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blackberry

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  1. blackberry
    I know that I'll be taking a pay cut in the long run, but I'm not out there to get as much money as I can. I want to be in a field that I'm going to pour my heart and efforts into and be happy with it. I understand that my current job is a great opportunity, and that "I may be making a mistake," but I'm gonna do what makes me happy.... sucks that it's 2 more years of schooling though, lol.
  2. blackberry
    Hey guys, I'm currently working as an Internal Auditor (9 months now), but I'm very unsure that I could see myself doing this for the rest of my life. When I first started college, I went for Radiology/Rad-Tech. Lately, it's been something that I've been pondering going back to school for. The healthcare field and helping people out has always appealed to me, and has always intrigued me. The one obstacle that I'm thinking about personally is my age. I'm 25, and I feel old, lol. Should I be feeling this way? Is it too late for me to ponder this? Has anyone else gone through this? Are you happier?
  3. blackberry
    male, dumpee forgiving forgetting progressing healing determined to do it for me
  4. blackberry
    actually, you know what guys...I don't even know why I started this thread. Maybe it's because I wanted her to know that I knew, but that wouldn't accomplish anything at all. She's not my gf, not anything to me anymore. Probably just a moment of relapse, but I find that the more moments of relapse that you have, the more chances you have to get through it all. Then, it all culminates into one thing...moving on. I hate to contradict myself on things, but you're right...I need to keep moving on, keep grinding it out everyday. Become that better person that I'm looking to become. Become happy again...
  5. blackberry
    I can honestly say that No, we haven't...but I think it's definitely apparent that she still cares for me. We haven't talked in a couple of days, and I have no intention of making contact. I don't know if I'd pick up if/when she calls me, though. The last time we talked, I laid it all on the line for her, telling her that if she wanted us to take that next step in a relationship, then I was ready to do so. These were her exact words: "Don't torment yourself by thinking about it so much. Just let things be and just let things happen. It's just that it's not the same..." She then said that it felt like an ultimatum that I was giving her, and I knew that that's not what she wanted to be given. so then, I'm confused...
  6. blackberry
    was definitely leaning towards just that very thing that you mentioned, lol...sometimes you just need some assurances/reassurances...Thanks.
  7. blackberry
    not true at all...it's all dependent on the situation...
  8. blackberry
    Here's the situation... and a few tidbits that I found out this past weekend... She was scheduled to take La. Boards in Shreveport, La. in Mid-July...She told me that she was going to be flying in. What she didn't tell me was that she was flying into Dallas with this guy, and they were going to drive down together to S'port to take the test...(he took it as well). She called me the first night that she was in Shreveport, telling me that she had just won some money at the casino. I was excited for her and asked her "wow, cool...who are ya with?"....to that, she replies "Nobody." "Wow..." is the expression on my face when one of our mutual friends told me of this. They found out about this through him, and he's got no reason to tell lies or stories. I am very...I don't know...disappointed that I was left in the dark, deceived like this. Should I confront her and tell her that I know? It's like I'm armed with information, but unaware of what the best way to use it is....or I can just keep this info inside of me and take no course of action. Continue to let go and move on, but I am still so disappointed that I was deceived...Thoughts?
  9. blackberry
    another update...apologies for bumping my own topic ... but, this past weekend, after speaking to a few mutual friends, I was able to get a little bit of closure. Turns out that I was completely left in the dark on a few things (her and this same guy) that leaves me confused/scratching my head, but then again, it's left me with a sense of closure. If you're in a situation similar to mine, please take this bit of advice: ...move on... Feel the pain, the anger, the void, the sadness, the emptiness...then heal. Your outcome will be a renewed, refreshed person and attitude.
  10. blackberry
    she told me (post break-up): "I want to be with you, but I want to see where you are in your career." Then, I buckled down, went back to school, got a well paying job, started my corporate career, then.... well, just follow the link:
  11. blackberry
    another small update on me... It's been 4 days of NC, and I actually feel great. Wow, I can't believe I'm even saying that. I guess in my situation, if you've done all you can and there's not much more you can do, then SCREW IT. Move on, and let go. I haven't had the urge of calling, emailing, or texting...weird feeling because of how I felt before. It's very liberating.
  12. blackberry
    I'm sure you already know this, but ups and downs are a part of it. If you do a search on my posting history, I recently posted about a couple of unsettling events between me and my ex, in which I thought I had gained most of it back. Now that I know that there's no chance, it's alot easier for me to move on and let go. Time certainly heals all pains, and it helps you grow up tremendously. Sure, it's a 2 steps forward/1 step back deal, but in the end, you'll always take 1 step forward. It takes alot to convince yourself that this was the right thing for the both of you. But, in the end, you realize that it was. Me, personally, I only want my ex to be happy with whomever/wherever/whatever she wants to be with. I haven't completely moved on yet, but it will happen in time...not because I know she has, but because I know I have to. Good luck, and I hope your "ups" prevail over your "downs."
