John1

Philpo, I do feel for you.. Im in the same situation.. I was going out with my ex for just over 4 years.. Its been 16 months since the split and I still think of her every day... I still would love to get back together with her but she has resisted any of my attempts for a reconciliation.. she dumped me because i drunkenly kissed another girl...2 weeks prior to her dumping me we were talking about moving in together and getting engaged.. we were so excited.. now we have been apart 16 months and she wants nothing to do with me cos i cheated on her.... I saw her in a bar over the weekend.. she was standing about 10 feet away from me and didnt acknowledge me or nothing.. doing NC is best i suppose .. but its hard.. we were each others first loves too.. its hard to block her from my mind... Maybe time will help us to heal Take Care John

Ive posted her before about getting my ex back.. I was with my ex Rachel for 4 years.. she was the love of my life and still is.. 15 months ago we split up over mestupid drunkenly kissing another girl.. we were so happy together and had planned on moving in together and have plans on getting married and spending the rest of our lives together...Then 15 months ago I drunkenly kissed another girl and i was so guilty.. i told rachel and we then split up... I have been trying ever since ( 15 months now ) to see if she will give me a 2nd chance.. but she wont.. she has changed her phone number and she has moved out of home ( which she was doing anyway as we were due to move in together ) so i cant really contact her and when i do see her i ask for 2nd chance and she says no, that i dont deserve a 2nd chance.. this was a girl who upto 15 months ago would have said yes if i had produced an engagement ring.... She loved me , She tells me she doesnt love me anymore.We had a great relationship.. we did have out fights and disagreements but nothing that would break up a relationship. .now over this isolated drunken mistake it has cost me my love and I miss her so much.. I still love her with all my heart. I did push her when she split up for a 2nd chance.. I begged and pleaded and sent her letters etc.. she was my 1st girlfriend and it was my first breakup so i just fell apart... I was stupid and Im learning now.. whether its too late or not is another matter.A female friend of mine who is also friends with rachel told me about 8 months ago that " If you give her time she will come back , and she will come back" so thats positive at least but its not definite.. I know i reacted badly to breakup but the last 12 weeks where i have not seen or heard from her has been good as I can focus on myself and not be worried about her or what shes doing or whos shes with etc... I saw heryesterday for the 1st time in 3 months.. I was leaving shopping centre and she was entering with some guy, he could be a new boyfriend or he could be a guy she shares a house with i honestly dont know.. i said "hi rachel" and she looked up and said "hi" and that was it.. I didnt want to push it or act needy as the previous 12 months i had pleaded and begged etc and acted needy and pushed her away.. so by saying a simple hello it wouldnt come accross as weak or needy..Basically in the last 15 months Ive tried everything possible to win her back but have only succeeded in driving her further away. so hopefully this No Contact may work.. Now yesterday was the 1st time in 3 months i had seen or heard from her.. All I got was a "hi" I know a lot of other girls.. I work with loads of girls at work and get on great with them. BUT at the same time I want to see if No Contact will work for me... I dont want to put my life on hold too much longer but I feel what we had deserves a 2nd chance... Just wondering if you can give me any advise to get her back or if you think im wasting my time and should move on to another girl

Hello Just wondering if anyone here has ever had an ex who changed their mind and gave the person a 2nd chance... like for instance my ex who i was with for 4 years, we split up 15 months ago.. we spoke of marriage etc.. had plans for future, were due to move in together but i kissed another girl and confessed and she was devastated but i took breakup badly and begged etc.. for months i couldnt let go and in the 15 months apart she still wont give me a 2nd chance... she wont talk to me. .she changed her number... I have not spoken to her in about 3 months.. I realise I was wrong and stupid in keep asking for a 2nd chance etc but that has now stopped.. I wont be contacting her anymore , I hope if possible that she realises that we had 4 great years together and this was a one off mistake by me.. I truly miss her.. we used to speak 4-5 times every day.. in 15 months apart we have spoken maybe 10-12 times and it was usally me who iniated the contact in this time , cos if i didnt i dont think she would have.. I just think that she was worth fighting for and hoped that 1 drunken mistake wouldnt wipe away our 4 years together... Im hoping that with this space or No Contact she might miss me or think that she was a bit too harsh with me.. Just wondering has anyones ex done a complete u turn going from absolutely hating the person and saying that they want nothing to do with them and will never ever give them a 2nd chance etc etc to actually calling that person and offering a 2nd chance with the relationship.and living happily ever after... Thanks for your input John

