kazman32

I have to disagree,pepole can change if they truly want.But it takes alot of will and effort.I was a mess when me and my ex broke up several months ago (I'm bi-polar)I was suffering from severe depression,wasn't taking my meds,was just a very sad person and I knew it brought my ex and her son down.I got back on meds months ago and realized how much of a mistake I made,I was no longer numb from the depression and realized the feelings I have for my ex.I have dedicated myself 100% to getting better.I take my meds as I am supposed to,go to weekley counsling,I am exercising and eating right again.When my ex saw me again she was shocked at the changes I have made.I have a new will to live and am getting my life in order.Her parents said the same thing"he has truly changed so much"I know I can live without my ex,but I would like to work things out if possible.So in my opinion if a person truly wants to change and dedicates themself 100% and really works at it It can be done.I am proof.I was an absolute mess a few months ago!I am happy,confident,and making great progress in my life.

Nothing worse then begging then being turned down,you feel humilated afterwards.I learned my lesson,I will never be weak like that again.

If someone told me my ex is hotter than me,I would say well why don't you go be with them?Goodbye!That is very tastless behavior,you don't need someone like that in your life.Move on and find someone better.Take care!

Was going through it up until recently,told my ex off and let her know I wouldn't put up with it.NC for a week and then she is calling asking my advice,wanting me to fix her bike etc...'sorry to bother you" "I won't bother you anymore" blah blah...

NC=Healing for you!

In the same situation here,my ex made me the backup plan.I got angry and have used the anger to fuel myself,I have made huge improvments in myself and have gotten over her and am moving on.It sucks to be made#2 by someone you care about so much,I truly understand,stay strong and stay in nc.Take care!

I agree,use nc until you have healed more,I am in the same situation,my gf was stringing we along,making me be the backup guy.I put and end to that with a note telling her off and nc.I have healed fully and realize I don't need her in my life.Take care!

I am in the exact same situation with my ex,and I think I am the "fallback" plan.She said she needed time,I told her she could do that on her own she didn't need to be seeing someone to have time to think things through...I told her I wouldn't tolerate being #2 and cleared my final things out..a week later she starts randoming calling me acting like we are best pals..asking me to help her with stuff etc....really pisses me off but I did help her with some stuff.But I have gotten over her I know I can live without her.

Keep it up! I am in a simialr situation I have used the time apart to improve myself 100%!My ex can't believe the changes in me,but I still think she thinks I will "always" be there,I got tired of being strung along and made to be #2,don't let the anger ruin you,use it as fuel to improve yourself,You will be so much a better person when someone new comes along or if the ex comes back, but to me every day that goes by and she dosn't contact me..well I get stronger and the more the feelings of love pass and the resenment kicks in at this point if she came back I don't know if I would want to get back with her.Keep getting stronger!

I work out at my local Y and there is a girl there who I know is interested in me,but have been hesitant to ask her out beacuse of my situation,perhaps I should wait and see if she asks me first,then explain my situation?Thank you for the compliment,I am trying very hard to improve myself in all areas of my life )

I have been broke up with my girlfriend of 7 years(on and off) for about 4 months,she started seeing someone else and I feel she was stringing me along wanting me to be the "backup" plan.So I cleared all my things out and have moved on with my life.I am on disability and was the "homemaker" of the relationship while she worked.I did all the cooking,cleaning,laundry,got her son off to school etc.I was an untreated bi polar for many years but am now stable and have been for sometime.When me and my ex split she had all the control,everything was in her name finaces car etc..(I don't have my liscence now)I always thought we would be together and our roles worked great for many years.But now I am having to live at my mom's I can't drive etc..I am working with the bvr to get go to school and get a job,and get my life in order ability to drive, car,but it's frustrating as it will take time.In the mean time I would like to start dating again,but I feel like I have nothing to offer except myself(I am very nurtring,caring,I suppose I have female tendacy's as I always babied my ex when she was sick etc.)but beyond that I feel kind of worthless.Not sure how to ask a girl out when they would have to drive etc...Just feel really frustrated atm...females would you give a guy like me a chance?I know right now I don't have alot going for me but I am working very hard to change that.I do get complemented on my looks alot,but deep down when someone says that I blush,I tend to be shy alot of times.Not sure if I should even bother trying to date anyone now,I just miss being there for someone,and having someone to talk to etc...any opinions?

