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kazman32

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  1. kazman32
    I am start to feel that way..anything is better than hurting all the time. people say put your faith in God. I tried that went to church, prayed etc..tried to live the best I could..NOTHING! My ex never prayed..she is married and happy. Me 1 1/2 years of everyday prayers from the bottom of my heart,,,not a damn thing., and I see I am not alone lots of people put there faith in God and prayed for naught. I believe in God but don't understand. My ex who never prayed met the man of her dreams...me lonley as hell! Faith may work for some (those who God chooses to help) but for me..nevermind..I'm done...Btw I know how you feel..it hurts.
  2. kazman32
    I am in EXACTLY the same place as you.Made some mistakes,but when we apart made drastic changes(even she saw this)tried to get back together,but she has someone else.It's been 6 months now,the pain is still there,but I am getting by.Hearing after she has only dated this man for 4 months and he lives out of state,they have plans to marry next year didn't help.I felt all the knives in the heart you do right now.I am working on removing them one at a time,one day at a time.I am sorry for your loss.I wish you all the best.
  3. kazman32
    I agree I hate statements like that. "If it was meant to be" I hate that one big time, we make decisions that influence what happens in our lives.Things just don't end up a certain way,no matter what we do.Anyway that's what I think.Take Care!
  4. kazman32
    herewegoagain I'm sorry I wasn't meaning to hijack your thread,it's just we have alot in common,and I need all the help I can get.I do hope things get better for you, it is such a painful thing to deal with.
  5. kazman32
    Hang in there..it's tough I know..after 6 months of conversations here and there..I have been in NC for about 2 weeks,it's really hard,but I intened to follow through and not even answer if(probably never will)she does try and contact me.
  6. kazman32
    Thank you so much! It just breaks my heart she is talking about moving him away to live with this man,he is going to miss his grandparents so much,he is so close to them,and he is very well adjusted at his school,he has lots of very close friends and at his age(12)he is starting to become social with girls here.It breaks my heart he will have to start all over.Metting new friends,new school,and then him not seeing his grandparents,on top of the fact he just dosn't like this man.It makes me so sad!But I realize there is nothing I can do...Thank you.
  7. kazman32
    I have as about 2 weeks ago,I asked to get her son's cell phone # so we could talk,but never heard anything,so I let it go,I have decided as hard as it is I shouldn't have contact with her son(Though I miss him and care very much about him)It just hurts to bad,to hear him say he wants me to be there for him and he dosn't like the new bf.Thank You everyone for you advice!
  8. kazman32
    I understand where your coming from.Me and my ex were together (Never married)almost 8 years.I messed up,I didn't ever cheat,but I let my depression make a mess of the last few months of our relationship,we have been split 6 months,and she is madly in love with a new man,and after 4 months of dating is talking marriage.I understand your pain and guilt,wanting to make up for things but not being able,it is a hard cross to bear,but your not alone!Hang in there!
  9. kazman32
    I appreciate your words,she stuck with me for a long time,but the last few months were hell I know.My depression ruined things,but what gets me is me her and her son went out as friends and got along great!We even went out with her parents..Everyone agreed I TRULY had made changes in my life..but she always chose her new man even when she had only been seeing him a month.I asked her if she was in love with him after only seeing him a month,and she hesitated and said no..but looking back I think she was after only a month!I don't talk to her anymore,she always had to bring her new man up and throw it in my face.We would be talking via e-mail and she would say she had to go beacuse *&^% was on the phone.Or &^%$ is coming over this weekend..blah blah..I didn't HAVE to hear that!Why not just say you have to go????I do appreciate the support here..this ordeal has really wrecked me..Thanks for all your kind words and encouragment!
  10. kazman32
    I guess I should add this,sometimes I feel maybe she is better off with this new man.I'm having to get off disability and get back to work and get my life in order,Her new man is more finacialy stable,and maybe she isn't sure if I will get my *&^% together,but I know I will,I will be starting back to work soon and then going back to school in around 6 months-year.It would have been so nice for her to believe in me and be there for me while I get my life back in order.And It hurts that she isn't.But like I said maybe this new man is better for her.This ordeal has really messed up my selfconfidence/self worth,all I heard about was how great her new man and basically he didn't have my looks or build,but otherwise he is so much better.It really has beat the &^%$ out of me..I just don't know what to believe/or what to believe in any more.??????
  11. kazman32
    I really started praying and going to church after we split,I prayed to god to help me get another chance.But I will be honest my faith has faded and anger resentment has come in.We went out as friends a few times and got along GREAT! she even kinda flirted with me,but every time she chose her new man,it just broke my heart more,to hear her say basically things would have worked if I only had changed before,breaks my heart.I told her I should have married her,but then again fore the last few months we were together my depression ruined our relationship.The break up made me realize I had to change for me first,but I was so much hoping she would give me another chance.I guess my faith has faded,I can't make sense of any of this or life at all.I know this is something I will regret for the rest of my life.It just dosn't seem fair.
