you will do will get her back... only time can do that...
  2. frozenblaze
    Well I'm being selfish now only because things have gone bad... I'm usually the kind of guy who really gives much to the other so I don't think I can wear the hat of the egoistical bastard, in my last relationship I mean. It happenned suddenly and with no warnings signs at all. One day she loved me, the other she changed her mind and when she came back from the week-end it was over. I really think that if there is not someone else under this decision she took(someone else in her heart, or an external opinion about me) the chances are good for reconciliation... And yes, I'm place things under a black and white perspective too often...
  3. frozenblaze
    Well I guess that I'm a selfish jerk but I still think it is hypocrisy, you're not happy in your relationship well you break and then you are happy...abracadabra ! I never broke with someone but I turned many girls away who were interested in me and not really with kind words and guess what... I did not even feel sad for them... I mean when you do not love someone anymore then you should'nt even be mourning about something you have lost... especially if it had to end... When the decision is yours there is no reason for you to feel bad about it... And yes I'm probably an egoist but selfishness is the only way to stop giving yourself to someone who does not care...
  4. frozenblaze
    Ok I think the topic title is pretty obvious, but I'll explain more. I found that behavior typical of girls who break, they feel bad after they've done it even if they were supposed to be unhappy with the relationship. I think it is hypocrisy, it's like trying not to feel guilty about being the dumper. My ex (though I can't really resort to labelling her like that for now) was crying after she dumped me, and she does really seem to be in an awful mood now that NC is implemented. If I dumped someone for a good reason (maybe it is because she has no good reason...who knows) , I would not be sad about it, I would be glad to have ended something that plagued my mind and my heart with tormenting questions. Now that my ex is alone she seems depressed and she is always sad when we meet (we go to the same school) even though I don't act like a heartbroken. It's not like we've been together for a long time so she should'nt be missing me much... What is with that guilty feeling, is it regrets ? is it compassion ? pity ? Please help me understand something... I do miss her but I won't try to contact her, better for her and for me...
  5. frozenblaze
    I must say that the time issue is irrelevant of the amount of affection I do have for that person... And she did not asked me to stay away, she asked me to keep talking to her and try to be friends, I'm the one asking for NC, not her...
  6. frozenblaze
    Well she is 17, I am 25. She is the one who wanted to know me first and told me the age difference did not matter to her. We were going out together for not that long, 3 weeks in fact but we have been frequenting each other 2 months prior to the "official" relationship, making sure we could know the other well enough to see if it could work. She assured me it was not because of someone else and I trust her on that... well a relationship is about trust so I believe her even if it ended... And I talked to her once since we broke up for she wanted to talk to me... I really do miss her and cant believe she feels good being alone... who does ? And for the warning signs, well she was just really sick last week, head ache and such so I did not even tried to take her out or anything... just left her be and took care of her when she came hugging me but that's all...Beside that she now lives where I live (we both go to music school here) and one of the main reason for that was so that we could see the other more frequently... I think she had better cancelled living here when she thought about breaking...
  7. frozenblaze
    True enough, I don't want to change what I am supposed to be, only the reaction I usually have when things like that happen ( being sad for at least 6 months and then not moving on for 6 other). And it's true that I did not allow myself to be her doormat (she did not manipulate me at all and I always gave my opinion and allowed it to be respected), so maybe it does not means she considers me as a wuss... But then the real fact is that there is no reason for the break-up, only me trying to find an explanation. She told me, almost crying, that it was just in herself and not with me, but saying that even if she takes time to think for herself she is not planning a reunion of us two... But then there has to be a reason, you can't like (love) someone on a thursday and then discover you feel uneasy with him on friday... complete nonsense to me, espcially when you consider the time we have spent trying to get to know better the other before the relationship started.
  8. frozenblaze
    Ok, since I talked with her and discovered that there were no reasons for the break-up beside that she lost attraction, I considered the problem and found a solution : I must have acted like a wuss. So it means she thinks I am already an easy conquest and that I would have done everything to please her. In fact I acted like that on our last week because she was sick, so I thought that nurturing her would be kind of me, my error I guess. By doing NC, trying to move on and not giving her attention anymore, can I change that impression ? This question is now for the ladies : girls, do you change your opinions about someone ? does the wuss label is only a matter of actions ? can that sparkle of attraction come back by seeing your (ex) loved one acting differently ? Well that's all folks, and yes I know that by trying to do that, I'm being unfair when saying I'll move on to get back with her... Anyway I work in a bar, so dating other persons is not hard for me, but I just consider that she is special enough for me to try something... before it is too late...
