John1

Hello, Thanks for all the advise. I agree that I put too much pressure on Rachel, I just dont understand maybe Im expecting way too much from her... Like yesterday she was telling me her news and we were talking like we used to ....she was showing me her newly pedicured feet, she lifted the sleeve in my t-shirt to see my new tattoo.. thats another thing we have in common , we have 3 tattoos each.. anyway, it felt great to be able to talk to Rachel again... I agree what ye say about trust issues.... I feel we COULD make it if she gave us another go.... We would have to have a lot of long talks though..... Like I know what you are saying... if hes done it once, he could do it again... well all I can say to that is I WONT DO IT AGAIN...i cant totally blame alcohol on this but it was a stupid drunken kiss with a girl i work with... now this girl was gorgeous, BUT i work with her every day and just didnt think about her like that, as I was in serious relationship with Rachel and she had a serious boyfriend too... And yes it was only a stupid 5 second kiss, and I made it out to be a lot worse than that and now ive lost Rachel probably for good.. When I saw Rachel yesterday i just thought that maybe if we could meet up every few weeks or so for coffee or go for a drive, especially as she has no boyfriend at the moment that we could at least talk.... But she always thinks about the negative things that happened in our relationship.. for example I asked her if she would like to come to the funfair next week, we used to have great times at the fair when we were together and she said ya you never wanted to go on the high rides with me... Im terrified of heights to tell you the truth.. and in fact i did go on some rollercoasters with rachel so she wouldnt be on them on her own.... but she always seems to bring up the negative things and there wasnt many... When you say to offer her help.... Yesterday I offered her financial help if she needed it.. she works in a creche so not great money.. she said no it was ok... I said if she was ever stuck for a ride to work or into town to give me a ring and I could collect her... Im probably expecting way too much ... but the fact of the matter is im in love with Rachel.. That might be hard to believe for some of ye especially the way i ended our relationship..but that is the biggest regret in my life... ive quite a few regrets from the past 12 months..... She told me I should move on. .I told her im trying.. .i told her that since xmas i have been done a lot better but before xmas i was in pieces.... Couples do breakup and they do get back together.. its all about COMMUNICATION at the end of the day..... I dont know, its not my decision if we ever get back together ... its Rachels ... I never wanted us to break up so I cant really explain why I did what I did 12 months ago.. I wish I could but I cant. Our relationship was the most important thing I had going in my life.. I love(d) Rachel so very much and I still do. Thanks for your replies, its much appreciated. John

thanks, I agree., I will have to keep my distance for a while and stay away... I know she doesnt hate me, so thats good... Its strange we spoke for about 30 minutes.. she was telling me about her job, her plans over the next few weekends.. she then says you wont guess what happened me yesterday morning.. she goes,she lost her bellybar, bellybutton ring and it started bleeding so she had to put a paper clip in her bellybutton to stop the piercing from closing... It was good that we can share thoughts and news like that.. I remember when she got her bellybutton pierced... we went into the tattoo shop just looking at designs - this was 2 years ago.. and she was interested so i said I would pay to get the her bellybutton pierced, i remember she came out and the pain she was in...Its great to have memories like that ... I will never forget the good times...At the moment I just aint interested in any other girls...I just aint over Rachel yet.. I have loads of friends who are female... most of my work colleagues are female and we go out for beers.. thats how this mess started... 1 went out 1 night with girls from work.. got plastered drunk and kissed a girl from work.. the 1 week later me and rachel split up.. Im in the process of changing though.... i have really cut down on alcohol.. i have bought my first car... but changes take time and I will never be perfect.. Rachel is a Taurus, she is so so stubborn. I feel, I dont know but I just feel that deep down she has feelings for me.. Like we were together for 4 years and were on the verge of moving in together and I would have proposed.. Anway.. today was productive.. Even though she turned me down on a few occasions.... I put my hand through her hair telling her it was lovely.. she had beautiful red hair.. I love redheads... stubborn and bad temper but i just love them... we just get on so well together... I miss her though.. we used to speak 3-4 times a day... I will keep working on myself... Im not going to give up either.. Im not going to pester her.. If theres contact to be made. then its up to her to make the move.. if i make any more contact i could only drive her away further.. and I dont want to do that..Its just a huge pity that she doesnt want us to try to work things out...But we said our goodbyes today I said to her... Dont worry Im not going to do this, but I can guarantee if I kiss you right her right now there will be sparks, we have such a great chemistry together... she said she gotta go... so we said take care to each other... Now whether we get back together or not .. I just love talking to her so much...It was like old times today... talking to rachel... anyway thanks for your help. much appreciated JOHN