Im sorry to hear that John.. My ex who i was with for 4 years....we split up 14 months ago.. i drunkenly kissed another girl... but when we met the after we split up.. she told me we had 3 great years but she hadnt been happy for the last year.. thats bullcrap if Im been honest.. we were planning to move in together when she got back from holidays but during her holidays i kissed another girl while out drinking one night.. was so guilty over it and confessed... now she has changed her number. i havent spoken to her in nearly 3 months.. i do miss her.. we were together for 4 years ( obviously not as long as 10 years) but 4 years was a lot too.. I miss her every single day.. I dont know how she can be so cold either... maybe its just a phase.. she told me the last time we met that shes jealous of her sister who is 17 going out and having a great time meeting new people. .i was with my ex from when she was 18 to the age of 23 when we split up.. shes 24 now... i was her first serious b/f.. i know i screwed up.. but she worshipped the ground i walked on. we really had plans for future,, babies, marriage etc etc.. now if i passed her in the street i might if im lucky get a hello from her ... but then again i never see her.. she has changed her number... anyway.. do they deserve our love for putting us though so much pain because they are going through a phase.. i dont know.. Its only now 14 months after the split that im contemplating dating other girls.. I wasnt ready before now.. John, best of luck, I really hope she does a 180 or 360 and really changes that attitude of hers... I would be saddened and disappointed if an ex was not happy with me for 2 years or 6 years.. .6 years is a long time.. she cant mean that.. really... she cant be that cold... you said before that in the last few months that a guy she was dating died.... that has got to effect her too.. I do hope it works out John.. you seem like a great guy in your posts.. you dont deserve a woman who has been with your for 10 years to treat you like dirt... definitely not.. Im learning that myself now.. Its hard to accept..

Hi. Me and my ex were going together for 4 years...We were on the verge of moving in together..which we both couldnt wait for for 14 months ago we split up over me drunkenly kissing a girl from work... I was stupid.. As she was my 1st serious g/f this was my 1st breakup and I handled it really badly... I begged ./ pleaded etc.. kept calling her, even calling her very very late at night.... she changed her phone number, she told my friends to tell me she wanted nothing to do with me anymore... I sent her letters every 3-4 weeks or so, just telling her i love(d) her and wanted a 2nd chance... When we were together we would speak to each other 4-5 times per day... in the 14 months apart we have spoken to each other about 10 times and it has been me who has initiated contact on nearly every occasion... Its 2 months now since Ive heard or seen from her....It may be a bit late to put the No Contact rule in place.... but will try anyway.. well the last time i saw her in street... we walked and talked for a while but when it was time to go , i again asked for 2nd chance ( stupidly) and she said no, why would she want to give me a 2nd chance, shes having a great time been single.... i asked if we could meet up sometimes for coffee and she said no... this was a girl who upto 14 months ago wanted to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me... when we were together she was a bit insecure.. she would write me letters ( for a while we lived about 3 hrs apart) saying how she never wants us to break up and wants to be together forever.. thats she hopes im happy been with her etc etc... now its like shes the total opposite.. she wants nothing to do with me... And all because i kissed a girl from work one night while i had too much to drink.... People say to give her time and she will come back... even some of her friends say that.. but its 14 months now .... Like she doesnt call me or nothing.... I dont know how they can change from " i cant wait for us to move in togehter , and get married and have babies" to " i dont love you anymore, i want nothing to do with you" ..... she seems to be a different person... like a cold, heartless, stubborn girl... definitely not the girl i fell in love with 5.5 years ago... Hopefully in time her feelings may change but i dont know...

John, was or am in same position.. 13 months ago my girlfriend of 4 years dumped me ... now this girl worshipped me.. wanted to marry me, spend rest of her life with me.. she used to write me letters saying she never wanted us to break up that she loves me etc etc.. then i kissed another girl drunk one night... my ex dumps me... and a whole new side to her appeared.. now i did pester ex didnt mean to but i was sorry and was looking for a 2nd chance.. she changes her number.. she has completely cut all ties with me... she has totally changed.. she is not the girl i fell in love with.. i never see her anymore even though i only live about 5 miles from her.... if i see her in the street.. we will talk and it looks like she is opening up and then i put my foot in it and ask for 2nd chance and she turns cold again.. at least i know now im stupid... ive not seen her in about 7 weeks so let her off.. if she changes her mind then she has my number, but as i said this is a girl who was disappointed when she didnt fall pregnant with my child 18 months ago.. she thought she was pregnant and whennot she was upset.. she was hinting towards ring and it would have happened too.. we were due to move in together , i made 1 mistake and she totally blanks me from her life.. and when i did send her letters which ive stopped now for about 8 months ago... she would ring me and tell me to leave her alone.. she said she doesnt mean to be cold she just wants me to understand that she doesnt want to get back together... so yes i can understand where you are coming from... your ex shes not a TAURUS is she.??. they are supposed to be the worst.. most stubborn.. well my ex she is a taurus... ha ha... best of luck.. maybe with time and with what dan said hopefully.. ( fingers crossed)