  9. frozenblaze
    You should think more positively, love exists as long as you feel it in you. Maybe you won't find people who feel it the same way or as much as you do but if there is still a sparkle of love in your heart remaining, it lives. I always have been deceived by my partners but then I still consider that love is a great and awesome thing because I can feel it burning inside, it can hurt yes, but it can also enlight your life... Anyway for now, I lost some of my illusions but I still believe that there is something strong for I can feel it, the only truth is in me, love keeps me alive and prevents me from losing hope. I can only dream of it right now, but that's what life is all about dreams and hopes...
  10. frozenblaze
    Well I don't consider I smothered her... We barely saw each other on our last week and it happenned too fast for me to notice anything weird in our relationship... We had a conversation yesterday, I asked if there were any reasons she would not tell me for breaking up and yet the only thing she could think of was : it did not worked out anymore for her... How can you like (love) someone on a day and then feel nothing the next day ? To me it is kinda puzzling... She also told me that there were no one else on her mind so the "other person" theory is also untrue... I guess that all I can do is NC, trying to build-up my confidence (again), yet I really do miss her and it has an impact on everything I am doing...studies...work... I just think that love is sick nowadays... We entered an era where everyone wants to be loved but then no one seems to find it on their way, being too much critical and asking for more that they can have... where are we going ???
  11. frozenblaze
    Hello everyone, it's been almost 6 months since I have'nt posted here. I got a few love stories that did not went far enough for me to care. But now there is this girl i met like 2 months ago. We spent time together... going to concerts, going out for a coffee or for a walk outside and it really was fun to be with her. So after a month of hanging out with the other we decided to date more seriously. We've been together for 3 weeks and the last week was kinda weird, she was really sick so she missed like 3 days of school ( I could not see her) and then yesterday she decided that we should end up this relationship saying : "I need to spend time alone", and I replied : "should I wait for you then ?" she told me that no, i should'nt wait that she did not thought that we were going to get back together. Asking for friendship I told her that I did not want to hurt myself with something that would make me feel uneasy so I told her that perhaps we should not try to contact the other (the famous NC, I guess). But then yesterday was the first day she took an appartment where we both study (she used to go back to her town like 20 minutes away from here every night) and it was mostly to spend more time with the me... I mean if she wanted to break-up why would she try to be around me more... she would save money by still living at her parent's house and she would'nt be near me... The thing is, for the first time i'm really trying NC and i have no plan to change that yet. I'm doing this because I want her to realize if she misses me or not. And today I saw her in the hallways of the college and she was mostly looking as if she was sad of my decision to have NC. No hello, just sad eyes and no smile on her face (she is ALWAYS smiling). I almost pity her for I can live without her but I feel like she regrets the words she used... Ok now for the advices I need I'll ask two questions : 1- Does someone can change their mind about saying things like : no i dont think we'll ever get back together...or do they say it just to convince themselves... 2-I know the NC thing is the best for both of us, since she is the one who ended the relationship I have to wait for her to talk to me right (if she ever does)? P.S. The biggest obstacle between the two of us is the age gap (8 years) for the rest I think we are almost identical in morals and ideas(much to my surprise)... The only reason to break she gave me was that she was mixed up and feeling weird now so she needed some rest for her heart... I really have done NOTHING I can think that would make her feel angry about me so I'm still caugth wondering what happenned... and yes... missing her... sadly.
  12. frozenblaze
    Well usually, being pessimistic, I have a tendency to believe that someone who does say that is trying to say : i'm not interested in you at all... But then I my situation I tried asking her best friend what it was all about and she told me that this girl was truly not ready for a relationship. And beside she is the one that contacted me... anyway now I just have to get used to loving someone who does not love me back (the usual stuff for me I guess)...
  13. frozenblaze
    Yeah, well that's the usual answer I get from all guys...
  14. frozenblaze
    Thanks for the advices people, the thing is I dont really try that hard to contact her... The night we spent together was like 2 months ago and since i am really busy working I cannot just try to talk to her every time she is at the club (in fact she is there only on my shifts and I must say I find it pretty hard for the mood). And I'm not trying to convince her sister of anything I really am just a big talker, and when you work in the public domain you usually do that most of the time... I know i should try to smile and date or talk with other girls and seem as distant as she is... I just find it pretty hard... I'm the kind of person who does not fits well with love, makes me a bit obsessive...
