Spice

Hi Luciana, I know exactly what you mean and I live by this rule. It works for me. I'm glad I am not the only one who thinks this way. But I have to admit...it took me a few years of lifes expierences to learn this. I am also in my 40's. Life has never been better. =)

At the time of my devorce my kids where 13 and 11. My daughter is now 18 and my son 15...soon to be 16. I can't believe how fast time is passing. Anyway, my kids came through it ok. They are both happy and wonderful kids. My daughter is a little angry with her dad because he hardly calls and when he does he make false promises. But then that is a whole other topic. I have been able to provide for my kids better then when I was married because I am fully in control of all the money now. They have everything they need. I was even able to get my daughter a car and have the savings put away for my son as well. We live a good and happy life. I don't know what to say about your daughter. That is a really tough one. I do know that the decission has to be yours and your alone. You can't live your life they way your kids want you too. No more then you can tell them how to live their lives. Maybe sit down with your daughter and have a heart to heart. Let her know that you have to do what makes you happy and content with your life. Let her know that this is not easy for you and that what ever decission you come to it wont be an easy one either way. Let her know that what she thinks and how she feels about it is important to you but the decission must be yours.

It really depends on what YOU want. Only you can decide if staying with your husband is the life that you want. If you walk away anything could be down the road for you. Life is such a big adventure. I was not happy in my mariage. My husband was never going to change. I knew that if I walked away I could find a good life for myself and I did. I met a wonderful man. We have been together for 4 years now and plan to get married this next spring. He is the most wonderful person in the world. Even after 4 years he still adores me, tells me how beautiful I am everyday and we actually TALK! I never would have dreamed that I could met such a wonderful man that makes me so very happy. If you stay in your mariage you already no what the rest of your life will be like. If you walk away it's a big mistery.

I think it is just selfishness...on both ends. period

Hello itcouldbe2001, I think the guilt you are feeling is normal, especially after being married for so long. If you have set in your mind that the mariage is over then I feel that it is ok to move on with your life. We deserve to be happy right? Staying with your husband just because he begs and pleads will not make you happy. I think the guilt comes from the fact that he is so distrought over you leaving. I left my husband of 16 years. And even after he drove off and all the paper work was signed for the devorce...getting on with my life still made me feel guilty. Hell, I still feel guilty to this day. Once I had a new man in my life and things where going good my husband changed his mind and wanted to fight for our mariage. I did not. I was happy and moving on. I still have feeling of guilt to this day even though I know I deserve to be happy. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you know that you are trying to move on with your life and that your mariage is over then you have the right to date other men and be happy.

Sera, sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you have some tough times ahead of you. I don't know how you can convience your boyfriend that he is just a friend. That will probably be tough. Is it posible that your boyfriend and your friend could become friends to each other? When you hook up with your friend invite him along and make sure he is included in the friendship. This is something that I do not have experience with so I'm not sure what to tell you except that it would hurt the relationship if your boyfriend kept you from your friends.

I agree Outlaw, it is a disrespectful thing to do if she knows that you are uncomfortable with it. My guy knows I love Brad Pitt...what girl doesn't. But no need to rub it in. And as hot as he is I still wouldn't sleep with him. I just like to admire...eye candy as they say. But yeah...not cool of her to talk like that in front of you. Tell her to save it for her girl friends.

This kind of brings back memories for me. I don't think that our insecurities are about our outer appearance. It's more about what goes on inside our heads, what we are saying to ourselves when something comes up that bothers us. When I was in my late teens early twenties I was with a guy for three years. He cheated on me lied to me. He was always saying things like...I wish you looked like her. Or I wish your breasts where as big as hers. We would go to a party and he would leave me standing by myself to go flirt with another girl...but when a guy would come talk to me he would come back long enough to chase them off. Once, he wrecked my car because he was staring at a girl walking down the street. In all this I had come to the conclusion that men could not love...that men where all pigs. To my surprise after 3 years I learned to hate him and left the relationship. HE was devastated. It took him a whole year to recover. He couldn't work, eat or sleep. I think the message I got from this was worse...that men could love, but STILL had no control. I went on to marry a very nice man. But...I married this man because he had morals not because I was truly in love with him. It was a safe place to be. The marriage lasted 16 years. Now I am back out in the real world and I find that the scars are still with me. They come and go, and I have to remind my self constantly where they are coming from. The ugly monster inside creeps up and I have to smash it down. It is a battle to this day. 25 years later and I still carry these scars with me. Brigg...if you can, if it's not to late, get out of this relationship. And don't think that this is enough. Once you get away from this relationship you need to do some thinking. You need to fix the damage that has been done to you or you will carry it into every relationship you enter from here on end.

Hi Cobro, I'm guessing that she heard about your new girl and it hurts her a bit. And I am betting that if you took her back the same thing would happened to you that happened to Bryan. She just wants to know that you still want her. Be careful how you deal with this, being that the new girl is a friend of the ex. If she is the game playing type it could turn out bad for your new relationship. Knowing how some women think...this is just a guess. Good Luck!

Well...=) Here's what I think. I think you need to bump into him more. The only way you are going to get a feel as to if he is interested in you or not is to talk to him. You know how it goes? You can just kinda tell, like if he smiles and laughs a lot while you are talking. Or if he asks you questions about you. I think that him asking about your wrighting is a good sign. I suppose the real question is how are you going to keep bumping into him? Sounds like you did ok on the first try. =)

Wow, I am so glad I found this post, and the most wonderful repleys along with it. I have much the same senario. I am 42 and my boyfriend is 27. We met 3 years ago and I also thought it would just be a fling. I tried to break it off as soon as I realized how deeply envolved my feeling were for him but he got upset. I then realized that he too had become quite attached to me. Over three years have past now and this is the best relationship I have ever had. He worships the groud I walk on. Tells me everyday how beautiful I am. I have the same worries that you do. I too look great for my age. I still turn heads and have been blessed with a nice body. But for how long. What will I look like 10 years from now when he is only 38 years old? What if a younger woman comes along? Why would he stay with a grama =) like me? I feel that I maybe setting my self up for a very painful heartache. This is what I tell myself when these things come up in my head. I am living one day at a time with no regrets so far. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The heartache would be just as painful now as it would be 10 years from now. So no point in breaking it off. And as far as the future goes, I could die in a car accident 5 years from now or him for that matter, and if I had broken it off I would have missed the best time of my life. So why not live life with the most woderfull man I ever met. I wish you the best in your relationship. I say love him everyday with no regrets.