AegisRose

Dear Concerned Cousin, It's tough to get involved in a cousin's love life or a siblings, or best friends. You're right about "blinded by love". Being an anti-institutionalist (I don't believe in organized religion as we know it) I cringe at the sound of religious "scariness".... what's your meaning of that? If he's getting her to be "Saved", well, then good for her. Or if its some strange cult, then maybe you do need to take action. I guess my point truly is it's not exactly your place to make such decisions for her. My brother was dating this young-young chick for some time that had a 2-month old baby. She was one manipulating, evil #@%^&... all my parents and I could do is take a few minutes here and there to tell him what she was doing to him. It only made him angry though. He would yell at us and tell us we were judging her b/c she had a baby at the age of 16. that was no so... had she been a good person, she would have been welcomed in our family. She was having him pay the bills, drive her everywhere, and babysit while she went out!!!! She didn't even have a job. ANYWHO~ he couldn't see it. He realized this was all wrong on his own. My mom would hound him and he'd be frustrated. Instead of bugging him, I started telling him that: I was there for him... if he needed to talk and a fresh perspective, I was there. You need to talk to your cousin WITHOUT judging. Tell her that everyone is concerned, but it's her decision. You may also try to fight fire with fire. Introduce her to a group at YOUR church or a church you're familiar with. If she's so open to what he's feeding her, that means there is a gap she needs fulfilled, and he's doing that (whether it's the right beliefs or not, we all need something to believe in!). Good Luck, and don't let it stress you out too much. Despite being naive, she is her own person, and the only way we learn is through our own mistakes. Be there for her... and always encourage her in the positive things she does.

Hi Adzy, I read your post, and then read Just a Teen's response. His train of thought seems pretty much correct. I hate to touch the age subject, but it's part of the situation. . . At age 13, there is a certain limit as to what you can do to show someone you love them. Hopefully, you're not sexually active and that isn't an option. And... why would she think there is someone you love more? I could remember as a girl being jealous if my "boyfriend" paid attention to other girls... the solution is simple, follow what Just a Teen said; pay A LOT less attention to the girl. If that isn't enough for her, then something is wrong. What kind of proof does she need? You're 13, it's ok to have gal pals. Furthermore, you don't need a SUPER jealous girl making you change how you are... if the flowers, candies, messages, emails and extra attention aren't enough for her, she's not the one for you. I know that is difficult to hear, but try to look at it from another angle. And if by chance, the specific task is to humiliate the other girl, DON'T DO IT! Why would you want to love someone that gets pleasure from seeing other people hurt? You might be next! One last thing... if the specfic task is to buy her anything WAY expensive, think twice before you do it, she may just be after that. OK, I've talked a lot. I hope it helps.... ~Aegis

Hello All~ I have been on the pill for almost 10 years... My doc said that I have to be aware that after such prolongued use is when I may start suffering from the more concerning side effects (liver tumors, etc). And to be honest, I'm tired and annoyed of the "lower libido" side effect of the pill. I looked at the Nuva site, but they don't touch on the libido subject. Any Nuvaring users out there that know whether the Nuvaring has an adverse effect on one's libido? I'm 24 and I'm sick of having such low sex drive. My husband and I do not want kids, are afraid of "the rythm" and I don't want to go back to condoms.... *sigh* anyone?

I don't think you're weird at all.... I'll admit that those dreams are very excillirating and who doesn't want to be the victimized hero??? I can't say I share my passion for the creepy though. I'm actually very scared of it. My mother and brother share this "sight" thing. I truly believe my mom "Feels" things and senses things -as does my bro-. I pray that this "third worldly sense" is never revealed in me. I am very scared of ghosts, zombies, demons and such. Yet I read about them every chance I get. I like learning about mythology and witcraft, but entirely from a scholarly point of view. Overall, I believe things like the Oija board are windows to a world that doesn't belong here and a dimension that isn't ours (think Event Horizon, the movie). Anyhwho~ I wish I were more comfortable with my dreams as you are. Maybe I can try to have that outlook and welcome them instead of being uncomfortable and frightened.

Just wanted to agree with rnorth

Hey everyone... check out my zombie dream post and let me know what you think!!!

WOW~ that is very insightful! I will have to think on this. I am not sure what unresolved issues I may have with myself. Or what personal "element" I'm rejecting here. . . I'm not sure what the zombies represent, but I'm convinved that it has to be SOMETHING! This has been going on for more than 3 years now. I'm actually beginning to think it is school related. I had these dreams while I was in school for my BA. I've graduated and been out of school for about 1.5 years... Now, I'm going to graduate school starting this fall, and suddenly the gruesome, raggedy zombies are back. I think I'm gonna explore that and see what I can come up with. Thankfully, I don't suffer from insomnia.... but once I start having the dreams, my sleep is so interrupted it doesn't matter anyway. THANKS FOR THE REPLY!!!!