  15. frozenblaze
    Well I'm asking for advices because for now the situation is going worse and worse every week... There is this girl who seemed interested in me (came to me and spent the evening talking to me on my job, i work in a bar). She gave me her phone number and told me to call her back. Then we talked more and she came to my house for the night. I must say that nothing sexual happenned between us anyway i'm not that kind of person and I consider that one should base a solid relationship without the "sex" part first. Anyway we talked, hugged and laughed a lot. We shared good moments that I for sure will always remember. Then on the next day she had to get back to her house so she asked me to call her back on monday (it was a sunday). I tried to call her but she was not availaible at all during that week. I finally talked to her on sunday (means it took me one week) and told her that next time she would have to call me for I hate to be the attention seeker. Then she told me she was not ready to get back ino a relationship since she was still in love with her ex (which is a thing I already knew by talking with her for 12 hours consecutively). So since that time we have no contact at all... she avoids me and seem quite distant... If I had been the one trying to seduce her I would understand but then since she is the one who came to me with a smile and good intentions i'm quite confused... I tried one last resource on valentine's day : sending her flowers (no roses, big daisies). She came to me with a shy "thank you" but that is all that I got (not that I wanted anything more than a smile but then I find it disapointing anyway). I am the first guy who ever sent flower to that girl so she better remember me and enjoy that moment... still there is no progress... I'm a good friend of her older sister so I end up talking with her in the bar most of the time. Last time her sister was kinda drunk and told me she would like to have me as her brother in law but then she could not do anything about it for her sister was kinda mixed up in her head and quite shy to do anything about me...On the next day her sister asked me if she did not tell me anything bad for her little sister (the one I like) asked her what the hell were we talking about that night. But then if she can't even come to talk with me why does she cares at all with me talking to her sister ??? Recently I heard she was interested in one guy who considers her as her friend so she is not supposed to have any chances but it makes me sad to hear such things... Seriously I never had a romance that complex and believe me I had my share of sad stories... What I ask of you girls (boys can give advices too but then i'm trying to uncover the feminine secrets of not-saying what they really think) is should I still try to talk to her ? I really miss her company, I had a nice time with that person and I dont want to loose that... She knows I am a faithful person and that my words are also my actions, in fact it is that part of me she had been interested in... Some people tell me to date other girls even if I still think about her. Now things are like when we did not knew each other... nothing ever moves and my average mood is going back down...quite fast... I like her... I could even say that I love her but then those words weight kinda much on my shoulders...
  16. frozenblaze
    Hello people, It's been a long time since I have'nt posted here but then I guess I was happy with myself for not having to share anything on here. But then again, when you are happy with yourself you become "attractive" and then you get what you deserve : they come to you with a smile and a sparkle of desire in their eyes . But as things never turn out well for the hopeless romantic that I am I end up with a broken heart and many questios on my mind... here is my story... Since i'm a DJ in club I always end up talking/meeting new people. As I am not a "flirty" type of person I get used to watch girls from afar and feel something quitely unilateral for someone who does not care for me. But then lately a girl caught my wandering gaze and ended up interested in me. One of our mutual friend (i did not knew the girl but i knew her friend) came to me telling me that this special person was interested in knowing me better. 1 year and a half of celibacy is quite comforting, you do not live in uncertainty. So i became nervous and quite shy. But then she came anyway and we talked the whole night. The club closed so she asked me if we could walk home together (her plan was to call a taxi at my home and then sleep in her own bed). But then the taxis were all busy so I told her she could sleep at my home (i'm not the I-do-you-on-the-first-day person anyway), in my bed and then I would sleep on the couch. But then she told me I could sleep with her... and that was quite ok with me So we talked and hugged all night, laughing and talking about ourselves, our dreams, our lives... We spent the other day in each other arms (we never kissed during that time) sharing moments of pure and intense sweetness... She had to go later (at 4:00 PM your parents usually want to know where you have been) so she took a taxi (i gave her money so that she could pay) and went back home asking me to call her back on monday (it happenned on a sunday). My monday was too long... I'm a bit obsessive on these things so I spent the day thinking about when I would call her... But then when I called her she was already away... So I tried to call her twice on that week. She is busy, going to college in another town every morning and working on the week-ends. But then when I finally caught her on the phone (last sunday) she seemed cold. She told me she was'nt ready to go into a relationship (i dont have that much experience with women but to me it means : i am not really interested in you) since she had seen her ex lately and discovered it still hurted her to see him with someone else and such. I told her it was ok, but then i did not want her as a friend since i do have plenty of people who love me for what I am and that I needed more than plain friendship... She told me that she would come to give me back my money and I told her to keep it since I dont really care about it... Now she came at the club on wednesday, acting as if I do not exist, avoiding my eyes and even not smiling or saying "hi!". Now I feel quite bad because she seems to feel bad about it, quite hard to sleep for me since I always think about her and the time we spent together... So here is my question : should I go and talk to her asking why she acts like that ? Should I tell her that I'm still interested and that If she needs time I am a patient dude ? If any ladies could give advices on that it would be great, guys can too but i heard the let go advice too many time to care about it... P.S. I'm a french speaker so my english may be hard to understand, please forgive me...
