avoj

I think I lost my friend. She ditched me for her new love. We used to do everything together, hung-out everyday, talked on the phone constantly, emailed, now I don't even see her. I feel so hurt. I emailed her telling her I feel the friendship fading. That it hurts so much and that I don't want that to happen. That I don't want her to feel like she has to hangout with me when she would rather be with her new love interest. I dont think she cares or likes me anymore. I haven't seen or hungout with her in weeks and she lives with me. I said when you are ready to talk or hangout with me email or call me or something. I'm really hurt. She hasn't responded to that email at all today. So I guess I must be right. Listen those of you who think you are in love with your best friend. That was my mistake. I did like her for more, we had sex, she didn't want me like that anymore. The trust was broken. The bond of friendship we had was broken. Now I've lost the one person I absolutely adored and it really hurts. All I can think is that my friends were right. that I was a friend of convenience to her(she denies it). She was going through a rough period of her life last Dec to around Sept. I was her support. I was there emotionally, intimately, and physically. She attached herself to me. Now that shes found someone else who sparked her interest she is done with me just like the last one before me. Take my advice. Don't do it. It's not worth it. In the end you will end up hurting.

Warning to all. Don't go there. It's hurtful. It will never happen. Don't ruin a friendship over it, though it may be hard at first. Give yourself time.

I honestly do not know where to begin. I feel exhausted, hurt, lonely, angry, there are so many emotions I can't tell which one I am feeling. Anyhow this is one of those fell for my best friend posts. Met a girl over a year ago, became very close. hungout everyday, had sex a few times, with me admitting feelings for her and she feeling the same as I. We never did date, though was with her everyday. Was there for her emotionally everyday. Her ex ex ripped her off (so she says. I'm not sure I believe it anymore.) She couldn't afford to live where she was anymore. Me being so damned kind hearted and caring way toooo much about her, let her move into my house in mid-July. Weve had our ups and downs b.c of my feelings. She told me hundred times no. She had feelings once, but it was just b.c she was confused and doesn't feel the same as i do about her. Now she is seeing someone, living in my home and we really aren't getting along very well. I'm not sure if its mostly my fault, b/c I've been so hurt and have felt abused, used and walked all over by her now for quite sometime. She just started seeing this person a few weeks ago. Been out on 2 dates. On the first date she stayed at this persons house, again last night. She told me she has feelings for htis person and told this person she wants to take it slow. I was thinking SLOW you already hopped into bed with this person. THen the BIOTCH says to me "Don't worry things will work out for you." Meaning I will find a g.f someday. That statement pizzed me off. Then she says to me "besides if you would have dated me you would have gotten bored in a month." I'm not sure if I hate her. I might. I haven't seen her in over a week except for once last Thursday. She is going to be gone until Wednesday of this week. (Probably with her new love.) She even had the nerve to say to me well when so so and I go out you can come iwth us. * * *!!! I said NO. She was like well when you get used to it you are more than welcome. I think I hate her. Now that she has someone she dropped me like a hot potato. I guess I was her emotional tampon, friend of convenience,, something. She used to email me everyday, call me, hangout, go places, ect now none of that since she has her new beau. ARGHHH!!! I hope she gets hurt. REaLLY HURT I am not going to be tehre for her. At this rate she will probably move in with her new love in 2 months

Your right. I do love her more than anything, but we have always just been friends, nothing more, nothing less. We have known each other since last September. The sex stuff didn't happen until March. She said she was confused about her feelings at the time. That nothing ever will happen between us b/c she doesn't feel the sameway. I asked her not to rub the new girl in my face. I told her no sleepover guests. She has done none of this. She doesn't talk about it to me. However I know what's going on. It hurts, but I just have to accept the fact that she does not want me, ever. In time I will not want her. What keeps me going is the hopes that someday she will want me, but it will be too late and I can break her heart like she has mine.

