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avoj

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Everything posted by avoj

  1. avoj
    I think anyone would feel that way. I think that way about my ex. That's a huge age difference. I also feel my ex is going thru some sort of mid-life crisis. Though now she wants to marry this youngin'. Whatever!!! Someday both of our ex's are gonna get dumped by those youngin's. I mean what could they possibly have in common? I know when I was 21/22 all I did was party & hang out with my friends. There is noway it will last forever. Well at least we hope.
  2. avoj
    The same thing happened to me. My ex-girlfriend and I lived together for 7-years, than one day out of the blue she told me she hasnt loved me in years & was in the relationship for all the wrong reasons. Let's be friends she says. Yes I heard all the lines. Give me space. We aren't compatiable. I dont care about you. ect ect I suspected she was seeing someone else. She denied it of course, but I was right all along. She is "in love" with her 21-year-old bi-sexual co-worker and are currently living together. My ex will be 31 in April. Her co-worker just turned 21 in August. My ex is living the life of a teenager right now. She writes about this crap in her blog on myspace. Lets see her g/f has 11 piercings. My ex who didn't have piercings when I was with her now has 2 & sounds like she partys all of the time. I honestly don't know what happens to people. She destroyed me emotionally, and I honestly hope this girl breaks her heart.
  3. avoj
    Well b/c she is in a relationship with someone already and I value her friendship.
  4. avoj
    There is a girl I know, when I'm with her, I forget about the past. Shes fun, shes kind, she even makes me laugh. She is more than just a girl, she is my friend. If given the chance, I would fall in love with her again and again. I'm lucky to have such a friend. Now I must go, I cannot say, she must never see my heart. For in her eyes, I see my reflection, standing so near, I will get burned. I cannot let go, in fear of pain, of my already tortured soul. There is a girl I know, she brings a smile to my face everytime she is near. For now I must go, silently creeping back into my head. She must never know my hearts desire. It is a secret, kept under lock and key for all of eternity. My only witness the pen I used to write this with. The truth never uttered from these lips, denial a mark of ignorance. I say good night to the one I adore. Sweet dreams and kisses at your door. Good night my sweet. Maybe I will see you in my dreams.
  5. avoj
    I really cant stand her. We haven't talked or seen each other since the end of July when I finally kicked her out for the hell she was putting me thru. When she found out about my blog thats when she & her new g/f signed up for the same website. She started posting crap about me. How awful I was, ect & that I need to let go, she is happy now. So I posted something on my blog the other day basically calling her bluff & how much I hate her. & made fun of her ugly bi=sexual 21-year=old bimbo. Today she posted how she & her g/f are making vacation plans for the summer & they are going to vegas. I hate her. Why does she post this * * * *. I hurt so freaking bad. How after 7 years can you be this freaking cold? Dammit I am trying to move on, but it seems like every so often she pops an email to me about some piece of mail that I suuposedly got at my house for her. Then I plummet back down that damned drain. I love her. I miss her so much. Why does she continue to hurt me? I deleted my blog totally & am not going back to that website for a very long time. I am trying to make myself not look at hers anymore. She posts crap about how she was laying in bed playing with her g/fs bellybutton ring, ect.
  6. avoj
    Just wanna know from anyone who was the leaver/cheater for the other woman? Do you hate your ex for some reason? Do you like to rub in your ex's face in blogs about you & your new love? Mine is doing this to me & it hurts like hell. After 7-years together she left me for a girl who basically just came out of her teenage years (my ex is almost 32, the new girl is Bi & 21) & blames me for everything.
  7. avoj
    confusion, lost, * * * *ing lost Once Upon A Time.... flowers and sunshine Once Upon A Time.... confusion has set in. lost in a papercup Once Upon A Time.... paper airplanes buzzing by forks & spoons line the road what time is it she asks? Once Upon A Time.... i'm in love with an old crow lost, confused we are we are... lost confused swimming in a papercup nowhere to go but up growup Once Upon A Time.... grass is greener on the other side climbing over the fence right back into a papercup on my back sleeping dreaming eyes closed lips moist eating carrots in a field of raisons Once Upon A Time.... what do you think of me now mystery fear unknown i'm right here with my plastic forks and spoons Once Upon A Time.... poking my eyes out lost again, where did she go why. come back love gone Once Upon A Time.... let go, i will, let go with time, in time back in my papercup swimming in circles Once Upon A Time.... i miss you. i miss you the most run, run away my little buttercup climbing, falling back down still eating carrots in a field of raisons sitting on a mushroom spinning around hazey, missing you loving you, along time ago trying to forget Once Upon A Time.... stop. stop. pain go away away up up
  8. avoj
    How about a bi-sexual girl who just turned 21 in August and is dating a almost 31-year-old lesbian? What about that age gap?