YES~ love CAN conquer all. Maybe she had to sow some wild oats. And now its time to be serious. At least she broke up and was up front about it and didn't do it behind your back and a few months down the road you find out about it and THEN you're a fool. ANYWHO~ love is a gamble, you have to love with all your heart or not at all. Part of loving is taking the risk to get hurt. If you're going strong and you believe she is faithful, then go with that and love with all your heart. You're doing the right thing... if you get hurt again, well, I wouldn't take her back again, but I believe in second chances.... this is hers. GOOD LUCK!

Ok, This is just weird. I have this recurring dream about Zombies. It isn't always the same... like not the same place or the same people, but it always revolves around a zombie or zombies chasing me. Sometimes I'm at work, and I'll be walking around the office and it's daylight outside, but by the time I get to my cubicle, it's night outside and suddenly there are zombies everywhere (chasing me of course). Sometimes I get into a car, sometimes I can't reach a car and have to run for it.... Last night I had another zombie dream. . . this time, it was just one zombie. And this shifty bastrd was QUICK. He came at me from the shadows and thankfully my reflexes were fast enough that I swatted him to the ground and ran away *woke up*. Then had the same dream AGAIN but this time, remembering that there was a zombie in the room, I went to turn on the light in the room and when I reached in the room for the switch, the shifty zombie knew what I was thinking b/c it was waiting for my hand by the switch. Never before had a zombie actually started chewing on me before, but last nite, this one grabbed my hand and sunk his teeth into it *shudder*. I bought a dreamcatcher over a year ago and I think somehow, mentally, it helped with the dreams, but the net must be full, cause I'm having them again. HELP!

Hi Theresa2004, This is a tough one. . . I can understand the insecurities that stem from that. It was very harsh of him to put it like that. That was not nice. I also do not believe that all men wish and fantasize to be with other women. Maybe I'm being naive, but I believe my husb when he says that although he does look at some good looking women, he only wishes to be with me. Whether that's a line or the truth.... I'll never know. I just have to go on faith. Even if he does picture himself doing the horizontal tango with another woman~ he's kind enough to NOT admit it and he reassures my emotions. He has never given me a reason to doubt, I have no worries. Besides, I've looked at other men too... once or twice had to shake my head at the undoubtedly lewd thought that crossed my mind. *LOL* Perhaps you can talk to him and get what you need from him: reassurance that although he still notices other women (he isn't blind after all), you're the only one he wants to be with. The jealous bone is a whole other story. I'm not by nature a jealous person, but since i got married, this weird jealousy thing has grown and I feel a little less secure around the playboys and late night "skinemax". I've found myself caring a little more about him checking out other women, but that's natural. As long as he reassures you and he has given you no reason to doubt his faithfulness, there is no reason to raise the alarm. I don't know if any of that helped. I hope it does.

Thank you everyone. . . I did approach him about it last night. I basically asked him to clarify for me, and asked him why he told me. He said he just wanted to share with me what he was going through as a newly wed and was curious/worried that I was doing the same thing (his jealous bone is a little bigger than mine). He said he talked to two married co-workers that said they went through something similar and he said that they had adviced he tell me since it was troubling him so much. I feel a little better. . . I told him how it was a blow to my self esteem and he begged me not to look at it like that... he was just surprised at this sudden hormone surge and reassured me that I was still his 'this or that' and said all the wonderful things he says to me. I let it rest at that. His actions have always spoken louder than words, so I will just let time do its thing. After we discussed last night, he seemed much more relaxed about the whole ordeal and I felt tons better. After all, I've been going through my own newlywed mental qualms. ANYWHO~ THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR OFFERING SUPPORT. IT WAS COMFORTING TO TALK TO NEUTRAL PARTIES ABOUT IT.