Anyhow after much thinking I would really like to save the friendship I have with this woman. I wrote her letter. Is this too much? Hey there. I don't know where to begin. I really do want to save whatever friendship we have left. I do have fun with you. I enjoy spending time with you.You do mean a lot to me, though I don't know if I mean as much to you as you do me. I really do not want to lose you, you have become part of my life and I enjoy having you in it. Every little thing we have ever done together had mean a lot and are great memories. I have also questioned myself about why when I am not around you I miss you and want you there. When I am with you I have the grandest time. Just sitting with you watching TV means a lot to me. I don't know what that means. I don't know if it's OK to feel like that. I'm not sure if I should feel like that. First I think we should start over. Lets backup a bit and apologize to each other for all the hurt, words, actions ect when we see each other in person. Let's figure out how to build this friendship backup after being emotionally and physically intimate as we did in the past. I do believe that when you have a lover who you didn't get to know as a friend first it's sometimes easier to become friends/walk away or whatever, but when friends cross that line (sex) it makes things very difficult b/c good friends already know each other and already care about one another. So it makes it a lot harder and feelings get involved. Someone ends up getting hurt. I think that's when everything went down hill. I wanted more from you. You didn't. I felt hurt, rejected, blah blah. I never meant to act like I hated you or didnt want to be around you. That's how I dealt with the hurt that I felt. We crossed a line, I felt so much more than you. Yes I am still hurt. I feel like I have no right to be hurt b/c we never dated, but as friends we became intimate and it never made me feel awkward, actually it felt natural, well b/c I already knew you as more than a face/body, for me there was no lust involved. It was just how I felt when I was with you. You made me feel good about myself. You made me laugh. I liked your laugh. I like how your eyes water when you laugh. I like how you crack up at yourself. I like your goofiness. The fun we do have. Your personality. The big heart you have. The stupid little things we do. Like going to the Ren Faire and riding an elephant, pumpkin patch, picking daffodils to eat, sitting in the car drinking rum & whiskey, making up movies in our heads and was going to film them,the cuddling. I always thought how good it felt. That's what I fell for. I fell for the stupid/meaningless lil things. You asked me in the past what it is I like so much abo ut you. Well there it is. Hope it isn't weird or mushy to you or anything. Sometimes I even feel used.Sometimes I feel like you are hanging on b/c you have a place to stay so you feel like you need to be nice. I hope that isn't the case and do truly enjoy my company and living with me. I enjoy your company and you living here.Hopefully you would be upfront about that. So when you asked me if I would be upset if you dated. Well of course I will feel hurt, jealous, a little angry. I think thats a normal human reaction when someone has feelings involved. I feel stupid b/c there never was anything between us but friendship. I am only human. I hope you understand where I am coming from when I say I feel hurt, ect. Those are tough feelings to deal with. I've put a lot in the past already, but recent events stirred crap up. I don't want to be distant or cold or hurt anymore. I want to be your friend. It will take time for me to stop feeling the way I do. Its nothing against you. My mean words, actions were never meant to cause harm. They were human reactions to a hurtful past with you, that I couldn't help but feel. I want to feel the trust again. I want to feel the connection again. Like I said I dont know if any of this is important to you like it is to me. I dont know if you feel about our friendship like I do. I don't know if you miss me when we arent around each other or if it's just me, but I have always felt I can say anything to you and you would never hold it over my head or think poorly of me because of it. Anyhow as a token of my appreciation of you. Of who you are. Of your friendship. Of the great amount of caring I feel towards you I picked up something for you. It's a stupid gift, but something I think you may like. I hope it means a lot to you, like it does to me. I want to resolve our bad past. I would miss you terribly if you were not in my life.

