sandela

How does anyone deal with the time apart? After reading some of the posts I see that alot of you don't have it scheduled twice a month for example. I sometimes have a hard time dealing with regular down time (without my kids) but I can't help but brood over our arrangement and wishing it would change now. Yes there is a light at the end of the tunnel but if I'm dying inside now what will I be like months from now?

After 2 months, I am still clinging to the hope that it will keep going as long as there is trust and mutual feelings. There's a "plan" which is that he doesn't plan on leaving the area where his kids' live. They're 16 and 18 and live with their mom. He's active in their lives. So after they're in college (a year or two) from now he's free to make his own decisions on who he wants to spend his life with and where. Hopefully I can be a part of that plan. Thinking about doing this for two years scares me - I do have moments where I am depressed and feel like I need to see him all the time.

It's hard to do when the man you are crazy about is so far away. I just entered into my LDR. Met on line, talk on the phone every night and see each other every couple of weeks. We're alot older than you (40's); we've both been married and we both have kids. Mine are still young (11 and 14) and his are 18 (going to college in the fall) and 16. My guy has told me he's got a plan (mostly for himself and his kids) that he's free once the last child is in college. He wants to settle down after they are all in college. He lives for his kids. He sounds like an excellent dad. Anyways....the plan....one to two years is a long time for me. I live in Canada and him in the US (6 hour drive). I am constantly asking myself "can I do this"; "is this insane". Although still too early to tell if I am part of the "plan". I would like to be since we are growing closer as time passes and of course when we see each other. I am willing to take the chance but I also know that I can't hurry this up any further and I can't live my life at home waiting and doing nothing. I know I still need to enjoy my life when we are in between visits. I have to say that is my biggest struggle because I miss him so much.

The main thing is are you happy with your decision? If you are that's all that matters. Many people do not support me either. I know how you feel when you say "you know, you know". I met my boyfriend who lives in Ohio (I'm from Canada) on line in January and I can honestly say I felt it even before we met. We just clicked on the phone easily and then when we met it just worked. My friends tell me to look for someone closer but I can't even imagine doing that. I am following my heart and I think you should too. I know there are going to be roadblocks when we want to see each other - I just don't know how bad it will get. We've both been previously married and have children - so ultimately they rule on the times we get to see each other. So I guess for now or until he shows me he is not interested I will take it as far as it can go. We're nuts about each other - I constantly hold that thought in my head and heart. He left this morning to drive home, tough day but I promised no tears in front of him and we had a lovely goodbye and two beautiful days together. I can't ask for more at this time but keep the thoughts of some day soon. Take care. S

We met online in the middle of January. I drove two hours or so to meet him (he also had to drive about the same distance to meet me). Everything went - felt like the school girl. Then I saw him again less than a week after that. He drove from Dayton to Ontario on a Sunday afternoon and left a day later. When he left nothing was mentioned when we would meet up the next time. Kind of a weird feeling but I guess you just have to get over it. He does business in Detroit so he works it out that I will come meet him for the evening, stay over and rush like mad to get to work. One weekend (he came down here) was planned. It was great! Then the next weekend I was invited to come down on the Saturday and stay until late Sunday afternoon. Worked out well except for not a word about the next time. So this weekend may or may not be worked in to business in Detroit, otherwise it will be just one night. We both have kids. We happen to be in sync of when we have our kids on the weekends and when we don't. So after babbling away here what I want in reality is to get together every other weekend. How do you ask something like this when everything is so new? Maybe I am rushing things a bit or expecting too much too soon.

Is it unreasonable to know at least a month in advance of which weekends my boyfriend and I are going to see each other. I've seen him two weekends in a row which was great. But as to this date I don't know when I will see him next. I know that his weekends with his children aren't are regulated as mine. Sometimes we meet half way if a business trip comes up. The thing is I just dont know and don't get inclings of when. Should I make an issue of this?

I went to my boyfriend's home this past weekend. It was my first time there (we're new at this relationship). So I'm looking around just checking the place out. At some point I notice on a table a piece of paper that said "Couples Counselling" with 4 names on it and not only that I could tell it was written by a female. Yes I am a generally snoopy person but this was out in plain view. I didn't mention it but today its been on my mind immensely. Do I come right out and ask what it means or given him the benefit of the doubt. I feel pretty secure that he isn't seeing anyone else but this piece of paper is nawing at me. What should I do?

Hi, I read your posting and can really relate to how you're feeling. There are days where you will find that you're having insecure feelings. I'm so sure that she has told you or written to you how much she cares about you. Go back to those thoughts, re-read the emails/letters and relive the moment when you first heard all those good thoughts and really keep them in your heart. I know the feeling of "what if they've changed their mind" but I think you have try to let go of those if's - hopefully your dream will come true.

Hi, I'm 41 have been separated for almost 3 years and I have two early teenage kids. I have not had the greatest luck in romance. I met a guy on the internet that lives 6 hours away from me (I live in Canada and he lives in the US). Our first meeting, that went very well, was done half way between our two cities. Just prior to that I should add that we had speaking on the phone constantly every night for at least an hour. Second meeting took place last Sunday. He drove to my city, we had dinner out and he left late afternoon on Monday. Nothing has changed as far as phoning goes. I like this person and this person also likes me (I only know that because he told me). I keep thinking about the distance and how it will eventually get in the way. I wanted to talk to him about it early enough to know whether or not I should cut my losses. I realize that we are no where to even begin thinking about moving. So I'm being realistic about that. He also has older teenagers but still has on and off weekends like I do. But of course we are on opposite schedules. I think this can be worked out in time. What this note is all about is what about the time in between - us not seeing each other (conflicts in schedules, work, committments, all sorts of things). These things will be roadblocks for us. Another question how much time in a month should I be seeing him/epecting to see him every other weekend (assuming one of us changes the schedule with the kids)? At what point should I start to worry that this type of relationship is just a convenience of not having someone around all the time. Do I even think about that? As it stands now I won't see him for another three weeks? Is that too long? Is he giving me the run around? Need advice badly. Thanks to anyone who reads this. S P.S. Does this mean you have to talk on the phone every single night?