Hello Ive written a long post before about getting back with my ex who is been resistant. Today I was lucky to see her in the street.. Now I walked with her for a while. While we were walking we asked each other how we were doing, what we were upto etc... We were passing on news to each other or gossip., I asked her would she like to go to the funfair with me next week. We always had a great time at the funfair when we were together. she said she didnt have the money for it, I said I have the money. I have been doing a lot of overtime lately.. She said no its ok, I asked if she wanted if she ever wanted to go to the beach with me..now i have my first car we could go there.. SHE SAID NO AGAIN.. NOW SHE ALWAYS WANTED ME TO GET A CAR WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER SO WE COULD DO THESE THINGS ... Stupidly I panicked, and told her that we could be great together if she gave us a chance but she replied " we're not going through this all over again" .... I asked her did she think about what I asked her before. i asked her if we could meet up sometimes for coffee or for lunch.. she said no... that it wouldnt be happening... that if we saw each other in the street the we would say hello to each other and maybe chat but we wouldnt be arranging anything...its 1 year today since we split... But I was her 1st boyfriend, she was my 1st girlfriend and we were together for 4 years and 12 months ago she wanted to get married and spend the rest of her life with me....I made a mistake...Im in the process of trying to change.. Ive really cut down on the alcohol and Ive bought my first car.. I know a lot more changes will have to be made... I know im going to get people replying to this saying "move on, theres more fish in the sea", i know that.... but this girl means the world to me... talking with her today was so natural, it was like old times, now as she said she could have caused a scene and told me to f*** off and leave her alone and props to her for not doing that... Now I will have to leave her alone and if theres contact to me made now then it will have to be done from her side.. Anyway I dont know where she lives now and she changed her number after we split because I was constantly ringing or messaging her ... The last year of my life has been the hardest.. BUT I've got to look from her point of view too.... Maybe we can be friends again and get back together but if we do, then thats her decision.. she knows how i feel about her.... anyway thanks for the time for reading this. John

Hi Just to add my 2 cents.. me and my exgirlfriend split up 12 months ago now..It will be a 1 year now this weekend. She went away on a 2 week holiday with her family and during this 2 weeks I cheated on her with another girl... when she came back instead of confessing that I made a stupid mistake and tell her it meant nothing and was stupid - i was drunk but shouldnt have made a difference..But what did I do instead? I dont know why, but I told her I had met someone else, which gave her the impression that I was seeing someone else, which I wasnt... But anyway we split up..It was me who said we should split up even though I didnt want to ... But it was her I supose who dumped me.. Now I regretted it straight away.. Me and this girl were together for 4 years and we planned on moving in together and getting married and spending the rest of our lives together.. I knew after a few days of straight thinking that I made a huge mistake.. I called her and begged her for a 2nd chance... she changed her number.. I would message her sister a lot too to talk to her sister for me.. i sent her letters every week begging for about 5 months... I really ***ed up on the no contact thing.. She was my 1st serious girlfriend so had never been part of a breakup before but obviously reacted badly to it... We used to speak 3-4 times a day..In the 12 months we have split I have spoken to her maybe 10 times....But I have been trying for her to give me a 2nd chance for the last 12 months.. but shes not having any of it.. I asked her recently could we meet regularly for coffee or just to talk, so she said she will think about it.. which i hope she does.... But I was kind of the dumper in a way even though she was the dumper if that makes sense.. but I still love her so much. I think of her every day , she says she doesnt love me anymore, i dont know if she means that or if shes trying to hurt me like I hurt her... I dont know if we will ever be getting back together... I would love us to be together again.. but the ball is in her court now.. she knows I love her ... It was all a stupid mistake....

amaranth - its ok, and if I sounded abrupt , i probably was at the time - then I apologise. I try to see her point of view too...But its hard.. I know everyone or most of people here have split up with partners... Well we were together for 4 years and we were on the verge of taking the next step by moving in together ,we were both so excited about it... but it never happened, we were going to get married and have kids etc and spend the rest of our lives together.. Thats what makes it all the worse, is that we finished over a stupid lie where I could not face up to telling her the truth... Yes I have written to her and told her the truth and I have told her the truth to her face..At least she is considering meeting up regularly for talks/coffee.. .she said she would think about it anyway, so thats something. I appreciate your feedback , thanks

yes I did ask about the lovespell..The reason I asked is because I was on another site like this, asking for advice and they said to get a Lovespell. I said at the beginning of my post that I wouldnt get one as they are manipulative.I was just wondering what other people think about them if they heard of them.. And ya I made mistakes.. Who doesnt? Nobodys perfect and I never said I was perfect.. Ive made my mistake and paid the price for it so I dont need you to tell me where I went wrong..I go over it in my head every day asking myself why didnt I tell her the truth instead of telling her that I met someone else. Im not perfect , I made a drunken mistake and was very very guilty, I love my ex and I made a huge mistake unless you have been in my position then you wont understand. Anyway thats all I wanted to say. I wont be going near any lovespells anyway... If she comes back it will be on her own choice, nothing else