Thank you both for the advice,I will take it to heart.

I am in kind of the same situation,I have been broke up with my gf for about 3 months,I found out she was in a long distance relationship,I started chasing and the further she ran.I decided I needed to heal and move on with my life.I wrote a note telling her I wanted all my things,and I wouldn't play #2(I feel she was wanting me as a back up plan)I cleared my stuff out and within a week she has been making casual contact(I started nc)at this point I am healed I know that I can live without her.but I do still have feelings for her,there is a girl at the gym I go to who is interested in me but thus far I haven't asked her out,I like this girl she is very sweet,but if my ex came back I would have to choose the ex.Should I go out with this new girl?I don't want to hurt her beacuse if my ex finds out she might come back and I will choose my ex.But then again I don't know if we will ever be back together again.I don't want to use this girl as a tool to make the ex jealous.I am genuinely attracted to her.not sure what to do????

No he was crying beacuse he wanted us to get back together.I have been in therapy for 5 years and made some progress,but in the last 60 days I have dedicated myself 100% and have made amazing progress,truly my Dr. cannot believe the steps I have made,I have responded very well to some new meds my doc thinks I was overmedicated before.and thus never was able to get completley on track.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 7 years.I have bi-polar and wasn't taking my meds and putting 100% into my therapy.Toward the end of the relationship I was so deppressed I was numb the only feeling emotions I had were negative. I did very little with my ex and her son.Looking back I was hell to live with but in the end I was the one who left.She called a few weeks later and asked me to go play pool with her and her son.I refused shortly afterwards I got into treatment and commited myself 100% to getting ahold of my bi-polar,we had brief contacts over about 2 months.I began to realize how bad I messed up leaving her and one night after fixing her computer I asked her if we could see each other again she replied "I will let you know"I didn't hear from her over the weekend so I e-mailed her and she told me she was seeing someone else.I was devastated!I have made incredible steps in controling my bi-polar and am truly a new person.After 2 weeks of no contact I contaced her and asked if we could talk she said yes,she immediately recognized the diffrence in me.I asked if we could get back together and she said she couldn't not right now,she said she still had feelings for me and even felt like she was cheating on me by dating someone else(this guy lives in another state so it's mostly a phone relationship I don't think they see each other very often)I contaced her the next day and she said she was proud of me I should move on and find somone "better"I told her i had no desire to see anyone else I realized how much I loved her and her son.She said seeing me happy and the way I had changed stirred up alot of feelings for her.She asked me to go to dinner with her and her parents that evening,her parents were amazed at the change in me.I went back to her house and she said she would take me home after a movie,but she kept finding excuses to spend more time with me(lets get some icecream etc)So I finally went home and called her the next day she said her son was up crying all night beacuse he thought we were getting back together.She told him "not right now"we spent more time together that day,she said she felt like she was hurting me beacuse she was seeing someone else,she also said she felt guilty she was spending so much time with me.(btw we got along great these 3 days were calling each other dear etc.)well I went home and later that night I lost it and called and begged her.She again said not right now I need to expirence diffrent things after being with me so long,she said she needed to be away but it might not be forever.I was so upset I wanted so bad to make up for my mistakes and get back together.The next day I lost it again and called here parents and told them I felt so bad for how I had treated her and her son.The were uncomfortable and didn't want to be in the middle,she called a short time later and asked why I called her parents I told her I liked talking to them she was somewhat offstandish she said she had to get to class and said bye,I didn't even say bye I just hung up..I was so flooded with so many emotions,It's been 2 days of NC and I am doing the best I can.But if she does call(im not sure she will)she I go out and spend time with her as friends like I did over the weekend?Or is better to have NC and force her to choose between working things out with me or the guy she has been seeing(for about 3 weeks)