rich46

I am becoming increasingly annoyed at my ex girlfriend for the way she's treated me. Angry is a bit strong at the moment, but definitely annoyed. For 3 and a half years I treated her so well. I met her at University when she was on the verge of dropping out as she had no friends, hated it etc. Ever since I have never even looked at another woman. I sent her flowers. I booked a trip to Venice and surprised her with it on Christmas day. I've listened to her problems. I couldn't have treated her any better. So now I am getting annoyed at how she was really distant with me for the few weeks and months before it all came out. It was only because I confronted her about her distant behaviour that she admitted she needed some "time and space" and "needed to be single for a while." I mean, how long was she going to act distant with me before telling me? I am also annoyed how she wants us to remain best friends and how she has led me on by hinting that we might get back together. Last week we agreed to have no contact whatsoever but she told me how she wanted to ring me lots of times. Again this really bugs me, confuses me, and annoys me. Now we are back to having no contact again (my choice) and all these negative thoughts are creeping into my head. I am at the stage where I am annoyed as just a few weeks ago she told someone how she had found the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She told me "my life would be rubbish without you." Now I know she still has my old valentines cards on her wall, and my picture in her room etc. What's that all about? I think the main reason for me feeling like this is because I know I was so good to her. If I had cheated on her then I could accept it cos I would deserve it. But I didn't. I hate feeling as confused as I am right now and I don't know what to do about it. Sorry for ranting, but Ive felt very frustrated today. What does everyone think? Is it normal to feel like this? She was my first love so I've never been through this before. Thanks everyone.

Ok sorry about that avman!

Hey Dan! This may seem a little bit cheeky but can you copy and paste the e-book on here? Or PM it to me? It is fine if you don't, but I don't have a great deal of money right now to pay out on it. Like I said, just ignore me if you don't want to. Thanks, Rich

It is a difficult situation, but one I can totally relate to! You are being strung along and it is not fair on you. It is difficult because you could act as her friend and hope she changes her mind. My opinion on it though is that she won't realise she misses you if you see her every other day. You might win her back this way, but then again you might be hurt even more in a few months if she meets someone else and you have been strung along like this. It is easy to say "just act like friends with her." I find this completely impossible to do at the moment because for 3 and a half years we have been boyfriend/girlfriend, how can you just be friends over night? I certainly wouldn't buy her a ring though! That will surely scare her off even more! You just have to try and play it cool, but don't drop everything - if she says jump, don't say how high! I would say, and I'm no expert, try and find the right balance between being her friend and giving her space. So if she wants to meet up one night, tell her you can't as you are going out with your friends, something like that. Let us know how you get on. Rich

I just don't understand women! I don't know your full story, but if she dumped you, why the hell is she texting you every night??? My ex dumped me about 3 weeks ago and although she isn't texting me every night, she seems to be the one who is more eager to contact me! Weird. I have told her that we both need space and so we are doing NC right now.

Thanks for your advice, it really helps! I guess the ball is in her court right now. If she changes her mind then it is up to her to get in touch with me. The weird thing is she still had my picture in her key ring when I went to see her on her birthday, she still had my old valentines cards on her wall etc. It is confusing me. It is almost like I am the one who has dumped her! As soon as she told me she needed space, I took her pictures down and got rid of anything that reminded me of her. After the initial few days when I was in shock and denial, I have been strong and not broke down and contacted her. In fact like I said, she tried to contact me last week before we spoke on sunday. I ended it by saying I would contact her when I had healed a bit more, but Im not sure when that will be. I'm pretty sure she'll try to contact me in the next week or two, but then what should I do? Clarify that I need a good few weeks/couple of months No Contact to get my life sorted again? I'm so glad that I have started this No Contact pretty soon after our break up. I would have just been a wreck if I was still talking to her every other day. This gives her something to think about, the space she asked for, and gives me the chance to move things forward in my life. Rich

In my situation, if my ex girlfriend started seeing someone else pretty soon after we had split up, I couldn't keep in contact with her. She told me that she needed "space" and some "time alone where she didn't have to answer to anyone." So if she contradicted this by getting another man then I wouldn't want to get back with her anyway. That is why I am confused about ever being "best friends" with her. On one hand I want to just in case she changes her mind, but on the other hand if she met another man I would be more heartbroken than before. I would just say try your hardest to move on with your OWN life. There is no magic cure to stop thinking about your ex with someone else. That is just natural. But I wouldn't recommend contacting her during this time. If she tries to contact you, then it's up to you if you want to get involved. Personally though, I couldn't do it. Rich