  17. frozenblaze
    It's nice to see things are moving in your life. A bit of intensity is never a problem, it adds spice to life. My only advice here is : do not over-analyze, do not overthink. I know it is hard but you have to let things get in perspective before trying to find a meaning in this. It seems as if nothing escapes your analyze. Your logical part is computing every input and it is not the good way to behave. Let things go... Compulsive obsession can be a pathology, and trust me, on obsession i could write a book. What I see in there is someone who is insecure and who tries to rationalizes about love while such passion is purely an irrational feeling... Keep your cool... I wish you the best...take good care
  18. frozenblaze
    You hold a point there. I personally think it is mostly because you(we) are over-sensitive. Women expect us to swallow the whole thing and "act like men" trying to be their good old friend and not asking for any love or care in return. While the truth is that if you do really listen to your heart and that your feelings are true, there is no way you can forget or delete this love from your hard-drive. Lobotomia/drug abuse is sure the right way for that but then without our memories we do not even know why we stand at this point and what brought us here. So trying to forget is quite useless. The only thing you can do is living with the pain until all is left is a little scar (women do love scars right ? ). I had quite a similar experience with my ex whom I had been a close friend with though i was the one who kept calling her. Then one day she asked me if we could become friends again and just move on from this conflict I had started (my words are quite are like barbed knives when i'm sad/frustrated). But then how can someone who decided to break a good friendship with a "confused love" feeling can expect an over-sensitive guy to react to a break-up ? You do not play with the feelings of people you love, especially if those persons were your best friends... Have you ever heard how couples (mostly girls though) can say painful and personal things about their "loved-ones" to other people... Seems like the intimacy brings a whole new attitude : my boyfriend is an imperfect individual... From this point it is easy to understand how someone can trash a "loved one" away that easily and expect them to react with pride/disdain to that break-up.
  19. frozenblaze
    Well by letting go i also meant giving that special someone the time to think about what she REALLY wants... And about your question you are right... i'm a frog... Never thought my english was that bad... Take good care...hope things will turn out to your advantage...
  20. frozenblaze
    Hey Danimal... hang in there... I'm still amazed to see how much people are posting when you request help. I guess you have made enough wise comments to deserve all that attention. But then I think that what I read about your whole story and what follows is somewhat obsessive. Can you apply any of those good ideas you brought on these boards ? Your hope lies in trying to detach yourself from all those negative feelings and all this obsession that will, eventually, drive you insane. Trust me on this one, passion is as creative as it is a destructive force. There is something in your whole story(ies) that creeps me out, you insist too much while you did gave the advice of "letting go" to many people around (including me). Truth is you can act and make a mess out of action, or wait and see how things will turn out. Did you ever thought that a lady may not react positively to someone who obsesses about her ? If love comes out of the whole situation there is no reason for you to be the only one doing something about it. She may talk to you about it. Running after someone is the best way to loose that person... Relax, take a deep breath and try not to worry too much about it (I know it's hard). You can continue to post here and talk about it but then dont you think you just turn the blade in the wound by trying to apply logic to the situation ? By the way sleep medicine helped me a lot, there is no reason for you not to sleep and in fact it's the worst thing to do for your mental health... Psychiatry may be helpful if your obsession is driving you insane... Over-thinking is worst than not thinking at all...
  21. frozenblaze
    Well your relation with her seemed serious enough and trust me I'm the good person to understand your feelings. Being "friend again" is not really easy especially if you do hold deep feelings for her. I know that you do not want to let that friendship behind and that you believe there is still something that may lead to a better relationship with her (by relationship i'm talking about the literal meaning of the word). But then you have to ask yourself what you do want in your life ? Can you bear the pain of seeing her "happy" with someone else ? Personally i would not even be able to talk to her again but then i'm a vengeful person i guess ... What do you really think would be the best for you ? Friendship and self-obliteration; lying to yourself for an harmonious relationship ? or sacrificing that friendship for your own mental sanity ? She would understand that you may want to preserve what is left of you two by walking away and not talking to her... Being a good boy and acting like a friendly rug on which she can walk (i'm talking about being her friend) is not always a good thing in your situation... Maybe ignoring her will make her realize what is important for her, WHO is important to her (i wish my ex could do the same ) You will not loose in inaction, especially in this situation. It has been said before on this board and I will say it again : doing nothing is good since it involves no implication so there is nothing to loose. You will not loose her friendship even if you break contact with her, she will understand your pain if she likes you and the worst thing that will come out of it is that you will miss her a lot. But then ask yourself would you prefer missing someone who knows about your feelings for her (implies the truth) ? , or would you like to be a friend to someone who thinks that you are comfortable with the situation (implies lying to that part of yourself that loves her) ? Personnally I think my choice is obvious but we could still discuss about it...
