allein

We havn't gone no contact yet. In fact we havn't even talked about our relationship again since the other night when I drove to her house. (2 nites ago??) We talked today about our plans for tomorrow night, which I almost cancelled because I am getting angry about things. Anyway, when I talked to her tonight I asked her what she was doing and she said she would probably just stay home. She said I could come over and visit my cats (they still living w/her until my house gets repaired over the next few weeks). I said ok, well i'll call you later. I called her a little later and asked again what she was doing and she said nothing and asked me when I was coming over. I told her I had to do homework and that we would just hang out tomorrow. In my heart I wanted to rush over there because I've had a bad day and wanted her to comfort me. But I didn't. I was just casual and said I had to do tings at home and I would talk to her tomorrow. Well, here it is a few hours later and I'm just dying to text her. I am frustrated w/my homework, the temperature in my house is uncomfortably warm and I'm just depressed. I just want to text her and share a little love....... but i'm not going to. It's going to be very hard distancing myself. But if she isn't gonna be strong enough to do it, I have to. I really wish we weren't even going out 2mrw. Really why should we bother?? I think I am going to ask for a break after our night out tomorrow. I'm starting to feel anger and resentment towards her while at the same time feeling so sad that she isn't in love w/me anymore. THIS SUCKS! Anyway, I dont' even really expect any responses to this. Just typing for my own benefit I think. It's just really hard for me not to text her and tell her I love her........ but i'm not gonna do it...... GRRRRR!

good for you DN! Lucky dynamite voice> Anyone else??? Just one success story?

Does anyone have any success stories of getting back together with thier ex and then staying hapily together for a long time? I am reading a lot of stories here about getting back together, but then things fall apart again and there is pain and breakups. Anyone have any success stories they can share to give some of us hopeless romantics a little hope?

my gf isn't sure that she's in love w/me right now but everytime I offer to break it off she says no, i don't know what i want. It's frustrating because I don't know how to approach her. Do i approach her with a romantic way or just as friends. We are going out 2morow night and I feel like I am wasting my time w/her. I love her and there is no doubt I want to be with her, but she doesn't know what she wants and it's making things very difficult. She is becoming successful at pushing me away. She hasn't really asked for space, although she obviously needs it, and when I offer to give it to her she says no, that she will miss me and probably call me everyday. Can you give me some insight into this as you are also struggling w/what you want?

only you know if your giving him false hope. But from what you say, it kind of sounds like you've made up your mind.

i'll try not to play her games. Any insight as to why someone would play these games? She isn't a cruel person but something in her mind making her be crazy? Any insight? Anyone?

i'm in the same situation, only my gf used to tell me all the time how much she loved me. she still says it actually, but told me now she doesn't know if she's 'in' love w/me. For me love is pretty straight forward, either I do or I don't. I don't understand those people stuck in the middle. Good luck to you.

robert potts -- good luck dude. You sound like you have a healthy perspective though and you know what you need to do and that it won't be easy, but you've gotta get it done. I am feeling like I should break /w her, at least NC for a few days maybe even a week to make her miss me and to cool off because she made me very angry last night. She's playing games now I think and I really don't get that stuff. Everyone -- She is sending me such mixed signals. Last night, I did not call her afterwork, thinking she wants space because she specifically told me, " i don't like having to answer to anyone or worrying about the daily phone call relationship stuff." I ended up going to a bar. She texted me later asking me how i was. I told her where i was and someone at the bar that we both knew told her hi. She got really angry that I went out to a bar without talking to her first. She said to me (and she is right) that if she would have done it I would have been really butt hurt and been a jealous baby. She was right. I texted her back and said something like I was just trying to give her spcae and didn't want to bother her. She texted back and told me I was oblivious and to go home with some one because she didn't care. I asked her why she would say that to me and she texted back so she wouldn't feel guilty about not having sex w/me (we havn't had sex in over 2 months). Then she shut off her phone. The bar I was at was near her house so I was pissed off and went to her house. She let me in and we talked for a bit about everything and I told her not to ever tell me to go home w/someone. And I told her it really hurts that she said that, and b) that she said she didn't care if I did. I asked her if that was what she really wanted so she could feel like it would be easy to break up w/me then. She said she didn't know. She also said "Maybe it was a test, I don't know....." What the heck is that?? A test?? What is this, high school?? Then she told me she wasn't sure where I stood on the relationship. What the?? So once again I told her how much I loved her and wanted to be together. I also told her though, that if she is too scared to initiate a break that I would do it. She was like " I don't know, I don't know what I want". I also told her that I am taking the pressure off of the relationship. I have no further expectations of a white picket fence in 10 years and that I just want to enjoy each day I have w/her, but only if she wants to be together. And I really do mean that. I had foolish unrealistic expectations. I think I am over that now at least and that is good. What is with these games and tests? Is this what I get for dating a 24 year old? I think going NC is what we need to do now too, but not too sure how to go about it w/out hurting her or further damaging our relationship. I think her trip home will give her some needed space (although, I GIVE HER PLENTY OF SPACE, then i'm a jerk for it?!!). One thing I never thought about with NC is that when it does happen, and it will soon, what if I decide I dont' want to be w/her anymore because of these games..... that would be irony... breaking for her sake, and leaving for mine. We'll see. As for today, my mood is good because i've gone from sorrow to anger with her little stunt last night with talking smack and then shutting her phone off. I can only be toyed w/for so long. Anyway, ladies, whats with the games? Can you shed some light on why she would tell me to go home w/someone from the bar, then tell me maybe it's a test. . . . .

