polynated

1. My dad's PhD was not about LOVE and DATING, it was about how genes and DNA profiles are inserted into computer systems of governments and how this is an ethical issue. It was to do with Law and Biology and how the two fields have to work together to protect citizens' privacy. Sorry, probably not very relevant to this community - I was just saying that having scientific tools which tested compatibility between 2 people fits into the CAMBR frameworks and that it is quite a dangerous matter in itself because you never know what the government or those who get hold of your DNA profiles might do with them. 2. I am actually recovering from a very very painful breakup - it took me 8 months and I am still somewhat shaken. Yet, I still believe in "magic" of love - by that I don't mean "toy like magic" but in a sense where things just feel wonderous around you - it's a romantic mindset but it has happened to me...yes I got hurt by this guy but I'd like to experience the "magic" again with someone else. How you define "magic" is however you choose - for me, it's just emotions basically. 3. Hehe. Well I'm 20 and I've had 2 guys to date so far - 1st lasted 2 weeks, the other one 2 years. I guess I'm still young. 4. Um...well actually when I was in a relationship with my ex, it was I who saved up all the money and went over to Australia to see him, it was I who started looking for a job, and it was I who told him I liked him...so...evidence speaks for itself. By "mystery" I mean, surreptitious communication with someone in the early stages - it's just flirting basically with someone I have yet to talk to - and when you finally talk to them you just get all these goosebumps everywhere....and mystery is nice - it's like you want to discover more about another person. so there! 8)

There is a new biological/computerized system called CAMBR which is about putting a person's DNA into a computer, which looks at data and then makes various summaries about the person. My dad did a PhD on it. I also read a lot about The End of the World and the info everywhere seems to state that this sort of a DNA analysis, which is input into government computer databases is a sign of the End of the World because every person will then be wearing a "mark of the Beast" attached to their wrist which is a chip with complete DNA analysis, bank details and other things. So I think it's better to trust your instict and emotions when it comes to "clicking" than science. I mean if everything is up to science in terms of love, emotions and feelings...the whole "magic" of love sort of dies in the end. Love to me is mystery and I appreciate it more when it just "happens" without me knowning who my right partner is - I like to think that other forces are working around me, and I prefer those things to remain a mystery. The only this once needs I believe is the confidence to trust one self when it comes to going for the person you feel those "clicking" feelings for. 8)

it kinda makes sense, yeah! 8) I'm just not sure how you can fool around while seeing other people - by fooling around does that mean that you two make out? I mean if you are going out with someone else, or if he is going out with someone else - then isn't it a bit like cheating on other people? Or are you both seeing other people as in just casual dates? I don't know - the two of you seem pretty close - I mean I always think that relationships aren't just about sex and love/lust, romance - if there is a deep friendship and understanding then it creates this solid ground for whatever comes next and the two of you seem to had this "special bond" as far as I can tell from your posts. But on the other hand, it's good that at least you are friends - I mean, having someone you know well and can share things with is quite cool. Maybe you are doing everything alright - seeing other people - who knows? Maybe you'll get sick of these new people and get back together after some time being out there and meeting all the new souls? Or you could go separate ways find new loves... so yeah - maybe just keep on doing what you are doing now and eventually you'll sort things out and gain some stability/a clear outlook on your situation. My ex actually told me that "it's possible to love more than one person". Maybe he was right.

No, I dont think it's over. If he's still contacting you and is more into you now that before I think it means that he still cares for you. A break in marriage is not relevant to this situation - marriage is different to going out. What stage are you in your relationship? If it's a serious relationship that lasted for quite some time then maybe a break IS a bit of a breakup - and the fact that he is still contacting you means that he wants to be back with you - so keep talking to him, go out on a date and make out, talk, etc. if it's an early relationship - maybe the two of you are just testing the waters - both of you are new to each other and there are trust issues going on - maybe this "break" is like a test to him to see if he can do without you before he really gets committed. I think you have a chance - don't give up on him! Just keep talking and being yourself, show him that you are there for him but also keep yourself occupied outside of this relationship with your own activities - it will show him that you can be independent and he might respect that - and respect you more too! So yeah, I think this "break" which he innitiated is just him testing himself to see if he can do without you - sounds like he just needs to sort himself out before he can open up more to you.

yes, talk to her about it - if you are comfortable with her as you say, you should be able to talk about this with her. Why not just kiss her one day? Take charge? see what happens? If she backs away, you can ask her what's wrong and this would lead to a conversation where you can raise your issues as you have written them here? See what she says... and if she doesn't back away - well...enjoy!