  12. kazman32
    I truly feel your pain,we are in the same boat.It's all so damn confusing and painful!I mean who know's maybe she has found her Mr.Right..but she is rushing things there is no doubt about it.She also isn't thinking of her son and the fact he dosn't like this man and dosn't want to move away.He told me he dosn't see what he sees in her,who knows.I have been so changed by this break-up.I realized I needed to deal with my depression,have a new outlook on life,and not take things for granted.My ex says "if only you had changed sooner"but my therapist said crisis is what can bring about great changes,and it has, her son sees it,her parents,even her.But she is so"madly in love" with her new man(I guess she has known him awhile)I won't ever get another chance,it hurts so bad,I can't make up for my mistakes,like I so badly wanted too.In my gut I feel she is making a mistake,but I could be wrong.I have been wrong before.At least I know I am not alone.We both have this pain to bear,and work through,I wish you all the best.
  13. kazman32
    Thank you,I just don't undertand I guess, we always said persons who hadn't been dating at least a year shouldn't even consider marriage.But now after only 4-5 months she has all these plans with him.She has put him on a pedastal..she says he is her "Mr Right" but after only 4 months and him living in another state how does she really know? I have done my best to put it behind me,for so long I wanted another chance.I feel sorry for her son,if she moves him away from his grandparents/friends it's going to hurt him.+He dosn't like the new bf at all...I realize there is nothing i can do but go on with my life,but it is hard,so very hard.
  14. kazman32
    I am in a smilar situation,ex still cares (so she says)but has moved on and is falling hard and fast for somone else,hurts like hell,I tried so hard to make things work,changed so much(even she sees this)but it is to late,I have to go on,somedays I don't know how I will get through it all.But I have started dating somone after nearly 6 months apart,and she is a true friend it does help,stay strong!
  15. kazman32
    I understand,depression can bring on physical symptoms,fatigue,tiredness,etc..being bi-polar and having really low lows..I know what your going through..you have to fight it the best you can,even if you don't feel like doing anything..make yourself,it's the only way to get better.
  16. kazman32
    I'm very sorry! I know how you feel!It's been 6 months since I broke up with my ex and it still hurts like hell.I am 37 and had to move back in with my mom,I am in the process of getting back to work and getting my life in order.I have been seeing a new woman for about a month she is very good to me,but it isn't the same,I know it's hard but I have been meeting new ppl and going out and doing things as much as I can.I hope you feel better.
  17. kazman32
    I know how you feel ( my ex and I broke up about 5 months ago we were together 7 years looking back I should have married her.The break up was my fault but since then I have made alot of changes,she even admitted I changed.She started dating an old friend 3 weeks after we broke up.I couldn't even look at another woman for months.when she called to let me know I had some mail,I told her I had been seeing somone she asked me out for dinner and we had a good time,but it brought up alot of painful feelings for me.We talked via e-mail that night and she admitted she was jealuos of my new gf,but then shot back that her and her new "mr perfect" after only being together for 4 1/2 months had plans to be married next year and she was moving to his house to live with him after that(he lives in another state)she is going to move her son away from his granparents who he is very close to,and all his friends.I was heart broken and it has put a strain on my present relationship.The only solice I have is my ex's son dosn't like the new bf at all he still wants me to be his father figure..but it's so hard I truly understand.
  18. kazman32
    I understand what you are going through,I am going through almost the exact same thing,stay strong,It's not easy but it does get better as you begin to work on things and live your life without the person you thought you would be with forever.Take care.
  19. kazman32
    Long story made short ex and I broke up around 4 months ago(7yrs together)Mostly my fault I wasn;t taking my meds and was very depressed,well got on meds am going to counsling,exersising eating right etc..am a new person today ex was shocked (and her parents)at the changes I have made we spent some time togther a while back as friends,she is in a long distance relationship with an old friend.I went into nc for a while to heal myself and while I love her dearly i do realize I can live without her.we went out as friends this weekend and had an excellent time we hugged a few times,I know she still has feelings for me.we started talking via e-mail and our old issues came up she is still angry about some issues and she resents that I changed after we split,I told her losing her made me realize I had to change.She decided we shouldn't see each other as friends,all of a sudden she has moved on.and is happy with the realtionship she is in now.I think she is very confused she admits still having feelings for me but i know there is alot of anger and resentment from the past.we just had such an awesome time together this weekend.But I know I need nc hopefully she will get oversome of the anger/resentment towards me she knows I have changed.I think she is in a rebound relationship and still in the "honeymoon" phase they have been dating about a month.but who knows they may end up getting married,I just hate not knowing if we will ever be together again.I still love her deeply but realize it truly may be over.Need some support and prayers for me to be strong.Maybe she will come back maybe she won't did I say I hate not knowing grrr.Guess I have to assume that for now it's over for good.