so, you guys think it's over? I don't know why it's so hard for me to accept. Luckily, she doesn't know I'm dwelling on this. I don't want to think it's over...but you guys both say the same thing. *Sigh* it sux. Thanks for the advice.

how much time should I wait? She has been making it a point lately to tell me she loves me in her text messages. Talk about mixed signals!! She is going home to visit her family at the end of the month for a week. I am thinking of telling her we shouldn't talk for that week so she can do her own thing and have fun w/friends and family and not worry about having to call me everyday and do the 'relationship' thing. Is a week long enough for her to make up her mind? Also, how could I cool things down. How could I let her know that I don't need her to make a 10 year commitment to me now. How can I ease up in a way that is obvious. I want to take some of the pressure off of her as far as her thinking I am expecting a lifelong commitment from her. How can we step back to being exclusive, but me not having expectations beyond right now. Any ideas how I can do this, and show her that I love her, and I love right now together and I will stop thinking about the future. How can I show her this?

My gf is 24 and I am 31. We have been together just now 7 months. Our relationship was very intense and moved very fast. She had some problems in her homeshe rented that needed repair. She stayed with me during this time. Everynight for 6 weeks. Prior to that, she stayed the night most days of the week. We were together so much. Then about a month ago, her house repairs were done and she went home. When she left she seemed very very cold. I took it hard when she left, because she was so distant and cold it seemed like there was more symbolism to her leaving then just the act of her going back home. I got really clingy and very depressed when she left, she was being so weird and rude and cold and acting like I was bothering her. So her pushing me away made me more clingy which made her more pushy. Anyway, she finally told me that we should only see eachother on the weekends because it was just too hard for her because of our schduling differences. She works at 8 am and i don't get off work until 8pm. We only 15 min apart, but work really stresses her out and she does need space to cool off and I guess dwell on her crappy day at work. So after about a week of not seeing eachother I was getting back to normal with things and so was she (i thought). She was being more friendly when we talked and talking to me more often. I was still (and still am) madly in love with her but could tell she didn't feel the same for me anymore. Often hesitent to say I love you when I say it to her. She really stoped saying it for the most part unless i say it first. Well now it's been over a month and I thought things were getting better. Except for one things...... We havn't had sex in over 2 months .............................. Anyway, I had some home trouble while away on business that she had to deal with while I was away and she was here watching my cats. My house was pretty much unlivable this week as a result of the damage. So I had to stay at her place (very very small guest house space...) for the past few days. Until last night when I stayed with a friend. Before I went to my friends house, I stopped by my gf house to say goodnight to my cats who are living with her right now until the house is ok. So, i go over and she tells me that she isn't sure about the relationship. She said I have more emotional investment into it then she does. That I want more from it then she does. She knows I'm looking for a commitment and she isn't sure thats what she wants. She is never in the mood to make love but doen't really know why. She is afraid of things like me getting a job in another city and she wouldn't move because she wouldn't know anyone and can't be dependent on me, she just could't stand the thought of depending on someone. She also gave some very superficial things like me not loving her favorite singer. I never say bad things, but i don't sing along either. Anyway, I thought that was stupid thing to bring up. Anyway, she said she doesn't know if she is in love with me. She said the spark is gone and she doesn't know how long she should wait to see if it comes back. She doesn't know what is the right thing for her to do and she doesn't want to hurt me. She just doesn't know what she wants to do and she's not sure if she's in love with me. She 'loves' me, but that spark of being 'in love' is gone for her. She told me she is afraid of making the wrong decision. She doesn't want to wait forever to see if the spark returns, but she is afraid that breaking up will also be a mistake for her. I told her that I loved her very much and she needs to figure out what she wants to do. I told her i'm not going to make it easy on her and break up with her, I said i loved her and I want to be with her so it's her decision, and to do whats best for her and i'll repsect her decision whatever it is. If you are still reading this at this point, THANKS! So I cried and stuff during our talk because honestly I am heartbroken and I hate that she saw me cry because she doesn't want to hurt me and that won't make her decision easier. I just don't know what to do here. I kind of feel like I should just break temporarily. She is home to visit family at the end of the month. Maybe we could break until she gets back. But then again, I don't want to give her an easy way out which is what it seems like she wants. I think maybe she even said it but can't even remember anymore. I have been single for so many years and only had 2 other relationships in my life. I am the first relationship she has had where the person she was dating wasn't a loser that had to mooch off of her. All of her exes were losers and treated her like crap. I come along and sweep her off her feet with everything she thought she wanted. Someone independent with a good job and good future. We are both vegetarian. I treated her like a princess. And now she says the romance is gone. Should I try to romance her or should I give her the easy way out she wants me to give her. What would you do? I could try to be more romantic to see if that would do it, but would that be a wasted effort? Should I just cut my losses and give her the breakup she might want? Any advise, especially from the ladies please!