Hey! I am in the same situation as you right now, expect that I'm not friends with my ex as we haven't been in contact since January this year. This week I had this feeling that maybe I'm finally over him - like lingering feelings are gone and it's only the memory of his existence that is left. It's hard though isn't it? Because I mean - I also feel like I could be in denial - I keep on wondering "what if he came back? would I want to be with him again?" It's a confusing situation...but the fact that you have these thoughts means that you are not sure about him - maybe the fact that you are friends means that you can be more? Is that what you are thinking - like, give the relationship another go? As for the future and the two of you being together when you're older - well, a lot can change to a person over the course of just a few years - I don't want to sound discouraging and mean so forgive me, but what if he gets married during that time or what if you do? It sounds like the two of you just have the past to remember - and you are wondering what the relationship with him would be like if the two of you got back together again. I think maybe you just need to really ask yourself deep inside: 1) Can you see yourself being with this person again? 2) If yes then would it be a different thing now? Would you make it really work this time and make it last? 3) Would it hurt you if you broke up again? Would you get over it? And the person you are with now - are you comparing them to your ex? I also like this guy at the moment, but I always think about my ex-boyfriend and wonder about whether I should just forget the ex and start a new - it's very hard because I keep on thinking that if he came back, I would probably have an upsurge of emotions for him...so I'm a bit in the dark. I think you can always talk to your ex - get it out in the open - at least you'll know and can get situation sorted in some ways.

I think she either likes you again in a romantic way and is afraid that her feelings for you might not be returned...thereforeeee she needs a reassurance from you that you are willing to give the relationship another try, OR this girl realized that she does like you romantically and still has feelings for you, but doesn't want to get hurt and thereforeeee wants to avoid you knowning that the two of you would be better off without one another. I think she's just a bit confused right now - I mean, you guys had a relationship in the past and now it seems like you are in a place where you are friends but with memories - and memories are hard to die down - especially when the two of you are having a good time just hanging out and the thoughts of "should we? shouldn't we?" are inside your head. It can make one confused - and I think she is at the moment. If I were you I'd cool it off with her but if she calls again or comes into contact - just be yourself and talk to her as you'd normally would...just take it easy with her - sounds like she's a bit scared that's all. That's just my opinion - as that's how I'd operate if my ex returned and we were good friends all of a sudden. best of luck!

The fact that he's more "experienced" than you could be creating an insecurity inside you. I remember this guy I was going out with - I did something evil and looked into his hotmail box as I knew his password. Well I found he had these saved files from the girls he wrote to - I read some emails and was going "Oh god! He liked so many people before me"...he was also quite an open person and was tutoring girls quite late and he was acting in plays with some girls he had to do love scenes with, etc. things like that. I am quite jealous myself - if I am with a person I'd like to think that it's just THE TWO OF US, noone else. Like a grown-up serious relationship is what I like - when two people are very much devoted to each other without outside flirtations. Otherwise, my trust seems to diminish. I was thinking of changing my jealous nature, but now I think it just shows that by being really jealous means that you have big emotions towards another person and love them to bits - and what's wrong with that? However, drugs and drinking is not that good - have you spoken to your BF that you don't like it? What has he told you in reply? I think if two people are in a relationship they have to work on making their partner satisfied in terms of emotions - if one is doing something wrong, that should be worked on and not avoided. Does HE ever get jealous of you? In the end though, if you are having a fantastic relationship, apart from your jealous feelings at times - then I think you can just learn to trust him more. He sounds like he's just young - living it up while he's young and energetic - see what comes down the road - he might grow older, give up drugs and drinking and partying with tonnes of girls. I guess it really depends on what your relationship means to you and to him - if you are serious about him your jealous feelings can be justified.

A lot of people are down and sad - it's part of human nature - I myself go through lots of moods throughout the day - I'm happy, then I'm sad. I think you think that having a BF will make you happier - well I think that being with someone you love does that - the person you are intimate creates support for you, a shoulder to lean on, so to speak... However right now that you don't have a BF, I think what might help is having some goals in life - something to inspire you - find some inspiration in art or something you enjoy doing - make it your goal to get better at this thing - and do it a lot - like writing/playing sport. I find that walking by the motorway along this long road makes me inspired - I come home all tired but energized...and then I dream about future and the places I want to visit and people I might meet - that makes me uplifted and I become inspired just to be me and be in this world. So don't worry about being depressed - don't worry about impressing others either or feeling like you have to be happy infront of people...who knows? maybe there is a person around the corner who is also somehow down like you are - and you might meet him, see that both of you can understand each other - and "click" -> you are together. You gotta believe! Read some books on philosophy of life - that helped me alot to find a perpective on my own existence. 8)