my ex dumped me 13 months ago after i drunkenly kissed another girl.. i was overcome with guilt and was confused so instead of telling her it was a stupid one off drunken mistake i told her i had met someone else, which i hadnt... dont ask me why.. i continue to ask myself the very same thing 13 months later.. basically we were together 4 year.. she was living far away and she was on the verge of moving home and we were going to take the next step and move in together... Now she was my very 1st girlfriend so this was mine and her first breakup.. i handled in badly... i would ring her and ring her.. witout her answering... she didnt want to speak to me... i continued to ring her hoping i could explain that i messed up big time.. she changed her number and disappeared off the face of the earth ... i wrote her letters every 3 weeks or so for months... we used to speak 3-4 times a day ,in the 13 months apart we have spoken maybe 12 times....i last saw her 6 weeks ago where i stupidly again begged/asked for a 2nd chance, her reply was " why would i give you a 2nd chance, im happy and enjoying single life, and you dont deserve a 2nd chance" , we had a bit of a chat even had a laugh and joke but when i asked if we could hang out occasionally she said no we wont be hanging out at all.. This was a girl who upto 13 months ago worshipped me.. we were going to move in together , get married etc etc etc.. spend rest of our lives together... now i never see her anymore, despite her living only about 10 mins drive from my house... i dont even know where she lives , she moved in with friends ... in a way i think she is a bit harsh.. but i was stupid... at least i know where i made my mistakes and those mistakes will never be repeated again as i can guarantee i have learned a harsh lesson ... so my point is to give them time... let them know you are around and want a 2nd chance but dont drive them away like i have done.. Hopefully in time my ex g/f will return to me but at the moment i have a better chance with cameron diaz.... ha ha, after 13 months apart, i still miss her so much and love her so much... its probably stupid but i cant help the way i feel... i can go out and meet girls if i want to .. but to tell you the truth i have lost all interest in dating... at the moment.. that may change ( fingers crossed ) best of luck to ye all , hoping it works out for ye.. just give them their space as i can testify that not giving them their space no matter how solid your relationship was in the past it could drive them away even further. i can vouch for that... now though i am going to do NC... better late than never... its 46 days now... but probably doesnt make any difference...

my ex dumped me 13 months ago, i kissed another girl while drunk... i plagued her for a 2nd chance for a long time, as we had 4 years together and why waste it over 1 isolated mistake... its my fault i know, but she changed her number ..... she said we would be friends... its 13 months now since we split... she has made no effort to contact me... she only contacts me when she tells me to stop sending her letters ... but that was 8 months ago... i love this girl but at the same time im very very bitter over the way things ended... it was my fault.. i was stupid... but i feel if she loved me as much as she said she did then she should be able to forgive 1 lousy drunken kiss... we used to speak 3-4 times a day..upto 13 months ago she wanted to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me, then after we breakup she disappears off the face of the earth , cutting all ties with me... so i tried to be friends..even when she rejected my pleas for a 2nd chance... i asked maybe we can hang out sometimes for coffee or even just a phonecall but no... she wants nothing to do with me... I dont know why or how they can act this cold... you love them but at the same time you nearly hate them for their actions... people say why put your life on hold for 13 months for a person who has no problem putting you through this, and they are right... From now on Im going to act the same when i see her in the street.... Sorry for long post... but i think its hard to remain friends with an ex.... my ex is a beautiful girl who worked in old peoples home looking after the sick... she now works in a creche minding children...but the 1 person she love(d) for 4 years lives only 5 miles away and she doesnt seem to give a crap about... maybe things will change in time..

hi there, i was with my ex g/f for 4 years and 13 months ago we split as i drunkenly kissed another girl... now she was my 1st g/f too...i struggled to let go..i still am.. i think about her every single day........ when we split up.. i did the exact same as you... beg, cry etc etc etc.. you know what i gained from it all..NOTHING.. nothing changed.. she changed her mobile phone number... I pushed her further and further away... she was my 1st love and i was hers.. i dont know how she can move on either as if the 4 years we had together was more like 4 days cos it doesnt matter what i say or do... it makes no difference.. the last time i spoke to her was nearly 6 weeks ago.. i met her in the street.. we talked a bit... i AGAIN asked for 2nd chance..which was stupid.. she said no.. thats she happy been single... i asked can we at least meet up some weekends for coffee.. she said No... now this is a girl who wanted to marry me 13 months ago.. granted i hurt her.. and i will live with this regret for a long time.. I still want her back.. but people do say... " Are you willing to get back with a girl who put you through hell the last 12 months " and thats a good point... Its like she has disappeared off the face of the earth. ive seen her about 10 times in the 13 months apart... i might see her 1 day.. and not see her again for 2/3 months.... I think she is been harsh but thats just my opinion... If we got back together it might be on my mind that she could do this again... I know it was my fault that the relationship crumbled... i was 100% at fault.. but if she loved me like she said she did then there should be a 2nd chance.. The only thing is to try No Contact... It may work and it may not.... Im on Day 38 of NC... Im not expecting it to work.. but the next time i do see my ex I wont be doing any chasing.. Its a pity the exes seem to turn cold and heartless....but thats just my opinion...maybe we deserve it I hope things work out for you

jeez guys , i thought it was only me who felt like that when these songs would be on mtv.. the one especially that gets me is .. Dido - White Flag I know you think that I shouldn't still love you I'll tell you that But if I didn't say it Well, I'd still have felt it Where's the sense in that? I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder Or return to where we were Well I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be I know I left too much mess And destruction to come back again And I caused but nothing but trouble I understand if you can't talk to me again And if you live by the rules of "It's over" Then I'm sure that that makes sense Well I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be And when we meet As I'm sure we will All that was then Will be there still I'll let it pass And hold my tongue And you will think That I've moved on Well I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be Well I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be That song puts me in pieces..