  13. blackberry
    Things are different now that I've had some time to reflect and collect my thoughts. Needless to say, I'm letting go and moving on. It's excrutiatingly painful, but it has to be. I remember trying to let go the first time, but I did myself a major disservice by picking up her calls and calling back when it was her calls that I missed. That gave me the unbelievably false sense of hope. My actions in the past months are of my own responsibility, I'll own up to it. Now, I'll own up to completely moving on, and letting go. I owe it to myself to do that much. Thanks for listening...
  14. blackberry
    thanks for the replies and comments. Sometimes, you need a pick me up and this board has certainly helped me through the tougher times in my life. Thanks to all. I still have that urge to give her a call tonight, but I'm definitely not going to. Basic stress when something like this happens, I guess.
  15. blackberry
    I know...trust me, I know. I blame myself for the my own hopeless failures. I know now that I have to let go, and move on. to bigger and better? we'll see.
  16. blackberry
    It eats at me that I put myself in this situation, and I know that I'm a dumba55 for having hope. I guess for me, I couldn't let go...now, I have to, no matter what. What she got was the best of both worlds...in her mind, there was no relationship, and she still had someone who cared for her deeply. Back to the drawing board, I guess. Thanks to all of you who read this, and commented.
  17. blackberry
    easy...we were spending all of our time together...every evening and night when we weren't working. I guess I fooled myself into thinking that we were back...without even discussing it with her. That's why I say that I take full responsibility for my own heartbreak, I set myself up for failure. I thought we were more than friends. This is definitely not the way to handle the initial breakup, lol....
  18. blackberry
    and I take full responsibility... Well friends, here I am, back to this forum. I had originally posted here about a year ago about a breakup that I had back in December of 2004 (week before christmas). There were BS reasons behind the breakup, there was no cheating involved, just me and my lack of confidence/uncertain future. Things were going great for me, I had gone back to school to do what I really wanted, I was working and making really good money in the meantime, and the ex and I were having sporadic contact, meaning there was NC, but then again, there wasn't. Then, comes February of 2006...she lives in Houston, TX, while I was from Baton Rouge, La. I got a job offer from Houston, Tx and gladly accepted. See, I don't know why, but the first person I called/told this to was her. Hey, I can't even blame myself...I was still in love, and still cared very deeply. She was happy for me, I was happy, period. After moving down there from Feb 2006 - June 2006, we were inseparable. I took her out to eat, did things I didn't do for her before, and was ultimately always there for her. Hey, it felt like we were back together, and in my mind, we certainly were...but I was hesitant, and cautious. Of course, I had to be, I didn't know if she'd do it again. Then comes June 2006...I've got my job, and now she's just graduated from school. Then, she moves back home to New Orleans, La. And then, I'm back to square one with, in my mind, another LDR, with her. In my mind, anyway. You see...this past Tuesday night, she tells me of a classmate that really liked her and wanted to start something with her. She told that guy to never call him again because then it'd be weird for her to be around him since she didn't like him at all. Me, I was shocked, and asked her...."Well, are you single?" She then drops the "Wait, so this whole time you thought we were back together?" At that point, my heart sunk. My body slouched. My mind was uneasy. This is the second time that my heart has been broken by her. "It's just not the same," she said. If that doesn't make you feel worthless, then I don't know what would... I've called her once since Tuesday night, only to tell her that I apologize to her for saying that I can't trust another girl anymore because of you. I made her cry by saying that as well. Now, back to square one. back to NC. back to the same uneasiness that was before. It's funny because even though I moved to Houston because of the job, I knew in my heart that it was because of her. And now that I know, I wanna get as far away from Houston as possible. Maybe it's because I moved here for the wrong reasons. I know it's a long and meandering topic/story, but I had to vent and share it. Goddamnit, I still love that girl, but I feel that I can't take much hurt anymore. It's not healthy. It's not smart to try to get something back. When you are hurting as badly, please reflect on what makes you hurt that much and try not to go there again. It's hard and painful, but it's a long road to travel. It's funny because yesterday, Thursday, I got a call from a recruiter who wanted me to think about moving to a different city for a job with higher pay, and more flexibility. The city?...New Orleans, La. Ahh..thus, the story of my sad, lonely life. Thanks for listening and reading, folks. I'll be back to chime in and respond to your messages.
