marriedmom

trust your instincts. And become your own PI.

DragonGirl said it best! And truly, 8 months is only 8 months! Imagine if you had spent years with him? Or married such a man! Some people do allow themselves to "love" people like that because they are indeed insecure. Good for you for moving on.

Hi Minty Wow--that is alot. One thing I would be careful about is your children and how they can get potentially mixed up in this web of deciet. Are your children close to the people that have betrayed you; i.e. your best friend who slept with their father! WIll their father (your ex) Start dating your best friend? That would be odd. If It were me, I would disassociate myself and my children from this entire group of people. Truly, Minty, why didnt your current boyfriend speak up to you when your husband was cheating and he AND all your other friends all knew it? You mentioned that he is one of your closest and oldest friends---and yet he knew that your husband was sleeping with your best friend and never said anything until now? Hmmm...I dont know about that. Do they support that kind of behavior? You have children. First and Foremost. And regardless of where this current relationship takes you, it WILL impact them. The rebuilding of trust takes one thing and one thing only. TIME. However, your situation seems very invovled in other facets of your personal life, not just your intimate life with your current boyfriend. Again, if it were me, I would look at ALL OF THEM, and say, "Are they worth it???" Any man who cheats on his wife and children is yucky in my book----and to do it within your circle of friends---super yucky x 1000! And all these "so called close friends" ---UhUh! They are not loyal!

That is a tought situation. Where does she get the money for drugs at 15-16 years old? How does she get them? Are her parents involved in her life? I would tell her parents if she is using crack, coke, etc. You cannot handle this by yourself, nor should you be encouraged or expected to. If you are not comfortable telling her folks, tell a teacher you trust, or a parent of a close friend, or a youth counsler. DO NOT keep this to your self. Your friend is on a very self distructive path, and drugs and addiction are only one facet of it. Also, know that you cannot help her until she is ready to get some serious help. If I were you, I would also consider distancing yourself from that friendship for some time---you never know what else she is invoved with to support this habit MM

My husband and I are 16 years apart. It works out wonderfully. I would be more worried about the fact that you were both married to other people when you met. You know how the old saying goes....

Great reply Hope75! You are right on target with that reply!

PD--- You never know what has been said to him while he has been living with his parents. Does his parents see their granddaughter? How is Your relationship with them? You had mentioned that he treated you badly. You do not want to reunite with a man that treated you badly. He may be the greatest father in the world, but that doesnt have to make him a good partner. Question---why didn't the two of you ever marry? You lived together, had a child together...what's the deal?

EC, You are not naive and crazy for following him or checking phone records, or poket searches, etc. He is your husband of several years AND the father of your children!! You are merely doing what any private investigator would do!1 The trial separation will be best for now. Your children will also be adjusting to the new situation. Keep your focus on what is best for them. You are a smart woman for not wanting to subject your children to any more "emotional mess". Make sure the children do not feel rejected by your husband-->because after all, your pain of the loss of your marriage is rooted in HIS rejection of the marriage, and, you. NC will be hardest..because contact can be just as simple as his shoulder brushing against yours---We, as women, can internalize all types of contact to suit ouir emotional needs. You need to find a support network...be it family, or a good group of girlfriends you can trust, or church. How old is your husband, if I may ask?--

PD #1---Document, document, document! Keep all that goes on between your ex and your daughter well documented in the event that you will need to retain an attorney. His all-of-a-sudden behavior is indeed curious. #2---He does sound selfish, and utterly immature. Does he see is daughter often, or is it truly on his terms? Does he give you and financial support? (PS, you do not need the courts to have an amiable support agreement) Pickdaisies, he was probably seeing the person whom he just broke it off with while he was with you. That is probably why he bit your head off if you asked his whereabouts! Now that that girl is out of the picture, he will go back to what is comfortable and a sure thing---you. Until someone else comes algon to fill his vapid need. NOW--this may sound harsh, but he may be just using your and his daughter to possibly get back on good terms with you---you know, appeal to you through his sudden attention to your daughter. How old is your daughter? AND was he a good dad when he was around???

ECWhite...I have a lot of expierence in this matter. I am curious as to why the two of you cant work it out? Try a trial separation. Live separately for a while. Have you tried counseling? In addtiona, he is ALWAYS going to be in your life, by way of your children. The worst part, ECwhite, is that when your marriage is legally over, your feelings for your husband will not vanish. When you do exchanges with your children, you will need to be communicating with your husband about the days events. When your children get ill, or have school functions, or vacation time,etc.. you will be collaborating with your husband on these items. Now, you can keep it limited to advance contact regaring the children via e-mail and phone calls to minimize the "face to face" time you will be spending with him. There are a plethora of avenues you can take to make custody exchanges "short and sweet". But, truly, ECWhite25, you do not seem like you are ready for this marriage to end. And consequently, you are going to have this inner need to "prolong" the exchanges, talk to death the childrens needs and schedules, or worse, fight over the children, because it will get a reaction, and after all, any reaction is better than no reaction. This is terribly complicated for you---that I know. Let me know your thoughts.

Although he wont admit it, I believe he finds my pain arousing. I have told him after these epsidoes that I did not orgasm because it hurts, and he will then affectionaly kiss me on the head and whisper that he is sorry for hurting me, stroke my face and arms and cuddle me...but then it invariably happens again. Ok--there was this time when I was on my stomache, with him over top of me, telling him that it hurt and he has to slow down, but he started to work harder and faster until he had this rather intense orgasm. I wasnt sure if that type of enjoyment was normal.

I would first figure out why the feeling of climaxing suddnely goes away when it starts to emerge. Are you worried about the feeling of losing total control of what your body is expereicing? Also, You asked if you were to young. Do you feel to young to be having sex??? Also, you mentioned that you felt you were doing something wrong. Did you mean, sexually, or did you mean that having sex with your boyfriend was wrong. In part, if you are feeling guilty about the act, then those feelings of guilt are going to enter in the emotional component of sex. As RayKay stated, there is alot that goes into a healthy realtionship. Sex being only one component of that.

Hi. This may sound odd...however--my husband seems to have very quick orgasms that are rather intense when he is hurting me by either way of sexual position or depth of penetration or both. Is this unusual for men to feel more excited when the wife is in pain from lovemaking? Is it normal for a man to get excited from his partners obvious pain? And would our significant age gap ( he is 16 years my senior) have anything to do with it? I am 29 he is 45 Thanks