John, I know exactly how you feel... Now I wasnt with my ex g/f for 10 but we had 4 great years together... 13 months ago we split up as I drunkenly kissed another girl, now I took the breakup badly... i pushed her a lot to get a 2nd chance and she turned very very resistant.. she changed her number , she moved out of her home.. so i cant contact her at all... I know where she works and i called out there 1 day "just to see if we try again" its been 13 months since we split.. we used to speak every day 3-4 times.. since we split we have spoken maybe 10 times... she has turned very cold and distant.. now i know i hurt her , but i never meant to hurt her.. but she still is resistant towards me.. she doesnt want a b/f at the moment.. she says i dont deserve a 2nd chance this was a girl who 13 months ago wanted to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me... Now I dont see her anymore... I have given her space now.. she partys a lot with her friends. I think of her every day, its kills me.. i try to move on but its just so hard.. we had 4 great years and 1 isolated mistake by me and its curtains to the relationship.. bye bye.. thanks for all the gifts and money you supplied... I didnt handle the breakup well.. badly in fact.. i chased her for about 11 months but it only drove her further away.. Last night i saw a wedding video that me and my ex attended just 4 weeks before we split up... i could see the way she looked at me the love in her eyes for me.. I have written to her telling her Im sorry for everything and that I never meant to hurt her... We spoke 5 weeks ago and she was friendly towards me... had a chat and bit of a laugh.. but she still wont take me back.. she wont hang out for a coffee or anything.. I dont know what to think anymore.. i feel if i meet someone else then my ex will change her mind and want to come back like its some kind of game.. but its not a game.... Anyway Skynet / John, i wish you the best of luck in what happens.. hopefully she will see that what she is doing and the way she is treating you is wrong.. i hope my ex realises this too.. John

hello gaz. im in the same boat as you.. my ex g/f of 4 years dumped me 13 months ago.. we were together for 4 years and 13 months ago she went on a family holiday... i went out 1 night will guys and women from work and drunkenly kissed another girl.. Now I had never cheated on her before.. so naturally I was confused. my emotions were all over the place/// anyway the night she came home.. i was still all over the place and told her that I think we should break up , she was devastated and wanted to know why.. i told her i had met someone else ( i hadnt i was just so confused) she went hysterical.. crying her eyes out and started beating me with her bag.. her father collected her.. over the next 3 or 4 weeks i tried to ring her and she wouldnt answer her phone... so i would turn to alcohol again and then i would ring her late at night like 3 am.. i was stupid... she then changed her phone number... over the next few months i would write her letter begging and pleading for a 2nd chance ( i know now i was only pushing her further away).... i just to speak to her 3-4 times a day and in the 13 months apart we have spoken about 12 times... I miss her so much and i love her so much... we were on the verge of moving in together and we had plans for the future... I saw her 5 weeks ago in the street... we spoke for about 40 minutes... i asked for 2nd chance and she says i dont deserve a 2nd chance.... that we will never be getting back together and she is having a great time been single.. i asked her if we could meet up some weekends for coffee and she said no... this is coming from a girl who upto 13 months ago wanted to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me... 18 months ago she thought she was pregnant with my child and when she found out she wasnt pregnant she was devastated... I feel i have lost her forever and no matter what i do now, i dont think we will be getting back together... but at least i can say i tried my best.. like the last time we spoke - 5 weeks ago.. she was still resistant towards me but still we talked.. had laugh and joke.. she even lifted my shirt to see my new tattoo.. she showed me her newly pedicured feet and asked what i thought of them.... She also told me she hasnt been with a guy sexually since me , so thats good I suppose... She is so damn stubborn.. I know I hurt her but I never meant to hurt her... If I give her her space and distance myself from her maybe things might be better between us... But Im not sure if we will ever get back together again.. I tried my best..I probably tried too hard... At least she knows how i feel about her anyway.... Best of luck to whatever happens in your case.. as they say if its meant to be, then she will come back.. take care John