  9. avoj
    i did it. i emailed her how i feel.
  10. avoj
    I'm not even sure where to begin. I need advice, thoughts, anything. There's this girl I have become friends with. I think she is sooo beautiful. I worship the ground she walks on. What sucks is she has a g/f. Her g/f moved accross the country. She & I and some other people went out sat. We had a blast together. She kept asking me sex questions, wether or not I would get back with my ex. She also said sometimes she feels like she wants to date other people. She is also very naturally flirty. I asked her if I was her type & if she would date me. SHe said yes. We grinded on the dance floor. I was so freaking drunk I had my hand under her shirt on her belly. She hugged me in the car & i kissed her on the cheek & the forhead. Well i felt like such an *mod edit* for hitting on her so hard I emailed her asking her to forgive me. That I don't usually hit on my friends. She told me no problem. She liked being hit on. It made her feel good. and that she doesn't read into things. Later on she called me to say hi & to tell me not to feel like an *mod edit* SHe told me if she didn't have a g/f she would go out with me. Am I reading into things? I know she has a g/f, but its long distance and i honestly don't think its going to last for long. Even she said that it will probably last 3 months and who knows maybe she would meet someone here to date. I like this girl a lot. I just don't want to read into things. Anyone?
  11. avoj
    I have more women troubles
  12. avoj
    yup more women trouble as usual
  13. avoj
    Well it's been exactly 2 months since I kicked my ex of 7-years out. It still hurts. I still think about her. I still miss her, but than I hate her for what she did to me. (Cheating with a Co-worker, said horrible things to me) She hasn't even tryed to contact me. Wow. I still can't get it through my tiny little mind I guess. I still don't understand what happened. April she's telling me she loves me. May she tells me she doesn't love me. Than all hell broke loose. Sometimes I wish she would call me and tell me she is sorry and that she made a huge mistake. At this point in time I seriously doubt that will ever happen. She walked away 2 months ago without a tear in her eye. I was the one crying begging her to stay. She said no I need to be on my own for awhile. You really should be with your family right now. I know that she doesn't care. I just hurt so bad.
  14. avoj
    No I do not want anything from her. Actually I do not want to see her ever again as long as I live. I emailed her today to tell her to come and get the rest of her things on Saturday. I told her everything will be on the porch. Goodbye and Goodluck. She emailed me back asking if there is a specific time and if she can contact me to get one or our cats. I replyed tell her Do not contact me ever. Do not call. Do not write. To forget I even exist and I will do the same of her. I told her no. I am keeping the cat b/c she is to immature to take care of anything. I told her now if you don't mind to please leave me alone.
  15. avoj
    Hi! I posted a long post earlier about the breakup that occurred b/w my exgf of 7-years. I have been reading a lot of breakup and coping message boards since all of this occurred. I have noticed the same pattern over and over again from 100's of other people who are in the same situation as I am in. It's either your ex got close to a co-worker (I think that is my situation), they fell out of love with you, they need their space, they need to live alone for awhile, they get defensive about their new love affair denying everything, lies, sneakiness and the list just goes on and on. Now that I am on my own. I own the house thank god. IT was never put in her name. I noticed something. I sat down to figure out my finances (I always let her do it). I found that every single one of my utility bills are $100's of dollars over do. I was wondering why I never had any money (I make about $500 more than her a month. Once I figured it all out after everything is caught up, I am left over with like $800 a month. Now tell me, why is it I was broke all of the time when she lived here? Why wasn't she paying the bills? She was stealing from me. Not sure if she had this planned out along time ago and was saving up for it. For god sake she can't even pay her credit card bill. The min due for her bill is $800. SHe defaulted on her student loans. I have to wonder how long she has been cheating on me? MOnths? Years? NOt sure. She ran my phone bill up to $700. Over 400 text messages received/sent. SHe was getting and calling someone at 3am. It's so hurtful to think of her now. It's like I have been living with a stranger for 7-years. Did she ever care about me? Was she just using me for money? SHe walked out on me. I still am not sure why. There are a lot of questions still unanswered. I do know that I will never allow her back into my life. I hate that "Let's be friends" and the "I want you in my life somehow someway."
