Mr. Sub

Here is my broke up story link removed It has been six months. It hurts even more than the first date. I had my moments of relapse. But everytime I time of the things she said and done, I feel hurt...anger. Her heart is with me but she couldn't let him go. But why she can just dump me and said her heart wasn't with me??? And she said even the getting back together with him isn't working to way she wants, but still she wants spend time on it since she had tried so hard to get back together. Then she went on saying nothing can guarantee I will make her happy if I have the chance. Even she keeping giving him chances and still not happy. Fair? She insists to be friends, calls me up once in a while to catch up. To a stage where i am getting enough, I don't have respect for her anymore. I don't know what is true and not true coming out from her. I feel like letting go off this friendship all together. Someone please help.

What is stupid? Is to let her take control of you. It seems like her new relationship is not working out and now she is coming back to you for shelter. I was in an exactly situation. My ex was not happy with her relationship, she calls, emails, says misses me. We went out, even spent a night. What did I come out with? A second chance? No, just more torture and pain.

NYgirl, I can see where you are coming from. Since you two broke up mutally, both of you are entitled to date anymore. Your ex was so sensitive because you said you did like him at the first place. He is just alittle angry you are dating him right after the breakup. But you have to question yourself, whether you had feelings for both men at the same time when you were with your ex. It is different than what you said that you both were occpuied at the time. You shouldn't feel guilty cuz you are dating him now, but I would feel guilty if I had feelings for both. Just imagine during the 2 yrs with your ex, what would you have done if that guy does become single? If you saw your relationship was getting unhappy, why didn't you break it off back then?

I just want to write and share my feelings with the good people on this board. Here is my story. link removed I choose to cut off our contact so to get rid of all the false hopes. But feeling very sad and depressed. Yet she keeps contacting me and I couldn't take it. Now my heart feels really hurt. It has already been six months. Still feels like yesterday. She still has feelings for me, is letting go my only options?

I understand. Everyone has to have a backup plan. But it is what love is all about? She was no totally happy with things. Where is my fair chance?

Keep it up. If I can do it, you can do it.

Thanks guys. I guess I was blaming myself for not stepping out and take her back into my arms. Will the result be different if I visited her? Or will it be the same?

I think it takes time to forgive someone. It doesn't happen overnight. I guess there is an urge to forgive the one who hurts you the most, because we want to move on right away. Forgiveness happenes naturally, something that cannot be forced. At the same time, it puts more pain on you just to hate someone. Which means you feeling is still very strong for this person. Personally I ran into two rebound relationships before, both were out from a long-term relationship. There were alot of anger and hate, which led to pain and devastation. Immediately after the breakups, I was not ready to forgive. It took me 2 yrs to finally get over the first breakup. I never set out at the beginning to forgive this person, but at the end I was free from what happened in the past, totally recovered. Time is the key. Maybe it is hard to accept and the beginning, but try to drop down everything, your hate... your will to forgive. Just go on with your own life, take you mind off from your previous relationship. You will be free from all the hate, even without thinking about how to forgive.

Take it one step at a time Madgirl. Since you have called him and let him know how you feel, just leave it at that. If he still loves you, he will cross the ocean and come back to you. If not, that means there is someone out there who will care and love more about you. Don't be desperated, whenever you have the urge to call him, just call a close friend or post a message on the here. Time is your enemy, but it is almost your best friend.

Mad girl, Don't be so depressed, I can totally relate to you. Let me share with you my situation. I was together with this girl 2 years on/off. It wasn't all smooth because she came out off a 7 yrs relationship. She had her doubts but I supposed her. But at the end she still go back to him. However, the one thing that hurts me the most is how she keep contacting me after the break up. She said her getting back was not all perfect and now she her heart is with me again. But she couldn't let go of her past. What can I do? Please don't think too much. We you are doing now will just push me away. For the past six months I don't think I have been earning my paycheque. I know it is tough, but you all to shift your attention somewhere else.