  20. kazman32
    I truly feel for you I do! I have asked myself the exact same thing..God how much more pain must I endure?I pray for strength gudiance and most of all patience!I am very impatient,but through counsiling and my meds I am doing better.The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step.think of each day as a step..I know its not easy,but you do get stronger!And you will have bad days,but resolve to fight through!Look inside for your hidden strength,you will find it ,let it guide you,and move you onwards and upwards I am praying for you friend.All my best.
  21. kazman32
    It is so hard,I undestand I was in a similar situation.I chased and my ex ran,so as hard as It was I went into nc ,not to win her back for me to heal!I still love my ex very much but I have gotten to the point where I know I can live without her.I know it seems like you will never think that way about your ex,but believe me in time(it does take time)you will too.Only then would I get in contact,you will appear strong and confident which is so much more attractive then begging pleading.My ex and me have spent time together as friends and had a wonderful time,I don't know what will happen between us,but I know no matter what I will be ok.You really need to get to that point.where you know no matter what happens between your ex and you,you will survive and go on with your life.I wish you all the best.
  22. kazman32
    I've been there,I'm bi-polar and the last few years I have struggled with severe depression.My father was the same and commited suicide when I was young.To say my life has been hell is an understatment,after losing my girlfriend of 7 years (and my best friend in the whole world)she could't take living with me anymore.I was miserable and not on my meds.After I found out she was seeing someone else.well that was it for me when day came I was going to go to a wooded area where I used to play as a child and hang myself,I was done no more pain no more heartbreak I just wanted it to be over I wasn't scared of death anymore,I welcomed it's dark silent embrace.But then I asked myself why had all this happened to me and I realized though I have this disorder I let it rule my life.It wasn't fair I had it but life isn't fair.I began to pray and I truly feel god touched my life.That was a few months ago I am now on a fraction of the meds I used to be on am in counsiling weekely and exercising and eating right again,my whole outllok has changed for the first time in I don't know how many years I am happy to be alive.My ex can't believe the changes in me,we spend time as friends and though I would like to get back with her,I know if it dosn't happen I will go on with my life and be happy.I know all of this dosn't really pertain to you,just trying to point out I have been as low as a person can go(I was an absolute mess!)but things have gotten better.suicide is a permanent solutin to a temporary problem,stay strong there are pepole who care here!I pray for you and hope that things will turn around soon for you,they will we just don't know when.Please take care of yourself!
  23. kazman32
    I've been there,I'm bi-polar and the last few years I have struggled with severe depression.My father was the same and commited suicide when I was young.To say my life has been hell is an understatment,after losing my girlfriend of 7 years (and my best friend in the whole world)she could't take living with me anymore.I was miserable and not on my meds.After I found out she was seeing someone else.well that was it for me when day came I was going to go to a wooded area where I used to play as a child and hang myself,I was done no more pain no more heartbreak I just wanted it to be over I wasn't scared of death anymore,I welcomed it's dark silent embrace.But then I asked myself why had all this happened to me and I realized though I have this disorder I let it rule my life.It wasn't fair I had it but life isn't fair.I began to pray and I truly feel god touched my life.That was a few months ago I am now on a fraction of the meds I used to be on am in counsiling weekely and exercising and eating right again,my whole outllok has changed for the first time in I don't know how many years I am happy to be alive.My ex can't believe the changes in me,we spend time as friends and though I would like to get back with her,I know if it dosn't happen I will go on with my life and be happy.I know all of this dosn't really pertain to you,just trying to point out I have been as low as a person can go(I was an absolute mess!)but things have gotten better.suicide is a permanent solutin to a temporary problem,stay strong there are pepole who care here!I pray for you and hope that things will turn around soon for you,they will we just don't know when.Please take care of yourself!
  24. kazman32
    Yes,it sounds like he is taking you for granted big time!I made the same mistake with my ex and when I lost her and she started a long distance relationship with a highschool friend.I realized how bad I had messed up we are spending time together as friendsand I cherish every moment I spend with her and her son,taking someone for granted is a horrible thing,Thinking they will "always" be there.and then one day there not.ouch..I hope things work out for you whatever you decide!
  25. kazman32
    If you want the realtionship to work you are going to have to start being honest with each other.As hard and painful as it might be,your going to have to come clean.
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