blackberry

pappylove, i just wanted to say that your reply just hit the nail on the head. Like many others on this board, I've been dumped, sending me to the deep depths of the unknown. For the first four months, I felt stranded, but felt as if I was getting stronger by the day. Fast forward a month to today, 5 months after the fact, and I'm content with how things are. I've realized what you just posted...that is, I can't change the way she feels. I can only worry about myself, my family, and my closest friends, because those are the ones who will stick it out through to the end with me. I'm on a great path and on the right track to leading my life back to a sense of "normalcy," and I know that this next chapter of my life will be better than the rest of the chapters already written. I thank all of you for your input and great insight. You guys are wise beyond your years, and I hope to be as helpful as you all are to this forum. Thank you.

how long did it take? months? years? Did both parties adhere to the NC policy leading up to the rekindling? I would just like to hear some good reconciliation stories. thanks guys

Well, after about a month or so of NC, the ex decides to contact me...via AIM. I was surprised...admittedly a little excited...but, I had been doing so great during the NC period. I was sure NC wouldn't last, but I was doing well. She basically wonders how I'm doing, how I'm holding up. She says that she's so sorry for putting me through all the pain, hurting me, and that i didn't deserve any of it. I act as strong as I could in that position, and we end the conversation on a good note. That was friday...on Saturday, she calls me up just as I'm driving to work. Remember, this is the first time in a month that she's called. I'd gone as far as erasing her # from my phone, etc...so again, helluva surprise. She's at the mall and is telling me that she's about to buy a few shirts for me, like she always did before. I'm like...okay, what's this mean? She calls me last nite to say goodnite. I'm doing alright, I think I'm almost over her, but what am I supposed to read about her actions? I don't understand ex's.

I can definitely attest to acting the part of the "needy" and not willing to initially give her space. After she dumped me, I was initially okay, but things hit home and it finally settled in that this was real. So, i called, emailed, texted her a time or two too much. I'm NOT proud of doing that at all..probably the worst thing I could have done. In the past couple of days, I have come to the realization (with the help of this board) that NC is for me to find myself, to experience the personal and spiritual growth. NC is the only thing you can do right after a breakup.

I can definitely attest to acting the part of the "needy" and not willing to initially give her space. After she dumped me, I was initially okay, but things hit home and it finally settled in that this was real. So, i called, emailed, texted her a time or two too much. I'm NOT proud of doing that at all..probably the worst thing I could have done. In the past couple of days, I have come to the realization (with the help of this board) that NC is for me to find myself, to experience the personal and spiritual growth. NC is the only thing you can do right after a breakup.

I can definitely attest to acting the part of the "needy" and not willing to initially give her space. After she dumped me, I was initially okay, but things hit home and it finally settled in that this was real. So, i called, emailed, texted her a time or two too much. I'm NOT proud of doing that at all..probably the worst thing I could have done. In the past couple of days, I have come to the realization (with the help of this board) that NC is for me to find myself, to experience the personal and spiritual growth. NC is the only thing you can do right after a breakup.

this is the ultimate key. you were FINE before them, you made it without them before..and you CAN continue on WITHOUT them. Remember, in the process of wanting to get back together, just don't LOSE YOURSELF.

NC has helped me considerably actually. When she initially broke it off, I called/emailed/IM'd her more than I probably should have. I kinda regret doing that, because I realized that I was being too dependent. NC helps you find yourself, which is more important than getting back anyway. You would hope that the other person finds themselves too. But don't get me wrong...there's gonna always be that feeling that "something's missing." That, you can't control. Just think and keep telling yourself that you can and will move on. It takes a while and alot to convince yourself that, but it's the only way to go...

ahhh...apologies to you then. thanks for the input though.

well, to heck w/staying on topic...just share...lol. we all need advice, and seeing what others' thoughts are pertaining to their own particular situation, so any stories, experiences are welcome.

just one question. Doesn't really matter how long you've been w/the person, or whatever reason that you broke up. But, how do you feel about your ex? Are they nothing to you now? Do you still think about them? Do you want them to contact you? Do you want anything to do with them? Remember, this question is for the initiators of the breakup. thanks.

well, it's only bout about 4.5 months, I'm not sure if that's long enough to warrant any type of psychiatric care...but correct me if I'm wrong. I thank you guys for your comments. I'm trying to stay strong, concentrating on everything that I have to do to become a stronger, independent person. But I get this feeling that there's always gonna be that "something's missing" type of feeling no matter how successful I become. I'm not looking for any sort of relationship as I'm sure that'll distract me from what's most important...ME. Also, the biggest obstacle that I faced was convincing myself that it wasn't all my fault, that she wasn't perfect, and that I deserved so much more than i was really getting after the breakup. I had to convince myself everyday that I'll be happy and complete one day, but not now. I'm too busy rounding myself into a much better person.

hey all, I've been a lurker for a few days, but just decided to go ahead and start posting. You know, you don't really start looking for advice until it really happens, and the songs don't have any sort of meaning until... blah, anyway...sorry for that babbling. My ex and I had gone out for 3 years. We met late in 2001 started out pretty close in distance to each other, I was in Baton Rouge, La; she in New Orleans...about 45 minutes away from each other. We started off great, saw each other almost every day. She got accepted into Optometry School in Houston, Texas (about 4hours away) and we decided that we'll continue the relationship on the LDR basis, but still committed 100% to each other. Let's fast forward to 2004. The relationship is still going great, I'm doing my thing, she's doing her studies. During that summer, I find out that I'm so close to graduating, but wouldn't be able to get into my university's business college (i started off horribly, but ended in alot better shape...) Because of this, my mental state and psyche were severely damaged, due to me viewing myself as a failure, and me not feeling "good enough" or not on her "level." She tried and tried and tried so hard to tell me that things would be okay, but as a man, I just felt like a complete failure. As the year progressed, we stayed together, but got into arguments (we never really had before) that would leave her in tears, and me in a very bad state of depression. I regret so much what I had put her through with me. Fast forward to the breakup: We hit our 3 year anniversary on December 8th, 10 days later, she asked me to give her some space. This was my first real relationship, and when she asked me that, I was thinking that it was a temporary "break" of sorts, to give me time to sort out my situation, find a career, and become stable. Her words were "do this for yourself, not me." I'll admit that I wrote her the "I WANT YOU BACK" e-mails, and I called her more than I probably should have. She responded with "just concentrate on what you have to do. Things will work themselves out. We'll get back together if it's really meant to be, but don't force it." That just broke my heart, and left me in worse shape as I was before. I visited her twice, once without her knowing, and once her asking me to come down to Houston. She says that "The truth is that I really want to be with you, but I want to see where you are in your career." When I heard that, I was ecstatic I guess, I mean, she still wanted to be with me! That night, she also said "I LOVE YOU." Wow...I was just..floored. Well, that was back in February. Since then, we've been talking regularly on AIM, up until about 2 weeks ago. The communication has stopped. Everything has come to a standstill. (I'm rushing this b/c I've gotta head to work in 10 minutes). I've gone back to school for Internal Audit (which would pretty much guarantee me a great career afterwards), and I'm steadily getting my life back together. I've also got a great job while I'm focusing on this. Basically, What would you do in my situation? After what she's told me, and after this silence in communication, do I hang on? Do I ask her to wait and hang on for me? Do I just let it go, and proceed to take in the "whatever happens happens" deal? I'm sorry for this being so long. I've found myself again, but I've felt so lost w/o her in the past 5 months.