Hi r6a6r6, I only just found this website today, and I've just read this entire thread from start to finish. I can see some similarities in your situation with mine. A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend told me she needed space and time alone (blah, blah, blah) but she wanted us to stay "best friends" as she couldn't bare the thought of not seeing me again. So for a few days I went along with this, and we would text eachother etc. I even went to see her on her birthday and we had such a great afternoon together, you know, bowling, laughing, joking and stuff. But when we got back to her house I became really upset because I knew I had to go home later that night (we live about 100 miles apart now we've finished uni). Read my full story here if you want to: link removed My point is that I decided after that day that I couldn't go on meeting up with her like that. Sure it was fun while we were together, but I was back to square 1 when I left. The day after her birthday I was back to being absolutely devastated again. Right now I have distanced myself from her (not just in terms of miles). By that I mean last week we didn't contact eachother at all. Last night we spoke for about an hour but I left it by saying that I needed some time to get my head round this and I would text her when I had healed a bit more. So I think you should definitely distance yourself from her, otherwise you will never move on and get over her. I'm lucky in a way because I live so far away that I don't have to see her every other day. I feel for you, knowing she is with another guy. I couldn't handle that and that is why I am so sceptical and unsure about being best friends with my now ex. It just seems totally impossible. A point in one of your earlier threads hit home because yesterday on the phone she broke down crying and said "I miss you." That just confuses me more though, if she misses me so much then why the hell can't we be together??? You sounded a bit better and a bit more positive in your last post which is good to hear. I think you have done the right thing to do the No Contact thing, but make sure you stick to it. I was determined last week and I did it. I could see signs that she was starting to crack as she admitted that she'd wanted to pick the phone up and ring me loads of times. At first I thought doing cool things together like the movies, shopping, bowling etc. would make her realise how good we are together. Not now though. I doubt she would ever come to her senses by doing that - why commit to a relationship with me if she could see me whenever she wanted, go out with me whenever she wanted. I hope everything works out for you. You just need to be strong and sort YOURSELF out so if she does change her mind and wants to get back with you (maybe in a month, 6 months, whatever), you will be in a much better position. This is the advice that I have been given and is the advice that I'm trying to take on board myself. It is incredibly difficult I know, but I believe in the old cliche that Absense Makes The Heart Grow Fonder. I hope it is true because I KNOW that me and my ex were made for eachother. Good luck, and keep posting on here with updates. It helps me to interact with people in pretty similar situations, and hopefully it helps you too. Rich

Hi everyone! I'm new here so I'll explain my situation, I'll try to be as brief as I can! I am 23 and have been with my girlfriend since the 4th week of University, which is about 3 and a half years ago. We were both pretty similar in that we were quiet, and during our time at Uni we were always telling eachother how we were so lucky to have found eachother, how we were made for eachother etc. Since we finished Uni last summer we have kept things going well, despite living 100 miles apart, going on trips to Venice and just 4 weeks ago going for a weekend to London. But Ive sensed that she has been distant with me over recent weeks and months and so I confronted her about it. Sure enough she says that she needs some "time and space alone" and "to be single for a while." However we are SO close that she wants us to stay best mates as she couldn't bear the thought of us never seeing eachother or speaking to eachother again. I asked her if there was a chance that in a few weeks or months she might change her mind and she said "maybe, I can't tell." And when I told her what my family had been saying ("she'll come to her senses") she said "maybe I will." Anyway, that was a couple of weeks ago. Since then I met up with her on her birthday and we had a great time, bowling etc. But I was devastated when I had to leave. So the next day when she rang I said that I needed some time to get my head round this, I couldn't just switch from being boyfriend/girlfriend to being mates overnight. A week of no contact passed, and she texted me and we spoke last night. We talked for about an hour, mostly about general stuff. I was really calm and friendly, I didn't beg her to change her mind or anything like that! I think I surprised her because of the difference in me. I was saying how I'd been a lot better this week because my older brothers were back and how I'd been out with them. I told her how I was hungover after my brother's birthday party last night, and how I had got myself motivated and applied for quite a few jobs in the last week. She started crying a couple of times, at one point splurting out "I miss you." Don't know whether this is a good thing, but she said how she wanted to ring me loads of times but she couldn't. Or she wanted to text me but couldn't. She still said that she hadn't changed her mind as it had only been a week, and I didn't expect her to have changed her mind anyway. So I basically said how it is really difficult for me to switch to being friends overnight, and that now I'm the one who needs some time and space. So I said I'd text her when I felt a little more ready, don't know when that will be. It is pretty obvious that she misses me, but I don't know whether she misses me as a boyfriend, or as a friend, or what. What do you all think? Have I acted the right way? I let her know that I'm not going to sit around and mope, and how I am trying to get my life sorted. But I guess the main question is...how do I win her back? After the initial couple of days when I cracked and sent her a couple of texts in an almost begging way, I have been a lot better and just acted like normal. SHE is the one who is missing me more, which is strange as it is her who needed the space! Basically, I am confused and need some advice! I know most of you guys will be/have been in a similar situation so your thoughts about my situation would be appreciated... Thanks again everyone, Rich