  19. blackberry
    I knew I needed a female perspective on this, lol. Thanks for the reply, Sonjam, it means alot to me. I think the thought of the email was just that...a thought. You're right...I would only regress if I do anything of that nature. I'm better than that now. 8)
  20. blackberry
    wow, it's like so much has changed recently in my situation. Here's the background on my situation: - relationship lasted 3 years - the last half year of the relationship, I got depressed, not knowing where to go in career; graduated from college - she dumped me citing reasons of career, my independence, and distance (we had been doing LDR for 2.5 of the 3 years) - the breakup was back in december - no contact for a good bit, but communication has been a bit sporadic - I've gone back to school to pursue a different field which will help me get ahead in my career soon. - June 16th - my birthday...she gets me a gift, which kinda surprises me. in her card to me, she says how proud she is of me in what I'm doing (school, getting prepared for the future). Also, she inserts a "*muah*" in the card...(yeah, talk about messing with my head eh?) - Communication is still sporadic, but the "communication" itself is getting better. It seems as if a little progress is being made. -July 30th - her birthday...a few weeks prior, I was still undecided on whether I should get her a gift or not. I decide to be nice and do just that. I get her a few good things; I write in the BDAY card that "I only want you to be happy..." it was a good birthday for her. Later on that night, we have this conversation. She seems to be remorseful, yet very sorry for what she's done. She apologizes to me, and tells me that she should have stood by me when I was going through my "phase." We haven't talked since Monday, and things have been pretty quiet. I have grown up quite a bit in the last 7 and a half months. My independence grows everyday, yet, there are moments of regression where I just yearn and miss her so much. My question is, where do we/I go from here? I thought seriously that I should write her an EMAIL and just pour my heart, soul and guts out to her. But, something tells me that I shouldn't. I'm staying strong in the meantime, but of course I still LOVE her with the same tenacity and intensity as I always have. I thank you guys in advance for your replies.
  21. blackberry
    thanks for your replies. Initially, I didn't know how the hell I would even try to move on. I was in a comfort zone that I didn't want to let go of. But I'm ready now. It's a freaking awesome feeling.
  22. blackberry
    My ex-gf broke it off with me this past december, citing the fact that she didn't know if she loved me. Before the breakup, I had been having self-confidence issues about success, failure, finances, and my ability to take care of her in the long run. We were together for three years, but the last 6 months of the relationship were riddled with a few arguments, and me going into a phase of depression. Basically, I had graduated from college and didn't know what step to take next. Depression set in, and I let it control me. She didn't want to wait another year for me to finish what I really wanted to do in school. For the past 6 months, it's been a rollercoaster ride, ups and downs galore. There are days where it seems as if I've moved on, gotten through this whole ordeal unscathed. But, there are many days where I've regressed to the point of infinite sadness and loneliness. During this span, she has kept in contact with me...mainly through AIM, a few emails and phone calls. I've written a few posts on my situation on here before, I'll link them at the end of my post. With the contact comes days of NC, which pains and annoys me more than anything. Trust me, I know it's my fault that I haven't put my foot down until now...that, I can lay blame squarely on myself. She's basically said that whatever happens happens and if it is truly meant to be, then it will be. It took a while for me to buy into that concept, because i was yearning to get it all back before long. I do regret how desperate I was initially after the breakup. Calling her, tell her that we can really work through this. Let's fast forward. Back in March/April, we're still in quasi contact/NC mode, and she starts buying me gifts again. A shirt here, knick knack stuff there....just like before. I, of course, accepted the gifts, and also got her few myself. In our IM conversations, she starts giving me the IM kiss ("muah" for those of you not familiar). I'm confused, but get mixed emotions about that "kiss." On my birthday, June 16th, she sends me a card and a gift. Tells me that she's really proud of me and how I'm preparing for my future. Gives me the "MUAH" in writing. At the same time, I noticed that on her Friendster account, she changed her "status" from involved to SINGLE. Boy, did that set me back a few months. On that particular day, I was angry/sad/pissed. But, it was different. I was only that way for a few hours...meaning I've begun to accept it. There's no timetable on acceptance, of course. I've grown up more in the past 6 months than ever before. I'm pursuing my second degree here at LSU, and I'm working full-time, saving money, paying off loans, and steadily improving my credit...some things that I didn't really care about doing before. I'm good. I'm alright. I'm miss her...alot. But, this period of growth has made me realize one thing: that I only want her to be happy...wherever she's at, whoever she's with. That's all I want from this. I'm taking care of my business and my own happiness. All I ask and pray from god each night is for her to find that sense of happiness that I could not provide to her. I'm sorry that this is long, lol. I've come a long way in the past few months. The tears are no longer shed, I'm beginning to smile again now. For all of you who are heartbroken out there, please realize that things will be okay. Experience that growth, and let happiness find you again. (this is the post I had put before: link removed
  23. blackberry
    sounds like a rhetorical question...but how do u know? how do u feel?
  24. blackberry
    I just wanted to add a few things about this specific post. When I first posted the initial thread, I mentioned that she re-opened the lines of communication after a good bit of NC. She offered to buy me shirts, told me that she's sorry, etc... Let's ffw to this weekend. she calls me out of the blue, and we catch up for about an hour or so. With my personality, I've always been able to make her laugh, and I can obviously tell that she definitely enjoys the communication. She's done all of the contacting(phone and AIM), not me. I've erased her from my phone book, and so forth. What's going through her mind? Why's she doing this?
  25. blackberry
    it sucks that she's doing that to you, Ripples..trust me, I've gone through and am going through the same deal with my ex-gf. The one part that bothers me is where you say that she may just want you as an option. I get the feeling that my ex just wants me there and continues to give me attention only b/c I would be an option to her if she found nobody else. To heck with that, to heck with options...she was my first priority, not my first option. i don't understand ex'es sometimes...okay, all the time.
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