Hello, I was with my exgirlfriend for 4 years. We had a great relationship, she was my first love and I was hers. Now 12 months ago she went on holidays with her family for 2 weeks and during this holiday I cheated on her on a work night out.. I was very drunk and I kissed a girl that worked with me.. I was drunk but I still shouldnt have done it. Anyway a week later she came home and I told her that i think we should break up , she was devastated and was crying and asked for a reason. I told her I had met someone else ( I didnt but felt too guilty to tell her the truth, It was only a stupid kiss ) We split up.... Over the coming weeks I would try to contact her a lot..In the end she changed her phone number so I decided to write her letters... begging and pleading for a 2nd chance.. this went on for about 5 months.. At xmas I decided things had to change, she was still resistant with me, We had a great 4 year relationship and we were on the verge on moving in together.. We had plans for the future to get married and have kids etc.. We used to speak to each other 3-4 times a day and in the 11 months that we split up I have spoken to her maybe 10 or 11 times... I have no way in contacting her as she changed her number and has moved out from home. I recently bought a car ( which she always wanted me to get so we could go for drives to beach and into the city etc) so I decided to drive out to where she works, I heard from a friend that she walks home every day from work.. So I sat in my car at a gas station and waited and waited.. I hadnt seen or heard from her in 3.5 months so i decided that this might be a stupid idea but I wanted to see her and hopefully she might talk to me , i waited 90 minutes and there she was walking home , I got out of the car and walked over to her.. She was shocked to see me.. I said Hello , I was just wondering if we could talk, she said we have done all the talking.. i told her i was waiting for 90 minutes can she at least give me a few minutes to talk.. so we got into my car and we talked and we talked....Fair play to her , we talked for about 45 minutes...I told her that i love her and that im still in love with her.. she then said that she doesnt love me anymore ...she says i should move on that she has moved on.... She says we wouldnt have made it anyway.. that we were always fighting.... She then told me that I bought her a lot of things, which i did, but that I didnt treat her right as much as I should have... I agreed to that.. cos she was right in saying that... I told her that i love her so much that its a year since ive been intimate with a girl and that girl is you rachel on our 4 year anniversary which is just 1 year now.. she said the same that its been a year for her too... She has not been intimate with any guy since me and its 11 months since the split She admitted to been with a few guys but nothing serious.... I told her that I changed, that a year ago I could never dream of owning a car but now I can as I dont drink anymore... She made it real clear that I wont be getting a 2nd chance that I had my chance and that I blew it.... I asked her kind of jokingly where she lived and she wouldnt tell me.. I kept asking her but wording it in different ways of giving me a 2nd chance but she plainly refused.. I told her that she will give some guy she doesnt know a chance but she wont give me one and she said ya thats the fun about not knowing the person... I even said to Rachel that maybe the few months apart maybe might have changed her mind but no.. she still made it clear we will not be getting back together... There was tears from me ... none from her.. she is just a strong person maybe i dont know... She kind of got pissed off when i kept asking her about a 2nd chance but at least we talked anyway... I told her couples break up and then get back together and she replied that I watch too much tv..... I made 1 stupid mistake and she refuses plainly to give me a 2nd chance... I told her we could take it slowly, very slowly.... She says shes not seeing anybody at the moment... I asked her could we see each other as " friends " maybe regularly.. She said she will think about it... I hope she really does... The 11 months apart has not changed anything for me.. I still love her so much.. I put my hand on her knee... it felt so natural... I asked her could I kiss her to see if we still had the passion (kind of in a jokingly way ), she said if i did she would hit me... It was productive anyway.. we got to say what we wanted to say both of us.. I just cant understand why she is been so resistant with me. I told her we had a great 4 years together and she agreed but she said that we had our bad moments too, but what couple doesnt? I asked her could we meet up again regularly and she said she will "think about it". I miss her so much.... She was my best friend and soul mate.....my lover and girlfriend.. That was 3 weeks ago.. I saw her in the shopping mall last week and we just said hello to each other and I asked her how she was and she said she was fine and I said good and said goodbye to her... I just hope she changes her mind.. I know I hurt her telling her I met somebody else.. I was stupid... I just hope that she realises that she may still love me... Its 12 months now since we split but I cant get her out of my head. Any advise please would be greatly appreciated.. thanks