Hey Buddy. I'm in the same situation. And the weird thing is that my girlfriend was extremely sexually active before our realationship. Now, there is nothing. My girlfirend told me that she isn't sure if she's in love with me anymore. Maybe your gf has fallen out of of love too? Our relationship also went very very fast. We have only been together 7 months and have lived together for a short time as well. We do not live together now, but we did for a few months due to circumstances at her home. I am going to post elswehere about my own issues, but maybe she has fallen out of love? The spark is gone?

probably just got scratched. no worries. if it's still a problem see a doctor, otherwise, you were probably scratched. I've done it to my gf before.

i'm no doctor but i can't believe the nurse didn't mention masturbation to you. You should work on it yourself. find out what you like etc. Buy some small toys. They make very small toys in addition to regular and large sized ones. I would say you should explore yourself before letting a guy do it. A guy isn't going to know how to touch you right if you have so much sesitivity and pain. You should explore yourself. Use a finger, a small toy, and definitely get some lube. Good luck and don't worry so much! Enjoy, explore, and learn. If it hurts you, stop or try something smaller. If it still doesn't improve, I suggest seeing another doctor. Good luck!

I feel you pain. I have been with my gf for only 7 months. We havn't had sex in two months, and before that maybe once a week. But we've never had a very 'active' sex life which is crappy considering before she got with me she was quite permisuous and slept with pretty much everyone she knew. Now suddenly she's never horny. I dn't get it.

oh yeah, i just wanted to say I think it's hilarious how many views this thread has gotten vs the number of responses. Dudes are like, "oh man, lesbian sex!! click!"

oh how exciting!!! just enjoy it and COMMUNICATE and be safe!!!! women can spread STD's too ya know. If you are using toys, put condems on them, if you are using your hands, wear latex and use lube! PRACTICE SAFE SEX LADIES until you get committed and go get tested and verify all is good! but like I said, most of all, enjoy it!! your first women, ahhhh, it's wonderful. Good luck!

I talked to my girlfriend today. She called then hungup. I called her right back and she said she called me on accident. So I was like, Oh ok, i just wanted to return your call. Then before she hangs up she starts telling me she wants to come over so she can wash her dog. I said ok, but I was thinking why the hell does she need to come to my house to do this. She has her own house and it has water. Then she said, oh, well, how about if we have a 'sleep over' tonight. I said sure if your up to it i'd love to have you. you know you and your dog are always welcome. Then she hung up. Like it was no big deal, like everything has been peachy for the past week and a half..... what is with these games? the whole conversation seemed like, oh, ooops, she called and then conveniently made up an excuse to come over to do something she could do at her house. Why the games? is it her age? don't get me wrong, i'm glad she's coming over without me asking her to but these games are so confusing. What is with this? Are most women so elusive and full of head games? I havn't had very many relationships to be able to know.