Danimal. That is great... my case is different.. My ex dumped me 13 months ago as I cheated on her.. I was with her for 4 years... i was stupid.. and never did the NC thing... it was our 1st breakup and she was my 1st g/f, i phoned, wrote to her etc... she changed her number and like your ex she told me she would get cops involved if i keep pestering her looking for a 2nd chance.... now since xmas i have stopped harassing her. the last time i saw her was 28 days ago... and again i asked for 2nd chance - she said no.. she said why would she give me a 2nd chance as she is having a great time... it looked or felt like she was weakening though... she was warm and friendly BUT still said we would not be hanging out together, that if we see each other in the street or in the pub then we can talk but wont be arranging to hang out or anything.. SHE IS VERY VERY RESISTANT.. I know i hurt her.. Im NOW trying the NC .. BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE really... i dont have her phone number and she has moved out of home so I dont really see her anymore at all.. .i know she walks home from work BUT I DONT WANT TO STALK HER EITHER... I did that about 2 months ago.. i drove out to where she walks home.. i was bricking it... i waited in my car for 90 mins until i saw her.. she was stunned to see me.. but she agreed to talk to me..... i tested her .. i put my hand on her leg kind of subconsciously... she didnt remove it.. she lifted my shirt sleeve to see my new tattoo. she showed me her newly pedicured feet.. surely this isnt the girl who wont give me a 2nd chance... She doesnt hate me.. I know that.. but she told me she doesnt love me anymore.. that i dont deserve a 2nd chance... She did tell me she hasnt had sex since me so thats good to hear seens as we have split 13 months now.. I just dont want to pressure her anymore... Im only driving her away further if i see her again and ask again for 2nd chance.. .it doesnt look like shes going to call me , so im kind of stuck now.. not knowing what to do next... anyway danimal fair play to you, best of luck

thanks everybody... like I try to be strong ... not show her that im desperate, and then when I see her i turn to jelly ( she still has that effect on me) and i do resort to " please give me another chance?" etc... I am trying, really trying to not do that when I see her again.. It was a "one off" mistake, I have to live with it every day... but it cant be a bed of roses for her too... prior to that last time we met, and she rejected me again... 2 weeks prior to that... i was much better.. i saw her in shopping centre and saw her walking in my direction.. we just exchanged a few pleasantries, and i walked on, now it looked like she was about to stop to talk and I walked on so maybe thats why i blew it again 2 weeks after that... All i know is that I love this girl so much and would like to be given a 2nd chance... People say its time to move on now.. even rachel said it herself.. she said i should move on as she has... but do they always mean everything they say? I dont know... Hopefully the next time NO definitely the next time I will be stronger as i have now realised that girls dont go for the clingy, desperate guys... Anyway thanks for the input.... What ever happens I would still like to be on friendly terms with Rachel and maybe see each other regularly without the hassle of begging or rejecting... thanks again John

Hello my ex g/f of 4 years and I split up over a stupid drunken kiss nearly 13 months ago... I did everything i could to get her back.. i begged, pleaded.. called her , wrote her letters.... She was my very 1st girlfriend so i was never involved in a breakup before so I reacted VERY BADLY TO THE BREAKUP.. I WOULD GET DRUNK EVERY NIGHT and then try to call her.. she eventually changed her phone number.. she moved out of home ( she was moving out anyway) so i dont know where she lives anymore.. well i never did NC before as it was first breakup so never knew about it ( i really wish i had) She has been very resistant in giving me a 2nd chance... she says we will not be getting back together... that i dont deserve a 2nd chance.... now we were together for 4 years.. we had a great relationship.. she was my rock.. my best friend... we would speak to each other 3-4 times a day.. in the 13 months that we have split.. i have spoken to her about 10-12 times .. the last time i saw her was 4 weeks ago... she looked beautiful as usual.. i asked her could i walk with her for a while.. she said ok... now we talked..asked how we were and any news etc.. she lifted my shirt sleeve to see my new tattoo... she showed me her newly pedicured feet.. she says she thinks about me sometimes... i put my hand on her leg and she didnt ask me to remove it... but she still wont give me a 2nd chance... she says she doesnt want to hang out with me... but we still had a bit of a laugh and joke too.. like we were together for 4 years and we were on the verge of moving in together... we had plans for the future... she told me she hasnt had sex since we split up ( 13 months now ) and I am the same ( i dont know if that means anything) she says she doesnt want a b/f now and why would she take me back , she is having a great time at the moment.. she knows this hurts me... I hurt her badly by kissing this other girl.. i never meant to hurt her... 13 months has passed and I still love her so much and just wondering what ye think? if there is still a chance? even to meet up at weekends for coffee would be great but she refuses that too.. i will try NC but it might be too late... the last thing i said to her 4 weeks ago b4 we said goodbye was " i bet if i kissed you right now there would be still a spark there" but i didnt as it would be disrespectful and hurtful if she rejected my kiss after all we have been through... just wondering if its too late.. its just i read a post " after 1 year and got back together again"? thanks for your time .. its much appreciated

thanks, yes it was a drunken kiss but the way I told my ex .. thats what makes it unforgivable.. it happened while she was on holidays... i had 1 whole week before she came back to think about what i was going to say and the NIGHT she came home about 2 hours after seeing me for the 1st time in 2 weeks...I told her that I think we should be apart.. she wanted to know why.. she was devastated.. I told her I had MET someone else... I was stupid.. I should have just told her that I drunkenly kissed another girl and it meant nothing but i made it out to be something much bigger than that and it has cost me my relationship... I wonder what she thinks about in her spare time.. You know when your lying awake at night and all thoughts run through your head its just strange that she hasnt given me a 2nd chance.. Well Im not chasing anymore , I chased for 1 year... She knows how i feel... I have to get my dignity and pride back....thanks again