Thanks for the reply, tanned_productions. Well, it wasn't a breakup about us sleeping with one another, really...I mean it was long-distance, I'm from NZ and he's from Australia. I met him while he was down here visiting a friend. We met, "clicked" and communicated through Internet for about a year and a half or so. He kept on telling me to visit him in Australia, so I got a job, saved up $$$ and went over there. It was quite sort of "magical" being with him...but then when I came back, things changed...I guess I decided to finally speak up about things which I found wrong in our relationship...and so we started fighting about some trivial things. Looking back, I think the realtionship was largely driven by me - I mean, he liked writing to me, calling me...while I actually wanted something more real - I was planning on moving to Australia and actually having a "normal" realtionship so to speak, because distance for me began to be very hard and 8 days that I had with him proved that we were better being together, than in different countries. Anyway, when I came back - we split up - he thought I was dumping him even though I wasn't...then we got back together, and then he dumped me with a "F***k you!"...so I got a ticket to Oz and flew there the day after...terrible experience was had. I basically spent most of the time in his friend's house and he had university so only invited me over to his house for one night. *I was there in order to save the relationship, but I failed.* The next day I decided "enough, what am I doing here?" so flew back to NZ. After that we had another fight through Internet - he sent me a long email calling me various names and saying he never wants to see me again. That was last year. In January 2005, after some months of silence he contacted me via a LiveJournal (an internet journal online, which he found through his friend's page where I left a message with a link to my journal) - comments were anonymous but I knew it was him - he just wrote a few lines which sounded all "friendly" and "nice" but ended it with a "ciao!"... that was that. I haven't heard from him since January 2005 this year. I was waiting for him for quite some time - like a proper email from him or something...but nothing. And just a week ago I realized that maybe I no longer need him anymore. I am fine now, being on my own and looking to meet someone entirely new. 8) And I am currently attracted to this new boy in my class. So, that might be just an attraction/flirtation but I spotted him in my first year of college 2 years ago and never spoke to him until now...and now that I have, I am all "YAY!" and the chemistry between us is quite strong when we are not communicating...so hopefully something will work out between us. If not, I'll keep on moving through life. I feel stronger now. And your BF Brad sounds really nice - I hope you don't get hurt like you did before. The other guy you dated sounds like a total loser though - sorry if you had feelings for him - but some people can be like that, huh? I hope he learnt his lesson by now. All the best for you! And I'm at email removed on MSN.

Clicking with someone you've never spoken to but someone you see around you a number of times is pretty amazing. For example, at university class, at work...places where you both show up to and just see each other...before saying anything. There are so many people in the world, so many various people...that "clicking" with another on some strange level - just "knowing" that if you interacted there might be something there...it's just pretty amazing.

Hello everybody! Well, it looks like last week was my final week of mourning so to speak, about my 1st true love, which really hurt me and terribly broke my heart. It was a 2 year relationship, which was long-distance, and then I went over to another country to see the guy, lost my virginity to him and then got myself completely broken as we went down hill and terribly hurt each other. The break up was in August 2004...now it's March midway 2005 and I can now honestly say that a couple of days ago I woke up and wasn't hurting anymore. And more to that, I realized that I actually kind of liked this new guy who's in my class at college! 8) (and there I was thinking I'd never like anyone again; had this plan on being a Black Widow all my life and joining my lost love in the after life ). It's strange to think that my 1st love was going to be The One...I thought he was my soulmate, my Everything...but now, it's like I'm changed and I realize that I have gone through an experience that most people go through - (looking at this Cyber Community for example). I feel like I can be with another person again, that I can actually be intimate with someone and perhaps start trusting people once again. I hope I won't get so terribly hurt though, as it happened 1st time round. I have a few questions though for you guys: 1) How has your outlook on relationships changed after you healed after a breakup and started seeing other people? 2) Did you eventually find someone who you love more than your 1st true love? 3) Was it hard to trust again? Thank you! And everyone who is going through tough times - I say: Listen to your songs, go over the memories, watch those movies you watched together...do that how ever many times you wish, because in the end you'll realize that those things from the past don't cause you that much pain anymore. It's better to face your pain than run away from it! It's like exorcism - once you get through it - you can really move on. Peace.

I found my first love over the internet. Well actually we met only once before when the guy was here in NZ on holiday (he's from Australia). Then, when he moved back to Australia we started chatting online - for over a year and it grew into this big romance. I think it is true that you can blow things out of proportion - so be cautious - I advise you not to rush into things too quickly - keep talking to her - but ask yourself "How would it be if we met in person? Would our relationship change?" When I met my "online" boyfriend, he looked pretty different to how he was in photos but I actually fell in love with him even more. So it's a 50/50 situation - online people can be anything and you can easily be attracted to someone you can't communicate with face-to-face because you think the best of them and don't notice the faults... if she lives close - arrange a casual date. otherwise, keep talking but don't get too carried away. hope it works out for the best, though! good luck!

Thank you so much for your words! That is exactly that. You sound really wise. I did always feel that it was I who was pulling the relationship along to make it more "real" so to speak - the emails, phone calls and words of expression was lovely - but it was I who saved money for the ticket...I kept on thinking about how we were going to find a flat together in Australia and live together. I guess I moved too fast. When I came back he actually wrote me an email saying he was coming down to NZ to live for a month and work, I'm not sure why but I freaked out about that - because I knew we were going to sleep with each other (we had very BIG chemistry) however he was planning to stay at my house and my parents are very conservative and never really took him that seriously. (plus our house is small and I sleep on a single bed). I'll take your advice I think - contacting him like that would only make me feel like I'm taking the strong lead, and I don't want that. So I'll just wait. Take care, also!

Thank you a lot for your advice! Very appreciated to hear - as I can't talk to my friends anymore, they've heard me so many times about this (ex)-relationship. hehe which part of Australia are you from? My story took place in Melbourne. I look at pictures sometimes of that place and god, my insides just start splitting apart...such an amazing city, but the memory of him is how I remember that place.