  16. avoj
    The more I think about it the more angry I become. The lies about where she was spending the night, the meaness, the phone calls to this girl constantly. I was receiving prank phone calls. You know she pushed me into going into therapy. I bet this was her way of getting me to feel better so she could leave. I hate her. I hate her. My heart hurts. I am tormented by this, but it is all true. She is cheater. She denies it, but she is.
  17. avoj
    She called me this morning b/c the alarm went off in my house and they left a message on her vm at work. She wanted to see if everything was ok. I told her to leave me alone. Than 15 min late she sends me this email. It was sooo cold and hurtful to me. I am just going to let her go no matter how painful it is. Out of the last 7 years right now I Cannot remember one happy moment we had together. All I can think about is how horrible that last 2 months have been and all the mean things she said to me keeps running thru my head. "I know you don't want me to contact you, but I need to say this. I really appreciate the fact that you're letting me keep the bed, television and chair at your house until I find a place. There simply wasn't any more room in my mom's house, and I don't have anywhere else to store that stuff. You didn't have to do that, so please know how much I appreciate it. I also wanted to thank you for letting me use the truck. I should have a car from enterprise within the next week or so. As soon as I do, I'll bring the truck over. However, if you sell the Isuzu before that, just let me know, and I'll drop the truck off. Thanks for being understanding about this stuff. I hope that you and the kitties are doing ok. Please give them lots of love for me. I'll respect your wishes not to contact you. I will let you know when I find a place - then I can arrange to pick up the rest of my stuff. Thanks again." My reply: "Please leave me alone. I hope you and Adrianne have a nice life together. You are a cheat, sneak, lier and cold hearted. I can never forgive you. I don't want to know anything about your life. You and Adrianne can raise kids together or whatever. Do not send me emails like this thanking me. I don't want your thanks. Also when you come to get your things I do not want to see you. I do not want to hear your voice. I know what "I need my space", "I need to live on my own for awhile", and "I don't know if I will get with you again" means. Your too scared to fess up to the fact that you dont ever want me. Have a nice life! "
  18. avoj
    She called me this morning b/c the alarm went off in my house and they left a message on her vm at work. She wanted to see if everything was ok. I told her to leave me alone. Than 15 min late she sends me this email. It was sooo cold and hurtful to me. I am just going to let her go no matter how painful it is. Out of the last 7 years right now I Cannot remember one happy moment we had together. All I can think about is how horrible that last 2 months have been and all the mean things she said to me keeps running thru my head. "I know you don't want me to contact you, but I need to say this. I really appreciate the fact that you're letting me keep the bed, television and chair at your house until I find a place. There simply wasn't any more room in my mom's house, and I don't have anywhere else to store that stuff. You didn't have to do that, so please know how much I appreciate it. I also wanted to thank you for letting me use the truck. I should have a car from enterprise within the next week or so. As soon as I do, I'll bring the truck over. However, if you sell the Isuzu before that, just let me know, and I'll drop the truck off. Thanks for being understanding about this stuff. I hope that you and the kitties are doing ok. Please give them lots of love for me. I'll respect your wishes not to contact you. I will let you know when I find a place - then I can arrange to pick up the rest of my stuff. Thanks again." My reply: "Please leave me alone. I hope you and Adrianne have a nice life together. You are a cheat, sneak, lier and cold hearted. I can never forgive you. I don't want to know anything about your life. You and Adrianne can raise kids together or whatever. Do not send me emails like this thanking me. I don't want your thanks. Also when you come to get your things I do not want to see you. I do not want to hear your voice. I know what "I need my space", "I need to live on my own for awhile", and "I don't know if I will get with you again" means. Your too scared to fess up to the fact that you dont ever want me. Have a nice life! "
  19. avoj
    She doesnt know what she wants. She just thru 7 years down the drain. She wouldnt go to couples counseling. NOthing. She lied to me. She hurt me so bad. RIght now I feel so angry and hate her. Than I turn around and cry b/c I miss her. This house I bought it last year. SHe picked it out. How long should I keep NC? I feel like telling her that when she is ready to really talk, be open, communicate about everything than she can call me.