thanks for the advice everyone. Last night and this morning are the first times I am alone and not crying. I do go to the gym and work out everyday and am losing weight, so thats a bonus for me whether she comes back to me or not. In fact, I credit my workout last night directly for helping my mood last night. I am feeling now like it's not the end of the world if she doesn' want me anymore. Our relationship isn't perfect and i know that if things don't work out between us, I can find another woman. I will reach out to her and let her know that I am gonna be here for her if she needs me or wants to talk about things but I'm not going to pressure her and I'll give her the time and space she needs. I'm just going to get back to my old life in meantime. Movies with friends and homework. If she doen't come back, then i'll be looking for love again. cheers.

Thanks apollo. She has had a few bad sexual encounters when she was younger, however, as an adult she is extrememly sexual and has pretty much done it all. She's had more sex in a year than i've had in my life. We've never had lots of sex, but we used to at least be once a week. She coming over tonight to get her vacume and her 'stuff' (clothing, etc..) but she is also bringing some tix over so we can plan a trip on a railway trip thing at the end of the month. I'm thinking, why bother, we won't be together in a month.... i don't know what she's thinking and she won't 'put it on the table' as you say.... I have though, I've laid it all out, but I'm not going to let her see me cry anymore. I don't want her to think I'm pathetic.... Thanks for the advice though, I will check out that site. Do you think it is possible to regain that love connection?

My GF and I have had the perfect loving relationship for 8 months. It was love at first site. Now, all of a sudden, she's pushing me away. Let me give you some background Me, 31 years old, her 24 years old. She has plenty of relationship and 'other' expericene where I on the other hand have only had one girlfriend when I was 18 for 9 months, and a sexual relationship with a woman about 4 years ago for a few years (i fell in love with her and she broke my heart.... I was dumb, but I have a hard time trusting women now) Anyway, when we met it was pretty much love at first site. We shared so much love. It was amazing for me. She had rodent trouble at the house she was renting. So she stayed with me many nights of the week. At one point recently (the past 6 weeks) an exterminator put poison out so her and her dog came to stay with me. We were together everynight for 6 weeks. I should have the seen the signs coming. We hardly had sex. 3 times in 6 weeks....... Anyway, she left last week and when she left she said 'we are out of your hair now'. A comment I didn't understand. Anyway, we went out on friday and had nothing to talk about, then I started feeling weird about it. Asking myself 'whats going on here'. So I asked her and she was like, I don't know. A few days go by with me crying everywaking hour that I am alone (still happening) and her distancing herself further and further. Making comments that she knows are hurtful to me. She tells me she wants some independence and she isn't ready to move in because if things don't work out, she won't have her house to go back to (she rents). I can understand those things, but I don't understand the loss of connection between us. She is being mean with her comments. Hurtful to me. Referring to ex lovers with cute names that she knows hurts me. Saying things like, oh yeah, daddy in seattle, instaed of calling the woman by her real name. Anyway, this is getting long... sorry. She came over last night and I asked her to spend the night. She did but didn't hesitate to let me know it was inconvenient for her. I tried to touch her, like our feet touching while sitting on the couch and she kept moving away. Then in bed, i wanted to kiss and she just gave me a liitle peck. I asked for a french kiss and she said she didn't want to. I was devastated. But she held me and snuggled me all night. Then this morning I got a text from her saying she was sorry that she didn't know why she was in a funk right now, but she just was. I told her ok, we can get through it, our love is worth fighting for. But still I don't know whats going on. I don't have alot of relationship experience. Im fat and kind of a loner. I don't exactly have people in line to date me. she is the best thing thats happened to me. I've never felt like someone has loved me before... NOw, I am horrifed to feel alone again. It breaks my heart. Are we experiencing a normal waxing and waning of feelings or is she pushing me away to eventually dump me? I don't even want to talk to her now because I feel like I am bothering her even though today she told me she loved me and she is just in a funk...... but still, where is our connection? It seems to be gone. Can we get it back or is it over? Sorry for this huge post, but it's a long story...... Oh have a failed to mention we both come from dysfunctional families? My parent together over 30 ys but miserable and her parents both on thier 4th marriage..... we don't exactly have good role models to go from...