Thanks Ballys. I'm sorry to hear about your woman trouble. Well my friend is seeing an older woman. I watched her make out with her halloween night at a party, after I asked her along time ago not to rub it in my face. Ive been so hurt since we crossed boundarys I havent been the nicest person. It's just that she broke the trust. SHe hurt me so bad. She had my heart. How else am I supposed to act? I told her yesterday (cause she didn't come home Friday night. spent the night with her new g.f) that I feel indifferent, cold, uncaring towards her now and that I am emotionally drained. That she attached herself to me during a bad time in her life. I gave her what she needed then. Now she's moving on and I'm stuck with a big broken heart. Last night we went to dinner, played games and watched a movie at the house. It feels so good when I am with her. I have so much fun with her, even it's just the two of us in a room not even talking. Just being with her has made me so happy. This really sucks!!! I really don't deserve this. I gave to much. She took it. SHe told me that is what friends do for each other. Not to the extent I went to with her. Not spending 24-7 together, either it be talking on the phone for hours or just being together. I am so sad. Just looking at her makes me want to explode. SHes beautiful and the best personality ever. Its sad really. Just 2 weeks ago she told me she wasn't interested in dating anyone. Then all of a sudden she says after last sat (halloween) she is ready now to date. I guess this woman must have "knocked her socks off." Nice to know they are already having sex after the first date. Just this last wed (she alrady had the date with this woman but didnt tell me she was dating, I sorta figured it out on my own) When I asked her about it she said yeah would you be upset if this woman asked me out and I said yes. I said of course it would, ect I told her to date. She said well she is going to date. I said whyh didnt you metion it to me. She said b.c she was uncomfortable telling me about it. IT turned into a huge mean thing via email. SHe kept saying I will back out of the date if you want so as not to ruin what we have built. I told her no to date. SHe said that several times. My thought was we are never dated, why would you stop for me. On tuesday before i found out about the date. She said she was looking forward to celebrating christmas with me. That we could get a queen size air bed and sleep in front of the tree together and get matching wreaths to put on our cars and decorate. Blah!!!!! * * *?? DO you do * * * * like that with your friends? Especially friends you know are in love with you YOu know since she moved in we have cuddled in bed together quite a bit. Now I dont want her touch me. I feel bad for the way I have been treating her. I bought her a present today. Its stupid gift(snowman teacup with teapot, warm socks, lotion, tea variety and chocolate), but I know its something she will like. She is gone on a business trip all week, so I put it in a gift bag and put it on her desk with a card. I can only hope I can find someone as lovely as her. Right now I am trying so hard to date around. Its difficult. My heart just isn't open to anyone else righ tnow, though I am trying.

Well. I don't know if you all remember my story. The drama has been going on (for me) since March 06. Quick recap. My best friend and I had sex in March,April,May & June. She admitted having feelings for me, ect, but didn't want a relationship right now. Fast forward to mid-July. She moves into my home with me b.c of financial problems she was in (due to an abusive ex-ex who used her finacnially.) She couldn't afford her apartment, so I let her move in charging her like $400 a month. Fast forward to this very moment. She knows how I feel about her. I wanted to date her. I wanted to take care of her. I really just love her so much that it hurts, but she only sees me as a friend now. She said she was confused then and that she and I will never happen. Halloween weekend I saw her all over this woman. Now they are dating. She spent the night there Friday and the thought of her being sexual with this person kills me. She knows this. I told her how hurt I am by all of this. I feel like all I did was give to her, was caring, kind, emotionally there for her and now this after all of this I get to feel like crap. I feel so differently now towards her. I mean I hurt. I still care so much and love her, but I feel indifferent, emotionally beat down. She told me she understands b.c she has been there before with friends she liked who didnt want her. RIght now if things dont work out as friends b/w us she will move in January. My heart feels like crap. I can't eat. I feel empty. Rejected. She told me all she sees me as is a friend and has felt that way for sometime. I don't understand how someones emotions can change like that. See we spent so much time together since January 06. Everyday, talking ont he phone, going to her house, her over here, dinner, walks, playing int he park, cuddling, ect. I really thought at the time it was going somewhere. I guess I was confused, cause all she was doing was being a friend. Now I have to seeth in pain everytime she isnt' here knowing she is with her new g.f. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? Is it possible for her someday to really want me or am I kidding myself? She was the woman of my dreams. I really felt a connection with her. It felt so good to hold her.

Who broke up with who & why? State the reasons why you are not ready for dating or relationships? I am just trying to better understand where a friend of mine is coming from. My friend and I had feelings for each other (I still do have feelings). Now all of a sudden I am told that we will never happen as a couple,ect. I am hurt & confused. Not sure what to do. See I fell in love with this person. So please explain to me your situation and how you are feeling. Do you still like your friend?

thanks for the reply. she has already moved in with me and i enjoy her company immensley. i do not have hopes for any kind of future g/f thing with her. i know it will never happen. she made that very very clear. as that old saying goes if you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be. well in this case it will never come back. also i am trying to date. it's very difficult to meet people. after this whole thing with my friend i have become very insecure, distrustful, disheartened, no self-esteem, i feel very very unattractive, you name it.