  20. avoj
    I need to remember that she told me "she needs her space", "She needs to be on her own for awhile", "She hasnt loved me in years","That we are not compatible", "Let's be friends". I know deep in side all of those statements mean only one thing. That she wanted out of the relationship. That she doesn't care about me anymore. She is obviously seeing someone else, but denies it. She wants it to seem she was the victim. I was the victim. If she contacts me again should I tell her to leave me alone, and say all of the things I said above?
  21. avoj
    Thanks for the kind words. I do want to believe in my heart that once she figures stuff out she will come back to me. I mean it is kind of promising that she is able to tell me she doesnt know right now if we will get back together. Right? That she wants me in her life. I do know that there cannot be any contact for awhile. I need to become stronger. She told me we both need to fix ourselves.
  22. avoj
    It's been about a month since we broke up. We tryed living together, but she was never home and was talking to some bi-sexual chick all of the time. I started freaking out. I didnt want this. Finally on Thursday I found out about all the lies I kicked her out at 11pm thursday her mom had to come get her. Now she wants to talk to me about everything that has happened and tells me she wants me in her life (Friends). I told her I love her and wanted to settle down with her (we were together for 7 years). She told me she wishes I would have told her that along time ago. She went thru cancer treatment with me and other surgeries 5 years ago. I asked her if she would ever come back to me, she says she doesnt know. SHe needs to be on her own for awhile. What's that mean? I told her I don't want to hang on to something that will never be. All she can say is she doesnt know. I hate being gay!!! She is the only woman I want to be with. I can't see myself with anyone else. SHe is staying with her mom for the next 2 weeks until she gets a place of her own. SHe left her bed, tv and few other things b/c there is no room at her moms house. So that means I have to go thru this a 3 rd time. IShe asked me if she could call me tonight. I told her no I need to be left alone for now. I am hurt. SHe said ok. She wants to sit down and talk to me about everything that has happened. Why? I told her NC for awhile b/c of the exteme pain. SHe said ok. I made sure I dont have her phone number so I cant call her in a moment of weakness. She told me she fell out of love with me and we arent compatible(how can you say that after 7 years). I hope she comes back to me after she figures things out. NOw all of a sudden she wants kids. We are both in our 30's. I will do anything for her. Now I am all alone in the house she picked and I purchased. All the work we put into it. Now I have these memories. Good memories and some bad. I find remnants of her hair in the bathroom. Why so painful? She was emotionless. DIdnt cry. NOthing. I havent seen her in 2 days. I left while she was here packing. God I can't wait to go back to work on Monday. At least that is my saving grace. I may start working late for awhile until the pain subsides. I havent eaten in days. I started smoking again after qutting 5 years ago after I was diagnosed with cancer. I have no friends except for a few co-workers who have let me cry on their shoulders. Right now the pain is to fresh I dont want to meet anyone right now. Where can a gay woman go to meet people? It's hard. I told her I didnt want to be gay anymore and that I will stay single the rest of my life. She was said why. I said b/c I only want to be with her and noone else. I dont want to ever feel this kind of pain again.
  23. avoj
    Well I kicked my ex out of my house. I contacted her mother ( I know wrong thing to do please dont execute me for it), but I couldn't take it any longer. She disappeared out of my life for 2 months. ran my phone bill up to $700 dollars. She was talking to Adrianne 10 times a day at 1, 2, 3am in the morning every day. Treated me like crap. Wouldnt talk to me about anything. I contacted her mother to ask her mother what was going on. SHe told her mother I was out every nite with my friends and yelled at her(untrue it was her who was out every nite with her "friends" and she yelled at me. SHe was seeing someone else and denies it. Her mother came to pick her up. I took her car away from her b/c it was in my name. I cant stop crying. THe house is so empty without her. 7 years down the tube. God I feel like i cant go on. I hate her, but my heart hurts and i yearn for her. she hates me told me she fell out of love with me along time ago. why me!!!!!!
  24. avoj
    Sounds a little like my situation. You can read one of my posts if you like. link removed
  25. avoj
    Sorry. I own the house. I told her she needs to move out. I gave her 30 days.
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