: Oh my god. I shared your pain once upon a time. In a similar situation. My heart goes out to you. With that said. . . GIRL, STAND UP, DUST YOURSELF OFF AND SWEAR OFF THIS MAN! Single@30? makes a great point. He's not worth it and someone else will come along. 6 years ago, I was 18. . . I fell head over heels for a stoner with an Eddie Veder look and a voice & guitar skills to match. We moved in together and not even two months after being moved in together, he comes home one evening and is acting all weird. A few days later I find out what happened. Some beotch had been over at a friend's house and everyone had been drinking & getting stoned and him and her went into a room where he fingered her (something I never let him do to me) and licked every inch of her chest (just thinking about it to this day makes me cringe). ANYWAYS~ I stayed with this jerk and I tell you what it got me. . . 9 months later, he kissed and fingered some other girl in the driveway when they were drunk. BEING DRUNK/HIGH/STONED/TIPSY IS NO EXCUSE. Chances are this guy of yours is a good guy and a great person, but he hasn't figured out how to respect someone that cares for him. Chances are that it won't happen overnight either. Bear the sweet pain, let it make you feel alive and learn from this experience. Feel free to forgive him, but dont' sell yourself short. Find someone else. . . and your "friend" needs a swift kick on the ass for betraying you.

Can I ask how old SHE is? I loved being 15 and discovering guys and everything that comes with them. I had a relationship (my high school sweetheart) blossom from a friendship with my neighborhood pal Chris. At first I was like NO NO NO. Then after a few months things changed. Maybe she likes the new you as a friend still, but then again, if you think you're perceptive enough to tell that she's being coy and flirty, just ride it out. She'll eventually make her move. I sorta agree with Kuhl... you never know until you try. . . but ride it out for a little while. Don't rush it. Just see how everything goes and if you keep getting signals that she might be more attracted to you than just friends, find an opportune moment to tell her how beautiful you think she is. The ask to a movie idea is great.

Thank you for the thoughts. . . I will try to approach him about it. I do think that Sis makes a good point, he may not know when he may have said too much. Our relationship is based on respect and compatability. I am one of the guys and I think he sometimes forgets my feminine side. We're so used to being good friends, I guess, maybe, he felt it was a topic we should discuss. In a way I'm glad he was so honest, but like you said, it was creepy. I'm telling you, it damn near DID cause an accident. I almost drove into the lake. *LOL*

Hmmm. . . I don't know how to approach him about this. I am normally very verbose, but this time, I'm speechless. I don't want to be a drama queen over this, but I'm afraid that if I try to talk to him in depth about it, he'll think I'm over dramatizing, or worse, he'll avoid talking to me about such things that might be concerning him. What I really feel like saying was that it suddenly made me feel inadequate. Our sex life is average, I would say. We keep it spiced from time to time, but overall, I always feel like I don't give him enough. For that reason, I felt it was my fault. We dated for 4 years and lived together for two of those. We have sex about twice a week. Is that just not enough? My sex drive has never been much to speak of. . . I'm totally pointing the finger at me, and I know that's gonna make him crazy. AAARGH! I'm very troubled by this. I'm at the verge of tears (but that's another big NO NO, as you men in the audience know).

OK~ this is just weird. . . We've been married for 3 months. He has always been the "only eyes for you" type and he has never done or said anything to make me think otherwise. He's always been like "I got better at home" type. Today, he said something strange to me. . . He said: "Don't be weirded out, or think anything bad.... but lately, I can't stop looking at other women. I'm like a 17 year old boy all over again. I am a hornball 24/7" I was driving and I just gave him a side-long glance to see if he was pulling my leg, but he was serious and seemed a little distressed about it. He seemed annoyed by it. He said "Before we got married, I never, EVER, looked or cared about other women, but the last two weeks, the only thing I notice everywhere I go is T & A." Needless to say, that shocked me and freaked me out beyond belief. . . but I didn't let him know, b/c he was being open with me and I tried to sort it out by telling him that I too had been feeling a little weird since we got married (I felt a little trapped all of the sudden, and like I wasn't going to accomplish all my goals, etc, etc). I also tried to tell him that it was probably that sudden "forbidden fruit syndrome" and that now that we were married, the seriousness of it was really dawning on us, yadda yadda. To be totally honest. . . I'm so freaked. Part of the reason I love him and married him was/is because of that!!! I mean he never looked at other women. He was so comfortable with me and I suited his every need, and the fact that I made him so happy, makes ME so happy (not to mention he makes me happy). I'm not a jealous person by ANY means, but this sudden revelation made me feel unusally vulnerable and shot my self-esteem more than I thought. I'm a good-looking, slim, sculpted from working out, woman.... but I'm telling you, my blood ran cold. I do not mind him looking, but this sudden surge of interest he's talking about made me want to faint! Has this happened to anyone?! Should I be concerned? I don't want to touch the subject too much with him b/c I don't want him to think I'm freaking... it's hard enough for him to share feelings like that about himself eithout me freaking out when he does open up.