This seems to be a recurring theme, "I am in love with my best friend." Well folks I am in the same situation. Let me tell you all my story. How it left me broken hearted and feeling like a big piece of loser ****. I have been in love with her since December. We have known each other for almost a year. Became very close friends, emotionally, together all of the time. She was in a rebound relationship until March. Was in a 3.5 year relationship with an abusive, nasty, ugly person before the rebound. This person did not deserve her. 2 months later she jumped into another relationship that lasted until March. I can remember her calling me on the phone and saying I am going to breaking it off with my current partner. How would so & so feel about you dating around? That same night we slept together for the first time. Same thing happened the next night. After that we both admitted having feelings for each other. She made it clear she didn't want to jump into anything with me b/c she needed to work out all of her problems that she never correctly dealt with from her abusive relationship she was in (before the rebound.) She didn't want me to be a fling. She was jealous of the girl I was going out with, she did admit that. Maybe in a few months if we both feel the same we can see what happens. Pfftt... so yes boys & girls I held my damned breath since March for her. I was there for her emotionally. Would freakin chop off my arms & legs for her if I had to. She even told me at one point if I start seeing someone and she is ready she will tell the * * * * * to back off of me. One minute she would tell me we would never happen b/c we are better as friends, next minute she would say you have no ideal how i feel about you and I dont want to. She sent lots of mixed signals. One night she asked me if I wanted to come in and cuddle with her back in April. Which I did. We ended up having sex again. Finally I asked her again if we could take the friendship to another level. She said no. I can't ask her of this right now b/c she has to much **** to deal with and isn't ready. she doesn't want to be with anyone right now, ect. She doesnt want to lead me on. In May she invited me over to watch movies, ect. We got a lil drunk and I told her that I am madly in love with her. She asked me why I like her so much besides looks. She told me she doesnt want a serious relationship. Said we really connect. We had sex again. She and I would talk all the time on the phone. Her calling me. I never called her. She always seems to compare me to her abusive ex. Not in a bad way, but more like "you will sit down and talk to me about a problem, but my ex wouldnt, ect." Wanna hear about mixed signals? She told me on the phone thanks for not pressuring me like my ex does (rebound ex). She also would say stuff like if you like me now you will like me even more after i get therapy, or maybe you just like crazy girls. Oh even better. You have a decent job. Are stable and can keep a job, own your own home, ect. Well because of the abusive ex & finacial problems she has moved in with me. We had it out before she moved in. I brought up that I am madly in lvoe with her again in June. She told me we and I had sex when we were drunk and basically it meant nothing. She wants a fling, that we were not a fling. that she doesnt want to be monogamous. that she never chased me i chased her and that i never listened to her when she told me she didnt want me. that we connect as friends. she and i will never happen. that we shouldnt get drunk and mess around anymore. she also said that people say things they dont mean when they are drunk.so everything she said to me about liking me & the sex meant nothing & were all lies. she said lots of hurtful things. she even told me you had hope in a very mean way. she told me she doesnt date her friends and if i was her friend i would want to date her. so now she is living with me. we get along. i still harbor these feelings for her. her smile & laugh makes me melt. it hurts b/c we would have made a great team. we connect in everyway possible. i fell in love with her as a person. she is beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. but i hurt so bad on the inside. i feel rotten. i feel stupid b/c i trusted in everything she said. i hung on to her words. It sucks b/c she made me feel like I just am not good enough for her. My advice is don't mess around or fall in love with your friends. I've been hurt so badly. Also I am in love with someone who will never be with me. What hurts the most is she says to me she wants to date around, but won't date me. So of course I look at myself and wonder what is wrong with me. I am everything she is looking for, plus more. I guess she has the grass is greener on the other side syndrome.

Actually she kinda pizzed me off today. She made plans with me to do something, but now is going to spend the weekend with her ex g/f the same weekend she planned something with me. Grrr!!! That's one thing I won't put up. Seriously I am planning on not calling or hanging out with her for awhile. I need to find someone who wants me for more than whatever in the helll she is using me for. Oh yeah I would be paying for the tickets to that thing we are supposedly going to. I don't think I am going to take her, cause I feel she is using me.

she responded that she would go with me.

Ok. Here is a small update on my situation. I was hanging out with my friend tonight and I brought up how I am scared to death of a relationship. One being would I get into a relationship and decide to run for the hills. Two would I be faithful b/c of the fear. She jumped in and said that's how she feels. Except she had a 3rd. She said she is afraid of geting into something with someone she likes, but then decide she doesnt like them anymore. SHe also stated she isn't looking for anything right now. Now I didn't bring up anything about us. This was just in general. Yes it's true I care about her so much. Let me state how much. I am taking her to a dr's appointment tomorrow. Next weekend I am driving 19 hours with her for some sticky situation she is in from a past relationship. I honestly don't think I could do that for anyone else. I have no idea what she or how she feels about me. I also don't let on how I feel about her. I guess all I can do is sit back and see what happens. Right? Obviously I make her feel better about her personal things cause she called me very early this morning and left 2 messages. Talked to her a few more times on the phone through out the day. I went over to her place talked to her, listened to her and she felt better. Is this a good thing? We are very comfortable with eachother. Sometimes all I want to do is hold her, but I am afraid she will push me away so I dont do it.

