frozenblaze

Hello Rhonda, Thanks for taking time to answer to people here, I'm sure your advice is appreciated around those forums. As you may guess, I will ask you to answer a question so here it is... I dated a girl for more or less 3 months and she ended the relationship on november, 6 weeks after that she was interested in someone else and it saddenned me a lot, for I did care about that person. She had been the first girl who was really "my type" in all my love-life. The reason for the break-up was that there was a huge age-gap between us (7years) and that she was a bit confused in her feelings toward me. I'd like to move on but then I still think about her a lot, I miss her and always hope that she can realize something that would make her come back. I did not have any contact with her since december and I try to avoid every place where she might be. She is still with the guy, though I have seen him in "my" club (I work in a bar) with another girl, in a drunk-mating type of social interaction... I don't really want to date other persons, well I don't feel like it... Time does not seems to heal anything, only making the pain greater, I miss her... I'm not asking you if I have to move on for it is probably the only thing I can do to have control back over my life, what I am asking is if there is a chance that she might regret dumping me someday ? Is there a point in a life where you look back at your past and then consider that some people might have brought you more than you could imagine ? For me the answer is yes, but then i'm a hopeless romantic so who cares about my idealistic views???

She slept at his house yesterday... brings back the despair in me... damn love is only a poison...

Well I'm not planning to do anything anyway it's not my business... now... Just hoping he will get caught someday...

Ok I posted about my ex, how she was the girl of my dreams and how much i did miss her. I took the NC road since the first weeks of december, so time passed... I also decided to take a break off from school since I considered that I was not ready to see her (and her new boyfriend), not stable emotionnally and not strong enough to go through all of this. I have to say that this decision is mostly about me, she is not really the cause, though I would probably had stayed if she was not on our musical department... I will take this time for myself to heal my wounds and change my ideas, the biggest NC I have ever done. I'm not quitting, just taking a break, going back in autumn...I know that most of you would say that it is an error to do that but I have to say that I study for the fun, the knowledge I learn there, not for the job that might come (or not... that is what musicianship is all about i guess !) after it. I need a break from her and all this anxiety it brings in my life... But this post is not really about that so let's keep the me, myself and I and go on to the she-part The guy she (my ex, who, you should have guessed by now, is still the person I love) is about to go out with (i have no clue if she is with him but then she sees him regularly) went in my club (I work as DJ there) with another girl. She was holding him by the hand and he was following her everywhere(I'm used to this kind of drunk mating ritual). They were like holding each other by the hips, so I guess they ended up together that night. And the day after, my ex was with him at a restaurant (I go downtown everynight so I ended up seeing them, I'm not stalking her at all, circumstances always do wrong things I guess). The thing is she has been cheated by each of her ex so it is not something she really forgives, in fact for her it is the worst thing someone can do... Even if they are not officially a couple (that is not a fact only a speculation) to me it is cheating, well not being honest at least, you don't start a relationship while making out with other people... Ok now I know what you all think, I should think about me and care only about my little self, but I do respect her... her choice might hurt me but I just want her to be in a relationship with someone who really cares about her... and that guy has proven me that it is not the case...

What about an almost "perfect" relationship where the dumper only realizes that the love he(she) had was not what he(she) was seeking...

Let's say that most internet based tests are not really efficient, one should look to someone who knows well about socionics to give him an accurate type... Those tests are based on preferences and cannot really give a good idea sometimes... And the most important thing about that is that socionics are mostly important when you consider interactions between persons, they are not an horoscope or a prescription about who you are... they are a typology based on social interrelationships... Anyway, I'm a hopeless INFP, why am I trying to do a logical statement here ? I think that most of us here are xxFx type for most logical (xxTx) type person would never end up on a forum asking for advices from strangers...

I think you don't really understand the principle in taking time for a guy, many things can turn sex into mess. Insecurity and stress particularly do not help guys who try to perform... Sometimes you can hold it sometimes you cannot, it is a burden to know that your girlfriend did not had an orgasm and it is quite heavy to bear that weight on your mind. It can ruin the whole sexual life forever... I remember that one of my girlfriend was making me feel insecure so I could'nt hold it... She was angry but can you guess how I did feel ? A girl should not complain but understand and try to make her guy feel better so then the sex would last longer... Your opinion is egoistical and does not show compassion toward your "loved" one who is trying hard (I'm sure about that) to give you a longer penetration... There is nothing fun in being a minute man... PS As you can see it happenned more than once in my life, but it was with girls who did not understood who I was and they did not made me feel good in my relationship with them... now the question is upon you... what are your expectations and is your partner comfortable with you ?

Is it an age factor ? Or a maturity level... I mean, do you people think that younger people like to cheat more for they want to discover ?

The fun part here is that only women answer... I know you girls are considerate beings... but I'm a guy... I know what kind of beast we are usually

Yeah, I guess what your saying is that some people feel guilty about it and some don't...

I did not even considered cheating once in my life, though I did have the opportunity many times (with two girls at one moment... I guess those things happen only once in a lifetime but I don't really regret it). My question is : does a cheater stays a cheater all his life ? Some of my friends did cheat on their gf and exes, each time saying they would'nt do that again when they had a new girlfriend they really "loved", but they ended up cheating anyway... I consider it is a matter of personality, someone who does allow himself to cheat once, may cheat more, and it is not important who they are dating, it is more for a thrill or a change... what do you think people ?