Have some doubts on my mind, just wanted to let it out. Has been six months after my ex gf ended the relationship. We spent two years, on and off. When we first started, she just came out of a 7-yrs relationship, where they have been in two cities for 4-yrs and the last year has been tough for her as her ex became more detached from her. Finally they broke up as her ex was dating another girl. Less than a month after we started she was confused and not sure if I am the one she really wants. With about a month off, we slowly back together again. Things were smooth for another two months before she called me saying she misses her ex while I was on a business trip. I was calm and patient at the time and suggested to talk it over. She knew her problems and I gave her some time. Another month went by and one day she said she is finally ready and ready let go of her ex. We spent another 4 months before things cool down. She didn't feel the love from me like before. I have to confest I have spent less time with her. That's when she went out for dinner with her ex without telling me days after. I didn't question her, but since then their contact have increased. Things have stayed this way for about couple months until she took a break and leave the country. We had contact for the time being. I didn't want her to go away (cuz that is her decision), at the same time I didn't beg her to stay. We were still feeling for each other for the first 3 months till her attitude changed. So fast forward, she came back after 6 months. She said her love was not there for me anymore. I thought to give her room and time, but she said I was letting go. Not long after she was back with her longtime ex. I wouldn't have found out if I didn't ask. She said he visited her during the break and I didn't. So after the initial pain when she first broke up with me. She has been contacting me for the past month. I didn't want to but she was persistent. Until one day she confest her feeling for me, her getting back together with him was not working out and her heart is not with him. But she couldn't let go, trying different ways to make it work, buying more time see if good things happen. This really hurts me the most. Kind of a long story. But do you think she was just in a rebound relationship afterall? Maybe my lack of aggression led to my failure, but also unveiled her true intention. She still miss him, wanting to give up so much for him. I know she was hurt from her previous relationship with him, I don't want to see her being hurt again.

Mentor, If you can handle the mental part of it, just keep doing what you have been doing. Just kindly respond to her emails with nothing more or less. Just keep it simple and don't go further other than just emailing. It seems she is very persistent, but hopefully she will back off as time goes by. I was in the same situation. My gf broke up with me six months ago and went back to her ex. I tried to make up but didn't work. There were some friendly emails at the beginning as she was caring about me. However, not long after her attitude changed. She started calling me at night and just wanting to catch up. I have done we you did. I even used NC for a while. But I know, it is tough. You want to heal, but at the same time you want to hear from her. I made my first mistake by going out with her one night, and couple times after. She said she was missing me, but then she couldn't have the encourge to leave his bf. Maybe your ex just doesn't know what she wants right now. She wants to stay friends, but she has to understand it takes time for you. If you still have feelings for her, just keep it simple. If you can, block her off from any contact, that will help you heal. As a friend she would understand.

I am in the same situation. My ex left and started dating her ex again. Only after a couple months she started calling me again. We went out a few times she admits missing me and still has feelings for me. But when I asked to be back together, she couldn't say anything. On one hand her feelings are toward me and on the other hand she can't let go of her past with her ex. I felt being controlled and there is nothing I can do about the situation. I just have to let it go. Feel the pain now, rather than a prolong torture. Same for you, seems like she is confused. Drop the case and sit back. If she wants you, she will come back to you.

It has been torture for me. Knowing that I have always been her 'backup' all alone. This is not the first time she has done this. This time really just opens my eyes and see through how she sees myself. She couldn't hide her feelings toward me, but there is this part of her past that she doesn't want to let go. She finally wrote me an email saying I shouldn't spend anymore time on her because she doesn't deserve me. Asking me to just let go. I know she has been hurting as well. All three of us. Maybe things should belong to where they should be. I am always her backup and she will forever relive her past. Since I have been hurt once, twice.... the third time should be easier to get through. Me departing this triangle is a good thing for me and for them to start their relationship again. But after going through all the emotions and rethink how I have been treated, it has affected our friendship alot. My last option would be to end our friendship, which I am planning to do.

It has been 4 months since the breakup with my ex-girlfriend. I was on my way to recovery because she has gone back with her long-term ex-boyfriend. We were together for almost 2 years, and we have spent some time off before she made the final decision. I have been using NC for the majority of the time until last month we met up for a drink. Building up to our meet she has been trying to contact me and she knew I was recovering from the breakup. Since then we have went out a few more times before she realized she can't do this anymore. She told me her feelings. She is together with her ex-boyfriend at the moment, but her heart is not with him. At the same time she misses me but she can't let go of her past. Her boyfriend agrees to let her pick again, but she is struggling to make up her mind. I see the opportunity but there is nothing I can do. She wants me to give her time, but can't promise me anything. I have been hurt, either way I will be hurt more again. What should I do? Someone, please give me advice.