I honestly don't know what to think. Maybe I am reading into crap as usual. I give up. I am sick of allowing people to manipulate my feelings like this. Yes I do care about her a great deal, but I can only take so much. Anymore she makes me feel insecure. I am constantly asking myself what's wrong with me? Am I unattractive? Am I not good enough? She told me a few times she is not going to settle. I guess settle by just b/c someone likes her she's not going to go out with them. I feel like crap. My self-worth is at its lowest and I don't need that. I was in a 7-year crappy relationshp that I got out of last summer. SHe isn't the only one here that has been hurt. That really irks me about her. Everything revolves around how she feels. What about me? Does she ever stop to ask herself that? I'm one of those "butchies", so she calls me. I often wonder what kind of person she thinks I am. It's like this. I was showing her some pics on my cell phone of some stuff I built around my house. The first thing she says before I had a chance to show her was this. Are you going to show me pics of girls? What??? I have only slept with 2 people since my ex left me. Last night I told my friend that I am her emotional tampon. Ha Ha. Well that's what it feels like. She acts like she wants to * * * * around with half the damned town. A few times she said to me she wants an older women to use her as her playtoy, nothing serious. WHAT? She wants to feel passion. Well don't we all. HOnestly I think it's time I move on. Her loss. Right? I will love her in secret and from a distance.

hey all. thanks for your responses. i have tryed to have heart to heart talks with her. i have told her exactly how i feel. not that i am in love with her but that i feel passionately about her. as i said she said she has feelings to. then one night i was kinda being standoffish towards her. she got really mad. made me sit in the car with her and talk about it. then she tells me that whole black and white thing that she is in the grey. she told me when shes ready and i have a g/f she will tell the biatch to back off. she said do you want me to lie to you. i said yes so is it black or white. she said black. this was after the first time we slept together. ok so i emailed her that night cause i was hurting. i told her maybe we shouldn't hang out for awhile or even talk. she emailed me saying that isnt' fair b/c she just got out of a relationship and she isn't going to jump into another one. told me i have no idea how she feels about me (feelings) and doesnt want to have feelings for me. so one night we were all out. i got kinda drunk. she isn't really talking to me at all. i was upset b/c of this. so i ended up kissing on like 5 different women. she saw the entire thing. so i sat on her lap. started kissing her. then all of a sudden she got nasty with me. tryed telling me b/c she needed her space, knew i was drunk and didn't want to make out with me anymore tha tnight. next day we were on the phone and i told her not to feel special b/c i was kissing her. she wasnt the o nly one i was kissing. she was like i know you told me that already. then i told her i didn't have feelings for her anymore. (lie) she said you and i will never happen. ect. then 3 weeks later i admit i do have feelings for her. she doesnt respond. we sleep together again. she doesn't know how to respond. she invites me to dog sit with her. i go. dog licks my face she says to the dog dont feel special she does that with everyone. i spend the weekend at her familys. i am going home with her again soon. she is coming to my games, ect. see why i am confused. i don't want to bring it up to her again right now. the convo doesnt go anywhere. i dont want to drive her away. arghh!!! maybe i am just reading into things. sometimes i think maybe i should date someone and she will either come to the realization she is losing me to someone else and tell me her real feelings or she wont care at all. i dont think she is playing games. over the weekend she called me a jerk cause i am not going to a drs app i need to go to. she said well when you get a g/f its not going to be fair to her since you arent taking care of yourself. i was like what btw we are both females in our 30's