  22. frozenblaze
    Well I usually hate my exes too but then I consider it is much more of a love/hate relationship. In fact I hate them (her) only because she does not share my feelings anymore so instead of loving her and trying to be at her feet asking for pity I love her with all the disdain and wrath my dry heart is capable of... The truth is when they are not there we dont usually have to confront them, so far from eyes is kinda far from the heart. But then I do know that I miss her so much that it is a painful thing to see her walking by, ignoring me... So you have to ask yourself do you really hate him for what he has done to you ? Do you have any reasons to do so ? If you are in the same case as I am then you do not need any reason to hate him, you just need to be in deep pain... Well in fact there is no point in hating someone you loved... and who "loved" you... Though i dont know what happenned between you 2 there maybe is a good reason beside trying to get him out of your heart...
  23. frozenblaze
    The thing is I do know that you all tell me the best thing to do... And i will be doing this but then she is moving away and I wont see her for a long time... I've done enough wrong things to get her back and all these have failed... Yeah I will move away from her and since school is starting soon i will have plenty of opportunity to fill that void with interesting people... Thanks for caring anyway... If there were more people like you we would all live in much prettier world and that is a truth... I just miss her and we do know that nothing can be done about it... You guys(girls) are great..really...
  24. frozenblaze
    Thanks for the answer people... I have to admit I do not even want to get out of this situation for I believe much more in my feelings than anything else. I do have a life outside of her, a band, good friends and many projects to keep me involved with life. But then I lost someone I do care about, and there is nothing i can do beside trying to get away from her. I dont want to move because I think my love is not a worthless thing I can throw away. I do feel something which burns me everytime I see her... She was my friend but then she decided to go out with me... Now we are both living in our lies and it seems nothing ever happenned between us... I'm sick of knowing that the only way to get happy is to get out, I dont want to be happy I guess... Nothing seems logical in here... I dont want to apply logic to the situation I just want to confront the truth...
  25. frozenblaze
    Hello everyone, days pass by and still my heart stays at the same position ; stuck in the parking lot. Today i'm not asking for advices i just want to get it out and it seems that here is the best place to do so. She wants to be my friend, I do not need that it is something painful that I find useless and hurtful. She cannot even talk about her feelings for she says she has none and that she got over it (to me someone who gets over "it" does not get mad/angry when her ex tells her that he still loves him...). She was my best friend and now she is trying to replace me with all kind of people who do have nothing in common with me or her. Now i'm back into my memories about that time when I did not bother about her, in a time where she was my friend and we would share something sincere and real that had nothing to do with the conflict of cold stares and razor-sharp words we are waging against each other. She justifies her behavior by saying that I over-reacted (yeah i tried spitting at her feet and giving her the worst treatment but then I was hurt and it felt good when i did it...shame on me i guess) and that I should be trying to get over my feelings an try being her friend... worthless to me. It's been 10 months and I do know that I'm not getting out of this soon simply because i do not want things to be like that. I dont need to change my mind and stop loving her just because she is acting selfish and uncaring. She was my friend and I do like her for good reasons, I still love her for the same reasons and I dont want to be a beholder watching her going away from me without even being able to say farewell... I'm about to write her a letter of some sort, something pretty that she can keep all her life reminding her of someone who tried to love her imperfectly but then there are some days when i find all this effort i place in writing poems (which i keep for myself) worthless since she does not even deserve that attention... Some other days i think all that energy should be channelled somewhere creative and end up doing great things... Should I let her see my work ? Should I try to tell her all those things she does not seem to care about...? It was her idea...she mixed a great affection for me with love and made me believe it was love... Now i love her and she acts as if I have no importance for her... But then a friend whom you think you love must be more than just a usual friend you can dump in a trashcan...What am I to do... Should I write her all these things she tries to avoid or should i remain silent and try to keep my head above the muddy waters... ?
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