thanks for the reply.. yes it was a mistake.. people will have their own opinions if its forgivable or not.. But I feel the 4 years we had together have now become worthless if she cant give me a 2nd chance over an isolated drunken mistake.. People say you cant blame alcohol for this but I know in my heart that if I was not drinking that night then i wouldnt have kissed that girl.. I know the girl that I kissed.. she worked with me.. we were on a night out and we were all in great form and we all got drunk, not the girl i kissed she had a serious boyfriend and i had a serious girlfriend and it would have been out of character from the both of us to cheat on our partners.. Anway I have made it clear to my ex that Im sorry , I made a huge mistake and I kept writing to her and calling her it drove her further away.. recently it looked like she was weakening a bit as we started talking again but any mention of hanging out or even the possibility of a 2nd chance she rejected those ideas.. she said why would she want to give me a 2nd chance. she is having a great time.. but she hasnt been with any guy sexually since me and we split up 1 year ago and its the same for me.. i havent been with any girl.... I made a mistake and i hope it doesnt cost me the love of my life. at the moment its seems it has but i just want her back... 13 months ago , my ex wanted to marry me.. she was always hinting for me to buy her the RING.... We were on the verge of moving intogether.. we were not just boyfriend and girlfriend.. we were lovers, best friends and soulmates... Obviously I cant be the only 1 hurting.. she must be hurting too.. but if she could give me the benefit of the doubt i would make damn sure she would never regret it.. but I have tried and tried and tried but to no avail... There are no problems meeting other girls if i wanted to.. thats what got me into this mess.. but to tell you the truth I want to exhaust all avenues of getting back with my ex first.. i dont want to be in a position in a couple of years and thinking " why didnt i try harder to win her back?" so at least im trying , BUT , She knows how i feel about her.. I cant do anymore... the ball is in her court now.. If our 4 years together meant something to her then I feel she will be back but I cant be certain of that. Thanks Again.

Hello, Ive written a long post in the 2nd chances forum.. basically i was with my ex for 4 years and 12 months ago we split as i drunkenly kissed another girl.. we split up.... ever since then Ive been trying to get her back, but she has been very very very resistant... I never did the "no contact " thing.. she was my 1st serious girlfriend, so this was my/our first breakup... i would call her a lot begging for 2nd chance.. she then changed her number.... I would then message her sister to talk to her sister for me... stupidly i would then write her letters explaining everything and begging for a 2nd chance... We used to speak 3-4 times a day.. we had serious plans for the future .. we were on the verge of moving intogether.. its just over a year since the split... we are just barely back on speaking terms again... i saw her last weekend and asked her can we hang out , go to the beach or go to the funfair( which we always did when we were together) she said no.. I asked her could we meet up maybe every few weeks for coffee, she said no, that we wouldnt be arranging anytime to meet up, if we see each other in the street or out with friends then we will say hello and maybe talk to each other but we wont be arranging anything to meet up... I then asked her to consider maybe giving me a 2nd chance, that we were great together for 4 years and it was just 1 stupid drunken mistake.. I was stupid.. and on saturday i was stupid as I shouldnt have pushed it..... As I said we used speak 3-4 times a day.. in the 12 months we have split we have spoken maybe 10-12 times and many of those occasions were tears mostly from me so wasnt helpful I know I hurt her badly... we were planning on moving in together and spending the rest of our lives together... now saturday talking to rachel was like old times.. it was great except for the bit when she still wouldnt give me a 2nd chance...we were asking each other how we were and what we were up to .. now people are saying that I have to show her that I can be trusted... Thats going to be difficult now as we never see each other.. Now Ive only seen her 5 times this year and 3 of them have been in the last 4 weks so its great to see her. Shes put on a lot of weight since we split although she still looks stunning to me. She hasnt had sex since me ( i dont know if that means anything)and i havent been with anybody since her, she said to me shes not looking for a boyfriend) she said why would she want to get back with me. shes having a great time... But If I can someway gain her trust again then maybe we can talk and maybe clear the air... like last weekend she lifted my shirt sleeve to see my new tattoo.. she showed me her newly pedicured feet and telling me all her news..she was telling me what gifts she got for her birthday. I know we may never get back together again.. its just great to be able to speak to each other again ( without the tears) I hurt her badly and maybe its too late for a reconciliation. Now I know I cant push her anymore as shes only going farther away ... I messaged her sister the other night.. her sister is doing her exams so i just messaged her saying best of luck with the exams and her sister messaged back saying thanks... I met her father last weekend and we said hello to each other... Its good to be on at least speaking terms with her family again though.. I just wish she could give me a 2nd chance...I hurt her badly though and maybe shes afraid of getting hurt.. I dont know.. She seems pretty decisive in her decision that we wont be hanging out again. or even getting a 2nd chance. Its 12 months since we split.. I hate thinking that its too late... I cant even entertain the thought of dating other girls when Rachel is on my mind.. It wouldnt be fair on any girls.. Although people say to me that if Rachel sees you with another girl then she will realise what she is missing and it will be her doing the chasing...That i dont believe.. anyway sorry for the long post Thanks John