Ok does this make any sense? I am madly in love with my friend. We spend a lot of time together, talk on the phone, email a lot. We have hooked up a few times. I have told her my feelings, all she says is she doesn't know how to respond to what I said, but still end up sleeping together, ect. The thing is this. I care so much about her, when I am with/talking to her I am happy, when I am not with or talking to her I feel lost and empty. WHen she says jump I jump. This is waht makes no sense to me. Let me backtrack to a year ago. I got out of a really LTR last summer. The relationship lasted 7-years, my ex left me, treated me like * * * *. I was hurt badly. OUt of those 7-years together I was a * * * *ty g/f. I think my ex would have killed for the attention I give to my friend cause I never gave her any of what I give to my friend. What doesn't make sense to me is I love my friend. I don't want to be with anyone. No desire, I just want to be with her, but not necessarily as a g/f, but I want her to be with me. Like I know I don't want a serious relationship or sex with anyone at this point in my life. (It's taken me a year to figure this crap out.) I mean I want to love my friend. I want to take care of her emotionally. I want to take care of her needs. I want to make her happy. I just want to spend time with her. Talking to her, ect. But I know I don't want a serious relationship at this time. She doesn't either. It's very weird. AM I confused? Am I messed up? I do love her though for more than a friend, but can't imagine being in a serious relationship with anyone. Let me backtrack somemore. This girl and I became friends back in October. She was seeing someone who was a rebound from a * * * *ty relationship she was in for 3-years with some abusive, controlling witch. Now the girl my friend was seeing was the rebound. They moved in together like 2 months after my friend got out of that 3 year relationship. Well my friend and I started to get very close in decemeber. We got close emotionally, never physical. I started kind of seeing someone in Feb - beginning of March. My friend one day calls me tells me she is breaking up with her g/f. Ok. So that night my friend and I slept together for the first time which only made me fall for her harder. She admitted of being jealous of the girl I was seeing in Feb. We both confessed having feelings for each other, but she didn't want anything with me right now b/c she needs heal and said I do to. One day she told me she doesn't want to be physical with me and we should work on having a closer friendship. Such as becoming more emotional and cuddle. Asked me how I would feel when she starts seeing other ect. In April I told her again how I feel. That she has my heart and that she isn't ready for what I have to offer her. I told her I would ask her to date me again someday when she is ready. She didnt' reply to my email. A week later we are at a dinner. She got kind of tipsy on wine and asked me 3 times if I would come home and cuddle with her. So in the car I asked her did you read my email. SHe said yes and didn't know how to respond. That same night we end up sleeping together again. Now t his only m ade me fall more for her.We never mentioned sleeping together after that. So she invites me to her parents house and I went. Spent 2 days together. Made me fall even more in love with her. Like I said we have made tons of plans with eachother, spend time together, ect. I do love her. I care so much about her and would love to be with her for more than a friendship someday. I am confused. I dont' know what her feelings are for me. I'm scared. I'm scared of my feelings. I am scared to death of getting hurt by this woman. What do you all think? Dont tell me to run. Our relationship is wonderful. I have never met anyone quite like her. Should I give up hope for a future with her? Should I try to pursue it again in a few months? See I don't know.

She has lost her chance. I'm to good for her.

Ok listen up. I'm in a situation like yours. Only my friend and I slept together twice. The first time we slept together we both admit having feelings for each other, but she just isn't ready. A week later she tells me she doesn't think we should be physical, but wants to cuddle and be emotional. Then tells me she doesn;t want to lead me on. Next she tells me she and i will never happen, but she has feelings for me and doesnt want to have feelings for me. We sleep together a second time a few weeks ago. I've spent a lot of time with her but still its a no. I have asked her to date me. I have admitted to her she has my heart on a string. This is the crap I put up with. It's not worth it. Only causes more freakin heartache. I just spent the weekend with her at her familys. She spent the evening yesterday with her ex. I have made it a point not to email or call her. I'm sick of this game I feel she is playing. I am making myself unavailable to her right now. I want her to come chasing me. At least those are my hopes. Don't get yourself involved. I mean ask her once if you must if she will date you. If she gives you some lame * * * * excuse run, run away. Dont put yourself where I am right now. My heart actually aches.

I'm 32, she's 31. she got out of a 4 year relationship last may then jumped into another relationship that she just got out of end of February. She knows how I feel about her. I told her she has my heart. I also said that in the meantime since she is not ready for me that i will date around. We slept together again last night. I care so much about her and would do anything for her. I don't know why we make out with others. I confess I did it to make her jealous. I don't know why. I have promised myself not to do that anymore.

Thanks. I did tell her that I want to be with her someday and that she is obviously not ready for what I have to give to her. I told her she has my heart. I also told that in the meantime I am going to date around. - This woman means the world to me. It drives me insane when we are together. We hug and cuddle, that's it. ALso for me it's not about the sex. It's about just being with her. Her company makes me so happy.