Written and spoken words should always be at the first person... there are too much accusations in this mail, she wants to put her guiltyness on you... You should feel insulted to receive this kind of mail, no one should try to express their own feelings with a "you"...

Ran into her today... can't really say she seems happy... she even looks angry when we run into each other, though I don't really say a word to her, keep talking with my friends... I know her new date is becoming a more concrete thing... I have a strong feeling of emptyness and boredom, I go out with friends and try to keep myself busy, but yet it does not change... I've lost something I really cared about and I just wish she can realize the same... Dammit, yeah I know I should try to move on and live my life, yeah I should'nt even give her attention for she does not deserves me... Everything on this forum is helpful but there is nothing I do, to relieve this feeling eating me from the inside... Am I normal, holding to things that do not really worth my time ? No, I know I'm a melancholic freak but then nothing pleases me in this... I'm a mess for now and though I would like to have someone new in my life, I don't feel I can do that nothing is healed and it will never happen... trust me on this one I still carry wounds that happenned 5 years ago and they are just as hurtful as the present situation... Btw, I don't reply on this post so it can stay up the list, I just need people to share their experiences...

She can be attached... even if she tries to ignore it... anyway what do I know about your story ? Seriously i always find hope were there is'nt... People talk and I still believe in what I think the situation really is...

Well the same can be said about her...

Well sex is better than nothing at all, I did not have any (I wanted to wait until she felt ready and we would be in a serious thing ) with my ex and it is probably one of the reason why the sparkle has died, the intimacy part is important... I think that if the sex part was awesome for her (I mean your ex) then she will probably try to get back someday...after all we are animals even if we try to deny it...

I wish things could go like songs in real life... there would be at least some glimpse of hope...

The relationship is over... she is dating someone else. Now everything is broken. There is no hope ever. Anyway she has changed, she has new friends who have bad influence over her and I guess that change is permanent. She leaves her old friends behind and she dates that guy who is, that she does not know, a notorious cheater. All I am hoping is that he will cheat on her too. I know it's bad to wish her this but it is my only hope for now... All I can do is stop the thoughts I have about her before they come to mind...

Well I think it is really hard to keep with NC especially when you feel like there is something that was not said... I broke 4 weeks of NC by sending her a letter and I'm not sure if I regret it or not... by a letter I do not mean a pleading "come back to me, I'm dying without you" I just told her how I felt about her and why I would not want to hang out with her or her friends... but then I don't know if I have done the right thing... sure it took of a major weight off my mind for I have said what I wanted to tell her since the break-up... But then I'm starting to get a bit mad seeing her and her new "friends" just running away when I come around... And knowing the letter touched her (a friend told me she was crying the day I sent her) I'm sad to see that it changed nothing between us two... I thought it would fix up the misunderstandings... Beside a letter is an easy way to express your feelings without the anger or the sadness...

Yeah you seem to have stumbled upon the wrong guys, and I could tell the same about most of the ladies I have gone out with...

Just erase her from your messenger, if you don't act you have nothing to loose... I know it's hard I've been doing NC for 3 weeks now and I still have comments from her friends telling me not to look at her that angry way as if I might kill her... But then I have'nt talked to her since and to me it keeps what beautiful things we had untouched... I've done the pleading and manipulating a lot of time before and I know it never pays, NC is the only way to go...

Well my plan is to keep on with NC, anyway I don't consider what she said a mixed-message, but then I'll see for myself with time, and beside it may seem immature not to talk to her or even look at her but it hurts me to do so... so why would I even give her any attention... and about those people coming to me and telling me to talk to her I'll probably tell them that I don't want to hear about it... I just find it hard to know that she keeps talking about me now, it's pointless or quite unclear to do so for me... I can talk about her to MY friends for I do miss her, why would she, especially with persons with whom I don't really speak to...

Ok, the story is not so important, let's talk about the facts... My ex-gf broke up with me 3 weeks ago, saying she needed to be alone, she felt uneasy in the relationship and told me not to wait for her for she does not want to mess with my feelings, she also told me she would like us to stay friends and I replied to that that it would hurt me more so I should just not try to interfere with her life anymore... Now she really seems sad, and she tells everyone (yeah almost random schoolmates) that she really feels bad about hurting me and the whole situation... and then those people come to me and talk about how she feels bad and how I should talk to her and try to make things better... My opinion is i should continue with NC (2 weeks and 5 days for now, and I still miss her a lot) for it protects me and prevents me from doing anything wrong that might push her away, and it also helps me heal in the case of a hopeless reconcialiation (yeah even if she told me she would'nt get back I'm a stubborn guy...or a hopeless romantic you choose). I really do miss her and love her a lot, I dont think I should break NC even if some people told me to write her a letter of some sort to express what burns inside of me... Well give me some advice for I can't bear to see her depressed like that... she was supposed to be happier without me, well that was what I thought...

1 week and 5 days, two weeks since she broke up... I hope NC will get me somewhere else than those tormented nights I spend alone thinking "does she misses me..."

1 week, and I still don't eat or sleep enough... I'm kinda tired and sick, instead of crying I end up puking at random moments (yeah it's gross). Things are getting quite heavy here for me...