kittengirl, thank you for your words... Its very difficult but Im definitely going to give Rachel her space... Like we only live about 5 miles from each other... When we were together she was living 150 miles away from me and we both couldnt wait until she moved home again so we could see each other more often.. Its ironic, now shes home I dont see her at all anymore except for the odd occasion we might see each other in street or pub.. Anyway yes it looks like we are rebulding although I dont know if she views it that way.. She told me to move on as she has moved on.. Although people do say things they dont mean.. so I dont know.. Yes Im not with anybody at the moment and neither is she... But the fact ot the matter is I have put my life on hold for 12 months for her hoping that she will reconsider... I dont know how much longer I can continue doing this.. She means the world to me.. She has put on a lot of weight, not sure if its because of the breakup, but she still is the love of my life and I want her back terribly, Sometimes It feels like Im the only 1 affected by the breakup.. She just seems so distant but confident that she made the right decision.. The love we had before is still there from my side anyway.. I hurt her ... BAD...I was a stupid stupid fool... That night was the worst night of my life bar none.. If i could change 1 thing in my life it would be that night we split... She knows how i feel about her and how sorry I am for all the pain and hassle that I caused her ... .Now I just want to give her her space... Let her do her own thinking ... Cos If I did pressure her back ,it would always be in the back of my mind " why is she back? is it because she wants to or she felt pressured into coming back?" so I know for certain that we were in love before and 13 months ago she was hinting at me to get her a RING.. I know things change but who knows? I just hope shes not playing games with me. What happens if she sees me with another girl... Will it affect her? Will she suddenly change her mind and her plan for hurting me backfires and it will be me happy with another girl..? Theres so many scenarios that could be possible But I will give her space though and see what happens... But I would rather her in my life as a friend than not been there at all..

good position to be in man.... I would like to be in your position..If I was in your shoes , I dont know.. Ive been trying too hard for my ex to give me a 2nd chance.. We split 12 months ago and ever since then Ive been trying unsuccessfully to get her back.. She knows I love her and want to get back with her.. We were together for 4 years so there is "love" there still.. Now I havent seen or spoke to her in 5 days when i asked could we hang out , she said NO.. I asked her could/would she thin about maybe giving me a 2nd chance... she said , why would she want to as she is happy at the moment...She has control over what happens....if she gave me a 2nd chance i would be over the moon So yeah I think your right... do the no contact and see if their position changes.. Ive read and heard that it can or they will do a COMPLETE U -TURN if they see you with another girl... even though they told you to move on as they have... Ya.. I would like to change the control if its possible.. At the moment shes calling the shots and knows that if she asked me to jump i would ask how high... I dont want it to be like that and would like to maybe let her sweat it out.. ( I hope this doesnt offend any females here as its not meant to be offensive) My cousin committed suicide 2 years ago because his girlfriend dumped him so love is a serious thing. i dont like it if boys or girls are playing mindgames with each other by breaking up and testing them to see how long it will take before the other person cracks before they get back together... BUT , the only problem is , if you do decide to make them squirm and give them a taste of their own medicine ,then dont leave them hanging too long as you said it yourself.. INTEREST WILL WANE.. I have put my life on hold literally for the last 12 months for my ex hoping to give me a 2nd chance... She knows this, I think she might be enjoying this though.. She said something to me recently though that made me think.. We have split up 12 months now and she hasnt been with any guy sexually since me... ( it may not mean nothing ) , but when nothing is going for you.. you tend to hang on to any positives that are there.. it may mean nothing.. But maybe she DOES want me back, but is making me pay dearly for hurting her badly... But yes props to you for your situation.. Good Luck with your decision... Hopefully it will work out in your favour...

thanks for that, Oh Ive definitely learned... The thing is though it was just a drunken kiss with a girl from work.. we were on a work nite out.. loads of us... this girl had a serious bf too.. so it wasnt something we planned.. this girl said nothing to her b/f and they are still together.. they are touring australia for a year travelling ... so I should have said nothing too.. I made it out to be more than a drunken kiss though.. I told my ex I had met someone else when i really hadnt.. dont ask me why i said that.. I still question myself every day... I hate it what i put her through... i really do.. Ive been a stupid dick... I would definitely love her back in my life even if it was only as a friend as she means the world to me.. I have learned my lesson.. I have eased up on alcohol although , that shouldnt and wont be an excuse. i messed up , drunk or not... I just wish i didnt put her through so much hell thanks for your time i really appreciate any feedback given..