Dammit I'm hurtin. Hurtin' bad. I became friends with this woman back in Novemberish. She had a g/f up until the end of April (It was a rebound from a 4-year relationship she was in a year ago.) So we became very good friends. Talk on the phone for hours almost everyday, talking about ex's, emotional stuff. Well I have had feelings for her since about Decemeber. At frist when I first met her I thought she's hot. That's it, then it developed into something more. I'm in love with this woman. I can honestly say that I can't stand not talking to her all of the time, I miss her when I am not with her, I need her in my life for more than friendship. My freaking heart is breaking into tiny little pieces. I always thought she was kinda flirty with me, we would cuddle and hold each other for months. Anyhow we finally slept together over a month ago. That night meant the damned world to me. I finally told her my feelings for her about 5 days after that night. She told me she had feelings for me to, but needed time to heal. She said we both need to heal and then see where things go in the future. SHe admitted tobe jealous of this other girl I was seeing. Dammit!! I am so confused by her. I don't know what to do. We would make out a lot after that. THen one night she tells me let's not be physical anymore for awhile. SHe doesn't want a g/f. SHe says she wouldnt be a good one right now. Then she tells me to date others that when shes ready for me she will tell the girl to go away. Then we get into a fight one night. I was making out with all of these women and her later on. Of course she saw it. She got real nasty with me. I asked her why she said b/c she didn't want to make out with me anymore tha tnight. SHe doesn't want to "lead me on." SHe told her ex she and i have feelings. Dammit Someone help me!! She knows how I feel. I told her again, but of course she doesn't respond. What does this woman want from? What's wrong with me? She says she wants a sugar mama, she wants an older woman to use her as their toy and to treat her like a princess. Someone who worships her. SHe just wants sex sex sex. Doesnt she realize she hurts me when she says this stuff? It does. Bad. What am I choipped liver? I treat her frickin like a pricness. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I honestly want to cry.

I'm going to keep this short. At least try to keep it short. I am totally in "like" with my best friend. I think about her all of the time. I have never felt so passionately for anyone in my life. I want her to be mine. Ok so we hooked up about a month ago. We both admitted having feelings for each other, she's not ready for relationships or dating. Very confusing stuff. Anyhow I backed off. I treat her like I always have as a "friend." The other night we were hanging out. This is what she was doing While she was talking to me. she was biting her lower lip and licks her upper lip seductively. What is that about? She's made all of these plans with me. I'm confused. Or am I reading into things?

just deleting this post

More women troubles as usual

So I noticed that whenever anyone becomes even remotely attracted to me, I freak out. It's like I become all cold and numb inside. I feel like I start to distant physically and emotionally. There is also a lot of fear and trust issues involved. I was never like that before. All I can think is my ex really screwed me up emotionally and that's why. Maybe after years of feeling unloved and unwanted I built some sort of wall up around me. Really high walls that even I can't climb out of. It's really hard to break those walls down. I have a lot of close friends, who help me with this emotional, physical thing I have going on. It's very easy for me to let them in emotionally. Hopefully these feelings are normal after getting out of a 7-year relationship in July. I'm pretty sure it is b/c she did break the trust by cheating, lieing, stealing and her cruelty towards me was beyond anything I have ever experienced in my life. So once I can get past all of that & realize that not everyone out there is like that and that she is not a very nice person. At least I can say now that I don't have any feelings for her anymore. All I feel is numbness & I am still healing from something that wasn't good for me. I do believe it was a co-dependent relationship. Bad!! I know the signs of what a co-dependent is & will never get into something like that again. So I will sit here & work this out and be off to a better me & life. All I can say is I am happy. Happier than I've ever been. See I met this girl. She's pretty awesome and cute as hell. I'm pretty sure the same feeling is returned by her. The problem is I am confused and scared of the thought of another relationship. I honestly don't want a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I want to date, but nothing serious. So I think to myself, why date a few people at the same time. That's what I want to do for now. I think. I just met her Friday and slept with her Saturday night. We went to a superball party together last night & I felt weird. Like I feel empty inside. What's wrong with me? It's been 8 months since the breakup hell. I want to like this girl, I really do. I'm scared. I also have some sexual issues. Sometimes I have lil crushes on people who are unavailable. They seem to be the ones I go for. But someone who is available scares me to death.