Hi, I'm 41 have been separated for almost 3 years and I have two early teenage kids. I have not had the greatest luck in romance. I met a guy on the internet that lives 6 hours away from me (I live in Canada and he lives in the US). Our first meeting, that went very well, was done half way between our two cities. Just prior to that I should add that we had speaking on the phone constantly every night for at least an hour. Second meeting took place last Sunday. He drove to my city, we had dinner out and he left late afternoon on Monday. Nothing has changed as far as phoning goes. I like this person and this person also likes me (I only know that because he told me). I keep thinking about the distance and how it will eventually get in the way. I wanted to talk to him about it early enough to know whether or not I should cut my losses. I realize that we are no where to even begin thinking about moving. So I'm being realistic about that. He also has older teenagers but still has on and off weekends like I do. But of course we are on opposite schedules. I think this can be worked out in time. What this note is all about is what about the time in between - us not seeing each other (conflicts in schedules, work, committments, all sorts of things). These things will be roadblocks for us. Another question how much time in a month should I be seeing him/epecting to see him every other weekend (assuming one of us changes the schedule with the kids)? At what point should I start to worry that this type of relationship is just a convenience of not having someone around all the time. Do I even think about that? As it stands now I won't see him for another three weeks? Is that too long? Is he giving me the run around? Need advice badly. Thanks to anyone who reads this. S

I enjoyed reading how both of you have seemed to have "soldiered on" (as my counsellor would say). Although since my break up (and the NC just stopped) I didn't have anything good to say to him. Its been since May - I was feeling at complete peace with myself until I initiated contact last week. We've seen each other and have a date on Saturday. Already I'm feeling the anxiety and the insecurities I felt before during the relationship as I was the one who could express feelings in words and in actions. I need words along with actions - apparently the actions were there but I know I didn't hear what I wanted. And I knew none of it was as much as I what I was feeling. I really meant for this email to be for you that have trudged on and are do well....Congrats to both of you! P.S. Did the psychic thing too - nothing was every infavour of ex - and supposedly I was supposed to find my true love in the spring and in August. Ya right!

I agree don't go to the party or parties for a bit knowing he'll be there. Surely there will be lots of opportunities where you will miss each other. But I know the feeling of when you're there you'll feel on guard and always looking over your shoulder.

It's true - no contact is really the only only way to get through a break up. I just went thru this in May. We didn't share too many friends so I don't know what that would be like. He's not friends with the other couple we hung out with. I however am still good friends with the woman from the couple. But truly if you don't have any contact - it makes it easier day by day. I know it feels like you're never going to stop crying or that things will ease up - they do. I also thought getting back into a relationship would help get over it - it didn't. I've even been talking online to a guy in California for the last couple of months - now I am going to visit in August - another story. With my breakup - I was with a man who had this "cave" thing going on with him. He was a man with some issues - some of which have been resolved. But his reasoning for breaking up with me and continuing to be broken up was he wanted to be alone. I had no choice - I could not make a fool of myself by tracking him down etc - I'm 41 and he's 55 - I knew I had to act like an adult even though I felt like a child in so much pain. I guess I'm re-living the memory and realize that what just has happened is not smart of me. I did grow stronger. Friends were there to help and to keep me occupied. And of course I have two boys who need me. Each day does get easier if you stick your guns. I just made a huge mistake or something that could put me back where I was months ago. Since it had been well over 6 weeks and thought I was doing ok because distractions, I emailed him pictures of his garden and home from early spring with just a friendly note. Another friendly note from him came back. It went back and forth a few times and then I said "hey I am open to getting together just to talk about everything and nothing". I didn't expect I would get the call so soon but when he wanted to see me I went. At the beginning it was fine, I felt in control of my emotions. But it was like he was acting like nothing had happened or that we were on a short break – he would try to kiss me and hug me like before – I didn't respond. He told me he missed me. I guess eventually we started to feel close again and like we were getting back together. We had a wonderful night and I thought we were together and starting fresh. When I went to ask or rather confirm this things – what I got back was I am not ready to analyze any of this – I just want an uncomplicated and simple relationship. I won't deny that is what I was hearing long ago before break up – but now cause I thought some issues he dealt with were done – we were making progress. I guess through all my rambling what I am trying to say is that I am back to where I am weeks or months before we broke up. We had been together since last September. We are no where close to what I want but again I'm still hanging on and giving it another chance. Maybe he is not so relationship shy and hoping I'm the one that he wants to spend most of his time with. Now its like back to "dating" – where you hope for the call or where you decide should you call or not call. I'm going to have to put the breaks on – should never have made contact . I will go thru another whirlwind of a relationship or whatever it is again. This will now just put me through the same struggles as bfore. Soooooo…leave it alone and tell him not to bother you any more, don't take his calls. Hope this makes you feel that you're not the only one out there. We've all touched this before and I know what you're going through is not easy at first.

Ok the letter has been sent. He's had at least a day to have read it and digest it. I know you said we're giving him a week to make some kind of move. Is there even a need to make the finalization call? Do I need to make the call next week to see if he's really thinking finalization? Basically have I done all I can possibly do to get this man back? Am I at a place where the NO CONTACT rule (if rules like this exist) should be enforced? Or do I try one more time at the end of this week? Dying inside.....

Its hard. All I'm told is that we have to walk the path of pain and healing. And I'm told not to dwell and to keep busy and of course NC. None of this is easy. I'm right beside you.