Hello, Ive written a long post in the 2nd chances forum.. basically i was with my ex for 4 years and 12 months ago we split as i kissed another girl.. we split up.... ever since then Ive been trying to get her back, but she has been very very very resistant... I never did the "no contact " thing.. she was my 1st serious girlfriend, so this was my/our first breakup... i would call her a lot begging for 2nd chance.. she then changed her number.... I would then message her sister to talk to her sister for me... stupidly i would then write her letters explaining everything and begging for a 2nd chance... We used to speak 3-4 times a day.. we had serious plans for the future .. we were on the verge of moving intogether.. its just over a year since the split... we are just barely back on speaking terms again... i saw her last weekend and stupidly asked her can we hang out , go to the beach or go to the funfair( which we always did when we were together) she said no.. I asked her could we meet up maybe every few weeks for coffee, she said no, that we wouldnt be arranging anytime to meet up, if we see each other in the street or out with friends then we will say hello and maybe talk to each other but we wont be arranging anything to meet up... I then asked her to consider maybe giving me a 2nd chance, that we were great together for 4 years and it was just 1 stupid drunken mistake.. I was stupid.. and on saturday i was stupid as I shouldnt have pushed it..... As I said we used speak 3-4 times a day.. in the 12 months we have split we have spoken maybe 10-12 times and many of those occasions were tears mostly from me so wasnt helpful I know I hurt her badly... we were planning on moving in together and spending the rest of our lives together... now saturday talking to rachel was like old times.. it was great except for the bit when she still wouldnt give me a 2nd chance...we were asking each other how we were and what we were up to .. now people are saying that I have to show her that I can be trusted... Thats going to be difficult now as we never see each other.. Now Ive only seen her 5 times this year and 3 of them have been in the last 4 weks so its great to see her. Shes put on a lot of weight since we split although she still looks stunning to me. She hasnt had sex since me ( i dont know if that means anything)and i havent been with anybody since her, she said to me shes not looking for a boyfriend) she said why would she want to get back with me. shes having a great time... But If I can someway gain her trust again then maybe we can talk and maybe clear the air... like last weekend she lifted my shirt sleeve to see my new tattoo.. she showed me her newly pedicured feet and telling me all her news.. I know we may never get back together again.. its just great to be able to speak to each other again ( without the tears) I hurt her badly and maybe its too late for a reconciliation. Now I know I cant push her anymore as shes only going farther away ... I messaged her sister last night.. her sister is starting her exams today so i just messaged her saying best of luck with the exams and her sister messaged back saying thanks... I met her father last weekend and we said hello to each other... Its good to be on at least speaking terms with her family again though.. anyway sorry for the long post Thanks John

Im in the same boat.. I was with my ex for 4 years.. we were soul mates, lovers , best friends... 13 months ago I kissed another girl drunkenly.. and my ex dumped me then ... since then ive been trying to win her back telling her it was a "mistake" , but Ive only been pushing her further away...she has changed her phone number cos I used constantly be ringing her... I only wanted a 2nd chance and hoped that our 4 years together and our plans for the future might have counted for something and might make her reconsider... Ive been reading a lot of posts on these forums and I just cant understand why girls (this is just my opinion now) are so strong when it comes to breakups....Im not a hard guy by any means but used never show emotion really.. but the last 13 months has been really devastating for me and I used to write her letters and ring her looking for a 2nd chance... she would just plain refuse saying shes happy why would she want to get back together... I saw her over the weekend.. we are on speaking terms again finally but she doesnt want to hang out or even try again which is sad... 13 months ago she was hinting for me to get a ring... now she will hardly speak to me... I suppose when you hurt a girl though it really really affects them... just dont understand why some of them can be so "cold" especially when you genuinely made a mistake

she got married to latin singer marc anthony.. .he used to be married before.. he has a few kids... I suppose you know when you know if the guy is marriage material... like my ex always hinted at me for a ring.. but like I was 24 she was 23 and then i kissed another girl while drunk and 13 months later my ex will still barely talk to me.. Ive been hoping and begging for a 2nd chance but no she is resistant... AND SHE WANTED TO MARRY ME AND SPEND THE REST OF HER LIFE WITH ME.. now i know she was not " the one " cos if she was she could give our love a 2nd chance..we were together 4 years.. makes it seem worthless now our 4 years when she will barely speak to me after 12 months apart... Who knows I could meet someone new and be married within 6 months.. that would show my ex ha ha

This kind of does not relate but does anyone feel bad for ben affleck.. knowing that his ex has married another man within 4 / 5 months of them splitting up.. I know that if my ex married another guy within 5 months of splitting up with me then that would be very hard to fathom... Ive split up with my ex 12 months now and I would be devastated if she was already married to another guy... Dont know what ye think about any of this, her new husband is a lucky guy, as she is quite a woman, shes beautiful.. rumour has it she is pregnant.. I would be devastated if I was in bens shoes , even if he is a celeb or not.